Giddy waited for the carriage in silence. When the driver pulled up alongside them, Gideon handed her into the coach. He seated himself next to her, not across from her, as though he hoped to guard her.
She didn’t need or want his help. The anger burned hot in her chest, searing away her numbness and fear from her near-death experience. In fact, the longer she thought of it, the more a doubt niggled in her brain that it had been due to the traitor at all. Perhaps it had only been an accident, a loose brick falling at that unfortunate moment. Neither she nor Gideon had seen anything to suggest otherwise.
And yet, rather than lessening after the adrenaline of the moment wore off, Giddy’s protectiveness only increased. When he tried to carry her out of the coach, her patience snapped. She pushed him away and jumped out herself.
The moment he followed her into the open air, she rounded on him. “Stop it! I am capable of walking up a flight of steps on my own.”
He shoved his free hand into the pocket of his greatcoat as he scowled. “Forgive me for trying to be a gentleman.”
When they’d first met, he’d tried the same thing. His manners were bred into him due to his status as the son of a duke. Alone, she could forget that, but every now and again something happened to remind her that she was a penniless peddler to his peer. He was growing too attached to her. Worse, a traitorous part of her wanted him to. She basked in the attention, even when he maddened her by trying to protect her.
But she couldn’t get used to it. She couldn’t rely on him.
She gathered her skirts in her fists. “I already told you that I’m not a bacon-brained debutante to be coddled. Get it through your thick skull.”
The hurt that flashed across his face cut her to the core. She turned on her heel, searching for the burn of anger in her chest once more but it had died to the barest wisp. The emotion that remained was raw and hollow.
Yanking the door open, she left him and the lantern affixed to the coach. Her heels slapped against the marble floor of the antechamber. A slightly bobbing light led her toward the hallway. Without pausing, she turned the corner and nearly ran into Mr. Catterson.
His eyes widened. He held the candle and tray of biscuits in his hands higher, to avoid jostling her with them. “Felicia? I didn’t expect you to return so soon. Is Giddy with you?”
“No,” she snapped, then softened upon seeing the startled look on his face.
“But I thought you and he—”
“Never mind about that.” Felicia didn’t what to hear what Catty thought about her and Gideon. She didn’t need or want Gideon Gralocke and the sooner she made that crystal clear to everyone, the better. Best to stick to business. She stepped closer and lowered her voice. “How is the trap progressing?”
“Not very well.”
She noticed for the first time that Catt was a handsome man. His complexion and hair a lighter color than Gideon’s, his shoulders not quite as broad, and although he towered over Felicia he wasn’t quite the giant Giddy was. But even in close quarters with a handsome man, her thoughts were only of Gideon. Even though she stood a hairs breadth away from Catt, there was no flutter in her stomach, no coiling of desire.
Gideon stepped around the corner his brow furrowing at finding Felicia and Catt practically nose to nose. The narrowing of his eyes and the way they flicked from Felicia to Catt told her he’d misread the situation.
The air in the room turned tight with hostility and tension. Catt gave his friend a helpless look, sliding away from Felicia.
All hints of his concern for her had fled, replaced by a hard expression that made her stomach shrivel to the size of a raisin. “Forgive me for mistaking you for a gentlewoman,” he said, his voice so soft that she barely caught the words.
Then he turned on his heel, Catt following and leaving Felicia doused in darkness. She clenched her fists to ward away the tremble in her limbs. The words had stung, but she didn’t make an attempt to correct his assumption. This was the perfect thing to ward off Gideon’s affections and that was exactly what she wanted, wasn’t it?
Better to let Gideon think he’d stumbled upon something he hadn’t. There was no way Gideon could have tender feelings for her after this.
24
Giddy couldn’t do it. He couldn’t spend another second trapped inside this cramped wagon with Felicia. He could see her, smell her, brush against her without recalling in vivid detail the scene he’d interrupted in the corridor. Damn it all, he’d thought he and Felicia had something special.
Clearly, he’d been wrong.
When she brushed against him yet again—inevitable in the meager space—he shoved away from the counter and the brugmansia plant he was trying to carefully prune. With his help and the use of the distillery boiler, the wagon had warmed to the proper heat and humidity to sustain the plant and coax it to thrive. He lunged for his jacket strewn across the cot. With his shirtsleeves pushed up to his elbows, the bare skin of his forearm brushed against Felicia’s rump. The contact burned. A shiver rippled through him, desire hot on its heels. Even that died quickly when he recalled that he wasn’t the man she wanted.
His best friend was. Lud, how had he been so stupid? She’d been flirting with Catt in the orangery in front of his eyes. He should have known. He should never have kissed her. Heaven help him, but he should never have fallen in love with her.
He shrugged on his coat as he crossed the two steps to the wagon door. Never mind that they still had no idea who the traitor was. Never mind that the fact that said traitor was trying to sabotage their work made it even more urgent that they perfect the serum as soon as possible. He needed to get out. To get away from Felicia. Now.
“Where are you going?”
He answered Felicia with a terse word, like he had all day. “Out.”
Chubs whined, lifting his head off his paws from where he curled up in the corner. As Giddy opened the door, the mastiff shot to his feet. Not wanting to have any excuse to stay near Felicia, Gideon squeezed through the door and shut it. Finally, he could stretch to his full height again. His shoulders ached.
No more than his chest, for an entirely different reason.
Shoving his hands into the pockets of his jacket, he strode for the manor. “You don’t need her.”
He didn’t want to begin to examine the veracity of that statement.
He’d been unlucky in love before, albeit not often. Most of the time, women chased him because he was the son of a duke. Not Felicia, of course. He couldn’t imagine her chasing any man. She didn’t have to—they all came to her.
Don’t think of her. Easier said than done.
Reaching the door of the abbey, he yanked it open and strode inside. The door clanged shut behind him, encouraged by the wind. It was marginally warmer inside the antechamber. The wind no longer cut through his jacket and into his bones. But the chill lingered. He marched toward the hall in search of a room with a lit hearth.
The problem with women setting their cap for him due to his parentage was that they were easy to walk away from. They didn’t truly see him. Even those who appreciated his intelligence and wit never truly knew him. Nor did he get close enough to know them. But working with Felicia, it had been unavoidable. He knew her every psychological tic—what it meant when she bit her lip or how to decipher her myriad smiles. And, given the way they worked together, she read him the same way.
And she’d chosen someone else. Not just anyone, his best friend. How was he supposed to stand aside and offer his blessing? He couldn’t. It would kill him to watch another man bring her happiness.
He gritted his teeth as he stepped into one of the parlors, empty for the moment. He dropped into the chair closest to the fire and stared into the flame, hoping that it would devour his thoughts and leave him without the sick feeling twisting him.
He didn’t know how long he sat there, alone.
“Giddy? What’s going on between you and Felicia? Did you have a row again?”
He jolted
upright at the sound of his mother’s voice. Before he got his feet under him to stand, she sat in the settee next to him and laid her had on his knee. Her touch was light and her gray eyes dark with concern.
If anything, her pity made him feel worse. He averted his gaze. “There is nothing going on between Felicia and I. I don’t know why she ever led you to believe there was.” His voice was thick with bitterness, but he couldn’t hold it back. Why had she, for a second, pretended to be interested in him when she nurtured feelings for another man? Or did she have feelings at all? Perhaps she only craved the passion and excitement of a man’s touch.
I could have given that to her.
He hated the small voice in his head today advocating for her. He was a gentleman, whether or not she appreciated it. He would offer her nothing less than marriage.
He’d never considered proposing to a woman before now.
“Giddy, a blind man could see there is something between you. She is such a sweet young woman, and she obviously likes you.”
He let out a hollow, mirthless laugh. “I don’t think that’s true, Mother.”
His mother retracted her arm. When he turned to look at her, he found her with her Duchess face on, stiff-backed and regal. “Then she fooled me.”
“She fooled us both,” he whispered under his breath. He didn’t think she heard.
“What did you do to anger her this time? Perhaps we can still fix it.”
He heaved a sigh. “I wish I knew, Mother.”
When she opened her mouth, he reached out to clasp her hand. He knew she meant well, but he couldn’t stomach this line of inquiry. If he and Felicia had ever had potential, it was gone now. The only course of action was to complete their mission so they could part ways.
“Please, Mother. There’s nothing to be done. I have to get back to work.” As painful as it would be to remain near her. He had to put his feelings aside, for the greater good.
At least, once she was gone, he could begin to heal.
Chubs whined, scratching on the door to be let outside. Felicia’s heart pummeled her rib cage. She rubbed the ache in her chest.
In the wake of Giddy’s departure, the air churned with the ghost of hostility between them. Felicia tried to tell herself that it was what she’d set out to accomplish, but it didn’t make her feel better. She’d made a mistake.
With a sigh, she trudged toward the door and let Chubs out into the frigid open air. It helped to douse her self-pity, at least. Chubs shot off like a racehorse to find a good spot on the lawn to void his bladder.
Unfortunately, Felicia didn’t have the luxury to wander far. She had to monitor the distillery to ensure that the wagon remained at the correct temperature. The weather had plummeted over the past couple days, leaving a distinct winter-like chill in the air despite the fact that it was only October. No matter what, she couldn’t allow their one remaining plant to succumb to the elements. If she did, she would be stuck here with Gideon for months.
Dropping down on the steps of the wagon, she leaned her head into her hands.
She was a strong woman, capable of taking care of herself. She didn’t need any man.
Unfortunately, it wasn’t ‘any’ man that she was thinking about. It was Gideon. Giddy was… different.
Lucy’s sharp tone pierced the air. “You’re making a mistake.”
A watery feeling swept through Felicia. She battled it down as she lifted her head. Be calm. Be neutral. She managed it time and again while facing difficult customers. Why couldn’t she maintain equilibrium now?
Propping her hands on her hips, Lucy said, “Gideon is the best man you’ll ever meet, and you know it.”
What did she know? Felicia was afraid to ask and find out. Had Gideon and Catt bandied her deplorable actions around Tenwick Abbey? She wrapped her arms around her middle, suddenly sick to her stomach.
“Apologize,” Lucy demanded.
Felicia shook her head. “It wouldn’t help.” Why had driving him away seemed like such a good idea in the moment? In the cold light of day, she wanted to take it back. She wanted their camaraderie, the sheepish smile he sent her when she caught him reciting passages from botany texts under his breath in order to keep his concentration. She craved the look in his eye when their hands brushed, full of desire and curiosity, as if he wanted to do it again just to see if it would feel the same. She wanted him, but she knew she could never have him, even if she hadn’t driven a wedge between them.
She was poor and he was rich. She’d denounced her family and he cherished his. She was jaded from the life she’d led, but there was still an innocent kind of optimism to him. He didn’t deserve the way she’d treated him. He didn’t deserve her.
Felicia blinked against the sting in her eye. Chubs returned, cocking his head as he thrust his nose beneath her palm to be scratched.
Tentatively, Lucy crouched on her heels next to Felicia. She reached out to rub the dog’s back. “Don’t you like him anymore?”
Could she lie? No. Not to Lucy, and certainly not to herself. “Your brother is the best of men.”
“Then what has happened between you? He’s been staring into the fire for over an hour. He didn’t even respond when Antonia called his name.”
Frankly, Felicia was surprised to see Lucy without her bird, but considering they were outdoors and Chubs was nearby, she understood why the young woman had left her pet indoors.
“Did you have a fight?”
Clearly, Gideon hadn’t told anyone what had truly happened. Felicia hadn’t seen Catt, either, though perhaps he was avoiding her. Frankly, Felicia didn’t blame him. She’d put him in the middle of this thing between her and Gideon, and likely caused a rift in their friendships as well.
“We didn’t fight,” Felicia admitted, her voice dull. At least, not about the way he’d found her flirting with Catt.
“Then what happened?” Lucy’s mouth flattened into a thin, stubborn line. “Why won’t you give him a chance?”
“Sometimes two people aren’t meant for each other.”
Felicia started to stand, ready to fall back on the excuse of her work, but Lucy stopped her.
“Bollocks.”
Felicia fought not to laugh at the expression on the younger woman’s face. A mix of determination and irritation.
“What makes you unsuitable? Because your father wasn’t a duke and his was?” Lucy crossed her arms. Chubs, sad at having lost her attention, pawed at her skirts. “By this point, we’re connected to so many families that marrying any normal woman of the ton would be inbreeding.”
At that, Felicia did laugh. She pressed her hand to her mouth.
Lucy wasn’t finished speaking. “Did you ever think that maybe Giddy doesn’t want a woman like that? He could have his pick of debutantes.”
“Maybe he hasn’t met the right one,” Felicia said diplomatically.
“He’s met them all by now. And their penniless cousins from the country. I don’t blame him for not forming an attachment to one of those shrews.”
Did Lucy realize that she was in the same class as the women she insulted?
“It isn’t our heritage.” Liar.
Lucy narrowed her eyes. “Then what?” From her tone, she expected to be able to fix whatever problem had arisen between Felicia and Gideon.
How wrong she was.
Carefully, Felicia chose her words and delivered them in a soft tone. “I turned my back on marriage a long time ago. He’ll find someone else.”
Why did her chest tighten at the thought? She forced a deep breath.
Rocking her weight back to sit on her heels, Lucy crossed her arms. “So? You’re still young.”
“Not as young as Gideon.”
“Oh, please.” Lucy snorted. “You’re not dead. You aren’t even as old as Morgan.”
“I’m almost thirty.”
“And he’s already been thirty for months.” Given her belligerent tone of voice, Felicia half-expected Lucy to stick out her tong
ue in a juvenile attempt to win the argument.
“I believe that makes me more suited to Morgan in terms of age.”
“He’s married.”
Thank Zeus.
“But Giddy doesn’t care.”
Felicia forced a joking smile, even though she felt all shred of mirth shrivel inside her. “Do you have many conversations with your brother about the age of his future bride?”
Why was she even speaking of marriage? With another man, she would have entered into a consensual, short-term affair and shared the comfort of taking a lover. Though she suspected Gideon would never have agreed to such a thing, even before she’d ruined his good opinion of her.
Lucy glared. She idly rubbed the mastiff’s nose when he whined. “Giddy’s always been older than his years. I suspect he would find someone his age to be too juvenile.”
With a shake of her head, Felicia said, “It doesn’t matter. I had a chance at marriage. I chose to be my own woman instead.”
As she stood, Lucy did as well. “The two aren’t mutually exclusive. Just look at my sisters-in-law. They are the same women they were when they married.”
Although Felicia opened her mouth, she couldn’t think of a single word to say.
Fortunately, Lucy had plenty for the both of them. Lifting her chin, she added in a decisive voice, “Perhaps you ought to re-evaluate. Are you the same woman you were when you turned down marriage the last time?”
She strode away, leaving Felicia in the shadow of the wagon, her breath frosting in front of her face.
She wasn’t the same woman. She was stronger now, self-sufficient. She knew how to take care of herself—but she’d also learned about the cost of such a life. The loneliness.
Regardless, she didn’t need or want a man to take care of her. Yes, Gideon had saved her life the night before. But that didn’t mean she needed him to coddle and protect her. She could protect herself.
Maybe Lucy was right and she was a different woman, because a part of her craved to belong to Gideon. It was the same part of her that wouldn’t stop thinking about him, even when he maddened her.
Tempting The Rival (Scandals and Spies Book 3) Page 23