“I better get dressed. The guards will be here soon for us to scan in. We’re still under a lockdown,” I said and turned to go to the bedroom.
“Sunny?” Jack stopped me. I turned to look at him. “It took a lot of conviction and belief in your own people for you to put on that wedding dress. You knew the risk you were taking when you did it. You and Crystal are more alike than you know.”
I didn’t respond to him, but kept going into the bedroom. I didn’t believe what Jack was saying. I had been conned by Leisel into doing something stupid. It was nothing like what Crystal did.
I dug through the bag of clothes Bron had brought us and found an outfit. It felt good to have the heavy vest off my shoulders so I decided not to put it on again. It was unlikely a guard would recognize me on a routine scan in.
“Your turn,” I said as I came back in the living room.
Jack was just coming back into the living room pulling a t-shirt over his head when there was a sharp knock at the door. That would be the guard.
“Your hair!” Jack warned me.
I looked for my hat then remembered it was still on the table in the common room.
“I left my hat behind,” I said in alarm.
“Use the towel,” he suggested.
I took the dry towel off the rack and wrapped it around my head. Jack put on his hat, but the ends of his light brown hair were still visible. There was nothing we could do about it now. I opened the door.
“Good evening, sir. Ma’am.” The guard greeted us with a smile. “Could you scan in please.”
I breathed a sigh of relief that it was an Alliance guard. We waved our hand across the scanner.
“Was anybody seriously hurt tonight?” Jack inquired.
“A few people with asthma had a difficult time, but one of our guards had an inhaler so we were able to save them. The ones with chemical burns were taken to the baths,” he said.
As I stood there with the door open, I could hear the faint sounds of distant singing. I cocked my head to one side, trying to listen intently.
“What is that?” I asked.
Jack and the guard became quiet, listening too. The singing became louder and people were starting to open their doors and step out into the hall. I stepped out too, looking in wonder at all the people who raised their voices and sang along. I was vaguely aware of Jack coming to stand next to me. He wove his fingers through mine as we stood and listened to the singing.
“This is bigger than I ever imagined,” he said with awe. “We need to come up with a plan.”
He was right. Now that everyone was united, it was time to make our plan of attack.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Nightmares plagued me every time I closed my eyes. The vision I had seen earlier of people littering the stairs gasping for breath turned into a bloodbath in my dreams. Instead of gas raining down on them, I saw bullets. My mind kept replaying the image of Crystal being dragged away by the guards, but instead of singing rise-up she sung the Pit they want to blow and soon we’ll all be dead! Then the guards turned around and gave me an evil smile and their faces turned into Madi. She was dragging Crystal away to beat her to death.
Somewhere through the haze of my dreams a sensation of warmth and heaviness engulfed me and the nightmares disappeared. Did someone put my vest on me? I felt bulletproof. I turned toward the warmth and tried to get closer to it. It felt hard and muscular. It felt like the only good thing that I had left in my life. I opened my eyes and found myself lying face to face with Jack, his arms wrapped around me. His eyes were opened, but I didn’t think he could see me. He was blind when the lights were out.
I raised my hand and stroked his face and he captured it and kissed my palm. His touch was so gentle that I wanted to feel it on my lips. I leaned forward and tentatively pressed my mouth against his. I wasn’t sure if he wanted me to kiss him, but his lips moved gently against mine. He ran his fingers up my arm and into my hair, leaving a trail of tingling goose bumps in their wake. I wanted to know what his skin felt like too. Shyly, I moved my hand away from his face and ran it down his shoulder and onto his side, coming to stop at his hip. I heard his sharp intake of breath and an ache started somewhere deep inside me. His kiss became hungrier, searching for something deeper and I realized where this was going. Despite my body’s response to his touch, my mind was screaming no. We came from two different worlds and our accidental marriage didn’t change that. I had to remind myself it wasn’t that long ago that if I ever shared a bed with Jack Kenner, it would have been because he chose me from a group of urchin girls and ordered me to do it.
“No!” I said pulling away with such force I ended up rolling out of bed onto the floor.
“Sunny?” Jack asked in confusion. He raised himself up on an elbow peering into the dark to see me. I was pretty sure he couldn’t see me.
“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done that,” I said without giving him an explanation. I saw him lie back on the bed and drag both his hands through his hair.
“Don’t be sorry. I was out of line. I misread your intentions,” he said through ragged breath.
“I’m going to get some water,” I said, avoiding any more discussion of the matter. I didn’t want to get into a blame game. I was the one who started it. I pushed myself up off the floor and went in the direction of the living room.
“Sunny?” Jack’s voice stopped me at the door.
“Yes?”
“You don’t still think of us as bourge and urchin do you?” he asked carefully.
“Honestly?” I drew in an unsteady breath. “Sometimes I do.”
“I want you to know that I don’t. I never did,” he said with finality.
I didn’t know what to say, so I just left and went into the kitchen. I poured a glass of water and drank it all. I was hoping the coolness of the liquid would help douse the fire that had started inside me, but it gave me little relief.
I sat down on one of the chairs not wanting to return to the bedroom. I was afraid if I did I would finish what I started with him. He had kissed me back, so I knew he wanted me too. I tried to imagine a world where our relationship could actually work, but I couldn’t. Even if a miracle happened and we won this rebellion and received a pardon from Holt, it was against the rules for bourge and urchin to marry each other. So our marriage would be dissolved and Jack would go back to being Jack Kenner, son of an aristocratic family, and I would remain Sunny O’Donnell, a nobody.
Why had I never felt this way with Reyes? Kissing him had always been a comfortable and familiar thing to do that never left me wanting more. If only I had felt a fraction for Reyes of what I was feeling for Jack, I would have married him years ago and my life would be simpler right now.
I needed to stop thinking about Jack because the temptation was too strong. Not that I knew what it was like to make love to someone, but the emotions he stirred inside of me made me want to explore that option more. Even the short time I spent in his arms helped me to forget all the tragedy going on around me. It had felt good, but I also needed it to feel right.
I deliberately turned my thoughts away from Jack and concentrated on my nightmares instead. When I thought about my vision of Crystal being dragged away by the guards that turned into Madi, I remembered the words she had been singing; the Pit they want to blow and soon we’ll all be dead! But it wasn’t just in my dream she had sung those words. They were part of her song. How did that refrain go? Did she say I overhead it said? Is this what she had overheard the President and West talk about? It didn’t make sense though. If they blew up the Pit, the Dome would go with it. Why would they plan to kill themselves?
The lights came on and the bong bongs sounded. Lockdown was over. No guards had bothered us through the night to scan in, so I assumed it must have been Alliance guards on this level. I remembered the guard said he would drop my hat off if he found it. I got up and checked the door and was happy to see it there.
Jack came into the living room just a
s I was shutting the door.
“Morning,” he said awkwardly.
“Good morning,” I said back. I wasn’t sure what to say to him.
“You didn’t come back to bed. You must be tired,” he said sheepishly.
“I thought we could both use a little space,” I said honestly.
“Look, I know things are difficult between you and Reyes right now and I promised you that I wouldn’t get in your way. I just want you to know what happened last night will stay between us. He won’t find out,” Jack said, raking a hand through his hair. He was obviously uncomfortable with all of this. I regretted kissing him. Things were going to get awkward between us.
“Don’t worry about it. Reyes and I aren’t together anymore,” I told him.
“What?” he asked, giving me a stunned look. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“I don’t know. I didn’t think it was relevant,” I shrugged.
“You didn’t think it was relevant?” he repeated. He put both hands up to his face and covered his eyes for a moment. I wondered what he was getting angry about.
“We’ve been busy with the Alliance… and Madi… and Crystal…” I tried to explain. “My break up with Reyes seemed so small compared to everything else.”
Jack dropped his hands away from his face and looked at me. He had a pained expression on his face.
“I understand – life is complicated. It’s just… well, both of us are under a lot of pressure and stress right now… and we’re living together… and… I’m interested in what’s going on in your life,” he said awkwardly.
I knew he was trying to tell me something, yet he had said nothing. I wasn’t sure how to respond.
“I didn’t think you would be interested considering everything else that was going on in our lives,” I said in my own defense.
“Wouldn’t you be interested if I had a girlfriend?” he countered.
The question caught me off guard. It had never crossed my mind that Jack might get a girlfriend. And the thought of him having one suddenly made me feel threatened. The two of us had grown closer than I realized. He was becoming more than just my partner in crime.
“Yes,” I admitted quietly. He gave me a satisfied smile. “I’m sorry. I should have been more honest with you. And I really don’t want things to get awkward between us,” I said in a voice that almost begged. I didn’t know what I would do without him.
Jack closed the distance between us in two strides. He brought his hand up to brush a lock of my hair away from my face.
“It won’t be awkward as long as we’re honest with each other,” he said gently.
I thought he was going to kiss me and I held his gaze. I wasn’t going to run away this time. But he just searched my eyes looking for something in them. I couldn’t stand the distance between our mouths. With a will of their own, my arms came up around his neck and pulled his head toward me. I had spent most of the night trying to forget the taste of him and now it was all I could think about. So much had gone wrong in my life, and yet standing here within the circle of my embrace was the only thing that was right. As my lips met his, I breathed in his scent and tasted his mouth and welcomed the warmth and aching that spread through me like fire. I wanted Jack more than I had ever wanted anything in my life.
“Sunny” he breathed, barely pulling his mouth away from mine.
“Ssshhh,” I whispered against his lips. There was no need for words right now. I didn’t want reminders of anything. I just wanted him.
“Are you sure?” he said, his mouth moving against mine.
“Yes.”
He wrapped his arms tighter around my waist and picked me up off the floor. Instinctively, I wrapped my legs around his waist. I wanted to be connected to him with every fibre of my being. I wanted to touch and be touched. I was vaguely aware that he was walking back to the bedroom so I wasn’t surprised when he sat down on the bed, bringing my clinging body with him. As he lay back on the bed, my hair fell down around our faces. He let his fingers run up the length of my back and I shivered in response to his electric touch. I felt his hands tangle in my hair, pulling my face closer to his if that was possible.
My desire for him increased to a pitch I never thought possible. With feverish urgency, I sat up and started fumbling with the clasp on his jeans. I tried not to get frustrated when it wouldn’t give away under my hands. It was taking forever and I didn’t want to spoil the mood. Jack gave me a curious look and I looked away, not wanting to meet his eyes.
“Sunny?” he questioned.
I could feel heat creep into my cheeks and hoped that my blush wasn’t obvious. He probably thought I was an inexperienced little girl, which was exactly what I was. I just didn’t want him to know it. But it was so obvious… how could I avoid being found out.
“I’m sorry. I’ve never done this before,” I admitted in embarrassment.
“What?” Jack asked, looking confused.
“I’ve never… you know,” I said cryptically. I must be obvious. Why would he make me say it? I put more effort into my task, hoping to break the code of the clasp of his jeans before time robbed me of all spontaneity. But it was his hand that stopped mine.
“You’ve never made love before?” he asked gently.
“No,” I admitted.
He raised himself up from the bed with me still straddling his lap. He was looking at me differently now. The want and lust I saw a few seconds ago had been replaced with something else. In my heart of hearts, I knew he was going to tell me I was nothing but a child and I didn’t know the first thing about pleasing a man.
“We can’t do this,” he said, staring directly into my eyes. Immediately a lump in my throat began to grow and I fought it back. I had lost so much in my life worthy of my tears and I refused to let this join the ranks of important. I disengaged myself from his touch and stood up. He gave me a confused look.
“That’s fine,” I said in a tight voice and turned to walk out of the room.
“What the hell!” Jack exclaimed. Before I could leave the room, he grabbed my arm and spun me around to look at him. “You’re on and then just like that you’re off?”
“You’ve just made it clear that you don’t want me,” I pointed out, hoping I kept any emotion out of my voice.
“Don’t want you?” he echoed in disbelief. “You’re all I’ve ever thought about since before I even married you! You’re the first thing I think about when I wake up in the morning and the last thing I think about before I go sleep every night. You’re the most amazing, brave, beautiful woman I have ever met. And I’ve been going out of my mind wanting you,” Jack confessed, his voice raw with emotion. He reached a hand toward me and I took it. I could see the honesty in his face. I knew he was struggling just as much as I was. I took a step toward him and he held out his other hand to me. I laced my fingers with his. “But despite how much I want you, I won’t let your first time be in a heated rush before we have to get to work. You deserve so much better than that.”
I almost laughed. Was that all he was worried about? We could both be caught and executed today and the only thing I would regret was that I never knew him in the way I wanted to know him. I stepped closer and kissed him again.
“I want you Jack,” I breathed against his mouth. He breathed deeply, pulling me closer against him.
“I want you too, Sunny. And tonight, when we have hours to spend wrapped up in each other, I would like to show you just how much,” he said, his eyes darkening with the desire I knew he felt. My heart skipped a beat and my longing for him quickened.
“I spent a lot of time last night talking myself out of making love to you,” I admitted. “Now that you’ve talked me back into it, it doesn’t seem fair that you’re not following through.”
“Consider it pay back for last night,” he smiled, and kissed me again. “Come on. Let’s go to breakfast before it’s over.”
I tried to bring myself back into the here and now, but it was difficult. I sudde
nly didn’t want to leave our apartment. I wondered what it would cost us if we just didn’t show up for work today and stayed here and explored each other instead.
“We still have to do our hair,” I said, bringing myself back into reality. I went to the cupboard and took the piece of coal and ran it through my hair quickly and then went to Jack to do his hair. “I was thinking about Crystal last night. I’ve been thinking about her song. I can’t get it out of my head,” I confided.
“You mean the part about blowing up the Pit?” Jack guessed.
“Yes! I had nightmares about those lyrics. When I woke up I couldn’t tell if I had dreamed them or if she really said them.”
“She said them, I just don’t know what it means. I don’t doubt the President would set off the warheads if he thought he was going to lose control of the Dome, but a few riots don’t add up to losing control,” Jack reasoned.
“She didn’t say blow up the Dome, she said the Pit. And it’s not just that line that bothers me. She sung I overheard it said… the Pit they want to blow and soon we’ll all be dead. ” I repeated the words. “A few days ago she told me that she overhears things when Malcolm West has dinner with the President. She wouldn’t tell me what exactly. She said she would be killed if she ever told anyone.”
“And yet she sung it to the entire Pit? That would definitely get her killed,” Jack said. “I still can’t figure out a reason why the President would want to blow the Pit. It’s too valuable to the Dome.”
I finished Jack’s hair and put the coal away. My stomach was growling now and I realized we were really late for breakfast.
“Your vest,” Jack reminded me. It seemed he had to remind me every morning.
I used one of the towels to make sure all the gas was off of the shell before I put it back on. I hated the heavy feel of it and wondered if there would ever come a day that I didn’t have to wear it.
“Ready,” I said putting my hat on and joining him at the door.
Jack started opening the door and then closed it again. He looked at me thoughtfully for a moment.
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