When she heard the choir singing about the birth of our Lord and savior Jesus, the old woman broke down and cried. This is the precise thing she'd been missing in her life, acknowledgment that Jesus is still on the throne. Oh Lord how could she ever forget?
She walked with a walker and having a difficult time until an usher helped her into the church and gave her a warm smile. She came into the sanctuary, but the church was full. She did not let that hinder her because she knew the exact place where no one else would sit. Small, frail, and all bundled up in her worn coat. She struggled with her walker right down the middle aisle and sat down on an empty seat on the front pew.
She dare not take off her coat for she looked as if she just crawled out of her bed. When you leave the nursing home in a hurry, you cannot stop to get dressed. The old woman sat there throughout the program singing along and clapping her hands. She became mesmerized as the children gave their Christmas speeches. When they were done, she stood up to testify about a special time in her life and ask politely if she could speak. Our pastor graciously gave her the floor; he said, "Sister let the Lord use you."
She said that her name was Lettie Parks, but folks called her Momma Lettie. She stood there shaking for a few minutes to gather herself for what she had to say was of the greatest importance. I saw that her face was wet; her eyes were yet full of unshed tears.
I was curious and afraid. My hands were all sweaty, no matter how many times I wiped my hands on my skirt the moisture would not go away. The church was so quiet everyone looked straight ahead, giving their full attention to the little old woman with the satin cap on her head. I leaned forward in my seat I had a feeling that God was sending a message, and it was meant just for me.
Momma Lettie stumbled to the altar and fell down on her knees. At first, her voice was soft just above a whisper when she spoke of a time long ago. As she gained momentum, her words came pouring out as if they were being ripped from her soul.
Momma Lettie said... "When my husband was killed in an accident my children were very young, they didn't understand why their father would not be coming home. I gathered them around me and got down on my knees; held up my hands and prayed.
Heavenly Father I tremble when I think of all that you’ve done for me
My children are healthy and out of harm's way, you made a difference in our lives I give you all the praise
I thank you for the table where I knead thy daily bread; you had provided food, heat, and a roof over our heads
When I think dear father of all you brought me through, I tremble
When I got sick and lost my job, afraid that I would lose my home
Lord you showed your power, stood me up and you made me whole
When I think of all the gifts you have given to me Lord I tremble
The gift of life, family, friends
The greatest gift of all your precious son Jesus, sacrificed for all of our sins
I pray for all who mock you, they are blind, and cannot see
They’re caught up in worldly things and pursuits and forgot about your son dying on the tree
Too much back and forth about evolution and creation when knowledge in the Lord and faith is the key
Thank you for your grace and mercy Lord I tremble from your blessings and with me you are always first
On this and every day I surrender all that I am from you dear lord I shall not stray
I'm not what I was, you've changed me, made me a better person, made me more than I ever thought I could be
I’m a living testimony that the Lord can use anyone to show his power, and it makes me tremble"
When Momma Lettie got through talking the church members gathered all around, they wanted to touch the woman who bared her soul. Before I thought about it, I rushed to the front of the room wormed my way through the crowd, and I clasped her hand.
Momma Lettie bent down and kissed me on the forehead, she told me not to worry because the Lord wasn't through with me yet. I never saw Momma Lettie again, but our pastor followed up and found out that Momma Lettie had died that night. The nurse at the assisted living home said Momma Lettie died with a smile on her face. After her testimony, she left the church, in her hands was her bible, her cross, and inside the bible was the flyer from our Christmas program.
As the years roll by I think of Momma Lettie every now and then. The words she spoke to me I will never forget, and I say them all the time. The Lord is not through with me, yet he has all this work he wants me to do. When I think about the Lord using me, what can I say I tremble.
Woman of Distinction
What makes a woman of distinction?
Who is fit to judge?
Could it be the way she walks and talks or
The way she holds her head up high. Is it the way she smiles and laughs or
Her extraordinary presence.
Could it be her contributions to her church and the community?
Is it the love she shows for family and friends or
The kindness she bestows to her fellow man.
Could it be her humility, humanity, and faith?
Through good times and bad, she never forgets to give God the praise
A woman of distinction is all of those things.
She stands out from the crowd; she makes us feel good about ourselves,
And when she walks in a room, others began to smile.
We are always happy to see her, and we hate to see her leave.
She has given so much of herself to us, and she is worth her weight in gold.
Your Friend
I'm not your conscience
I'm not your judge or jury
Your siblings can't call dibs on me
Your children are treasured because they are an extension of you
I'm your sounding board when your family gets on your nerves
I will tell you the absolute truth, and sometimes the truth is brutal
I'm never going to text or call you 20 times a day
When you need me, I'll coming running
Months may pass; however, we remain the same
I show up in the strangest places just to nod and show support
I will have your back on this you can depend
I will always and forever be your friend
Illumination
When I was twelve, my father told me that they're two kinds of people. They're people who follow all the rules and make the best out of life, and they're people like me, people who like doing things the hard way. Well that was the cleaner version of what he said. I have to admit that I do have a little problem with rules and regulations, especially if they don't make sense. I've learned many lessons in my life the main one is everything isn't what it seems. This section of the book is about learning things the hard way.
A Woman’s Power
Art or Just Another Stain
Best Friend
Blinded By The Truth
Bully
CEO For The Club For FAT Women
Change
Craving To Know
Great Expectations
Group Punishment
Just Say Know
More Than Just My Hair
Nick Names
Old Friend
Please, No More Lessons
Practical Joker
Presidency Microcosm
Prodigal Son, Identifying With The Other Son
Respect
Silent Approval
Twisted
What A Fool Believes
A Woman’s Power
Listening to the radio on the way to work one morning the topic of discussion was 'How Did You Catch Your Spouse Cheating?' One woman called in, stating that she and her husband had been trying to get pregnant. Her husband promised her that he was going to give her a baby, well that’s not all he gave her.
She was at the gynecologist’s office when she found out she was pregnant and had Chlamydia. The radio personality asked the woman was she still with her husban
d, and she said "Well yes". As if to say, why wouldn’t she still be with her husband? The radio personality hung up on her after that comment; he said, "Sorry I’m done with you".
I was disappointed because I wanted to know her reason for sticking around. This got me to thinking why didn’t Chlamydia end the relationship. Did the woman question have too much invested in marriage to let her husband go? Obviously, her husband didn't feel the same way, or he wouldn't have cheated on her. I guess for some people cheating isn't reason enough to dissolve a marriage. I’ve stopped dating men because they said the wrong thing. I couldn’t imagine what I’d do if one of them actually gave me a venereal disease.
Once a man tried to convince me that I would be happy posing as his special lady for Wednesday and Friday nights. He wasn’t in a committed relationship with anyone he just kept many women on stand-by. This guy was offering me the dubious pleasure of being his choice on Wednesdays and Fridays. I didn’t ask him about the rest of the week because I had no interest. I think I laughed at him for a full five minutes. After drying my eyes, I asked him if women actually went for that nonsense.
He told me yes they do because a part time lover is better than having no lover at all. He seemed perplexed by my response. You know the old I’m fat and not getting any younger excuse. A woman like me should appreciate his proposal. I told this duplicitous piece of garbage that I follow some precise rules. I don’t share my money, my man, or my car. Needless to say, I didn’t see him anymore.
Women have forgotten their value, or they haven’t been taught the importance of being a woman. Several cultures appreciate the importance of a woman by what she brings to the family. A marriage settlement is bestowed upon the family in which a woman marries. Sometimes the arrangement would be money, stocks or bonds, and even cattle. The point being men interested in marrying such a woman tried to pursue or woo her; show her that he was worthy of her.
What has happened to women? We used to hold ourselves with such high regard. When did we lose our power? Back in the day, women had standards. If you wanted to be with them, you had to at least: have your hygiene in check, dress for success, respect women, love your mother, have a five year plan, and most of all you must have a JOB. Recognizing our worth, men were willing to step up and be men because they respected our standards. They knew that they couldn’t be with the woman they wanted unless they improved themselves. Now, the only requirement now is must be male or at least have a penis. I’ll give you a few examples of fallen women.
The first example is of a woman I’ve known since I was eleven years old. Her mother was a real piece of work, and I say that with the upmost respect. My friend's mother would complain that my friend was fat and didn’t have a boyfriend. As she got older, the message became she was fat and didn’t have a husband. Well she got pregnant by a real jerk and married him, after a few years she had another child. My friend became depressed with her situation, ended up leaving her husband because she said she couldn’t take it anymore. She let herself be pressured into marrying a loser who had no promise, no expectations, and he certainly had no job, because she wanted to make her mother happy.
The second example is of a teenage girl whose family I’ve known my whole life. She was involved with a guy at school who had a pregnant girlfriend. This young girl wanted to show the guy's girlfriend how insignificant she was to the guy. She did everything in her power to ensure that she got pregnant. When the girl in question told me that she purposely got pregnant for revenge. I had trouble believing that anyone could be so stupid in this day and age.
I said okay let me make some sense of this you got pregnant to show this guy’s girlfriend that she didn’t matter to the guy. While speaking clearly, slow and steady, I had to break the news to her as gently as possible. I said, "You and this other girl are not essential to him because he has no loyalty. He’s an irresponsible punk planting seeds with little regard to the fruit." Every once in a while, I ask the girl did the other girl learn how insignificant she was yet. She just laughs and calls the other girl a derogatory name. She still doesn't get what I'm saying. I watch her and her child together, and I don’t see any love or commitment just a mistake that will grow up to repeat the cycle.
Women reclaim your power; recognize your worth. The future women in your lives need to see an inspirational example of a woman they can emulate. The little girls in your life are watching you whether they're you're daughters, goddaughters, nieces, or next-door neighbor. They’re watching you, establishing a mental image of themselves, and trying to determine what kind of woman they want to become. The responsibility is enormous, but the rewards are plentiful.
Art or Just Another Stain
A while ago, I went to lunch with friends, and I don’t know how we got on the subject of tattoos, but my comment was that tattoos on some black people tattoos are redundant, why would anyone destroy what God made. We were leaving, and I didn’t actually get a chance to express why I think the way I do about tattoos. I believe that some of us are just born as old souls. No one teaches particular beliefs, sometimes it's like were born with them. There are many issues that I’m liberal and quite of few issues that I conservative. I categorize tattoos right up there with slave branding, and the "N" word and view both all of them as stains on the souls of black folks.
The art of tattooing has been around for thousands of years: some cultures consider it a rite of passage, tribal or clan identification, identifying prisoners or slaves, distinguishing the ranks of citizens. Like all things, it fell out of fashion with the exception of the circus or freak shows. Within the U.S., tattoos typically have been used for gang affiliation whether it was Crips, Bloods, Hells Angels, etc. Within the last 20 years tattoos have been the cosmetic or “in” thing to do. Women have tattooed their eyelids, lips, and some people think it’s cute to tattoo the name of their current boyfriend or girlfriend on their neck or arm.
My nephew Torey took exception with me on tattoos. He told me my views about tattoos are outdated and misplaced. Although he doesn’t have any, he said, "tattoos on girls can be nice". I love my nephew, and I value his right to express his opinion. I asked him is it cute if a woman keeps changing the letters of the tattoos on her neck because she plows through that many men to the point where the tattoo doesn’t even have a name anymore and is just a black smudge on her skin. I asked him if he would want to date or introduce someone like that (with all those scribble marks on her neck) to his mother. He told me that a woman like that is a little too free with her favors and wouldn’t be someone he’d be interested in, so he conceded to me to a point but he still in favor of tattoos.
I have another nephew who’s heavily into tattoos, he has three or four tattoos on his arms and torso, and when his football team decided to brand themselves, he went and did it too. I cried when I saw the branding on his arm. There is nothing beautiful about burnt skin. I told him that slave masters did this to their slaves to prove ownership and to think he deliberately did this to show his affiliate with a team made my heart heavy.
Lil Wayne was on the cover of Rolling a couple of years ago during Black History Month. I don’t think it was a coincidence that he was on the cover of this magazine for the February issue. It’s as if Rolling Stone mocked Black History Month by having the scourge of the earth on its cover. Some people will look at this cover and state that the tattoos on his body are beautiful, and the artistry is unparalleled. All I see is another brother who got lost along the way, who fathered numerous children, and on his way to jail. I see Lil Wayne as another stain on black people who died for the right to vote in their own country. Parents who struggled to support their children on next to nothing, so that they may have a better life. I wonder if Martin Luther King Jr. would be proud of how his struggles and sacrifices for the equality of black folks resulted in the likes of Lil Wayne and those who emulate him.
Some people's response to this would be well at least Lil Wayne is getting paid. Yes, I’ve heard that as an excuse for all de
rogatory behavior, at least he’s getting paid. Millions of black folks get paid to go to work every day, they do it with pride, dignity, and they don’t degrade themselves and call it artistry. This is just my opinion. I expect to get a lot of flak for this bitter diatribe, but my friends and love ones will approve or disagree with me, and we’ll move on to the next topic.
Best Friend
When seeking a mate most women seek men who exemplify the same style and behavior of their fathers, not me, my father was a devoted father, but he was marginal as a husband. My father was an alcoholic gambler who spent most of his time hanging on the streets. He would come home from work, deliberately engage my mother into an argument about nothing and storm out of the house. My mother, tired of the drama, told him that he didn’t need to start arguments; he could hang on the streets and play cards.
My father was a excellent provider. I never went hungry, and he paid the bills, but I felt that he was disconnected from our family. He didn’t become involved in my life as an emotionally supportive father until I entered junior high, around the same time he became sober. Which was perfect for me being the youngest child, but look at how much he missed with my older siblings. Who would want to marry and have children by a man like that? I wanted to marry and have children with a man who was like my best friend.
I don’t have a girlfriend that I shared all my confidences with. I never shared the intimate details of my life with my sisters either. Actually, I’m not one to share my feelings with anyone except my best friend who was a male. He was a friend of my family, and I’ve known him all my life. He’s the best man I’ve ever known, not because he’s a smooth talker or a fancy dresser. He took care of his responsibilities like a man is supposed to; he drops by his parent’s house at least four times a week, and seeing how he interacts with his children is amazing.
Out Of Darkness Page 5