by Amy Durham
He turned back onto Stableview Road, and I figured he was taking me home. But just before a sharp left turn would’ve taken us in the direction of our houses, Adrian pulled the motorcycle onto a wide gravel shoulder.
Cutting the engine, he took off his helmet and turned around. “Hope you don’t mind a short walk.”
I shook my head, reaching up to undo the strap of my helmet.
He helped me off the bike and took my hand again, walking toward the peaceful sound of trickling water.
Two minutes later, after a short trek through the thick trees, we arrived at a clearing – a flat, grassy expanse of land right at the edge of the water. It was beautiful, like a hidden oasis in the middle of the little nowhere that was Rison. I could picture long moments hiding out here.
“It’s a peaceful spot,” Adrian said. “An escape, but not too far from home. I thought you might like it.”
“It’s amazing.” I kicked off my sandals and bent to roll up my jeans. “I know you’re getting rid of those biker boots to go wading with me.”
Without missing a beat, he knelt to untie his boots, shooting me a smile that reached right inside and squeezed my heart.
The rocky bed of the creek contrasted sharply with the soft grass from the bank, but the cool water and smooth rocks felt divine under my feet. I welcomed the awareness of the world around me. I’d had too little of that lately.
“Sometimes just connecting with nature helps,” Adrian said. Again, I wondered if he’d somehow read my thoughts.
“It does,” I agreed.
We’d walked only a few yards from where we left our shoes, but I already felt better, lighter, and not quite so burdened. I couldn’t explain Adrian’s effect on me. I only knew it existed.
“Thank you for bringing me here,” I said.
“My pleasure.”
I stopped walking and turned to him. “But I’m sort of confused.”
“Why?” He seemed genuinely puzzled.
“I guess I’m just wondering about all this attention,” I began. “You show up to help me with my homework just when I’m about to give up. You text me just when I need a reason to smile. You find me on the side of the road after a fight with my mom. All these things happening during what’s probably the worst time in my whole life. It’s like you showed up here in Rison just for me, and I know that can’t be true.”
He narrowed his eyes and half-smiled, but said nothing.
“Why are you paying so much attention to me?” There, I said it. Just put it all out there.
“Is it that hard to believe that I’m interested?” He reached for my hand, pulled me closer to him. “That I want to get to know you?”
Inside my chest my heart hammered and I could hear the blood rushing through my veins. The nearness of him and the sincerity in his voice made it difficult to breathe.
He took my free hand and threaded our fingers together, using both hands to pull closer, until I was almost flush against him. Tilting my head, I found his baby blues locked on me. The sun had begun its descent behind the trees as dusk settled, the sky glowing a warm orange.
“I’ve got a lot of baggage,” I whispered. “I’m practically a basket case.”
He raised one shoulder in a casual shrug.
“Why me?” I hated that I still needed reassurance.
“I found what I was looking for when I saw you.”
And just like that my world shifted, tilted on its axis. My chest tightened with emotions so foreign, so intense, their beauty almost painful. The cool water swirled around my ankles as I shifted, trying to rebalance myself and not crumple at his feet.
Adrian was a man of few words, and his few words had slain me.
“I can’t claim to understand how you feel,” he said, squeezing my hands. “And I won’t always have the answers. But I can listen. And I can care. All the time.”
Staring up at him, I could not find the words to express the feelings bubbling inside. He didn’t seem to mind my silence. His eyes stayed glued on mine, a sweet smile playing across his face.
“Okay,” I whispered. It was the best I could come up with.
He wrapped his arms around me and kissed the top of my head. I figured he could probably feel my heart pounding against his chest. I hugged him back, giving myself over to the crazy wonderful sensation of being in his arms.
“We better get you home,” he said after a long moment. “Don’t want your mom mad at me already.”
Hand in hand, we stepped out of the water and up onto the creek bank. Everything felt so perfect.
I was almost afraid to wonder might happen next.
Chapter 9
The following morning Mom was full of questions.
“Are you going to tell me what you did last night?” she asked. I could hear the suspicion in her voice.
“Nothing really,” I said, hoping to avoid the conversation altogether.
But, no.
“Forgive me if I don’t think that’s an acceptable explanation,” Mom said. “Especially considering how you spent your summer.”
“Seriously, Mom?” I let the sarcasm ring from my voice, not really caring that I was taking her bait. “Do you want me to tell you I was out drinking and smoking pot with Nikki and Courtney?”
Walking away from her, I grabbed my backpack from the couch and walked toward the front door.
“Of course not, Zoe.” I heard her keys jingle as she grabbed them from the coffee table. “But it’s not unreasonable for a mother to expect to know how her teenage daughter spent the evening.”
I opened the front door, stared out toward the road, and ignored her.
She didn’t let up. “I didn’t ask you last night because I didn’t want to start an argument. Obviously, you weren’t out late, and I know Mrs. Turner’s nephew dropped you off at home. I thought maybe this morning you’d be more receptive to the idea of having a conversation with me.”
She was in one of those moods where she wouldn’t let up. I figured I might as well finish it so we could get on with our day.
“There’s nothing to tell you, Mom,” I said, my voice snarky as I turned to face her. “I was pissed at you for trying to make me talk about Dad, so I walked down toward the paddocks. Adrian drove by and saw me. He stopped to say hi then offered me a ride on the motorcycle. He said he wanted to know about Rison, so we drove into town, I showed him what little there is to see, and then we drove back. End of story.”
Without waiting for a response, I turned back around and headed to the car. I’d intentionally left out the part about the clearing. That memory was mine, and I wasn’t about to share it.
“You rode a motorcycle with a boy you just met?” She sounded shocked.
“Yes, I did,” I said, sliding into the passenger seat. “And you’ll be happy to know he was sober and a much safer driver than the last classmate I rode around with.”
I slammed my door for emphasis.
Mom got in, started the car, and didn’t say another word as we drove to school.
* * *
All day at school Adrian was attentive. Not so much that it drew a lot of attention, but enough that I noticed. I kept an eye out for Nikki and Courtney, hoping they weren’t stalking me enough to realize that Adrian and I had a connection. Everything was fine until lunch.
Adrian’s lunch period overlapped mine by ten minutes. When Viv and I walked in, he was seated at a table near the backdoor with Daniel Williams, a computer-whiz who’d also been on student government with me the previous year.
Adrian must’ve been watching for me, because as soon as Viv and I stepped into the cafeteria, he waved us over. There was no way I could say no, nor did I want to. But as we took off in the direction of Adrian and Daniel’s table, I noticed Nikki at the door we’d just come through.
The icy glare in her eyes told me she’d seen Adrian’s wave.
As much as I didn’t want her revenge-radar aimed at me, if she was pissed because Adrian liked me and not her, s
he could just deal with it.
I dropped into the seat next to him while Viv went on to the sandwich bar.
“Do good on your Pre-Cal homework?” he asked, a grin tugging the corners of his mouth. He knew good and well I’d done fine. He’d gotten me through it with a few helpful texts.
“Of course,” I said. “It was a piece of cake.”
From across the way, Viv caught my eye. She tilted her head to the right. Looking that direction I saw Nikki headed straight for us. Clearly, she was on a mission. Her fuchsia-streaked hair bounced with every purposeful step.
I had maybe two seconds to brace myself.
“How nice that you’re making friends, Adrian.” Contempt dripped from her voice and pooled around us like motor oil leaking from an engine, slimy and unwanted.
Adrian slipped his arm along the back of my seat and leaned close. “I think so.”
“Watch this one.” Nikki threw a hand on one hip and turned toward me. “She had a wild summer.”
Behind me, I felt the muscles in Adrian’s arm tense. Slowly, deliberately I stood so that I was face to face with Nikki.
“I know you want to blame me for what happened that night,” I began, dropping my voice to a whisper so the nosey people around wouldn’t get an earful. “And yes, I was drunk. But I did not crash the car and I did not have pot in my purse. That’s on you and Courtney. I still have no idea how I got out of the car, but you have to know that the two of you would’ve still gotten hauled away by the police even if I’d been there.”
Nikki’s eyes narrowed, darts of anger aimed at me. “But you would’ve been hauled off with us.”
I took a deep breath, trying to remain calm. She was right. I would’ve been sitting in the police station just like the two of them if I hadn’t somehow escaped.
“You’re right. I would’ve been.” I figured I could give her that. “But the charges against me wouldn’t have been DUI or possession of marijuana.”
“Bitch.” She shoved my shoulder, hard enough that the backs of my legs knocked into the chair and created a commotion.
Steadying myself, I prepared to come right back at her. But Adrian stood up and stepped between us, coming to my rescue yet again.
“Enough,” he said, his quiet strength stopping the confrontation in its tracks.
Turning to me, he pointed to Nikki and said, “She’s not worth getting in trouble for.”
And then to Nikki. “If Zoe took that incident as a sign that she was heading in the wrong direction and needed to straighten up, who are you to deny her that?”
Surprise crossed Nikki’s face, just as fear spread through my heart.
“You know?” I whispered.
He looked at me, no scorn or judgment in his eyes. Shrugging his shoulders, he said. “Small school.” Then, leaning closer, he said beneath his voice. “Don’t worry. It’s not common knowledge.”
“When?” Had he known last night when we waded in the creek together?
Nikki took the hint and left, thank the lord.
“I overheard Courtney on the phone. I figure she was talking to Nikki. I didn’t get a lot of details, but I heard your name. And after our talk last night, I just sort of put two and two together. You had a lousy summer. Makes sense you might’ve made some bad decisions.”
My stomach pitched with waves of embarrassment. Not that I wouldn’t have eventually told Adrian. I would’ve confided in him sooner rather than later. After all, I’d already shared one big chunk of baggage with him. But it would’ve been on my terms. Not this way, with Nikki spilling my worst mistake in the middle of school lunchroom.
“It’s okay,” he whispered, taking my hand.
Calming energy seemed to flow from his hand into mine, spreading through my whole body with warmth and peace. The feeling of shame began to drift away, leaving behind a sense of new beginnings.
“I’m not here to judge you,” he said, his thumb tracing circles on the back of my hand. “You’re not the first teenager to screw up, and you won’t be the last. The important thing is to learn from it and move on.”
Viv returned with her lunch, looking at me tentatively. She knew enough to know there was bad blood between Nikki and me, but she didn’t know the extent of it. I’d tell her, of course. Today. First chance I got.
“It’s okay,” I mouthed to her, and she, Adrian, and I sat down at the table.
As if by unspoken agreement, Adrian put a hold on our conversation. His hand settled with soothing warmth on my shoulder, and all the tension from the confrontation with Nikki ebbed away.
He left a moment later, headed to his Pre-Cal class. I carried on a lively conversation with Viv as she finished her lunch, but didn’t eat. I had no appetite.
I knew Adrian’s words were true. And I knew I’d moved on from the heavy partying and drinking. But the feelings that drove me to those things still simmered inside. All the anger and guilt.
I wondered how he would react if he knew.
Chapter 10
“I almost told you last night,” I said as we shut our Pre-Cal books, homework finished. The warm afternoon humidity simmered around the picnic table where we worked. “And I would’ve told you myself. It’s important to me that you know that.”
Adrian just smiled. “I know, Zoe. And I would’ve let you tell me and pretended I hadn’t figured it out already. But I couldn’t let that confrontation go on any longer.”
His sense of protectiveness astounded me. I owed him the details of that night, if only so that he could hear the truth from me.
I turned so I sat facing him on the bench, thankful for the slight breeze now stirring the air.
“We were coming back from Lexington. We’d all been drinking. I was really gone. Nikki was driving. God, we were idiots.” I shook my head, marveling at my own stupidity. But I’d come this far. I wouldn’t hold back now.
“We met a cop. Nikki turned off on a side road to try and out run him. When he turned to follow us she shut off the car lights.” Adrian reached for both my hands. I took a deep breath and went on. “I remember the crash. We hit something. A ditch or a tree, I’m not sure. I slid all over the backseat and hit my head when we slammed into whatever it was. I was totally disoriented then. I remember thinking this was really bad, but not remembering why. I heard the sirens in the distance, and I knew something big was about to hit the fan. I remember thinking I should try to get up, but…”
It was then I remembered the strange sensation of arms around me, lifting me from the car and flying away with me. Closing my eyes, the sense of comfort I’d felt in those moments surrounded me once again. I thought it was probably best to leave out that strange hallucination.
“The next thing I knew, I woke up in my bed.” I had a momentary flash of the boy I’d imagined in my room that morning, but shoved it away, wanting to get through the rest of the story. I stared down at our joined hands and kept talking. “It was early. The house was quiet, so I knew my mom wasn’t up yet. And it was still kind of dark. I couldn’t remember how I’d gotten home. I still don’t. I guess I must’ve gotten out of the car somehow and walked. But we were probably three miles from here when we wrecked. It’s crazy to think I walked that far, but it’s the only logical explanation.”
I looked up at him then. I don’t know what I’d been expecting to see, but the genuine care beaming from his expression just about did me in.
“A little later when my mom came in, I realized somehow I’d gotten home without getting arrested. That’s when I decided I had to stop the destructive behavior. It was bad enough that we were all smashed and we could’ve all been killed in that car crash. But when I thought about what could’ve happened to me on that walk home? A drunk girl all alone wandering the countryside?”
He leaned his forehead to mine, his skin soft and warm, and just looked at me with a smile on his face. It seemed he was waiting for me to smile back, so I did.
That’s when he spoke. “I’m really glad nothing bad happened to
you that night.”
The whisper of his voice echoed in my heart, and for the first time in a very long time I felt like something other than an ungrateful brat who’d killed my father with my hate.
At the thought of my father, a tear escaped and rolled down my cheek. Adrian’s thumb swept it away, his hand settling gently against my face.
My chest expanded until I thought it might explode as Adrian shifted his head slightly and leaned closer. The split second before his lips touched mine seemed like a million years, and in those million years all kinds of thoughts raced through my brain.
I’d just told him the story of my horrible, stupid mistake, and his reaction is to kiss me? Was it a pity kiss? Was it some kind of show of sympathy? Would I embarrass myself with lack of technique or excess slobber?
Then he kissed me, and every thought I’d been thinking fled. Nothing else existed except this. This. Softness and heat meshed together. But even in the midst of it, I knew it was so much more than that.
It was what all that softness and heat represented. It was the way my heart filled and overflowed, in a way I’d thought was lost to me forever. It was the reality of his presence in my life.
He didn’t manhandle me. Not even close. Tenderness emanated from him as he molded his mouth to mine. I was absolutely lost.
I couldn’t breathe.
I couldn’t think.
I didn’t want to.
After a long, sweet moment, he pulled away, just enough that his lips still grazed mine as he said, “Really glad.”
I must’ve looked confused, because he quickly added, “That you made it through that night unharmed.”
“Guess I had a guardian angel or something,” I said, our faces still pressed close, breath still mingling.
He chuckled. “Or something.”
“Can I tell you a secret?” I whispered.
He tucked a strand of hair behind my ear, his fingers lingering on my cheek. “Of course.”
“It didn’t help.” I leaned back a bit, enough to look him in the eye. “The drinking and the partying. I thought it did, and I guess for a few minutes when I was wasted and numb, I forgot a little bit. But not really.”