by Anna Brooks
“You seriously went on a date with a man?” Polly practically screams when she sees me.
“Thanks, asshole.” I flip Royce off, and he takes that as his cue to leave. “I got set up by a client’s grandmother.”
“How the hell could she think you were gay?”
“’Cause her granddaughter is Lacy Love.”
It takes only a split second for the name to register with Polly. “You mean the pop singer Lacy Love?”
“Yeah. Lacy tried to get me to go out with her, but I turned her down. She was butthurt about it, so she told her grandma, who is the sweetest old lady you’d ever meet, that I was too scared to admit I was gay.” Still pisses me off to this day that I didn’t pick up earlier on what was happening. “Because I couldn’t say no to her, I agreed to meet this person, whose name was Taylor. When I got to the restaurant and figured it out, I felt horrible ’cause the guy was really excited.”
“Excited to get a taste of that sweet Red Velvet,” Royce yells from down the hall and the rest of the guys crack up.
Polly laughs too, and I reach out and put her in a head lock. “Don’t encourage them.”
“Red Velvet?” She chokes out.
“My hair ain’t even red, Royce.” I kiss the top of Polly’s head before I let her up. “Anyway, long story short, I informed Taylor that I was, in fact, not gay, but since we both were there and hungry, we got dinner and then went home.”
“At least he bought you dinner first!”
“Shut the fuck up, Royce!”
Polly has tears running down her cheeks she’s laughing so hard. Normally, Royce pisses me off with his shit after about three minutes, but watching her laugh like this, I’d let him say dumb shit to me all damn night just to see her this relaxed.
“Well, you’ve done the tour and met Royce, so I suppose I’ll introduce you to the other guys who are here then we can head out.”
“Okay.” She blows out a shaky breath and tries to stop laughing, but snorts when she inhales. “I’m sorry. I just…”
She can’t even finish her sentence, so I wait a minute, and when she finally composes herself, we go to the reception area where all the guys are hanging around. After a quick round of introductions and an accidental fist to Royce’s kidney, Polly and I get in the Jeep and take off.
She’s rather quiet for the ride because she’s looking around. “It’s so pretty here.”
“It is,” I agree.
“How often do you come back?”
“Depends. Usually about once a month.” I’ve thought about moving back here permanently, but when I stay for more than a couple of weeks, history creeps up on me, so I go back to Pleasant Valley. Then wash, rinse, repeat. Same thing there. Except when I come back to Cali, I usually busy myself with work.
“I don’t know why you’d ever leave.”
I pull into the driveway and kill the engine then unbuckle my seat belt and turn in my seat. “I’ve thought about staying. Still do. More than half of my life is here, but the other part isn’t. And now that I have you, home is wherever you are. But if you wanted to move here, we could.” Because I could handle being here all the time if I was with her. I shouldn’t use her as a crutch, but I do.
She nibbles on her bottom lip and looks out the window. “I don’t know if I could ever live here with you, Erik. I mean, yes, it’s gorgeous but—”
“Hey.” I lower my voice and reach over to take her chin between my fingers so she looks at me. “If things stayed just like they are right now; if we stayed in Pleasant Valley and continued to work at Complexity, I’d be just as happy as if we moved here.”
“But how do you even manage to work security and be at the security place?”
“I don’t go out in the field a lot. When I come back, it’s usually for a special assignment or some type of admin shit.”
“Why didn’t you tell me about all this before?”
“I don’t know. I wasn’t trying to hide it, but I think I was so focused on being with you that this part of my life wasn’t registering as important.” That’s the only answer I can think to give. I really haven’t thought about this place much.
“Hmm.”
“Baby, I’m serious. I’m happy wherever you want to be.”
We’ve gotta get back because I’ve gotta talk to her about what I found out earlier today. Since the news is so big, I think it’d be best to deliver it when she’s in a place where she’s more comfortable. We go back in the house and pack up then get a ride to the airport from Chris.
Polly falls asleep on the way back, and by the time we get to my place, I’m the one exhausted. She sits on the couch, and I go upstairs to hop in the shower. When I’m done, I’m thankfully more awake.
I sit next to her and grab the remote then shut the TV off. “I found your birth parents.”
Every molecule in my girl’s body tenses up. Her skin pales, and her eyes fill with unshed tears. “What?” she barely whispers.
“I didn’t tell you I was looking because I wasn’t sure what I’d find. I’ve debated if I was doing the right thing and even thought about not looking, but when I found out they were alive, I thought it was best to tell you and let you make a decision.”
Her head gives a slight shake, and she slowly backs away. “Why?”
“Because I wanted you to have closure. I know—”
“No, you don’t!” She jumps up from the couch and backs away from me. “You don’t know what it’s like growing up not having any fucking family. Not having someone to love you. Not knowing what you did wrong to be given up to the State. You have no fucking clue, and you had no fucking right!”
Okay. Wrong move on my part. “You’re right.”
“I know I’m right. God, Erik, what were you thinking? Why wouldn’t you ask me? After everything we’ve been though already, why wouldn’t you at least ask me?”
“Ba—” I reach for her, but she backs away.
“I need some time.”
Fuck. God, I’m such an idiot. I raise my hands to show her I’m giving her space. “I’m so sorry, baby.”
“I just can’t believe you didn’t talk to me. That you didn’t think to ask if I would even want you to find them.”
She stomps upstairs, and the bedroom door slams. I punch the wall, so goddamned mad at my inconsideration. I walk around the house, giving her time to cool off. I’m praying she calms down and doesn’t hate me forever because of this. When I do another pass by the front door, I notice a car’s headlights sitting in front of my house. Peering closer through the small window, I discover it’s a cab.
Chapter 24
Polly
I hear his feet just as I’m starting another round of pacing. I’m so… so damn hurt right now; I swear my head’s about to explode from the confusion twisting around in it. I’m also embarrassed. How could he do this? I have never, not once, had the desire to see them or to know why they gave me up. Sure, when I was a kid, maybe the thought crossed my mind… but that was long before I realized that the only one who gives a shit about me is me.
I thought Erik was different. But apparently not. Ugh, I know he’s different. No amount of convincing would change that fact. But I’m allowed to be pissed at him for this.
“You’re not leaving.” He charges into the room, stalking toward me, but I back away and put my hands out.
Now he’s going to tell me what to do? No. I won’t ever let that happen to me again. “Excuse me?” I move to walk past him so I can get away from him, but he steps over to block me.
“I said you’re not leaving.”
Why the hell would he think I’m leaving? I just need to process all this shit, and I don’t need him around to see me fall apart. “I don’t want to be around you right now.” When it flashes in his eyes, that vulnerability, the insecurity he’s so ashamed to show, I soften my voice. “I’m not leaving, Erik.” I raise my head and my eyelids. “I just need some time alone.”
His head shakes, but he do
esn’t argue.
“I’ve been by myself almost all my life, Erik. I love you, but I really don’t like you right now, and I don’t want to be around you.” I can’t have him up in my space when I’m trying to think and make sense of my damn life. When I’m trying to figure out if I want to see or meet the parents that gave me up when I was born.
He has no clue what it feels like not to feel wanted. To go your entire life never having someone say they love you, never having stability, never feeling safe. He was the first one to offer that to me, and it took me a long time to realize he meant what he said. It’s hard to feel vulnerable with someone.
“You’re not leaving. Do you remember what happened the last time I was stupid enough to let you walk away? I’ll give you your space, I’ll give you time, but I won’t let you walk away, so you can cancel your Uber or your cab or whatever, because you’re not going anywhere.”
I really do love him. And I love that he cares so much about me that he wants me to stay even though I screamed at him like a child. But I don’t know what he’s talking about. “I didn’t call for a ride. You do have this thing called neighbors, ya know? Think that maybe someone else in your neighborhood called for an Uber or a cab or whatever?”
He kind of jerks his head in confusion then his eyes widen. “What?”
“How would I call an Uber, Erik? You don’t have a phone in here, and I don’t have a cell. I came up here to get a little bit of space after the earth-shattering news you just sprung on me. Plus,” I continue, “you proposed to me yesterday, and I saw a completely different side to your life that I had no idea about. Excuse me for being a little… apprehensive and confused. I’m going to take a bath now. Alone.”
I turn on my heel and head to the bathroom as I hear him sigh. I really do want to be alone, so I lock the door behind me and run a bath, pouring some lavender beads in with the hot water.
After taking my clothes off, I slide into the tub and hum at the way I’m immediately more relaxed. The house is so quiet that I can hear a car door slam outside. I expect Erik to come up here, but he doesn’t.
Knowing I really do have the time to think, now that I’ve calmed down, I understand where he’s coming from, and that he looked for them out of a place of love.
The fact that he has connections or whatever to be able to find them is a little insane. Then again finding out about his whole other life is pretty damn crazy, too. But it’s not as if when we met I divulged everything about my past to him, so it’s not fair of me to think he should have told me everything about himself immediately.
I sink below the water and hold my breath, letting the sound of nothingness fill my head, drowning out the confusion and heartache over things I can’t change. The water ripples around me when I surface, and the cool air on my face sends a chill down my spine.
Reluctantly, I get up and out of the tub then dry myself off with a towel. When I get to the bedroom to put my pajamas on, I’m actually surprised that Erik’s not waiting for me, but I am appreciative that he kept his word and is giving me space.
Instead of going down by him, I just shut the light off and get into bed. Exhausted from being overly emotional and traveling, I fall asleep the second my head molds to the memory foam pillow.
* * *
I wake up to the sound of a loud crash and sit up. My eyes adjust to the darkness, and I reach over but find the bed empty. My heart rate steadily climbs, and when the noise sounds again, I hop out of the bed. My legs are a little wobbly, but I manage to make it to the closed door and crack it open. The sound happens again, and I jump.
Not sure what’s going on or if Erik is okay, I slip out of the room into the hallway and tiptoe to the top of the stairs. Standing there with my head tilted as if it’ll help me hear better, I wait. About a minute or so goes by when the crashing noise happens again, and I take advantage of the sound and skip down the stairs two at a time.
Reaching the bottom, I pause and adjust to the brighter light down here. It’s not much—just the glow from the TV in the living room and the stove light. Erik is standing in front of the sink, and just as I’m about to ask what he’s doing, I determine the source of the noise.
He’s tossing bottles into a trash can. I quietly sit on the bottom step and wait. Now that I’m close, I can hear the liquid as he pours it down the drain. He chucks the empty bottle, and I jump at the crashing sound. The number of bottles he still has lined up, waiting to be emptied, is staggering. I thought he’d gotten rid of the liquor but apparently not.
I sit and wait, and when he’s done, he turns and looks right at me, gripping the edge of the sink behind him. Should have known he knew I was here. Can’t get anything by him. He doesn’t say a word and neither do I. But then again, he doesn’t have to. The tension in his shoulders and the way his fingers are wrapped around the edge of the countertop are enough to tell what he’s feeling.
“I thought you already got rid of those.”
“Forgot I had a couple of boxes in the garage.”
“Oh.”
He swallows and clears his throat. “Sorry I woke you up.”
“It’s okay.”
“I’m done. You can go back to bed.” He pushes off the counter and grabs the bag, the muscles in his forearm flex from the weight. Even when I’m mad at him, it’s hard to stay that way because he’s so damn sexy. And because he really cares about me. Even if I’m upset with what he did, there’s no denying that he did it because he cares and wants what’s best for me. Nothing’s sexier than that.
As he walks through the kitchen to the sliding door, I remain seated. The glass crashes once more when I’m assuming he throws the bag in a garbage can. I keep an eye on him as he walks back into the house. He closes the door and instead of coming back in the kitchen, he heads to the living room. I can’t see him anymore, so I wait.
After a few minutes, I get up and go to him. He’s sitting on the couch with his feet flat on the floor and his knees bent. His head is in his hands, but when I stand in front of him, he looks up. Without giving him a choice, I crawl onto his lap and straddle him. He leans back and grabs my hips as I rest my hands on his chest.
“I’m sorry, Polly. I didn’t think. I just saw the opportunity to give you something and jumped on it. This was one thing that I thought—”
“I know. And it’s okay.”
He shakes his head vehemently. “It’s not.”
“It is.”
He tries to interrupt me again, but I put a finger over his mouth. “It is. I know you did it because you love me, and I appreciate that you cared so much. But honestly, Erik. I don’t want to know. I have no desire to see them, to meet them, or to know why they gave me up. I finally have something good.” I slide my hand to cup the side of his scruffy face. “And I don’t care about anything else but you. The past is over; you’re my future. You’re all I need.”
His eyes soften, and he turns his head to kiss my palm. Then he sits up a bit and grabs my left hand, kissing the finger with my engagement ring on it. Reaching up, he pulls me closer and brings my lips to his.
He apologizes with a demanding tenderness, his tongue searching for my forgiveness as he deepens the kiss… reinforces our connection. I grip his biceps and rock into him, my body answering for me. I moan against him and draw in a breath when his forearms, which are resting on the top of my shoulders, press down, and he pushes me against the hardness beneath his clothes.
A sound low in his throat echoes in the living room. His hand leaves my face and trails down, down, down until he reaches the bottom of my tank top. Rough calluses on his fingertips scrape against my skin as they trail up, leaving fire in their wake. The pad of his thumb skates across the underside of my breast then over my hardened nipple.
I grind harder against him, and just as the warmth in my belly begins to ignite, he lifts me off him. My breath is lost when he raises his hips, pulls down his shorts, and his erection swings free and slaps against his belly.
He swi
ngs me back over him, rips my shorts off, and then brings me back so I land right on him. “God.” I pant when he moves me over him and swivels my hips so the head of his dick teases my sensitive clit.
“Ride me, baby.” He reaches between us, and once the target is acquired, thrusts up.
Any fight, any anger or animosity that was between us is just gone. It’s erased when we’re together like this, because there has never been anything like it before. Nothing is better. It’s so beautiful, and it just feels so damn good.
I lift and lower, grind and press until the flickering of the flame bursts and I’m pulled over the edge. He links his arms under my biceps and grabs my shoulders with his hands, rendering me immobile while he uses my body to fuck himself. He pounds into me and grunts as each stroke gets harder. My hair flails around, and our skin slaps together so loudly it sounds like wood splintering.
The power and passion beneath me is too much. “I… Erik, I’m going to come again.”
“Wait for me.”
He doesn’t speed up, and I whine against his neck. “I can’t.”
The desperate words do something to him because holds me tighter than he ever has before and fucks me like he’ll never get to again. When I can’t hold off any longer, I scream out his name, and he roars out mine as we climax together.
* * *
Luckily, I don’t have to get up super early to go to The Lunchbox because after last night, we didn’t go back to bed until about four in the morning. I managed to wake up before Erik, so I slide out of bed and tiptoe into the bathroom. As quietly as I can, I get ready for work, and by the time I’m done, I realize I’m going to be running late.
Leaning over Erik, I go to nudge his shoulder, when he grabs me and throws me on the bed next to him and hovers over me with a silly grin on his face. “Morning.”
“You’re insane.” I laugh, gently pushing him off.
He kisses my forehead, and I roll over and get off the bed. “I was just going to wake you up to tell you I was leaving for work.”