Gareth lived here before he became a Guardian, and they never reassigned the apartment. Kay made sure of that, so they could have somewhere to meet, away from the Rumble Room, away from the other Guardians who were more loyal to Dr. Reynolds and his crony Marcus. Dr. Reynolds has no idea I’m here in New Hope. For all he knows, I’m dead by order of Doc or killed during the Florae outbreak.
Though I’ve been instructed to stay away from the window, I can’t help myself—I creep up to it and pull back the curtains, peeking my head only slightly over the windowsill to survey the area. New Hope seems shockingly peaceful compared to Fort Black. We’re not near the center of activity, at the Quad or labs, but a lot of people still walk below, kids in color-coded jumpsuits, researchers in lab coats, and normal citizens whose apparel is what anyone would wear Before. A girl in a yellow jumpsuit catches my eye and for a moment I think I see Baby. The Baby who was so excited to wear yellow and was actually happy here when we first arrived. I pull the curtain closed and shake off my nostalgia, reminding myself that New Hope is not our home.
I pace the small room, my frustration starting to get the better of me. I haven’t been able to see Baby, much less figure out a plan to rescue her, and Rice hasn’t been able to get away long enough to come see me.
Rice.
Usually the thought of him calms me, but now, for some reason, the idea of seeing him agitates me further. Actually, I know the reason—Jacks. What if Jacks had been able to leave Fort Black? Would he be here with me now, cooped up in this tiny apartment? He would understand my agitation, my need to do something other than wait.
I think of our last moments together, Jacks covered in Tank’s blood. Is he still the Jacks I knew? He defeated Tank and then had to turn around and kill his own father. I hope he knows it was a necessity. I hope he’s safe.
I collapse onto the bed.
I want to fight, but all I can do is wait.
UNCORRECTED E-PROOF—NOT FOR SALE
HarperCollins Publishers
..................................................................
CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR
When Gareth finally comes in, I practically pounce on him.
“Any news?”
“No, honey, nothing has changed since yesterday.” He pulls a sandwich from his backpack and hands it to me. He’s wearing a T-shirt and jeans, his off-duty clothes. It means he may be able to keep me company for a while.
Sure enough, he turns the TV on to the cartoon channel and lounges on the bed. Uneasy, I sit next to him and nibble on my sandwich. It’s impossible to relax when I know Baby’s so close.
“Amy,” Gareth says without looking my way, “I can probably get you some regular clothes.” It’s not the first time he’s offered. He thinks I should change out of my synth-suit, but I’m hesitant to remove it. I even showered in it, though wearing it almost eliminates the need for showering. When I stepped out of the shower, the suit was dry within a few minutes. I know, it seems like I’m being overly cautious, but the outbreak at Fort Black just proved that I could need the suit at any time. It also feels right to wear it, a layer between myself and the world. It makes me feel safe.
“I’m fine,” I tell him, though that’s far from the truth. The silly cartoons on TV are starting to irritate me. “This is bullshit,” I say. “Why don’t they talk about the situation at Fort Black? Send a convoy to search for survivors?”
Like Jacks, I want to say. But I can’t push the words past my lips.
Gareth eyes me. “Dr. Reynolds doesn’t care about the people there.”
“What about Ken’s lab? His research?”
“They’ll probably send us back out to gather what we can.”
“When? After they think everyone will be dead or changed?”
Gareth just shrugs.
My sandwich has turned to cardboard in my mouth, and I place it on the counter. I can’t stop thinking about Jacks.
“And what about Brenna? Have you heard anything?”
Gareth shakes his head. When they landed in New Hope, Ken whisked Brenna away to the labs and disappeared along with her. Neither Gareth nor Kay have the clearance to access information about their whereabouts.
“This is killing me,” I say, growling. “I need to do something.”
“There’s nothing you can do.” He sits up and rubs his face. “There’s nothing any of us can do right now. We just have to wait for an opportunity.”
Gareth’s impassivity galls me, but then I think about all he’s done for me, and I can’t help but feel grateful. If he knew a way to help me, he would. He saved my ass when Dr. Reynolds found me coming out of the Rumble Room. He helped Kay break me out of the Ward. He was even there when Fort Black was imploding, piloting the hover-copter that carried us away.
A question comes to me.
“Were you with Kay when she picked me and Baby up on the lakeshore?”
“Yeah, I was flying the hover-copter.” He grins. “I have never seen Kay as pissed as she was after you shot her.”
“I’ve always wondered why you guys used the Florae net on us. Why didn’t you just land and ask us to come with you?” I learned standard procedure in my Guardian training, and scooping up post-aps like fish wasn’t part of it.
“There was a group of Floraes nearby. We thought it was too risky to take the chance of making noise while we explained ourselves to you. Kay said it was better to grab you and apologize later.”
“Kay apologize? Yeah, right.”
Gareth huffs a knowing laugh.
“I bet you guys wish you left us to the Floraes.”
Gareth shakes his head. “And miss all the excitement? No way. You sure do know how to get yourself into trouble, though.”
“And out of it,” I say in my defense.
Gareth just smirks. “But mostly in.”
“Hey, I did help the Guardians when Floraes were let into New Hope. I took care of myself then.”
“Yeah, that’s true.” The smile fades from his face. “Seriously, Amy. I admire you. I don’t know if I could survive the things you’ve survived.”
I wonder which parts he means. The After? The Ward? Finding out my mother kick-started the apocalypse?
Before I can ask him, there’s a loud knock at the door. Gareth and I look at each other, then he jumps up and peers through the peephole. When he sees who it is, he cracks the door enough for Kay to step through. She’s wearing her synth-suit, meaning she’s either on duty or in training. She’ll have only a few moments.
“Amy,” she says, walking to me, “you have to see this.” She takes a tiny thumb drive out of one of her pockets and hands it to me.
“What is it?”
“Footage of Baby. Ken got it to me.”
“Is she okay?”
“She’s alive.” Kay backs away toward the door. “I have to go before I’m missed. I’ll come back later, sunshine, so we can talk.” She looks at Gareth. “Make sure she’s okay after she watches that.” He nods and Kay disappears through the door.
Gareth goes to a drawer, pulls out a laptop, and turns it on. Numb with anxiety, I hand him the thumb drive and he plugs it in.
I don’t know what I expected, but when Baby’s face pops up on the screen, I let out a long, relieved sigh. She is alive, or was this morning when the video was taken, according to the time stamp at the bottom.
But the relief stops there. Baby is so pale that at first I think the recording is in black-and-white. Then I see she’s wearing her bright-yellow jumpsuit. Swimming in it, would be more accurate. Her face is gaunt and her eyes are shadowed, giving them a sunken look. She twirls a hair around her finger then plucks it from her head. I flinch as though the hair had been attached to my own scalp. She did the same thing when we were in the After, right after we lost our home and before we came to New Hope.
Someone off camera says, “Hannah,” and Baby looks up blankly.
“Yes?” she asks hesitantly. It’s so strange to hear her voice
after our years of silence together. I didn’t even know she could speak until Rice revealed that he knew her true name, shocking her into repeating it. That was just moments before I was taken to the Ward. After that I was allowed to see her only while I was heavily drugged.
“Hannah, we’re going to ask you a few, simple questions.” My chest constricts. I recognize the voice now. It’s Dr. Thorpe, my Ward psychiatrist.
“What’s your full name?” Dr. Thorpe asks.
“Hannah O’Brian,” Baby replies softly.
“Have you ever gone by any other name?”
Baby looks off-camera, confused, and shakes her head.
“How old are you?”
“Six.” Baby tugs at another strand of her dull blonde hair then yanks it out.
“And where do you live?”
“New Hope.”
“And do you have any family in New Hope?”
Baby looks at this camera this time. “New Hope is my family.”
“Yes,” Dr. Thorpe’s voice prompts. “But any family members living in New Hope?”
Baby scrunches her face. “No . . . my family is gone. I have no one.”
I take a step back and sit on the bed, utterly deflated. I feel the pieces of my heart shattering in my chest.
Gareth pauses the recording. “You okay?”
“Yeah,” I lie, then swallow. “What are they doing to her?”
“I think . . . with all she’s been through, Baby is weak. She’s not thinking straight. They’re letting her forget the truth and filling her head with lies. They’re trying to change her history.”
“Brainwash her?” I ask. “When I was in the Ward, Dr. Reynolds once threatened to tell her I had died.”
Gareth sits next to me and puts his arm around me, resting his head next to mine. “Amy, I’m sorry, honey. I think they’re going a step further than that. They’re trying to convince her that you never existed.”
I close my eyes for a few moments, and we sit in silence. “Let’s watch the rest,” I tell him, opening my eyes.
“Are you sure you’re up for that?”
“I have to see what they’re doing to her.”
He pushes play and I listen while Dr. Thorpe asks Baby more questions, planting the seeds of lies in her head. I watch as Dr. Thorpe tries to unmake me.
UNCORRECTED E-PROOF—NOT FOR SALE
HarperCollins Publishers
..................................................................
CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE
Hours later, when Gareth has gone, there is a knock at the door. I assume it’s Kay, but I look through the door peephole just to be sure. When I see who it is, I fumble with the lock and yank the door open with shaking hands.
“Rice,” I whisper, not really knowing what else to say.
“Amy,” he says breathlessly, the expression on his face caught between worry and joy.
A moment passes, and I realize he’s standing there, waiting for me to let him in.
“Come in,” I murmur, stepping back and motioning him inside and out of sight. When he’s closed the door behind him, he just stands there with that same weird look, adjusting and readjusting his glasses.
“Amy, I’m so sorry I couldn’t come sooner. I’ve been—” He stops and stares at me. “I couldn’t get away. And also, I’ve been scared to come.”
“Scared?” I ask in soft voice.
“Yes. I missed you so much. . . . It really freaked me out. When you left, I didn’t know if I’d ever see you again. So it took me a little while to find the courage to get over here.”
I don’t know what to say. These past months I’ve thought about Rice, about the moment I would see him again. Now he’s here, and it doesn’t feel real.
“Does that make sense?” he asks softly.
“I’ve . . . I’ve been waiting here. Not knowing anything. And you were too scared to come?” Did he think telling me that would make me feel better?
“I know, I’m so sorry. Please, Amy. Can you forgive me?”
Instead of answering, I take a step forward and tentatively reach out to him. Before I know what I’m doing, I wrap my arms around him. He’s thinner than I remember. I can feel his ribs. Everything I missed about him comes racing back—his solid reasoning, his quiet nature, the way he always makes me feel safe. I always feel right when I’m with Rice.
He runs his hands softly through my short hair and, taking my face in his grasp, he brushes his lips against mine—tentatively at first, then pressing more firmly.
He’s kissing me. And suddenly things no longer feel right—they feel horribly wrong. I break off our kiss abruptly and back away from him.
“I’m sorry, Amy.” He looks confused and under that, exhausted. “I just can’t believe you’re here,” he says.
“You must have known I’d come back.”
“Yes, of course you would.” He looks at the floor. “Baby’s here.”
“Yeah, Baby and . . .” I trail off, embarrassed. I’d thought about him so much, but what was truly between us? He helped me and promised to help Baby.
Baby.
I move away from him to peek out the window. No one’s out there.
“Rice, I saw a video of Baby. Kay brought it to me. It was awful. What are they doing to her?”
“I haven’t been able to get her away from Dr. Reynolds,” he says, pulling me from the window to sit on the sofa.
“Well, you have to try harder,” I tell him. Frustratingly, tears are starting to well up. I wipe them away angrily with my synth-suit-covered hands.
“I’ve tried, Amy,” he says gently. “It’s not a simple thing.”
I look at Rice in his lab coat and glasses. He’s so different from Jacks. It took some convincing, but once Jacks was on my side, he was there. He wouldn’t hesitate to help me break Baby out. He wouldn’t think about it.
I take a breath, collecting myself. Jacks isn’t here. For all I know, he’s dead.
“Have you been working with Dr. Reynolds, testing Baby’s blood?”
Rice seems again confused by my cold tone. “Yes, of course. It’s my job, and it lets me keep an eye on her.”
“Right. So you can watch them hurt her. Watch them brainwash her. How could you let this happen?”
“Amy—”
“You promised to protect her.” I’m taking out my frustrations on him, but I can’t stop myself. “If they needed a test subject, you should have volunteered yourself.”
Rice looks at the floor, his face pinched. He’s gripping one hand with another, but they’re both shaking.
“Dr. Reynolds doesn’t know, does he?” I ask him. “He has no idea that you took the original vaccine, too. Were you part of the original experiment? Were you a test subject?”
He sighs and shakes his head. “After my parents died, Dr. Reynolds took me in. He kept me out of the foster care system, out of the group homes. I . . . I helped him with his experiments, but only because I didn’t know what kind of a man he really was.”
I flinch away from him, horrified by his admission.
“Amy, he was like a father to me,” he tells me, desperately wanting me to understand. “When the original infection broke out, I was scared, and I injected myself with the vaccine. Reynolds never knew. Before you, the only person to know was Katie . . . the girl I told you about. The one who died setting up the emitters with me.” He looks up at me, his eyes haunted. “I would’ve told him if I thought it would make a difference. Just because I injected myself with the original vaccine doesn’t mean that I’m immune. Do you know how many times we’ve tested it since then? How many people we’ve sacrificed?”
“Rice, I really think there was something about that original batch that was different. Something that got into the mixture or wasn’t accounted for.”
“It was created in a lab, Amy, not some guy’s basement. We’ve replicated it thoroughly. We’ve modified the original, and still nothing. I’ve tested my own blood, and I can’t s
ee anything in it that would suggest I’d be immune. Should I let myself get infected on the off chance that it will work, like it did for Baby? If I were gone, who would help her?” he asks quietly. “And besides, I don’t even know if Dr. Reynolds would let me take her place. He’s been training me since I was a child. He’s invested too much time and effort to let me go. He sees me as an asset,” he hisses, as if he hates the word. As if he hates himself. “He’d make me continue to test her and probably test myself as well.”
I feel my anger dissipating, like air leaking slowly out of a balloon. I’m left feeling guilty and ashamed of questioning Rice’s motives. Rice’s eyes are filled with hurt.
I reach out and take his hand. “I’m sorry,” I say quietly. “I know you’ve done everything you can.”
“Maybe,” Rice replies after a few moments. “Maybe I could speak with your mother, tell her you’re here.”
“No.” I shake my head slowly. “She can’t be trusted. She sold me out to Dr. Reynolds, left me to rot in the Ward.” Even as I say it, I know it’s not as straightforward as that. My mother also told Kay where I was, and tried to protect me from Dr. Reynolds for as long as she could. “It’s better if she doesn’t know.”
“What about Dr. Samuels?” I ask. “He got you a message when I was in the Ward. He gave Kay Dr. Reynolds’s key card to break me out.”
“I don’t know, Amy. I don’t even know if I can approach him without being found out. Everyone is so afraid of being put in the Ward or simply getting expelled. Dr. Reynolds went overboard after your escape, questioning everyone’s loyalty.”
“But not yours?”
“No. He thinks of me like a son.” His voice is full of bitterness. “More like his trained monkey.”
“Rice? What happened? What made you start to doubt him, and then . . . help me?” I almost said betray him instead of help me. “Was it Marcus hauling me away to the Ward?”
“That was part of it, but before that I found something. . . .” He stops himself, rubbing his hands, hard, over his face. “I found evidence that Dr. Reynolds . . . had my parents killed so he could adopt me. So he could use my brain in whatever twisted way he saw fit.”
In the End Page 21