by Amy Vastine
“What?”
“That’s what she told me the day she came home from riding with you.” She chanced a glance his way. His brow was furrowed. “I don’t know what to do. She thinks we can talk to Levi about it after the horse show.”
“You aren’t going to let her go, are you?”
She lowered her voice, worried Violet might overhear. “I think I’m more afraid he’s going to tell her no, and then I’ll be left to pick up the pieces.”
“You think he’ll say no?”
Ruby didn’t think. She knew. Levi had never contested the original custody agreement. He had no problem with Ruby being the residential parent. He was given his visitation and rarely followed through. There was no chance he was going to take on a thirteen-year-old full-time.
“Is dinner ready yet?” Violet shouted from the stairs.
The groceries weren’t even all unpacked. Did she think they would unpack themselves? “Come help,” Ruby called out. She moved closer to Boone. “It hurts that she wants to go, though. I can’t stop thinking about it.”
“It’s not because of you. It’s because of him. You know that, right?”
Ruby didn’t know, but Violet shuffled in, looking none too happy about having to help. She’d have to wait until dinner was over and Violet returned to her room to continue this conversation.
Boone shifted in his seat and grimaced. He gave his shoulder a gentle rub. Ruby might not know how to solve all his problems, but she knew a thing or two about pain relief. She made an ice pack and poured him a glass of lemonade. Placing a couple of ibuprofen in front of him, she handed him the glass.
“Ice will help with the swelling. The pills will hopefully take the edge off.” She could tell he wanted to say they wouldn’t do the job as well as the wine she’d stopped him from buying, but he swallowed the pills anyway.
Violet voted for a taco dinner. Boone said he thought he could manage that one-handed. As long as he didn’t have to cut anything, he was safe.
“Are you still going to come to the horse show?” Violet asked Boone while Ruby cooked.
“Why wouldn’t I? I’m not the one who has to ride.”
“Just making sure. Sometimes people have to change their plans when things like this happen.”
Violet thought that because of Levi’s never-ending list of excuses. He always made it sound completely normal for him to back out of everything. It made Ruby sad that her daughter would always have trust issues, would always assume that people would let her down.
“I heard your dad might be there,” Boone said, and Violet shot Ruby a look. Was she not supposed to mention it?
“He’s going to try. His weekends are usually crazy, and when he doesn’t have a rodeo or competition, he likes to chill out, since he doesn’t get to do that very often.”
“Can I ask you something?” Boone said to Violet. Ruby’s shoulders stiffened. She didn’t want him to ask her about moving in with her dad.
“I guess,” Violet said, equally wary.
“What does your dad do or say that makes you willing to give him another chance?”
“I’m not sure this is a conversation we should be having,” Ruby said, glaring at Boone.
“I’m not asking to make a point,” he clarified. “I’m asking because I have a daughter and she says she’s done with me. I’m wondering what Violet’s dad does that keeps her willing to put up with the stuff he does—or maybe I should say doesn’t do.”
The reasons for his trip to Valu-Save were becoming clear.
“What did you do or not do to make your daughter say she’s done?” Violet asked.
“That might be a little personal, Vi,” Ruby warned. These two sure walked a fine line with each other.
“I’m trying to understand,” Violet said. “I think Boone is nice. Why would his daughter not want anything to do with him?”
“Some things are private, honey.”
“It’s okay, Ruby,” Boone said. “Maybe she should know.”
“So, what did you do?” Violet asked again.
“I have a problem with alcohol. A bad one. I used to drink a lot every day, and when I was drunk, I did dumb things like try to drive a car and get in fights with people.”
“You drove drunk?” Violet was flabbergasted. “Did you do it with your daughter in the car?”
“No, of course not. I usually wasn’t around my family. My job took me away a lot, but when I was home, I was either fighting with her mom or drinking until I passed out.”
“Wow. I can’t picture you like that.” Violet sat down across from him. “But you don’t drink now.”
“Haven’t for a few months. I had to go to this place that helped me stop. Then I had to come here so I could figure out what to do instead of drinking when I was feeling bad.”
“That’s why you talk to Jesse.”
Boone nodded. Violet needed a minute to process what he had shared. Then she asked, “What did she say to you that makes you think she’s done?”
He scratched at the back of his neck and grimaced. “She said she doesn’t want to talk to me and that I should leave her alone.”
“I tell my mom that every day.”
That was true. But Ruby could tell, based on Boone’s reaction to his conversation with Emmy, that she wasn’t simply being a touchy teen. His daughter’s words had cut much deeper.
“I don’t think she meant to leave her alone for a couple of hours. I think she meant for good. It’s the first time she’s talked to me in months, and she told me she’s better off without me.”
Violet propped her chin on her hand. She seemed to be trying to put herself in Boone’s daughter’s shoes. “Did you ever say sorry?”
“Did I say sorry for what?”
“For everything you did. You were a pretty bad dad. Really bad.”
Ruby couldn’t believe how blunt Violet was with him and how Boone didn’t even flinch at her assessment. When had they gotten this comfortable with each other?
“I was a terrible dad. But I don’t want to be anymore.”
“Tell her that and say you’re sorry. But you’d better mean it and never drink again.”
The tips of Boone’s ears turned red. He had almost failed tonight. He would have gotten drunk enough to do something stupid if Ruby hadn’t caught him in time.
“I’m trying.”
“I saw Mom give the lady at the grocery store that bottle. It reminded me of a lighter I didn’t need but thought I wanted.” Violet got up from the table. “Try harder.”
CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
VIOLET WAS WISE beyond her years. Boone had never met anyone like her. Or like her mother, who had literally saved his life tonight. He wasn’t sure how he had gotten lucky enough to have these two in his life. Someone up above must have been looking out for him.
After processing everything with his thirteen-year-old therapist and eating dinner, they played some friendly card games until Violet lost two in a row.
“You two are cheating. You can’t team up against me so Mom can win every time.”
“Seriously?” Ruby said with a laugh. “You lost. No one cheated.”
“I cheated, but I was trying to beat your mom, not you,” Boone admitted.
Violet snatched the cards from his hand and pulled the pile together to shuffle. “See? I knew it.”
“Cheaters always know who’s cheating,” Boone said to Ruby.
“I don’t cheat,” Violet said as she dealt a new game.
“Well, you don’t cheat well. That’s for sure,” Boone teased.
Violet rolled her eyes and huffed. “I’m going to beat you so bad this game.”
And she did.
“No fair.” Boone tossed his cards down. “I totally cheated a
nd you still beat me.”
Violet and Ruby both laughed, and it was like medicine for his soul. They had no idea how much they were changing this day for him. But when things were good, when he was surrounded by people, it made the bad times and the loneliness that always came later that much more unbearable.
Boone needed to call Jesse. He needed to talk through some of the things that Violet got him thinking about and his fear of never having a family again. Because that possibility was beginning to sink in. As he sat in Ruby’s kitchen playing cards, he realized what Emmy’s rejection meant. It was the end of his family.
“I’m going to excuse myself and go make a phone call. You ladies feel free to play without me for a couple hands.”
Ruby winked, and Violet carried on sarcastically about how it wouldn’t be the same without him.
In the quiet, dimly lit family room, Boone sat down on the overstuffed couch. A framed picture of Violet as a toddler sat on an end table. She had hair the same color as her mother’s. He wondered why she would ever dye such a beautiful color black.
He pulled up Jesse’s number on his phone.
“Boone?”
“Any chance you’ve got some time to talk to an alcoholic who almost bought the entire wine selection at Valu-Save tonight?”
Jesse didn’t hesitate. “When do you want me to come over?”
* * *
“ARE YOU SURE you want to go back to the farm? We have a spare bedroom,” Ruby offered for a second time during their goodbye.
“I should go. Jesse’s meeting me in half an hour.”
“Jesse could come here,” she suggested.
“Ruby,” he said in a desperate sigh.
Violet had gone upstairs, and the temptation to kiss Ruby all night long instead of going back to the farm was strong. She must have been feeling the same way. She took his hand in both of hers and lifted it to her lips. She pressed a gentle kiss on his knuckles.
“I’m worried about you. I’d feel better if you stayed here and let me take care of you and your hurt shoulder.”
“It feels better, thanks to you,” he tried to reassure her.
“If you leave, I’m going to be up all night worrying. If you stay, I’ll know you’re safe. I’ll be able to get some sleep.”
Her concern was touching, and he hated the thought of her up all night worrying about him. Staying here was tempting. Relying on her care was, too, but Boone needed to prove to himself that he could do this on his own. Ruby wouldn’t always be there to save the day.
“I promise I won’t do anything stupid. I’ll keep Jesse there until I’m sure I’m okay.”
She rested their hands against her chest. He could feel her heart beating. Did she have any idea what she did to his heart?
“I’m sorry it hurt so much to hear Emmy say those things to you. You know I understand better than anyone what it’s like to be pushed away.”
Her empathy was appreciated but misplaced. She was missing the bigger picture, the reason why he was trying not to fall for her. “But you and I are not the same.”
“I know,” she said, dropping his hand. “I’m not saying I understand everything you’re going through, but I do know what it’s like to love your kid and not always feel like she loves you back.”
She didn’t see what to Boone was so clear. They both might have felt rejected, but only one of them deserved it.
“No, I mean I’m not like you. In my family, I’m Levi. I have no idea why you even open your door to me.”
“What are you talking about?”
“If you were my ex-wife, you would hate me and have every reason to do so. I’ve spent so much time convincing myself Sara’s the bad guy in our relationship, I never thought about what I have really put her through. You and Violet have forced me to see the other side. Sara has been battling with me like you’ve been doing with Levi.”
“You and Levi aren’t the same.”
“Aren’t we? I’ve let my daughter down more times than I can count. I’ve put my career and my problems in front of her since she was born. I’m worse than Levi. At least he’s apologized for not being around.”
“More like given Violet thin excuses, Boone.”
“I’ve never apologized. I blamed Sara. I blamed my drinking problem. I blamed everyone and everything except myself. I’m the bad guy.”
Ruby’s eyes welled with tears. “You’re not a bad guy.”
He cupped her cheek and wiped her tears with his thumb. “Thank you for thinking that.”
Maybe someday he wouldn’t be. It was time to change. To be the person he should be.
Boone stopped before opening the front door. “I hope you know that your amazingly honest and thoughtful daughter didn’t get that way on her own. You taught her to be that way, Ruby. You should be proud.”
* * *
JESSE WAS WAITING for him outside the Airstream. The concern on his face was greater now than when Boone had been thrown off the horse. Jesse knew all about addicts. He knew there was reason to be concerned.
They went inside and talked about what triggered today’s episode. Boone told him everything from the issues with the song to the call to Emmy. He even shared Violet’s insights.
“Making amends. Step nine. Are you sure you’re ready for that?” Jesse asked. “There are quite a few steps to tackle first.”
“I think I need a refresher on all twelve.” Boone had only halfheartedly participated in AA—in any treatment, really. He had wrongly believed that the only thing he needed to do was not drink. He hadn’t realized there was so much more to being sober.
“Making amends requires showing a lot of humility,” Jesse said. “It’s very much out of your comfort zone. But I think you can do it.”
Being humble was one of Boone’s biggest weaknesses and therefore the one he should tackle first. He had to do something.
Even after everything that had happened today, Boone said, “I think so, too.”
Jesse had Boone make a verbal commitment to pick up the phone first the next time he was tempted and call Jesse. That was an easy promise to make. Boone never wanted to forget the shame he’d felt when Ruby spotted him with the bottle in his hand.
It was almost midnight when Jesse left. Boone felt like some of the weight he had been carrying had lifted. Funny that people called an addiction a monkey on someone’s back, because Boone thought he could handle a monkey. He was lugging around a gorilla most days.
His guitar sat on his bed and called to him. Maybe music could put to rest the heavy thoughts filling his head. His shoulder had begun to ache again, but not enough to stop him from taking off the sling so he could pick up that old Gibson.
The farm was usually so full of life during the day. There were always people around. Faith had an army of volunteers who helped keep the place running. Clients came and went. The horses whinnied and nickered. But at night, it was so serene. The whole place went into a sleepy silence.
Boone strummed the guitar. The sound filled the empty space around him. If there ever was a night he needed the music, this was it. He didn’t have a plan or a song on his mind. He let the music decide.
While he played, he thought about Emmy. He thought about how she must have felt when she needed him and he wasn’t there. He pictured her on her bed, crying herself to sleep when she missed him. He thought about how much it must have bugged her to hear him talk about going to Violet’s horse show when he hadn’t attended one of hers in over a year.
He played and he thought until the words came. That night, Boone wrote a song. One about knowing it might be too late to say sorry but saying it anyway. He would be sorry for the rest of his days. It was also a song about making a promise. A promise to do better. To prove his sorry wasn’t only a word. Words were nothing without actions.
&
nbsp; That night, Boone wrote a song. A song he only wanted one person to hear, and he’d make sure she did.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
THE FOLLOWING SATURDAY was the horse show. Ruby’s nerves had nothing to do with how Violet would handle the competition. She was more worried that Levi wouldn’t show up. If he did, by some miracle, make it, then she had to worry about what he’d say when Violet asked him if she could live with him.
Everything seemed headed in a disastrous direction. How would she ever steer them back on course?
“Dad says he’s going to meet us by the practice ring,” Violet said as she typed something into her phone.
Wary of Levi’s promises, Ruby asked her, “Did he say that today or before?”
“Just now. He said he’s already there. The venue was closer to him than he thought.”
Ruby was rendered speechless. Levi was not only coming but was already there? That never happened. He was perpetually late. It was his most reliable trait after being unreliable.
She tried to focus on the road and Helping Hooves’s truck and trailer ahead of them. It wasn’t easy to ignore the creeping sense of dread, however.
“We should probably wait to talk to Dad about your living situation until after the show,” Ruby suggested. She was in heartbreak preparation mode. She needed all the time she could get. “I don’t want to start a big discussion right before you get on a horse.”
“Whatever,” Violet said, still staring at her phone.
“And I want you to remember that no matter what we decide today, Dad and I love you and only want what’s best for you.”
“I know, Mom.”
“And there are a lot of things we have to work out before anything would be final.”
“I know, Mom. Do you see any of my bags in the car? It’s not like I thought I was going home with Dad after the show.”
Ruby took a deep breath. She needed all her patience to get through today.
Once they made it to the exhibition center, Ruby prayed she wouldn’t throw up. This show was much bigger than the last one. There were so many people, she wondered how they’d even find Levi if he really was here.