I’ve thought about my mixed feelings all day. In fact, it’s all I can think about. I told Liz about my conflicted feelings and she told me that I was having fun, and who cares that they look alike; at least I’m happy. She’s convinced me that it’s okay to be with him, but I’m starting to doubt myself.
We have dinner plans tonight, and as amazing as things have been, I know I’m not truly letting him in. I’m holding back pieces and parts of me, and maybe in turn he’s doing the same. I can sometimes feel him staring at me while I’m in that almost asleep stage, and when he thinks I’m not watching, I sometimes catch him watching me. His gaze is always heavy and laced with intent. Everything is too familiar, making it not feel real.
I’m wearing my pink button down shirt again and a pair of black jeans that hug my small behind perfectly. I can see the appreciation in Lucas’s eyes when I answer the door. My eyes have no problem roaming over him as well. Lucas has a wool coat on to protect him from the outside chill, but it’s unbuttoned, showing off a white Henley that clings to his chest and a pair of jeans that fit him sinfully well.
“June, you look beautiful,” he greets me. I can't help but smile as those beautiful eyes, that I could’ve sworn I was once in love with take me in.
We eat in an upscale, dimly lit tavern. The Irish owner, with his thick accent, stops by the table to make sure everything is meeting our expectations. Lucas tells him how good everything is and thanks him for stopping by. He makes me laugh throughout the dinner and after a delicious glass of wine, I’m feeling spectacular.
“This was delicious,” I gush, “Thank you. It’s really been a great night.”
“Do you want to go for a walk?” He asks stroking his hand over mine.
“We better take advantage of the weather while we can. No doubt it’ll be snowing tomorrow the way the weather is here,” I laugh. Cleveland weather is the oddest thing; one day it can be sunny and warm, and the next a blizzard, literally.
We walk hand in hand as we come to the large ornate fountain that sits in front of The Cleveland Museum of Art. The magnificent fountain is more than a fountain; it's one of the most beautiful pieces of art I've ever see. Enormous Angels embracing each other are on each side of a large caldron with water cascading out of it. To the left of the fountain, there is a lake that is there solely to highlight the statue.
“This is my favorite place,” I tell Lucas.
“Mine too, right after Garfield’s Monument and Lake Erie. It’s peaceful here. If I’m ever stuck on lyrics, or I just need to clear my head, this is one of those spots that just makes it all work. Do you know what I mean?”
“I do,” I agree. We sit silently until the sky completely darkens and the air begins to chill. We take in the beauty of the area. I sit and watch Lucas, taking in the beauty of him. He may not be Jake, but he is everything right for me. I thought I needed to end things with him, that maybe I was letting him in because of Jake and not because of who he is, but sitting here with him, I know without a doubt that I’m falling for the man in front of me. We just work.
“Maybe we should head back?” Lucas suggests.
I agree and we walk down the sidewalk illuminated by streetlights then stop at a coffee shop and grab coffees to warm us.
“Tonight’s really been great. It’s easy being with you,” I tell Lucas.
Lucas stops walking and pulls me in close. “Every moment, the quiet ones, the funny ones, the sexy ones, is a gift. I’m the lucky one because I get to share them with you. From the moment I saw you, it’s felt this way.” He leans down and kisses me. My small frame fits perfectly against his large frame. I’m cocooned in warmth and surrounded by the importance of his words that, in truth, mirror my own.
Lucas’ apartment building seems deserted as we walk through the halls, finally entering his dimly lit apartment. We don't waste time. I follow him straight into his bedroom where we’re quickly pulling off our coats, then shoes and finally jeans. He shrugs off his shirt and I pause for a minute taking him in. The man is sexy. His beautiful V dips into his boxers and I lick my lips in appreciation.
“June give them to me,” he says stalking towards me. I am prey to his predatory lips. With my black boy shorts on and my pink shirt, I climb on the bed kneeling in front of him and do exactly like he says. I lean up and give him my lips, but he keeps me at a slight distance, not giving in to his own desires. He’s close. His breath is warm against my lips. One of his hands cups my ass, the other the back of my head, drawing me in close to him. My body is flush to his when I whisper a single plea, “Lucas.”
“Shh, June. I’m going to take care of you. I’m going to take your lips. I’m going to lick every inch of you. I’m going to make you cum so hard that every time your pussy clenches, you’ll remember it was me who was there and me who made it that way.”
Fuck, his words are turning me on even more.
He sticks his tongue out, dragging it across my bottom lip. I lean in wanting his lips on mine. Instead of kissing me back with his perfect plump lips, his teeth pull my bottom lip. I whimper when his fingertips graze the bottom of my underwear tracing the outline. We are usually frenzied, but this slow pace is driving me even crazier.
I reach up and begin to undo the buttons on my shirt. I undo the first, and then the second. His eyes are heated and he finally gives into his own demand as he takes my lips, fucking my mouth with his tongue.
I’m fiddling with the buttons still, needing to feel his mouth on my breasts when he becomes impatient and grabs each side of my shirt and yanks it apart sending buttons flying. I catch his eyes and he breaks the kiss smirking on his way pushing down my bra to get to my nipples. The sassy part of me wants to give him hell for the destruction to my shirt, but then he is at my small pink nipples. He tweaks one nipple between two fingers while he thoroughly sucks and nibbles on the other. I moan and break contact, getting off the bed and then use both hands to slide his boxers down. He is so hard and prodding at my belly. The light moisture from his cock makes a tiny droplet.
“I want my lips around you,” I say more brazen than I normally am. There is no way I can drop to my knees and have him in my mouth, I’m much too short for that, so I’m pleased when he sits on the edge of the bed, his legs outstretched on the ground since the box spring sits on the floor.
“Yes, June. Give me those.” His eyes darken looking more like deep waters than the Caribbean shade they normally are.
I lower in front of him, my eyes locked on his.
I feel bold.
I feel alive.
I start at the bottom of his dick and draw my tongue upwards, swirling it around his head, eliciting a groan. In one fluid movement, I take him in my mouth applying suction. I move lower, my mouth taking him as deeply as I can while sliding my tongue along that beautiful vein running up his shaft.
Another groan from Lucas tells me he likes what I’m doing, so I continue on. Bringing my eyes up to meet his I find him is watching me move my head up and down him. I taste the saltiness of his pre-cum and he pulls back, knowing that if I don't stop this, it will all be over all too fast.
“June. Oh God, the way your lips feel around me.”
My lips are swollen from sucking him. Lucas sees this and runs his thumb over my lip and whispers, “Beautiful.” I dart my tongue out and lick his thumb to which he responds by pushing it in my mouth and sliding it against his tongue. I moan from how erotic it is.
Lucas guides me to the center of the bed, all while I continue to suck his thumb. “Roll your nipples,” he orders and I happily comply. His naked body brushes against mine making me painfully aware that I still have my panties on creating an unnecessary barrier. He hovers above me, just barely and grabs two pillows from above my head. He removes his thumb as I stare at him, wild with desire.
“Lift your hips. I want these lips next,” his voice is laced with a silky smoothness as he slides two pillows under my ass, and tantalizingly slowly, he peels back the black lace separating u
s.
Starting at my knee, his tongue moves higher and higher until finally he’s licking the outside around the soft flesh. It’s a tease. I want more. “Lucas, I need…” I’m breathless and can't finish my thoughts as Lucas pushes two fingers deep inside of me, at the same time sucks my clit hard into his mouth. “Oh,” I moan.
“You like that, June? You like me sucking your sweet cunt? You taste like heaven,” he says and continues the perfect rhythm of sucking and curling his fingers. It happens fast, so fast there’s hardly a build up to it. One minute, I’m moaning and trying to get out Lucas’ name; the next moment, I clench around him so fast. My stomach muscles tighten. My toes curl. I’m no longer playing with my nipples, but grasping frantically at his hair. I’m not sure if I’m pushing him into me or moving away. The pleasure is so great that I’m lost in the moment.
“Yes, Lucas. Yes!” I finally shout out. He moves his fingers and then he is sliding his tongue into me, lapping up my orgasm.
“Fucking Heaven,” he says when he moves his head back. His lips glisten and his blue-green eyes sparkle, “I’m going to fuck you now, June. Would you like that? I need to take you hard. You got me so turned on. Can I fuck you hard, June?”
“Yes! Fuck me!” I pant out.
Lucas flips me over on the pillows and with one fluid stroke, he is buried deep inside of me. He slides in so deep, his thighs and balls hit my ass. With each thrust in, I push back hard against him. It’s raw and primal how hard we’re fucking.
I stretch forward and arch my back almost catlike. My palms are flat against the bed, gripping onto the sheets. “Fuck me, Lucas. Fuck!”
He leans forward against my back and whispers in my ear, “You like me buried deep inside of you? So deep you’ll never get me out?” His words are familiar, part of me wants to stop and think about them, but the-I’m about to come for the second time tonight-part can't.
“Answer me?” he commands stilling his movements. Did he ask me a question? All I can think about is how amazing he feels and how I was almost there.
“Yes! You’re so deep inside of me. It’s so good. You feel so right.”
He must be satisfied with my answer because his thrusts turn wild. He pounds fast and hard. Our skin slapping against each other followed by our pants and moans has a sensual melodic sound to it. He reaches around me and pinches my clit, holding it tight.
“Oh God, Lucas! I’m coming again!” I shout out as I feel every part of me begin to tighten again.
“Yes, June. Yes!” he says pounding, once, twice, three times. Then, he comes with a violent shudder. His body falls hard and heavy against mine, wrapping me tightly in his arms.
***
I wake up alone in Lucas’ bed to the sound of his keyboard in the other room. The sound feels tortured. His voice has a vulnerability and pain to it that I didn't know Lucas was capable of. I wrap a sheet around me and stand silently in the doorway watching him and listening to his words that freeze me in place.
How can you not see me,
After all this time?
I wear a mask
But you should know.
I’d know you anywhere.
Waited
Wondered
If I could bleed you dry
Make it so you were only mine
Maybe then you’d know how I feel.
How can you not see me,
After all this time?
I’ve only been yours
Dreaming of you
Nothing's as good as the real you
Breathing you in
Nothing's as good as the feel of you.
If I could make you see
I’d hope you’d love the real me
If I could make you mine
I’d do anything to turn back time
I’d climb mountains and sail the sea
I’d do anything for us to be
How could you not see me?
After all this time
I wear a mask
And you make me bleed.
I’d do anything to turn back time
I’d wage wars and calm an ocean
I’d break tides and change the moon
I’d do anything if you were mine
I’d do anything to turn back time
He pounds vigorously on the keys. The words of his song make it painfully clear. I move to him, still clutching the sheet around me. It feels like the only thing I have to protect myself with.
“Jake?” I ask over the heavy thumping in my chest. The melancholy look on his face is more than I can take and I fear that I did something to put it there. His words make me feel like I let him down somehow, but he knew it was me this entire time. I have a flood of emotions, but the biggest feeling is that for the first time in so long I feel like I’m whole again. I move to him, even though I’m suddenly shy and afraid. My fear might be irrational, but I’m afraid this isn’t real, and I need it to be real. I have a million questions, like why didn’t he tell me, being the first on the list.
He turns on the stool away from the keyboard and towards me.
“June,” he says my name in barely a whisper. I press my forehead to his
“I see you,” I tell him responding to the words in his song, “I thought it could be you. I hoped it was, but you’re older and I thought I was just imagining all the resemblances because I wanted it to be true.
A loud banging at the door silences me.
“Jake Daniels. Police.”
His eyes dart to me in a panic. “June, I know you have questions. Shit, I wanted to tell you, but we don’t have time.” My heart is pounding hard. It feels like it’s going to strum right out of my chest. “I need you to promise me something.”
Another loud banging on the door, “Jake, open the door, or we will be forced to open it. We have a warrant.”
“Promise me that you won’t tell them how you know me. Promise you won’t talk to them. As far as they’re concerned, we met the other night for the first time and you thought my name was Lucas.”
“Jake I don’t understand?”
A loud bang on the door sounds, followed by another.
“Promise me, June!” he says frantically
“I promise,” I yell. Suddenly, the apartment is charged with a small team of police officers. It’s a blur of blue uniforms, and Jake is slammed to the ground. His Miranda rights are being read. He remains quiet and my eyes are locked on his.
“Do you understand each of these rights I’ve explained to you?” the officer finishes. An officer moves into his room and grabs a pair of jeans, “Put these on,” he instructs Jake and then he's handcuffed sitting on the couch. I’m standing in the middle of the room clutching my sheet. I’m stunned, the last few minutes seem unreal. Lucas is my Jake and he’s being arrested.
“Miss, can you please get dressed? We have a few questions for you.” I don't want to take my eyes off of Jake, even to get dressed. He pleads with his eyes for me to do as they ask, and so I do.
An officer follows me into the room, “Miss, grab your clothes. Get dressed in the bathroom. We need to search this room for evidence and can't leave you in it.”
I dress on autopilot and hurry back to the living room. Jake doesn't seem surprised by the arrival of the police, but there must be some mistake. There has to be, right?
Two officers, one wearing a visible bullet proof vest and the other in uniform, are walking Jake to the door. My heart feels like it’s breaking all over again. I can't lose him, I only just found him. Jake’s eyes are still fixed on me when an officer asks me, “Miss, how do you know Jake Daniels?” I think about my promise to Jake and know I have to do as promised. I need to lie.
“Who’s Jake? His name is Lucas. What’s going on?” I play dumb the best I can and see the slightest nod of approval from Jake.
“Miss, this man’s name is Jake Daniels and he‘s wanted in connection with the disappearance of his father Mike Daniels.” I look shocked when I hear the officer’s words.
I know Jake isn't responsible for the disappearance of his dad. I know without a shadow of a doubt. And the reason I know this with complete certainty is because I killed Mike Daniels.
Chapter Six
Past
Jake Daniels fell in love with his sweet Juniper the moment he laid eyes on her. She was only fifteen and far too innocent for his seventeen-year-old self. He fought his attraction to the tiny auburn haired girl with the biggest blue eyes he ever saw, watching her from far away. He figured the summer would go by quickly enough with all the work his old man had been making him do and she would leave the summer vacation home without much thought to him. He never figured that she would take an interest in him, and even when she did and she had witnessed his dad calling him a useless piece of shit, she would realize right away that he wasn't good enough for her. Jake never thought that when he was swimming in the river by himself right before sunset that she would join him by jumping in the murky water and for once he was grateful that the current wasn’t that fast. He didn’t know what kind of swimmer June was and he didn't want anything to happen to her.
Sometimes he would wish the current would take him away. Maybe down the river far enough where his old man couldn't find him and beat the shit out of him. Sometimes, he wished the current would swallow him whole, but that was only after a real bad beating. Today he was grateful for calm waters.
“What are you doing?” he asked June when she swam up to him, wearing a tank top and jean shorts.
“I’m tired of waiting on you to say hi.” June tread water with ease and it gave Jake comfort to know she was a strong swimmer.
“I wasn’t planning on saying hi,” Jake told her making sure to keep a distance.
June ignored his comment, swimming around Jake on her back while he tread water and carefully kept an eye on her. The rational part of his brain wanted to tell June to go away, but no matter how much he should tell her to go, he didn’t.
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