by Casey Diam
She was looking at me weird, studying me, her head to the side.
“Come on, Lily.” Ryker jerked his head. “I need coffee.”
“You’re Elsa,” Lily said, her eyes still on me as she stepped away, her little cheeks flushing.
“What?” I asked.
Ryker tucked her to the side of his leg, guiding her toward an empty table. My confusion went to cuteness overload as he helped her out of her small pink puffy coat and pulled out her chair.
Then I was jealous, out of nowhere, not of his sister, but of how he treated her. I was once that girl who was never a target for his assholery, but I was no longer an exception. Pain ripped through me knowing that.
“Ms. Darlene,” I said, getting her attention. “I think I’m actually going to take that order to-go.”
She gave me a once over. “You sure you’re okay?”
“Yeah.”
“I can get you in touch with Averie if you need her for something.”
“You could?”
She yelled over her shoulder for her daughter.
When Tess poked her head out from the back of the café, Ms. Darlene asked, “Can you call Averie for Gabby?”
“Sure.” Tess smiled. She looked a lot like her mother. Big, bright brown eyes, dirty-blonde hair, and a little extra weight in her hips and thighs.
She punched the number into the handheld and handed it to me. I waited as it rang.
“Thank you,” I told her.
“No problem, and tell her I wouldn’t mind if she came to work early today, just saying.” She grinned.
“I will.”
“Hello?” Averie answered.
“Hey, it’s Gabby. I came to the café looking for you, and I don’t have your number, but I was wondering if you would be able to meet up with me sometime today if you’re not busy?”
“Oh, thank God. I thought I was being called into work.”
I smiled. “No.”
“Oh okay, I’m at home now. You could stop by if you want and give me your number. I didn’t have yours either, and I can text you my addy.”
Within a few seconds, my phone pinged with her address.
She was only seven minutes away.
My phone began to ring, and I stepped away from the counter, letting out an exasperated sigh at the name flashing on the screen.
I’d been ignoring his calls for the past few days and this was getting ridiculous now. Shaking my head, knowing I was going to regret this, I answered.
“Hello.”
“Gabby?” Jax asked.
“Yes, Jax. What is it?” I responded.
“I’m sorry about New Year’s night. I was an idiot.”
“I’m aware of that.”
“Can I come by so we can talk and figure this out? I miss you.”
“Figure what out, Jax? We broke up, we’re over.”
“Gabs? Please? I just want to talk.”
“I’m not home, Jax.”
“Are you with him?”
This again? He can’t be serious.
“It doesn’t matter where I am or who I’m with. I have to go. Please stop calling me.”
“Hey, oh my gosh,” Averie said, throwing her arms around me. “I wanted to reach out to you after what happened at the party, but I didn’t have your number and so much has been going on with Twisted Events, and I’d picked up a few extra shifts at work for the winter break. But come on in, how have you been since, you know?”
“Good. I just . . .” I rocked back on my heels. “I need someone to talk to, and most of my friends are guys who wouldn’t understand”—or girls who want to screw Ryker—“and I had so much fun hanging out with you and Nicky that night that I—I hope this isn’t weird. Is it weird? Here, I brought you coffee.”
“Thank you, and seriously, the only thing that is weird is the Gabby Taylor being in my house.” Averie grinned. “It’s fine.” She took the warm paper cup from my hand. “Besides, anyone who brings me coffee is already on my top two list of favorite people. We can hang in the living room. My mom and her boyfriend are at work.”
I kicked off my boots and followed Averie, who was wearing an Alpen Springs football hoodie that swallowed her tiny frame. All she needed was some badass over-the-knee boots and a long top ponytail and she could be twinsies with Ariana Grande.
“Ash just texted me that he’s heading to Greymoor with Ryker.” She sipped her coffee and then curled her legs beneath her in a corner of the couch.
“What’s happening in Greymoor?”
“Apparently, he and Ryker are taking Lily out for a ‘fun day out with the bros.’” She air-quoted with her free hand. “There’s a new Disney movie she wants to see and then there’s this indoors fun park that they’re taking her to. Isn’t that so cute?”
I smiled, recalling Ryker this morning with Lily. “It is.”
“Well, sit down already! Get comfortable. Mi casa es su casa, unless you’re in a hurry. Are you training today?”
I perched on the opposite corner of the sofa. “I went pretty hard yesterday and the day before. I was just going to do some runs today to clear my head.”
“You should invite Nicky and me up there with you one day. I mean we’re no Gabby Taylor or anything,” she teased, “but I think it would be fun.”
I blushed. “Stop, and yeah, that would fun.”
“Are you doing the Winter X Games again this year?”
“Yup.” I also had a few other events coming up and was already full of jittery excitement because the first event was only three weeks away. A week after that one was my first Olympic qualifying event, and then I’d be off to Europe.
I loved riding, but I also loved competing. The rush. The music. The lights. The energy from the crowd. I couldn’t wait.
“That’s so awesome. I missed last year’s event with everything that was going on, but I’m definitely going this year.”
I smiled, genuinely happy. “Cool.”
Having people that I knew at the events made it that much better because it made me feel as if I wasn’t only putting on a show for the crowd. It was also for my friends.
“So, Gabby . . .” She sighed. “Ryker. Jax. They are both on my list of least favorite people, especially Ryker after what he did at the party, but what happened? Ash said Jax must have said something to him.”
I shook my head. “I don’t know. I tried to find out, but he wouldn’t tell me.”
I remembered running into Jax right after I’d left Ryker outside, only to have him yell at me for going after Ryker.
“That night was—” I shook my head, wishing I could erase it all from my memory. “It was just bad . . . and crazy.”
“Anything that has to do with Ryker is bad and crazy, like me partnering with him for Twisted Events. Brody’s dad was so pissed, I’m sure he’s already reconsidering our partnership.”
My insides churned with guilt because I was pretty sure that what happened that night was my fault—or, at the very least, related to me. The fight wouldn’t have happened if Jax hadn’t been at the party, and I was the one who’d brought him there.
“I mean I don’t hate him. I know he’s a good person, I just never know what to expect with him. He’ll be joking one second and flying off the handle the next,” Averie explained.
The funny thing was that, no matter how much I pretended to hate Ryker, I understood him—for the most part.
“He’s always been there to protect me when my brothers couldn’t. Like in elementary school,” I found myself telling her, “the boys used to make fun of me because I was obsessed with snowboarding and dressed like a little tomboy. Ryker would defend me. Basically, New Year’s Eve wasn’t the first time he’s gotten in a fight because of me.”
Averie’s mouth opened. “Are you serious?”
I nodded. “Well, you know Ryker, he has a short fuse.”
She smiled. “But that’s how you started to like him, like-like him.”
“Yup.”
“Aww, Gabby
—” She regarded me with sympathy.
“I know.”
“He’s just so complicated,” she said. “And as a friend, I would tell you to stay away from him, but I haven’t really seen you with him, so I’m guessing that you’ve already been avoiding him.”
“For over two years,” I confirmed. “When the feelings I’d had for him became too much, I started telling myself that he was an asshole and it’s been helping me to stay away. But it isn’t working like it used to . . . I don’t know. It’s stupid.”
“So, what exactly did he do?” Averie asked.
I hesitated, not sure if she’d understand or laugh inwardly or outright at me for the reason I’d stopped being friends with Ryker. Regardless, I drew in a breath and exhaled.
“It’s kind of a long story, but basically Ryker and I were really close. He hung out at my house a lot when I wasn’t traveling. He was—” Warmth settled inside my chest. “He was just who I looked forward to seeing every time I came home from competitions abroad. We talked about everything, did everything together. Things between us was just easy. But then it started to change when we were fourteen and I realized I liked him as more. I told Ally, who was literally my closest girl friend at the time, and while I was building up my courage to tell him, I caught them together at this festival in town one night. I confronted Ally about it, and she said they’d been sleeping together for a while when I’d told her how I’d felt about him months before.” Tears filled my eyes, but I blinked them away.
Averie’s mouth dropped. “Oh my God.”
“It hurt so freaking bad at the time, it was like the end of the world. I didn’t have many friends who understood me. I was always traveling, training, or competing. I was always just Gabby Taylor, the snowboarder, and it’s still like that, and that’s why you always see me sitting alone at the café. I’m at the point where if it isn’t snowboarding, I just feel out of place, like I don’t belong, and Ryker, he’d always made me feel normal. He always had my back, and I never thought he’d lie to me, but he did when I asked him if he was seeing or hooking up with anyone.” My head fell back against the cushions. “Oh my God. I can’t believe I just told you all of that.”
“It’s okay. We all need to let it out sometimes, and holy crap, Gabby, I can’t believe your friend did that. That’s so messed up.”
“Yeah,” I agreed.
If she only knew how many times I’d wondered if Ally was only hanging out with me for Ryker, and vice versa.
“Well, I’m still glad you came to the party even if you and Ryker aren’t exactly on the best of terms,” Averie said.
“Really? All I did was cause a bunch of drama.”
“Yeah, but now I have a new friend.”
I smiled.
“Now I have to ask, did you ever tell Ryker how you felt about him?”
“Nope. I couldn’t. Every time I thought about it, I just pictured him with her, and I couldn’t. Now just being around him again, it’s like those feelings never went away.”
“You need to talk to him already,” she encouraged, her voice low.
“I know.”
That was the reason I was here. I needed someone else’s perspective to help me to see if casting him out of my life was irrational to a certain degree, because I couldn’t get him out of my head, and I’d tried everything. But she still hadn’t heard the rest . . .
It was embarrassing enough in my mind, much less to be spoken aloud.
“I wanted to put all of this behind me, but no matter how much I try, I just can’t get him out of my head, but he’s such a player now. I’m just one out of a million.”
“Or you could be the one in a million to change that.”
So, confess my feelings for him even though he might break me into a gazillion pieces?
Nope.
“It’s either you tell him how you feel or he goes off to college while you spend the rest of your life wondering what-if. He’s leaving next week anyway, so what do you have to lose?”
“Next week? What do you mean?”
“He’s leaving early for college. You haven’t heard?”
My heart sank.
“Oh, Gabby.” Her shoulders sagged. “Not to freak you out, but the clock is literally ticking.”
But what do I even say to him?
Chapter 10
Ryker
From the kitchen counter where I was sitting and eating breakfast, I stared down at the text message on my phone.
Unknown Number: Hey, it’s Gabby. Can we talk?
What did that mean? In person? Now? And can we talk about what? How I was an asshole to her the other night? I typed out one word.
Me: Yeah.
The three little dots moved, then stopped. After a full minute had passed, I grew impatient. She hadn’t messaged me in what? Almost three years. What if she was being kidnapped or was in trouble or—did that fucker Jax—
Me: Is everything okay?
The dots began to play on the screen again.
Gabby: Yes.
Gabby: Whenever you have time, can you let me know and I’ll come over, or we can meet somewhere.
Me: I’m free for the next two days. Just tell me where and when.
Gabby: Valley Park in an hour?
Valley Park was downtown and only a five-minute drive.
Me: I’ll be there.
As I pulled into the small parking lot next to Valley Park, I spotted Gabby’s car, and since I didn’t see her among the few locals wandering the grounds, I assumed she was still inside.
Snow was still on the ground from last night’s fall, but the temperature was good like it was in Alpen Springs most days, rarely ever dropping below twenty-five until overnight. With the sun and elevation, all it took was two minutes for the snow to start melting and for people to get a tan, so I never left my house without first slathering a 100+ SPF on my face.
I parked my truck a few spaces over and watched as Gabby got out of her car. A white and black scarf was around her neck, the zipper was open on her down jacket, and her jeans were clinging to her thighs.
She was supposed to be in the leggings and comfy cotton clothes that used to give me the urge to hug her and cuddle with her. The latter I’d never done, the former had only happened after she’d won a competition or landed a jump. But she just looked so—different. She’d always been beautiful, but as she walked toward me, I realized just how stunning she’d become.
I pulled my key from the ignition and tossed my hoodie over my head before getting out of my truck and meeting her halfway.
“What’s up?” I asked, bracing myself as we stopped in front of each other.
She inhaled, glanced up at me, and then dropped her gaze to the ground.
“He pissed me off,” I told her, in case this was about that douchebag. “And I’m not going to apologize for punching your boyfriend. I’d do it again.”
“I know. I don’t want you to. That isn’t why I’m here.”
“Oh.” My eyes narrowed. “Really?”
“Yeah, and just so you know, he isn’t my boyfriend. We’d broken up earlier that night.”
Good. She deserved better.
“I, um.” She swallowed. “I wish you were staying,” she said so low, I barely heard her words, but still, that couldn’t have been what she’d said. We’re talking about Gabby here, who hadn’t said a pleasant thing to me since the summer before tenth grade, yet she actually seemed flustered.
“What?”
“I, um, I—” She sighed. “Why is this so hard?”
What’s hard?
“Can you go sit in your truck?” she asked.
“What? Gabby, what the hell?”
“Please?” As her pleading blue eyes stared up at me, I backed up, humoring her as I opened my door and slid into the driver’s seat.
She pushed the door, shutting me inside.
Confused as fuck, I rolled down my window and asked, “What are you doing?”
“Shhh.”
>
She took a deep breath and turned around, a full three hundred and sixty degrees before she said, “I wish you weren’t leaving because I like you, and I have for a while.”
“No, you’ve hated me for over two years now.”
She shook her head. “I don’t, trust me, I’ve tried, but the only thing I was successful in doing was pretending to.”
It killed me knowing she couldn’t stand me for all these years, but the last thing I expected when I showed up today was for her to wave the proverbial white flag. Literally, what the fuck?
“Why would you pretend to hate me, treat me like the scum under your shoe, and come to me a few days before I leave for college to tell me that you like me? What does that even mean? You want to be friends again before I leave? In case you hadn’t realized, things changed between us a long time ago.”
“Because you slept with Ally,” she blurted. “You were my best friend. I liked you as more, and Ally knew that. You both hid your relationship from me, making me feel like an idiot when I came to you . . . and you lied to me.” Her throat moved as she swallowed, and the realness of the pain in her words hit me full force, but it didn’t make sense.
No one besides Ash and Brody knew about Ally and me. She was older, and that had been the agreement we’d made for the sake of her reputation, so how in the hell, and wait a minute—
“So, all this time you’ve been mad at me because of Ally? Are you fucking kidding me? How was I supposed to know you liked me? You’ve had a crush on Dylan since you were, like, five, Gabby.”
“No, I didn’t.”
I gave her an incredulous look.
“I was eight.”
Shaking my head, I bit back a smile because I shouldn’t be laughing, I should be fucking furious at her.
I cranked the door handle, and she backed up as I got out.
“Why are you really telling me this now? You could have told me years ago.”
“Because I’m still mad in a way for you hurting me, but I wanted to tell you in case I never get the chance again.”