by Lisa Yee
Laid out neatly were three rows of purses.
“These are all the same,” Ariana said, pointing to the row of six denim shoulder bags. “They’re cool because you can put buttons and things on them.”
“This row,” explained Alyssa, “has different styles, but they are all basically the same size, and they are all brown, which is the new black.”
“This one’s the best,” Ariel said, smiling. “Six identical purses, lots of side pockets, and all in different colors!”
“I like it.” Julie nodded. The purses did look really nice. “I think we should get them. What do you think, Emily?”
“I love them,” I said. “I just saw some purses like these in Gamma Girl.”
“So we’d all get the same purse?” asked Wendy.
“That’s the plan,” said Julie.
“May I help you young ladies?” the Shah’s saleswoman asked. She eyed all the purses on the counter.
“We’re going to take these,” Julie told her, motioning to the last row. Ariel beamed.
“All of them?” said the saleswoman.
“All of them,” Julie answered.
“Well, they are somewhat expensive….” The saleswoman hesitated. “Would you like to see Shah’s line of more moderately priced bags?”
I stole a glance at the price tag. They were $112 each!
“That’s okay,” Julie said confidently. “Emily has a credit card.”
What???
“Thanks, Emily,” Ariel said. “That’s really nice of you.”
Ariana and Alyssa nodded.
Wendy looked worried. “Oh, that’s okay, I already have a purse.”
“Yes,” Julie said. “But these all match. How cool is that? You do want to be cool like the rest of us, don’t you? What do you say, Emily? Shouldn’t Wendy be like us, or do you want her to be the only different one?”
Wendy looked flustered. “No, really, it’s okay. These are really nice, but I can’t afford it.”
“That’s okay,” Julie assured her. “Emily’s treating, aren’t you, Emily?”
“I don’t know,” I stammered.
“We thought you liked us,” Julie said. “I mean you’ve been hanging out at my house, and we’ve been doing the makeover on you and everything. I guess I thought you were our friend.”
“I am your friend….”
“Emily, I need to see you. Alone.” Julie escorted me to the sunglasses display. As she tried on a pair, she said, “I’ve been meaning to talk to you about Wendy. She’s not really one of us, is she?”
“She’s really nice,” I said. I hoped she couldn’t hear us.
“Yes, well, nice is not enough, is it? She’s kind of bland, don’t you think?”
“No …”
“That’s so like you to stick up for her. It’s one of the reasons I like you. You’re very loyal, but you’re rooting for the wrong team. It’s us you ought to be loyal to.”
“Julie …”
“Oh, all right, tell you what. If you get the purses, then maybe we’ll let Wendy hang around with us. Who knows? Maybe she’ll change. Maybe once we finish working on you, we’ll take her on next.”
“Excuse me?” the Shah’s saleswoman called out. “Will you be purchasing these or not?”
“I don’t know,” Julie said, wandering back to the purses. “That’s up to Emily. Emily, are we purchasing these purses?”
I looked from Julie to the saleswoman to Wendy.
“How much would that come to?” I asked. My voice was wobbly.
“Six hundred seventy-two dollars,” the saleswoman replied. “Plus tax.”
“Plus tax,” I repeated. “Of course.”
Six hundred seventy-two dollars. That’s more than I’ve ever spent on anything in my life. I thought about Julie’s dad taking her and her mom out to dinner. Then I thought about the last time you, me, and Alice went out to dinner together, and how your postcards have stopped, and how you’ve called me only once this summer.
“Yes,” I said. “Please charge them to my credit card.”
“Oooh, thank you!” The Triple A’s crowded around and hugged me. Wendy stood off to the side biting her nails.
Slowly, I opened my wallet. I felt weak. It was probably because I hadn’t eaten anything all day.
Emily
AUGUST 26
Dear Dad,
I spent the morning in my room, watching a Shakespeare DVD I rented from Movie Mania. I thought Shakespeare was all about women in long dresses and men in tights, but in this movie they wore bathing suits most of the time. The description on the package said, “A fast and flashy modern-day retelling of an old classic. Set under the sizzling sun on Miami Beach, and with moonlit, mood-lit nights, you’ll never forget this Romeo and Juliet!”
After the movie, I was hungry, so I went to Stout’s for a bowl of soup.
“Is that all?” Libby asked. “How about a club sandwich and a slice of French silk pie?”
“I wish. No, just soup, please. And a glass of water.”
After lunch, as I paid my bill, I handed Libby an extra five dollars. In exchange, she counted out twenty quarters. I went down the block and was about to put money in the parking meters, but I stopped myself. Instead, I turned around to tell Libby that she could have the quarters back if she needed them.
But when I approached Stout’s, I spied Alice at the counter having a cup of coffee. Officer Ramsey was sitting next to her. They were laughing. Libby was laughing along with them, but Officer Ramsey kept looking at Alice. I thought you ought to know.
Even though I was early, Wendy was waiting for me on her front porch. She was wearing makeup and a new sundress. “Hurry,” she said, rushing me toward Julie’s house. “We can’t be late.”
“Nice dress,” Julie said when she saw me. “Is it from Tavares Teens?”
“Nope, Jodi Jodi.”
Julie nodded. “Even better.”
As the Triple A’s charted my progress, I recited what I had eaten the day before.
“You ate a cookie???!!!” Julie cried. “How could you?”
“I just bit into it,” I said. “Then I chewed.”
She shook her head, and so did Ariel and Alyssa. Or Ariana and Ariel, or Alyssa and Ariana.
“Emily, how are you going to lose that weight if you don’t stick to your diet?”
“Well, maybe the diet isn’t such a good idea,” I said.
Wendy looked alarmed.
“The diet is a great idea,” Julie informed me as she handed me a pair of tweezers. “Pluck.”
“I’m not so sure….”
“Sure it will hurt, but your eyebrows are still slightly uneven. It’s not as hard as you think it will be. Just follow your natural arch.”
“No, I mean the diet, and well, yes, the eyebrows and everything.”
“Listen to me,” Julie said. “If you look this good at the beginning of your diet, just imagine what you’ll be like when you can fit into a size two! Think of all the new fashions you’ll be able to wear.”
The Triple A’s murmured in agreement.
I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t flattered. But a size two? Does that mean that the smaller I get, the more popular I will be? I’ve only been on this diet for a little while and I feel dizzy all the time. A two? I’m down to a nine/ten right now. I haven’t been a two in ages. I’m getting headaches. A two?
“When Emily loses her weight, she’s going to look so hot in those new Parisi jeans,” Julie said. “We won’t even recognize her!”
I gave them a weak smile and didn’t talk much the rest of the afternoon. If anyone noticed, they didn’t say anything.
The more I think about it, the more mad I get at Julie for putting me up to buying those purses. But I am even madder at myself for letting it happen. Then I think about Wendy, and how much it means to her to be in Julie’s group. And, well, I think about how starting at a new school as a p
opular girl is not a bad thing.
Wendy’s nice. But it’s just not the same as with Millie. Wendy doesn’t read comics, and once when I hit her over the head with a pillow, she yelped, “Ouch! What did you do that for?”
Also, Wendy thinks the Rialto is hokey. “They only show old movies there,” she said. “Most of them aren’t even in color.”
“Yes, but with the classics, once you get into them it doesn’t matter what color they are,” I explained.
Wendy does not have the appreciation for chocolate that Millicent and I share. And she doesn’t have the same sense of humor, and sometimes our timing is just off, with these big gaps of awkward silence. I don’t think Millie and I were ever silent. If anything, we both always tried to talk at the same time, we had so much to say to each other.
Still, I’m glad to have Wendy as a friend. She’s not the kind of person who would ever take advantage of someone.
Emily
AUGUST 27
Dear Dad,
Wendy invited me to the movies with her family tonight, but Alice said I couldn’t go. Lots of people are on vacation, so she volunteered us for extra Neighborhood Watches. Then, get this, tonight she was the one who was late.
“Where have you been?” I asked.
“Nowhere.” She looked guilty. I didn’t press. Lately Alice has been vague about where she goes. I’m not sure I want to know.
“Anything on your mind, Emily?” Alice asked as I dawdled by the front door. I really, really, really did not want to patrol the neighborhood. I wanted to be at the movies with Wendy.
“No.”
“Because if there is, I’m here, you know.”
Right. How could I not know? There’s no avoiding her.
Mrs. Neederman walked by with her poodles and waved. We put on smiles and waved back. One of the poodles pooped on our lawn, but we all pretended not to see it.
As Mrs. Neederman disappeared into her house, the smiles slid off our faces and we began walking and not talking. Then Alice broke the silence.
“Emily, I’m concerned about this diet you’re on. I don’t know if it’s healthy. I think if you want to continue with this, you ought to see a doctor or a nutritionist —”
“Alice, I’m fine, okay?”
“No, not okay. Are you fine? Really? Because I’m not so sure. Emily, we need to talk. All right?”
“No.”
“Listen, I’m telling you, this silent treatment you’ve been giving me all summer has got to stop!” Alice stood with her hands clenched at her sides. She raised her voice. “Emily, I just want to talk —”
“Talk? You want to talk? Okay, I’ll talk!!!” My intensity startled both of us. “Why did you do it? Why did you leave him? Did you get tired of him? Were you jealous of Dad’s band? Is that why? What’s happening to us is all your fault! Don’t you have any feelings at all? Don’t you even care what you’re doing to me?!!! You, you —”
“EMILY, STOP!”
I felt like I had been slapped in the face.
“Of course I care,” Alice shouted. “I care more about you than you will ever know! Everything, everything I have ever done has been for you. I’ve turned down jobs to stay at home with you. I changed my life for you. Do you think that your father would do that?”
“Don’t you say anything bad about my father! He loves me.”
“I love you too, why can’t you see that? Emily, you have got to hear me out!!!”
“Oh, I hear you all right. You’re always talking about the truth, how the truth is soooooo important. And then you lie to me. You say you love me, and you used to say that to Dad too. Yet you tore us all apart. Why? Why did you ask him for a divorce? I know it was you. He told me! Why can’t you just tell the truth for once?”
“Hey,” a man’s voice shouted. “Stop yelling! I’ll call Neighborhood Watch if you don’t quiet down!”
Alice plopped down on the curb and turned off her flashlight. Her head dropped and her shoulders slumped forward like she had suddenly crumbled.
I was scared.
“The truth. The truth,” she finally said, sounding flat. “Okay, I can do that. Ask me anything.”
I took a deep breath. “I need to know how long you and Dad knew you were getting a divorce before you told me. I need to know why you did it. I need to know why all this happened and if I will ever feel better again.”
I could feel my heart beating fast.
“Oh, honey,” Alice murmured as I sat down next to her. “You will feel better eventually. When exactly, I’m not sure. But you will. You are so strong, and I admire that. I always have.”
It was a while before she spoke again, and for once I was afraid she wasn’t going to have anything else to say.
“No one ever wants their marriage to end,” she began slowly. “But sometimes it happens. With your father and me, well, there were circumstances that we could not get over. Your father didn’t want to grow up, and according to him, I became too tense and rigid. He said I wasn’t fun anymore. I think he just lost interest in me. I kept thinking things would change, but they didn’t. We knew it was over about six months before we told you. I wanted to tell you sooner, but your father kept putting it off.”
“How could you keep this from me for so long? Why did you?”
“I can’t speak for your father, but I guess I kept hoping things would change. Or that they weren’t as bad as I thought they were. I was in denial.”
“Was it really your idea to get divorced?”
“I did ask for a divorce, but I never thought he’d agree to it. I asked him because I wanted to hear him say, ‘Alice, why would we ever do something like that? We can work this out, I know we can.’ Only my plan backfired, and instead, he said, ‘Yes, I think that would be best.’
“Emily, I am so sorry. We never meant to hurt you. You need to know that the divorce has nothing to do with you.”
“Wrong,” I said, my voice shaking. “You are so wrong. You think your divorce has nothing to do with me? It has everything to do with me. What did you expect? That I wouldn’t take it personally? This divorce has turned my life upside down. And when I try to love either of you, I feel like I’m hurting the other person and I can’t stand that!”
“Emily,” Alice stammered, “please don’t feel that way. You are the best thing that came out of our marriage. Your father and I both want you to be happy. We would never deliberately hurt you.”
Neither one of us moved, but I felt as though I was about to explode.
“Then why did you make me pick?” I whispered.
“What was that?”
“You made me pick.” I realized I was crying. How long had I been crying? “You and Dad made me pick who I wanted to live with! How unfair is that? Do you remember how much I cried when you said I had to choose?”
“I remember.”
“Why did you do that to me?”
“We just thought that you should have some say….”
I couldn’t listen to her anymore. I was on total overload. I ran home, but the door was locked. I pounded on it even though I knew no one would answer. By the time Alice arrived with the keys, my fists hurt and I was exhausted. She opened the door without saying anything and I went straight to my room.
“Emily?” I heard her call out. “I am sorry. For everything. I love you.”
Alice was on the other side of the door. I wanted to open it, but something was stopping me from letting her in.
“Me too,” I said. But I don’t think she heard me.
When I think about Alice I feel frustrated and fed up. When I think about you I feel unsettled and unsure, and that’s worse. For the record, I picked Alice because I knew you wanted to get the Talky Boys back together and go on the road. If you had to stay with me, you couldn’t have done that. I would have gotten in your way. But when I did pick, you didn’t even pretend and say, “No, I want Emily to live with me.” Instead you said, “Well
, I guess she’s made her choice.”
I felt like Alice needed me more. But the sad thing is, I need both of you. I need you to be back together. I need my life to be exactly the same as it was one year ago, when everything was good, and when Nicole and A.J. and I had our best summer together, and when you were happy because you sold that expensive house, and Alice was happy because she won that journalism award. And I was happy, because I had no idea what was coming.
Emily
AUGUST 28
Dad,
Alice and I spent the morning avoiding each other, which wasn’t hard, since we had so much practice over the summer.
I was startled when the phone rang.
“Hello?” I said.
Silence.
“Hello? Is anyone there?”
“Hi, it’s me!”
“Me who?” I said, even though I could see who it was from caller ID.
“Millie, silly.”
I wasn’t sure what to say. We hadn’t spoken in so long.
“What do you want, Millicent?”
“Well, I just thought that unless we both could afford the airfare to the Hague to the International Court of Justice …”
Before, when Millicent said weird things, I just thought she was odd. Now it was obnoxious.
“Millicent,” I interrupted, “what are you blabbing about?”
When she didn’t answer for the longest time, I was afraid she had hung up.
“I want to be friends again,” she said softly. “I’m sorry for whatever misunderstanding there was.”
Millie was saying the words I longed to hear. Only she couldn’t just stop at that. “I’m sorry you cannot comprehend my being a genius and a senior in high school —”
“You still don’t get it, do you?”
Alice wandered into the kitchen. She looked tired and her dashiki was inside out. “Who is it?” she asked.
“Nobody,” I said, covering the phone.
“Is it the cable TV man?”
“I said, it’s nobody.”
“If it’s the cable TV man, tell him that HBO doesn’t work anymore but that we still get Showtime.”
“I can’t talk,” I hissed to Millicent.
“Emily, please,” she begged, “can we at least meet? I promise not to take more than ten minutes of your time.”