by Amy Vastine
Ruby found some on the counter. She snapped her fingers. “I forgot our drinks.”
“Water’s fine.” Although a glass of something stronger would sure help these nerves. He had other feelings messing with his head—feelings Jesse would tell him to identify and manage. Admitting feelings like the ones he was having could be awfully dangerous.
The kitchen was small but tidy. Boone got the impression that Ruby either loved to clean or hated to cook. Considering the refrigerator was almost empty when she opened it to get the water pitcher, he assumed the latter was true. She filled some glasses and sat down across from him. The smell of green peppers and mushrooms made his mouth water.
“Mary Ellen is probably waiting for you to come back out. Having you here once made her head spin. But twice? It will likely explode if she doesn’t get to the bottom of the relationship.”
“There are so many things I want to do with that information.” Boone could give Mary Ellen several reasons to freak out. Part of him wanted to take Ruby outside and kiss her silly. The other part knew if he did that, he’d want to do it again and again.
If there was one thing Boone knew better than anything else, it was how easily he could become addicted to something, and Ruby had the potential to become more lethal than all the drugs in the world.
Friends. They could be friends. That was safe and made him feel happy when he considered it.
“Please don’t do anything. She’s really not that bad. I think I’m self-conscious. She’s so perfect and I am so far from perfect.”
“What are you talking about?”
“There are people in this world who somehow manage to make life look effortless. I am not one of those people, and Mary Ellen is. That’s probably the real reason she can’t wrap her head around someone like you wanting anything to do with me.”
Boone wanted to laugh. Ruby managed life a whole lot better than he did.
“I don’t blame her, really,” she continued. “When Violet and I moved in, I probably scared more than just Mary Ellen with my madness. The truck I had rented was on its last leg, and I don’t think it had any shocks.”
“Bumpy ride, huh?”
“Yeah, that’s an understatement. I’m kind of surprised it didn’t break down on the way here. On top of that, I was a terrible planner. I had things wrapped in my bath towels and old magazines because I hadn’t thought about anything other than getting boxes. Thanks to those bumps and my shoddy packing, a few things were damaged, and a few curse words might have been shouted loud enough for the neighbors to hear.”
Boone remembered what a fired-up Ruby was like. “Jesse would be disappointed in you for not handling your frustration better.”
“Oh, that’s not the only thing that would have disappointed him. My parenting skills were less than stellar that day, as well. I think Violet set a record for eye rolls, and our shouting matches were epic, as she would say.”
“There are few things more stressful than moving. I’m sure your neighbors understood that.”
“Yeah.” Ruby’s gaze dropped to her plate as she played with a piece of crust. He was reminded of her remark about moving to Seattle. He hadn’t been sure what bothered him more, that she wanted to take Violet far away from her dad or that she wanted to move far away, period.
They ate in awkward silence for a couple of minutes. Boone wanted to kick himself for not knowing what to say to snap her out of this. Luckily Ruby pulled herself out of her head on her own.
“How long do you plan to stay in Grass Lake?”
He raised his eyebrows. “I don’t know. I guess either until I record something for Dean or Grace Note decides to drop me from the label because I can’t write anything.”
“So it could be a month? Six months? A year?” Ruby’s curiosity was curious. Was she asking because she wanted him to leave or stay longer?
“I doubt Dean is going to give me a year or six months. The label needs artists who make records. They’ve been more patient with me than I probably deserve. I give them my excuses and try to convince Dean I’m more important to him than I really am. But I would say I’ve got less than a month to prove to him that I’m still an asset.”
That was the sad reality. Boone was on the verge of being a washed-up has-been. He hated thinking he was replaceable, but there it was. The public had a short attention span. He was fortunate that anyone still cared about him.
“Less than a month,” Ruby repeated. She got up and put her plate next to the sink. She stood with her back to him. “Violet will be sad when you go. She almost likes you better than Jesse, and that’s saying something.”
The pizza in his stomach suddenly felt like a lead weight. Boone had become more attached to Violet than he’d ever imagined he would be. And based on what she admitted today after the training session, she must have felt the same. It really wasn’t surprising that she had tried to set Ruby and Boone up. The kid was obviously looking for someone to step up as her dad.
Boone wasn’t her dad. Couldn’t be her dad. He was already failing miserably at being Emmy’s dad. There was no way he wanted to ruin someone else’s life.
But he was an addict, and addicts wanted what they shouldn’t have. He wanted not only to be part of Violet’s life but to be in Ruby’s, too. He came up behind her and put his hands on her hips.
“I like her, too. I care about you both. I shouldn’t. I’m not good for either one of you, but I can’t stop these feelings.”
Ruby leaned against him. Her eyes were closed as she let her head fall back on his shoulder. “We’re all wrong for each other,” she said.
Boone ghosted his lips down the side of her neck and planted the softest kiss where it met her shoulder. Her mouth fell open and she shifted to face him. Her eyes glowed in the soft light of the kitchen. She felt so right in his arms, he couldn’t convince himself to stop making this mistake.
“So wrong, but you’re so beautiful I can’t help myself,” he whispered before capturing her mouth with his own. He wanted this. He wanted her. It was selfish, something he was so good at being.
Ruby’s hands traveled up his chest and over his shoulders, linking behind his neck. She wasn’t pushing him away or asking him to stop. She pulled him closer, kissed him back deeper.
Kissing Ruby was like putting a Band-Aid over a cut that needed stitches. It couldn’t fix what ailed him, and it was going to hurt like heck when she ripped it off. He pulled back enough to catch his breath. Resting his forehead against hers, he wished the room would stop spinning.
She brought her hands to his face, grounding him and bringing him back to earth. When he dared to open his eyes, hers were there, staring back with a kindness that stole his heart. She kissed the corner of his mouth, a sweet little peck like she was testing his ability to be gentle.
“I wish I was stronger.” Her voice trembled. “You’re a dream I can’t resist but a risk I can’t take.”
Her words broke his heart. If he were a better man, he’d give her the world. Right now, he’d have to settle for giving her the space she deserved. Even though his body felt like it was made of rubber, he stepped back and took her hands from his face.
“I should go. Thank you for dinner. Sorry for...” There were no words to describe what had just happened between them.
“You have nothing to be sorry about,” she assured him.
As much as he wanted to kiss her again, Boone mustered up the courage to do the right thing and walk away.
* * *
BOONE MANAGED TO make it back to the farm without stopping at a liquor store. When he got in the trailer, he nearly tripped over his guitar case.
The Gibson guitar that had been specially made for Boone hadn’t seen the light of day in so long, it might be nothing but dust by now. An ache in his chest made him set the case on the table and unlatch the
buckles.
His hands tingled with anxiety. They wanted to wrap around the neck, slide down the strings, glide along the curves of the body. They shook as he lifted the guitar out of the case. He took it back to the bedroom and switched on the bedside lamp.
She was a pretty guitar. Not that she didn’t have her scars. There were some dings in her body from being on tour after tour. The back of the neck was worn from use. He used to play her all the time. Back when music filled Boone’s soul instead of draining it.
He strummed the strings. She was a little out of tune. It had been a while. But after a few adjustments, she sounded like the pro she was.
She reminded Boone of Ruby. She was a little bruised and battered but still beautiful. She needed someone to care about her, to hold her and bring her to life. Ruby had been so alive when they’d kissed. So had Boone.
Kissing Ruby wasn’t something he was going to forget anytime soon. She made him feel things he had tried so hard to block out. Being numb had become his normal. It was the way he survived each day.
Numb. Comfortably numb.
Ruby’s affection for progressive rock was rubbing off on him. Boone wasn’t the greatest guitarist of all time—he was no David Gilmour—but if he could hear a song in his head, he could make his hands play a rough version of it.
He pulled up a song by Pink Floyd on his phone and listened to it with closed eyes, letting it all sink in. It was one of those songs people knew no matter what kind of music they liked.
The words tugged at something deep inside. When the song ended, Boone picked up his guitar. He strummed a couple of chords. And then he let the music have its way with him. He sang about the pain, he sang about taking a shot to forget the pain, he sang about floating away and he sang about being comfortably numb even though he was anything but.
As the words came, so did the emotion. For the first time in a long time, Boone didn’t hold back or fight it from coming to the surface. He welcomed it with open arms as the tears ran down his face and dripped down his chin, landing on his jeans.
He would be numb no more.
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
RUBY STOOD IN her kitchen, unable to move, unable to process what had happened. Boone had kissed her. It wasn’t a sweep-you-off-your-feet kind of kiss. It wasn’t naive or shared between two people ready to put their hearts on the line. It was full of all the messy things that were sure to make it a mistake. They were both afraid and unwilling to open up too wide because they both knew where that would lead.
It was the most honest kiss she’d ever shared with someone. All wrong, but so right. Two people giving in just enough that they didn’t completely break.
When her legs remembered how to move, she snatched her keys off the table in the hall and went to pick up Violet.
There was a grin on Violet’s face as she got in the car. She thought she was smart, but she was too young really to understand.
“Did you have fun tonight?” she asked, obviously pleased with herself.
“We need to talk.”
“Oh my gosh, Mom. I know I shouldn’t lie. I was trying to do something nice for you guys. You both like each other, but you’re too chicken to ask out someone famous like Boone. And he’s a guy and guys are clueless. Tell me you didn’t have fun.”
Ruby wasn’t sure how to explain this to a thirteen-year-old. “I know you’ve gotten close to Boone at the farm. I know he’s been there for you. And believe me, I appreciate that. I think he’s been wonderful to you.”
Violet immediately jumped to the wrong conclusion. “You blew it. Didn’t you? I swear, if you were mean to him or said something—”
“Vi,” Ruby interrupted. “We had a perfectly fine time. What I want you to understand is that grown-up relationships aren’t easy. And as much as Boone and I might like each other, we aren’t ready to go on dates together, especially surprise dates.”
“What’s the big deal? I know he likes you. You like him. Don’t even lie and tell me you don’t. I thought single moms were supposed to be happy when their kids liked the guy they wanted to date.”
“It’s not that simple, honey. Boone is going to be in Grass Lake for maybe a month. And then what? He’ll go back home to Nashville and we’ll be here.”
“Maybe we should go back to Nashville,” Violet said, taking the conversation in a direction Ruby did not want it to go. “Boone and Dad both live there. It’s perfect.”
“We aren’t going back to Nashville. Do you remember how much trouble you were getting into there? Listen, you know how we talked about visiting Auntie Brit in Seattle?” Violet nodded. “Well, I’ve been thinking about moving us out there. We would be close to family and have a fresh start.”
“How am I going to see Dad if we move to the West Coast? It’s hard enough now.”
Ruby gripped the steering wheel a little tighter. When had this conversation turned into one about Levi? She could feel her control slipping.
“It is hard. It’s always going to be hard because your dad is your dad. He has different priorities than we do. I know you wish he would be more involved. I do, too. But it seems to me that you are doing a lot better the farther we get from him.”
“You want to take me away from Dad?”
“No, honey. I want to take you away from the pain and disappointment. I want you to be happy.”
Violet stared out the window wordlessly. She looked about as happy as a snowman in the rain.
“The point of this conversation is, I don’t want you to get your hopes up that something is going to happen between me and Boone.”
She parked the car in the driveway, and Violet didn’t waste a second. She pushed open the door and climbed out. “Don’t worry, Mom. I get it. You ruin everything. You say you want me to be happy, but you just make me miserable.”
She slammed the door behind her. That went how Ruby should have expected it to go. Didn’t every conversation end with Violet telling her she was failing at this mom thing?
Ruby rested her head on the steering wheel, and the tears came even though she begged them to stop. Violet wanted something she couldn’t have. Ruby understood how hard that was. She wanted things, too. Things she couldn’t have because they wouldn’t last. They wouldn’t be what she needed in the end.
* * *
THE NEXT MORNING, Violet stayed in her room listening to music and probably texting her friends about how much she hated her mom. Ruby sat at the kitchen table with her laptop and tried to make sense of her financial situation.
Violet might think she wanted to stay in Tennessee, but that wasn’t what was best for her. Ruby was her mother, and sometimes she had to make tough decisions for the family.
“Hello?” Holly was right on schedule. Ruby was actually surprised she hadn’t been at the door first thing this morning, fishing for date night details. She hadn’t even heard about Violet ditching them.
“In the kitchen,” Ruby called out.
Holly had Henry on her hip. “Soooo...”
“Soooo, what?”
She took a seat at the table and set Henry on her lap. “Rumor has it that Boone Williams was spotted at Pizza Sam last night with an unidentified redhead. Not a redhead and her teenage daughter, just a redhead.”
“Interesting.” Ruby tickled Henry’s belly, and he quickly hid his face against his mother’s shoulder. She wasn’t sure what she should tell Holly about last night.
“I also heard from June Anderson, who heard from Betsy Clausen, that Mary Ellen claims she saw Boone Williams sitting in his truck in your driveway. He told her he was waiting for you.”
“I didn’t know Mary Ellen was such a gossip.”
“Totally!” Holly went to playgroup every other week to get Henry out of the house. “Those moms are all about everyone else’s business. Where do you think I
get all my good information from?”
“I’d better be careful what I say around you.”
“I am not a gossip!” she protested. “But I will tell you that Mary Ellen told Betsy that he was being very coy about your relationship. She’s sure you two are...” She waggled her eyebrows.
Small towns and their rumor mills. Unbelievable. “Boone and I are not...anything. He got recognized at the restaurant. We had to leave so he could eat in peace. We came here and ate pizza, and he left. I’m sure Mary Ellen saw him leave.”
“I’m sure she did. But I can’t believe he only ate pizza while he was here. There had to be some conversation, maybe a kiss good-night?”
“There was some conversation.” She could at least cop to that.
“No kiss?” Holly looked so disappointed.
“Can we talk about something else?”
Holly narrowed her eyes, obviously thinking about what that meant. Ruby could tell she was suspicious that there had been a kiss but that she wouldn’t admit it. “What would you like to talk about?”
“I need your opinion on my life plan.”
“Well, that’s a little more serious than a kiss, I guess.”
One of the things Ruby missed most about Levi was having someone to make plans with. In the honeymoon phase of their relationship, they had talked about what they wanted and helped each other figure out how to get there. Now Ruby usually had to figure it all out on her own. Getting Holly’s advice was a godsend.
“Given my current income and regular expenses, I should have enough money to hire a lawyer before Thanksgiving. If I can get a court hearing after the holidays, Violet and I would have to spend only this school year in Grass Lake, and she could start high school in Seattle.”
Levi would put up a fight in the beginning, but when it came down to it, he’d miss a court date and the judge would see that giving her full custody and the choice to leave Tennessee was the right thing to do.
“And you really think what you want is far away from here?”
“Violet set me up on a date with Boone last night. She ditched us so we could...I don’t know...fall in love. She thinks that if I got together with Boone, we could move back to Nashville and she’d have Boone and her dad in her life.”