So Totally Emily Ebers

by Lisa Yee

Confused Emily

  JULY 29

  Dear Dad,

  Alice was really, really nice to me last night. Usually she’s all tense about work or whatever and is either spacing out or spazzing out. But last night we both just chilled. She served me tea and we watched television. Alice did try to start a discussion about my period, but I said, “Not now,” and for once she didn’t push.

  I called Millicent today. I wasn’t sure if I should, since our last conversation was sort of weird and I didn’t know if we were still mad at each other. But I really needed to talk to someone who was not Alice. Millie was waiting for me at our table in the mall. She handed me a chocolate shake, then took a sip of hers.

  “What is it that you couldn’t even hint at over the phone?” she asked, trying to sound casual.

  I could tell she was dying of curiosity. Millicent can’t stand not knowing things. If you ever want to bug her, just say, “I had something really important to tell you, but I forgot what it was.”

  I didn’t know how to tell her my news, so I stirred my shake with the straw and began, “There comes a time in every girl’s life that …” Millie looked confused, and I realized I was sounding very Alice-ish. So instead I blurted out, “I started my period!”

  Millicent was speechless, and so were the man and his teenage son at a nearby table. As Millie and I walked through the mall, I told her all about how I was feeling, and how I felt sort of powerful, but sort of scared at the same time. I love how Millicent was there for me when I needed her. She’s a good listener.

  I would tell you more about our conversation, but I don’t want to gross you out. Boys are so lucky they don’t have to go through stuff like this. It’s not really fair. Life is so easy for boys.

  Love,

  Emily

  JULY 30

  Dear Dad,

  Alice is still insisting I read some Shakespeare play, so today I went to the library. I had walked past it plenty of times but had never gone inside. Alice kept telling me what a great library it was, and now I know why. Books filled the dark wooden shelves, bright artwork lined the walls, and a miniature castle rose up in the middle of the children’s department. A castle — how cool is that?

  As I was looking at the magazines, I heard a familiar voice say, “Stop that, you’re being impossible!” I turned the corner and could not believe what I saw.

  “Ohmygosh, Millie, what are you doing here? I just came to get my library card. And …” I stopped when I saw someone look at me from under the table. “Uh, hello down there! I’m Emily, Millie’s best friend. I don’t think we’ve met.”

  The boy leaped up and began shaking my hand. It was him. The boy from the drugstore. What was he doing under Millie’s table? I turned to her for some answers, but she looked as surprised as I was. Before either of us could say anything, the boy opened his mouth.

  “Stanford Wong,” he boomed. “I’m just, uh, uh … I’m just helping Millicent here with her studies.” I heard Millie yelp, but Stanford kept going. “Uh, this is a superfine library. Really nice.”

  “It really is nice,” I told him. He was really nice.

  “Yes, so true. Even the bottoms of the tables are clean. Uh, that’s why I was under the table, I check the tables’ tops and bottoms for cleanliness.”

  “Oh, so you’re some sort of table monitor?” I joked.

  “Uh, unofficially, yes,” he joked back, grinning.

  It was like Stanford Wong and I were totally in sync. I could feel waves of in-sync-ness swirling around us like we were in the eye of a tornado. If I was ever in a natural disaster, Stanford is who I’d want to be with. He was even better-looking than I remembered.

  “Excuse me!” Millie interrupted. I was startled to find her standing next to me. “We really should be getting back to the books.”

  I frantically tried to signal Millicent to leave Stanford and me alone, but before she could respond, Stanford spoke. “Um, Emily, I’m sure Millicent would prefer it if you weren’t here during our tutoring sessions.” He looked totally heart-stopping as he lowered his voice. (Stanford has a really great voice.) “She gets embarrassed. Of course, if Millicent ever figures out the difference between plot and theme, then maybe we could all get together afterward. You know, get a burger or something.”

  “Oh! That sounds like a terrific idea. Stanford, we’d love to go.”

  I glanced at Millie. She looked ill. How insensitive could I be? I knew exactly what she was thinking. I took her aside. “It’s okay, Millie. This explains a lot of things, like why you disappear sometimes. Your English class must be really hard if your dad can’t teach you. But even though you’re homeschooled, you shouldn’t feel bad if you need extra help.” Millicent just stared at me with her mouth hanging open. “Not everyone can be a genius, but I don’t think any less of you because Stanford has to tutor you. Truly, there’s nothing wrong with admitting that you’re not the smartest person on the planet. In fact, I think you’re very brave to ask for help.”

  I could see Stanford watching us. He seemed very concerned about Millicent. “Stanford’s waiting,” I told her. She winced. “You’d better get back.”

  It must have been some really hard assignment. As I roamed around the library, I could see Millie arguing with Stanford, and at one point I witnessed an eraser bouncing off his head.

  Ms. Martinez was at her desk, circling books in a magazine. Her hair looks naturally wavy and black, and she’s really nice and youngish. She helped me select Romeo and Juliet. From the way Ms. Martinez described it, it actually sounded good, plus it wasn’t as long as Hamlet. I squeezed into the castle in the children’s department and was about to open the book when Stanford peered into the window.

  “Hey, Emily, we’re quitting early, so now we can go to Burger King!”

  Burger King was sooooo fun. I feel like I’ve known Stanford forever. He’s just as funny and nice as he is cute. Remember when I rated him a twelve out of ten? I want to change that to a fifteen! A twenty! A forty!

  “Emily, do you miss New Jersey?” he asked as he took a bite of his hamburger.

  “Yes, well, some things,” I confessed. “We used to live in this creaky old house and our backyard was on the edge of the woods. I loved that house.”

  “Well, um, I’m glad you moved here.”

  “You are? Stanford, what a nice thing to say. Are you always this nice?”

  I glanced at Millicent. She looked bored, so I switched the subject to volleyball so she could participate in the conversation.

  “Volleyball’s a good sport. I play basketball.” Stanford held up his ball as proof.

  “Are you any good at it?”

  “I’m on the A-Team. It’s the first time a seventh-grader is on the A-Team.”

  “Wow, Stanford, so you’re on the A-Team and you’re really smart too? That’s a double whammy.”

  Millie looked up from her French fries. She had lined them up side by side according to size. “Stanford smart?”

  “Well, yes. After all, he’s tutoring you, isn’t he? He wouldn’t be a tutor if he weren’t smart. Right, Stanford?”

  Both Millicent and Stanford suddenly went silent. I wondered if I had said something wrong. Stanford stood up. “Excuse me,” he said.

  “Gosh, Millie,” I whispered as we watched him walk away. “Stanford’s cute and smart and athletic. What more could you ask for?”

  “Someone of our own species.”

  He came back with two fistfuls of straws, but Millicent shamed him into putting most of them back. I don’t know why she doesn’t like him. Maybe she feels awkward around him because he’s her tutor.

  Stanford returned this time wearing a Burger King crown. “Here’s one for each of you,” he said. I put mine on immediately. Millicent just tossed hers on the table and rearranged her French fries. Then when Stanford was showing us a really funny trick where he pressed a napkin up against his face and stuck his tongue through it, Milli
e bolted out the door. Sure, it was gross, but not that gross. I had to run to catch up to her.

  “What’s the matter? Did I say something wrong? Millie? Millie, talk to me.”

  Millicent started to say, “The tu … tutoring …” but choked on her words.

  Of course! Oh, how stupid I had been. “You’re still feeling bad because I found out that he’s tutoring you. It’s okay, really it is. Millie, we’re best friends, remember? Nothing can come between us, okay? Come on back and join us.” I picked up her briefcase. It was really heavy. “Stanford claims he can put a whole Whopper in his mouth at once!”

  “No, you go ahead,” she insisted as she wrestled the briefcase from me. “I have a lot of stuff I need to do.”

  “Are you sure?”

  “Yeah, go on without me.”

  “Well, okay then …” I waited for her to change her mind, but she didn’t. “You’re sure you won’t join us?”

  “Positive!” Millie said brightly.

  “All right then. See you tomorrow, I guess.”

  I felt funny going back to Burger King alone. Something didn’t seem quite right with Millie. Really, what difference did it make that she had a tutor? Although I would have liked to have known that her tutor was Stanford Wong.

  “Where’s Millicent?” Stanford seemed happy to see me.

  “She went home. I just don’t know about her sometimes. Stanford, please make me a promise.” A strange look crossed his face.

  “Are you okay?” I asked. “All of a sudden you look weird.”

  “I was, uh, just trying not to burp.”

  “Oh! Listen to this!” I’m not sure what came over me, but I took a huge gulp of air and then burped out the words, “Hello, Stanford!”

  Instantly, I regretted it. Stupid, stupid, stupid. Stanford stared at me and then said, “Wow, Emily, you’re just too cool.” I felt myself blush until his eyes went to my second cheeseburger. “Uh, are you going to eat that?”

  Ohmygod. He thinks I’m some sort of pig, I can just tell. I knew I should have just ordered one cheeseburger. “You think I eat too much, don’t you?” I heard myself ask. “You think I’m fat.”

  Stanford turned red. “No, no, no,” he insisted, shaking his head. “Not at all! I just thought that if you weren’t going to eat it, I’d help you.”

  I exhaled, took a bite, and then handed it over to him. There was a moment when we were both touching the burger. It was so romantic. As he bit into it, Stanford asked, “Uh, was there something you wanted to talk about?”

  I remembered Millicent. “Please promise you won’t make fun of Millie for being so bad in English. You know, not everyone’s as smart as you are.”

  Stanford nodded and wrinkled his forehead in the cutest way. “It’s not nice to make fun of a person just because they don’t get good grades,” he said. “Grades aren’t everything. Sometimes a person’s feelings are more important than a stupid grade!”

  “Stanford, you are amazing.” He really is.

  “Yes, well, let’s be a good friend to Millie and respect her privacy.”

  I was so moved I almost began to tear up. He must have sensed how emotional I was, because just then, he picked up his Coke and stuck the straw straight into his nostril! We both really cracked up over that, and when he did it again, I almost spit out my soda.

  Stanford’s not like any other boy. He really listens, and he looks at me when I talk. I heard that if a boy like likes you, his pupils dilate. But every time I tried to examine Stanford’s eyes, he was already staring at me, and I’d suddenly feel shy and start blinking a lot.

  As the afternoon wore on, we talked about everything. No topic was off-limits.

  Transportation: “Your dad drives a red convertible Alfa Romeo Spider? That’s a total rock star car! Man, my dad’s just some boring lawyer.”

  Emergency rooms: “Really, Stanford? But what was the peanut doing in your nose in the first place?”

  Fashion: “I consider myself fashion-forward, but not obsessed with it too much. Well, just a little. I can look at any outfit and nine out of ten times identify the designer.”

  Sports: “Basketball is my life.”

  And even religion: “I’m half Jewish and half not Jewish,” I explained. “My mom is Jewish and my dad’s sort of Catholic. When they got married it’s like their religions canceled each other out. We hardly ever went to church or to temple, although Alice keeps hinting that she’d like to start going again.”

  “My best friend Stretch is Jewish,” Stanford mused.

  “Does he talk about it much?”

  “No.”

  “Oh. What are you?”

  “I’m Chinese American.”

  “I meant, are you religious?”

  “I used to go to church all the time with my grandmother, but she doesn’t get out much these days. I do pray a lot during basketball games, though.”

  We stretched the day out as long as we could. While Stanford ate two more hamburgers, an order of onion rings, a soda, and two shakes, I nibbled slowly on my French fries and had another Coke.

  “Well,” Stanford said, finally standing up and reaching for his basketball. “Uh, I guess I’d better head home or I’ll be late for dinner.”

  “Oh. Yes, me too.”

  We were both still wearing our crowns.

  “So, Emily, maybe I’ll see you again sometime.”

  “Okay, when? I mean, yes, I hope so. I’d like that.”

  When I floated into the house, Alice looked up at me and smiled. Instantly I hit Earth and raced to my room. I didn’t want her asking me any questions.

  It’s been four hours and thirty-seven minutes since I last saw Stanford Wong. I am wearing my crown right now. It will make a nice addition to my collection. I also saved my drink cup and even managed to sneak one of Stanford’s napkins. Would it be too much, I wonder, if I had it laminated?

  Forever,

  Emily

  AUGUST 1

  Dear Daddy,

  I hate going to the dentist. This new one is nice, but still, I hate going to the dentist. Dr. Jill kept talking to me while she was digging around in my mouth. The amazing thing was that she could totally understand what I was saying. I wish you and Alice could understand me as well as she could. But then, I don’t understand you two either.

  Alice modeled a new outfit for me tonight. “This is a dashiki. It’s an African garment,” she said proudly. “It is so comfortable. I love the bright colors. Do you like it? I could get you one.”

  “No thank you,” I told her as I backed away. “Why can’t you dress like a normal person?”

  “A normal person? Define ‘normal,’ Emily.”

  “I don’t know. Like Mrs. Min, or someone your age.”

  “You want me to act my age, is that it? What about your father?” Her voice started rising. “You don’t seem to have a problem with him, and he’s acting like a twenty-year-old, running around with a band! Tell me, should he act his age too?”

  “All right, all right. Forget it! Forget I even said anything! Dress however you like, see if I care!”

  I retreated to my room and listened to “The Emily Song” a few times. That always calms me down. Then I reached for the self-tanning gel. It was featured in Gamma Girl, so it must be good. According to the magazine, “The tan may be fake, but our model Betina looks natural.”

  Remember the last time we went to the beach? We lost track of the time and I turned a bright, crispy red. It hurt soooooo much. When we got home, Alice had to rush me to the emergency room. No more Mr. Sunshine for me. Tans from a bottle are it for now!

  After I waited an hour for the gel to dry, I put on my orange Castellucci Collection sundress and my friendship necklace. Then I sprayed myself with Bubbly Beautiful, just in case I ran into someone special.

  I recognized Millie’s bike in the library parking lot. It’s blue and has a handmade license plate that reads 2BRN2B. As
I pushed the heavy library door open, I held on to my necklace for good luck.

  In the far corner of the room I saw Stanford Wong slouched so far down in a chair he was almost on the floor. He sat straight up when he saw me and sent me a huge grin, which I returned a million times over. Millicent was with him. I gave them a small wave as I headed in their direction, even though what I really wanted to do was jump up and down.

  Stanford and I gazed at each other so long that I was startled when Millie cleared her throat and said, “Emily, we’re nearly finished here. I thought we were meeting at your house?”

  Without taking my eyes off of Stanford, I said, “I wanted to make it easier for you, so I came here. I’ll just wait over by the magazines until you’re done. Bye, Stanford.”

  “Bye, Emily.”

  I pretended to be reading a book about the Lakers, Stanford’s favorite basketball team, while the two of them finished up a spirited debate about homework.

  Ms. Martinez came up to me, carrying an armload of books. “Hello, Emily! How’s Romeo and Juliet coming along?”

  I was too embarrassed to tell her I hadn’t started it. So instead, I said, “Um, that William Shakespeare was some great writer.”

  From where I was, I could see Millie packing up to leave. Before I could get to Stanford, Millicent rushed me out the door. It would have been too obvious to yell, “Stanford, follow me!” So I just waved good-bye and sent him ESP brain waves that said, “I want you to come with us, but Millie is in a hurry. However, I hope we will see each other soon.”

  Once outside, Millie hopped on her bike and shouted, “Come on, Emily. Let’s get out of here!”

  “Slow down!” I shouted. “Millie, what’s your hurry? Where are we going?”

  “To Maddie’s. I promised her I’d stop by for scones.”

  “Scones? Why don’t we stay at the library? Maybe Stanford wants to talk to us —”

  “Stanford Wong does not want to talk to us!”

  “Maybe he likes scones,” I yelled as I ran to keep up with her. “Maybe we should invite him to Maddie’s.”

  Millie hit the brakes on her bike and skidded to a stop. “Emily, Maddie invited you and me, not Stanford. Okay???!!!”