by Casey Diam
“How about the parties, the girls? I heard it’s crazy for D1 players, like you guys are fucking Gods on campus or something.”
A handful of girls had been trying to get my attention, not that any of them had been successful. “I haven’t been partying much, but sounds about right . . . thanks, man.” Lifting my cup, I swallowed a huge gulp of beer before walking away.
“Ryker!”
That voice. Fuck. Damn it.
Turning my head to the side for the briefest acknowledgement, I was forced to stop as Francis stepped in my path.
“Francis,” I said through gritted teeth.
“I didn’t know you were in town.”
“Yup, just for tonight.” I stepped to the side to get around her, but she grabbed my arm.
“We should catch up.”
“Uh, no, don’t think so.”
“Come on, are you still mad about Averie, she isn’t even on my radar anymore.”
“What?” I asked before remembering how she’d messed with Averie at the start of the school year.
“I would stay away from me if I were you. In case you haven’t noticed, I don’t forgive so easily, and I don’t ever fucking forget.”
As I caught my sexy-as-hell girlfriend heading my way in her skinny jeans and off-the-shoulder black top, I cursed my luck of her seeing me here with Francis. Then realizing that Francis’s hand was still on my arm, I shrugged her off. “I got things to attend to.”
I reached an arm around Gabby’s waist and ushered her back to where she was coming from, which was hopefully far, far away from my satanic ex.
“What are you doing?” she chuckled.
“Enjoying you, where’s your drink? Would you like some of mine?” I lifted my cup to her mouth, but her head turned away.
“No. I’m good.”
“G. Taylor, holy shit! I love you, girl!”
What the fuck?
I looked up to the second-floor where Jake, some junior from the Alpen Springs football team, was leaned over the balcony with a huge grin.
“Is there something you want to tell me?” I asked.
She laughed. “No.”
I pulled her against me so there was no question about who she belonged to and was about to yell that over the music to Jake when I saw him racing down the stairs. He had a buzz cut going and was dressed in an oversized blue T-shirt that made his arms and legs look like twigs.
“Holy shit, I can’t believe you’re here,” Jake said. “I was at the finals today in Aspen. Are you okay?”
I wonder if I should break his heart now or later.
“Yeah, I’m good, thanks.”
“Dude, you’re so badass, and I’m in love with you—”
Okay.
“Back off, Jake. She’s mine.” I waved my cup in front of Gabby, my hand dropping over her ass and settling low on her hip. “All of this is mine.”
Disappointment covered his face, his shoulders dropping. “What? No way. You don’t even live here anymore.”
“I know, but she’s still mine.” I kissed the side of her head to make my point.
“Seriously?”
Gabby nodded, securing her arms around my waist.
“Ugh, fine.” He looked at me. “If you don’t treat her right, I’m going to steal her, telling you that right now.”
This dude.
“Get the fuck out of my face before you end up on the other side of my fist.”
He held his hands up, and for a second, he reminded me of myself. Flirting with anyone and everyone. God, I was an asshole.
“Gabby, for real, though,” he said. “You’re going to the Olympics. You’re going to be the first person from Alpen Springs to be on Team USA. I can feel it. I’m already taking bets on you getting gold. Today was just a little snag.” He kissed the peace sign he made with his fingers and saluted her as he backed away. “You got this, girl.”
“Thanks,” Gabby said, though if I wasn’t mistaken, she looked a little uneasy.
I looked from her to everyone watching the show. “Does anyone else feel the need to tell my girlfriend they love her?”
The house went quiet.
“Love you, Gabby!”
My eyes shifted to the couch in the middle of the living room, and my lips twitched into a small smile. Fucking Averie. At least everyone knew Gabby was mine. I couldn’t have planned this kind of public claiming better if I’d tried.
“You’re a dick!” someone shouted, Brody specifically. I chuckled. Such a dick. Him, not me.
“Can someone turn up the music so I can’t hear anything else from the douche who said that? Thanks.”
“Oh my gosh.” Gabby’s palm moved over my abs. “Where is your off switch?”
She poked my belly button, and my cock jerked.
I smiled. “It’s definitely not that, Bunny.” Not sure if I should tell her that there was no such thing as an off switch when her hands were on me.
Whoever was in charge of the volume must have listened because “Dance Monkey” blared through the speakers. Gabby turned into me then. “So, um, do you think it’s a good idea to tell everyone about us?”
Confused, my head slanted as I glanced down at her. “Were you trying to keep us a secret?”
“Well, no, but I don’t know, I just . . .” The worried look in her eyes had me guiding her toward the front of the house and down the corridor, seeking some privacy. I tried the knobs on all the doors we passed, but only the bathroom door was unlocked.
“We don’t have to—” she started before I ushered her inside and locked the door behind us.
“What are you saying?”
“I don’t know.” She stuffed her hands in her back pockets and stared at the floor. “I just—I don’t think it’s a good idea.”
“Why not? It’s only going to get crazier from here, you know that, right? Football season is only a couple of months away. And now that I finally got the position I want to play, it’s about to get fucking wild. With you heading to the Olympics right after, I don’t think we could keep eyes off us if we tried, Bunny. So, unless you want all those girls and guys to think we’re single . . .”
She looked up, blue eyes sparking with what I couldn’t only decrypt as fear, sadness?
“It isn’t that. I want to be with you, and of course, I don’t want everyone to think either one of us is single.” Her voice lowered to a whisper. “I guess I just wanted something that was just ours, you know? Every other part of my life is public, and that’s part of the gig when you’re an athlete, but . . .”
“I understand that, but you’ve been in the spotlight since you were a kid, and you never once complained. And never once did you complain when you were dating Jax. Everyone knew you two were together. So, what’s really going on?”
“Nothing.”
My head tilted, and an invisible shield edged its way around my heart even though it felt as if I was suffocating.
It’s me.
“It isn’t every day I announce to a room full of people that I have a girlfriend, Gabby, so I think you need to make this a little clearer for me. It’s either you want me or you don’t. It isn’t that fucking hard.”
“Why are you mad at me?”
“I’m not mad at you. I’m trying to figure out what’s going on. You’ve been weird since I came back. One moment you’re all over me, and the next, it’s as if you’re not all in this with me. And I’m not about to go all in with someone who is only halfway. So, when you figure out what you want with us, from me, let me know.”
I turned and pulled open the door, pissed at myself, at her, at always feeling like I was second best.
In just two months, she’d become a huge part of my life and was grounding me in a way that I was becoming dependent on, so I couldn’t understand where she was coming from with this. We’d been on the same page for weeks, at least before today. And I liked the feelings I had with her, for her, but I also hated them this second. They held me captive, gave me this
feeling of vulnerability that I despised, because it was now that I realized how badly she could wound me, and not like she had before. This time she could completely obliterate me because . . . I was fucking falling for her.
Chapter 35
Gabby
“I messed up,” I told Averie a few minutes later as she closed the door behind her while I dabbed a napkin at the stupid tear rolling down my cheek. “God, why am I crying?”
“It’s okay. What happened?”
“I thought I could pretend that everything was okay but I can’t, and Ryker—” I shook my head, my throat closing. “I tried but I couldn’t tell him.”
“You don’t know what will happen until you do. Gabby, he likes you, a lot. And by the look on your face, you still don’t get it, Bunny,” she winked.
I bit my lip, feeling really girly, and stupid, and embarrassed at the same time that Averie was witnessing my meltdown again.
“So you think I should tell him before he leaves tomorrow?”
“Well, you have to tell him eventually. You could wait until after you go to the doctor on Monday or as soon as you can get an appointment, but honestly, Ash thinks you should as soon as possible. I told him, I’m sorry, but he won’t say anything. At least not this weekend. But he pointed out something important, Ryker hates being left out of the loop, and he will freak out if you keep this from him for much longer.”
I swallowed. It was a reminder of why he got so upset tonight. “I know. I’m going to tell him. It’s just so hard to imagine. I’m still in this state of trying to figure it out.” I shook my head. “What if—what if an abortion is the right thing to do?” A tear slipped from my eye. “I don’t want to, but—”
Chapter 36
Ryker
The upstairs patio door opened, and the devil herself stepped out. “Ryker, there you are. I’ve been looking everywhere for you.”
My eyes had been on the city down below and across the hills, taking in the way the businesses and houses lit up Alpen Springs at night. There was a certain calm about the view and the company of my friends that I’d needed after my fight with Gabby.
“Fuck do you want, Francis?” I asked without moving from where Eddie, Brody, Ash, and I were seated under the infrared heaters, the only lighting we had out here. “You’re only allowed to come to these parties by the goodness of Brody’s heart, but don’t mistake it for mine.”
“I forgot how charming you are. You know, I was going to be nice, but you know what?” Crossing her arms over her chest, an evil grin spread across her face. “It’s a wonder I didn’t choose Ash over you.”
My teeth ground together, and I briefly closed my eyes, trying to rein in my temper.
“It all makes sense now why your precious Gabby would abort your baby.”
I blinked as what she said flew over my head. “What?”
“Really, Francis?” Eddie waved a hand. “You think you could go find something that’s actually true if you’re really this desperate for drama.”
She smirked. “Oh, trust me, this is the best news that I’ve come across in years. It might be in the breaking news section of school paper on Monday. Alpen Springs High former running back doesn’t have what it takes, after all. Great job, Ryker, looks like you’re one step ahead of your bio-dad, at least your mom didn’t abort you.”
“You’re fucking sick, you know that?” Ash snapped as I rose from my chair and got in Francis’s face before I knew what I was doing.
“What the fuck are you talking about?”
“I’m talking about how the girl you just claimed in front of everyone is downstairs talking about how she doesn’t want you or your offspring. Life is funny, isn’t it?” She chuckled.
Was that why Gabby had been so temperamental? Was that why she messed up her jumps today? She was pregnant? Did she know that while she was out practically jumping off fucking cliffs?
My chest tightened. My fists clenched.
“God. Fuck.” Ash turned to me. “She is not having an abortion.”
I spun to him, fire blazing through my veins.
“What?”
“She just found out.”
“You knew?”
Heavy, dangerous breaths left me as I stared at my brother with so much disappointment and hurt that he couldn’t even bear to look me in the eyes.
“Dude, I just found out. I—”
“Don’t.” I held up my hand. “I can’t fucking believe you.”
Grabbing the door handle, I headed back inside at the same time Brody told Francis, “And you wonder why people don’t want you around. Get the fuck out of my house, and don’t ever come back.”
As I removed my coat, I searched the house high and low for Gabby until I found her on a couch in the movie room with Nicky, Averie, and a few others. If it weren’t for the light from the large screen in front of them, I wouldn’t have seen her. And she looked so comfortable that it sent an ache through my chest at my having to disturb her, but my heart was fucking breaking, and I needed to know if what Francis said was true.
I touched her shoulder, my hand nudging her until she looked behind her and up at my face. I jerked my head to the left, silently asking her to come with me.
I found an empty room, and as soon as the door closed behind me, I looked her dead in the eyes. “You’re pregnant?”
Her mouth opened, and her eyebrows shot up, but she nodded a second later.
My hands lifted to my shaking head.
“And you didn’t tell me. How does everyone fucking know this but me, Gabby?”
“I didn’t—I just told Averie.”
“And you didn’t think I needed to know? It doesn’t matter what I think?” I said, pointing to myself. “How could you think about having an abortion without coming to me first? You realize how fucked up it is that I’m hearing this from my ex, who I fucking hate?”
“No, what? I—” Tears ran down her cheeks, and I could hardly breathe. The walls of my chest were closing in. “I was talking to Averie.”
“So, is she wrong then? Did you have an abortion?”
“No. I-I, that isn’t what I meant—I—no one else was supposed to hear that.”
My head shook, and tears filled my eyes.
I had to get out of there.
“I didn’t, Ryker.” She lifted a hand, wiping at the tear running down her cheek. “I was just thinking out loud and talking to Averie. There’s a lot to think about, and I’m supposed to be leaving to go overseas in a few days. What am I supposed to do?”
I opened the door, and my legs carried me through the house while Gabby called after me, and before I knew it, I was out in the cold, shrugging on my jacket and walking down the dead street with what was left of me.
I walked and walked, looking for some type of reasoning. But the only one I found was that she just didn’t think I could handle this, which was far worse considering she got to know the new me, the person I’d turned into after all these years. And even though she liked me, she didn’t trust me enough to bring something like this to me, who also happened to be the person responsible for it.
For it.
A baby.
Fuck.
My eyes grew blurry, but the anger brewing in the background gave me some kind of sanity. Rage was better than pain. Its immediate effect was strength whilst pain weakened before it strengthened, so for now, I kept my focus on how my brother betrayed me, how Gabby kept this from me, how my father . . . how my father got two women pregnant at nineteen.
I bit my lip as my feet stopped trudging down the dark street. Out of all the people.
Chapter 37
Ryker
Closing the cab door, I stared at the small two-bedroom house. Ash’s car was in the driveway covered in snow, and a light was on in the living room, but I didn’t know if Will was home.
The urge to run, to get away from here and the life I often wished for had my gut crawling, but I walked up to the door. I didn’t know how long I stood there,
but it was long enough that the cold started to penetrate my jeans, my boots, and my coat. Shaking out my arms, I turned away and walked down the driveway twice, contemplating if I should swallow my pride.
I should.
Gabby was pregnant, and I needed more than advice.
The door unlocked, and my heart jumped. My first thought was to run and hide since I hadn’t worked up the courage to knock, but it was too late.
“Ash, Jesus! What are you doing out here in the dark? I thought you were sleeping at Brody’s—” His words stopped when he realized who was standing on his step. “Ryker? Sorry, I thought—are you here for Ash? He said you were in town but that you guys were going to a party at Brody’s house.”
“No, I’m here to see you.” My eyes dropped to his coat. “But if you’re going out—"
“No, it’s fine. I’m glad you’re here.” He stepped aside. “Come in.”
His patience never ceased to amaze. No matter how much shit I gave him, he still acted like everything was fine, and it usually pissed me off, but tonight, I was grateful for it.
“Thanks.”
“How are things at college?”
“All right so far.”
“That’s good to hear.” As he removed his coat and hung it on a wooden rack mounted against the wall to my right, I removed my gloves and stuffed them into the pockets of my coat before doing the same. “Would you like something to drink? And don’t ask for a beer, I don’t keep that in the house.”
Another reminder of the kind of dad he’d been to Ash caused an ache to rise in my chest.
“Water is fine.” I left the beanie on my head but removed my shoes. “How long have you been out there? You look almost blue.”
“I don’t know. A while.”
I glanced around the living room. Not much had changed since the last time I was inside this house a few weeks ago. It still had its warmth from Ash’s mom’s touches over the years, but still, it felt foreign being here. Most of the times I came here for Ash, I usually stayed in the driveway for this reason.