She

by Franceska Krence

  The anger was soon replaced by regret of what I had just said, making me place a hand over my mouth: "Dad, I'm-"

  "Save it," he stood up, "I don't need you to add to the guilt I already feel every day. You are moving with us like it or not. Maybe you don't want to leave Eden behind, but I'm certainly not leaving my daughter behind, knowing I would be putting you at risk."

  He was right, it wasn't right of me to say such a thing yet I couldn't help it - Eden had become family now too.

  "You know, Ruby, you should never put anything before your family. That's what my parents thought me, that's how we built this business - all for this family, for you, your kids and grandkids future. Don't be foolish to put a person you know for such a short period before us, and, more importantly, yourself."

  Immediately a part of me grew angry over the fact my dad had doubted the strength of my feelings towards Eden. I had to remind myself not to be foolish. Was I kidding myself? Thinking my dad would ever do anything that isn't good for me, was absurd.

  "I'm sorry, dad," I mumbled.

  "I know you are, sweety," he kissed my forehead, "Me and your mom are leaving on Monday, you can join us whenever you feel like it, as far as it doesn't take longer than 2 months. The school already knows too."

  "Thanks," I replied as he walked out.

  I laid down on my bed, sighing, knowing the only thing that could make me feel better. So I picked up my phone, dialing her number.

  "Ruby?" she immediately picked up, sounding pretty eager.

  "Hello to you too, babe," I smiled.

  "I thought you're mad at me?" she asked, confusingly, "I swear, if it wasn't because of these two idiots stopping me, I would've gone after you far sooner."

  I laughed: "what did Luke and Blake do this time?"

  "Just being themselves.." she sighed, "I'm glad we're okay."

  The fact was that we certainly weren't okay yet the bigger negative seemed to cancel out the smaller negative.

  "I miss you already," I looked out of the window.

  "I'll be over in 5," she quickly replied.

  I wanted to tell her to stay, she's injured, her health is more important than this. But I didn't, because to her, this wasn't anywhere near something she couldn't handle, and, selfishly enough, I truly needed her at the moment.

  "Alright," I replied, "I love you."

  My eyes widened. Oh my, did I really just say that? The line grew silent, maybe she had already ended the call?

  "Me too," she replied quickly, ending the call.

  My insides turned into mush, my lips breaking into a grin. Maybe this wasn't the most romantic way to say these words for the first time, but, clearly, we were far from ordinary anyways.

  TWENTY SEVEN

  silly, couldn't say more than that,

  it was a pure addiction not love

  ✽✽✽

  "Hey, babe," I grinned, opening the door for her.

  She smirked, wrapping arms around my waist as she pulled me in for a kiss: "less talking."

  "Please don't make me hear any more of this, miss Gold," I heard Henry mumble from the outside.

  "Love you too, Hen,"I replied, pulling Eden in the house and closing the doors after us.

  "Why the sudden change in mood?" I asked while we climbed up to my room hand in hand.

  She looked at me: "no clue of what you're talking about."

  "Let me rephrase that," I closed the door of my room behind us, "why didn't you just tell me you were alright?"

  She removed her jacket, climbing in my bed. I followed after her.

  "How could I say no to you?" she smirked, placing a strand of hair behind my ear.

  I decided not to question it any further for two reasons, first of them being that I knew I wouldn't get the truth out of her no matter how hard I tried. Followed by, I thought it was best to just spend this evening with my incredibly gorgeous girlfriend, without making it difficult or thinking about the things which I might never understand.

  "Now that I think about it," I smiled, climbing on top of her, "I'd like to put this question to test."

  She looked at me, her eyes full of lust. Lust for me. What a wonderful sight it was. I kissed her, teasing her. She deserved a lot of teasing after the many times she'd pushed me away.

  Eden didn't take any time before returning the kiss, eager to make me hers. I pulled away, smirking, taking sides of her shirt and pulling it off of her, revealing her mouthwatering body. I took my time admiring her body.

  "You have to stop biting that lip," she smiled, slowly unbuttoning my shirt, finally taking it off, "let me do it for you."

  I didn't waste a second allowing her to do so. This became hotter, steamier by second. About the time I got these pants off, I thought, slowly kissing my way from her lips to the neck, chest, and stomach, trying to ignore the wound that graced her side. I nibbled on the skin right above her jeans.

  "Stop the torture already," she breathed, grabbing onto my hair.

  I couldn't fight the smirk on my lips, slowly undoing her pants, "what is it, Harper? Can't handle a little tease?"

  She groaned, pulling me in as she flipped us around, placing herself on top of me. Smiling, she connected my hands above my head: "let's see how good you're at it, Gold."

  I looked at her, my mouth parted. This truly was torture - not being able to touch her even for a second or two. But if that was torture, then this was pure hell - she took no time removing my pants, kissing up my legs, nibbling, sucking, licking, and just when I was about to be driven mad, she kissed her way up to my lips.

  "You're asking for it, Harper," I breathed, my eyes closed as she focused on my weak spot. I could feel the smile against my neck: "what is it, Gold? Can't handle a little tease?" she repeated my words.

  "I don't really have to," I smiled, flipping us around, undoing my bra. Her eyes ran down my body, whilst her tongue ran across her upper lip, yet made no move. So I took her hands in mine, guiding them, in an undeniable need for her touch.

  "Eden," I whispered, kissing her lips, "touch me."

  She didn't have to be told twice.

  ✽✽✽

  if she's the fire, I'd burn alive,

  if she's the air, I'd never dive again

  her touch sent me far, to a different place,

  her tongue showing me the stars on the way

  silly, couldn't say more than that,

  it was a pure addiction not love

  ✽✽✽

  We fell in the pillows, breathless. I stared at the ceiling, speechless.

  "Wow," Eden breathed, also staring at the ceiling.

  This brought a smile to my lips. So I wasn't the only one feeling this way. I turned on my side, tracing her lips with my thumb.

  She smiled, turning her head to me, amused: "I thought we had enough rounds already?"

  "I can never get enough of you," I laughed, pecking her lips, "but no, I think I've had enough to last me a while."

  She smirked: "have to agree with you on this one."

  I placed a kiss on her shoulder: "this.. you.. it was amazing. Though I am not that surprised, wasn't expecting any less from you."

  She raised her brow: "did you ask me to be your girlfriend just to get me in bed, Gold?"

  I made a serious expression: "what, you didn't know?"

  She was silent for a second, thinking I was actually being serious. I broke into a grin, which made her nudge my side, laughing.

  Looking into her eyes, I played with her hair. So pure, so relaxing, I wanted to spend my whole life in this bed with her, ignoring the reality that was outside the walls surrounding us. But I knew I couldn't.

  "This is probably the worst possible timing, but we have to talk," I smiled apologetically, moving my hand to her stomach, drawing circles on it.

  She tensed under my touch, sitting up instantly: "are you breaking up with me?"

  I laughed: "you wish, silly."

  She immediately relaxed, laying down next to me again.


  "I was thinking about the future, university and so on," I half-lied, "and since I know I won't be staying here for uni, it made me think about you, what it might mean for us."

  She furrowed her brows: "I don't like to discuss the future, you know that. We should live for now, not wonder about what might happen then. After all, it is completely natural for you to put your education first, so if you had to move, I would totally get it if-"

  "Do you honestly think I would choose anything over you?" I asked, with an amused smile on my lips.

  She looked at me, dumbfounded. Did she even realize how much she meant to me?

  "I don't care, distance, people, education, whatever it is, you are my priority. I'd choose you now if I had to, and I will keep choosing you in the future. Without a pause, without a doubt, in a heartbeat. I'll keep choosing you. So you better get that in your head, Harper," I smiled, kissing her neck, "I love you. Nothing will come between us."

  Except for something rather big. The Atlantic ocean, to be specific. However, it would never damage us, what we've built and I'd make sure of it.

  She was silent, looking at me. What was she thinking? I noticed the glimmer of fear in her eyes. What is it, Eden? Just tell me. I'll make it better, we can work through it no matter what it is.

  Instead of telling me what was that she was thinking, she smiled: "how about another round?"

  I smirked, leaning into her kiss, ignoring that she didn't say "I love you" back, ignoring the bad feeling deep in my stomach, ignoring my intuition begging me to open my eyes.

  Little did I know, the ocean was the last thing I should have been worried about. Little did I know, my life was falling apart right in front of my eyes while I was happily in love and awfully blind.

  TWENTY EIGHT

  loving you was so beautiful

  bleeding whilst dancing in the sandstorm

  ✽✽✽

  "Beautiful?" Eden's angelic voice woke me from my dreams.

  I felt the bed shift, her moving next to me, then I felt her soft lips, moving from my shoulder to my neck. A grin made it' s way to my lips.

  Her fingers were slowly sliding down my stomach. My muscles immediately tensing underneath her touch. This made feel things I had never felt before her, I don't think she would ever even comprehend what she did to me.

  "You better wake me up like this all mornings," I breathed.

  I bit my lip whilst she nibbled on my ear.

  As much as I wanted to continue this pure pleasure, I couldn't ignore the footsteps coming towards my room.

  I quickly pushed Eden under the sheets, making her laugh: "Fiesty. I like-"

  That's when my dad knocked on the door. Eden instantly shut up while my dad walked in right after and looked at me, checking out the rest of my bed: "good morning, princess."

  Eden's head was on my stomach, I could feel her hot breath on my skin. And here I was, trying not to be distracted.

  "Morning, dad. What's up?" I asked, not spending any time beating around the bush, wanting to stay alone with Eden.

  He smiled, raising his brow: "in a rush, are we, princess? Just wanted to tell you Lucy called, saying she needed Eden's help at home."

  I bit my lip, avoiding eye contact meanwhile trying very hard not to laugh, knowing we were caught like two deers in spotlights: "And you're telling me because..?"

  He laughed: "Oh, I don't know. Maybe because she's in your bed? Good morning, Eden."

  Eden mumbled from under the covers: "morning."

  I laughed, knowing how embarrassed Eden had to feel right know. What a great way to spend a morning.

  "Apart from that - the breakfast is ready.." he said, "and your mom and I have to leave now, we have a plane to catch in half an hour. I know I said it'd be tomorrow, but we really need to go. Is that okay?"

  I was grateful he didn't say any more about the topic. I was yet to tell Eden about the whole moving situation. But to me it didn't matter at the moment, we still had 2 months. She was right by saying we shouldn't focus on the future, had to live in the present.

  "Oh, okay. That's alright. Call me when you land," I smiled, "and tell mom I'll miss her."

  "Will do, princess. I'll leave you both to it," he smirked, leaving the room. This was ridiculous, with Eden still hiding under the sheets.

  "Not that I mind you staying there, but perhaps you're running out of air?" I laughed, raising the blanket.

  She smiled at me awkwardly, still not moving her head from my stomach: "so that was awkward."

  "Yeah, sorry about that," I couldn't stop laughing.

  She nudged my side, trying to make me stop laughing.

  "Ouch!" I fake whined, "can't you be more gentle?"

  "Since when do you want it gentle?" she smirked, climbing on top of me.

  "I'll take whatever you offer, Harper," I teased, smiling.

  She kissed her way up to my lips: "I better get going."

  No, please stay here, I thought. Let's just lie in this bed forever and make each other go wild.

  "Okay, I guess you're right," I replied instead, "but I'll see you later, right?"

  "Of course," she smirked, getting out of the bed as she started to put her clothes back on, "you can't starve me all day, after all."

  I raised my brow, biting my lip: "I didn't even get breakfast yet. Perhaps Lucy can wait for a little more?"

  She laughed, ignoring my attempts at making her stay. She put on her jacket, finishing her yesterday's outfit. Leaning over me, she placed a kiss on my forehead.

  "Are you okay?" she asked, "you know.. with your parents leaving."

  She had no clue it wouldn't be just them leaving.

  "As long as you're here," I smiled.

  It was true, her presence alone was all I needed. I could live off of it.

  "Okay, but if something's up, you know I'm here."

  "I'll see you later, Gold," she said, getting off the bed, walking to the doors.

  "I love you!" I said when she was already out of the door.

  I sighed, yet another time I hadn't gotten a proper reply, I could only hope this doesn't become a habit. Suddenly her grinning face appeared in the doorway, quickly walking towards me. She leaned down, raising my head with her hand, planting a passionate kiss on my lips.

  Her eyes found mind when she pulled back, smiling: "I love you too Ruby Gold."

  With that she winked at me and walked out of the door, leaving me completely breathless.

  I have to ask her to move to the UK with me, was my first thought. This was the most real thing that had ever come out of her mouth. For once, I knew she wasn't hiding anything, just loving me the way I loved her all along. So I made a decision.

  I decided to come clean about it all as soon as I saw her today. I'd tell her about the brain cancer, I'd tell her about having to leave, I'd tell her I know about The Quietus. It all would finally be behind us and there would be no lies, no hiding things. It would be just us, our love for each other, and a lot of "I know this amazing Italian place..".

  I knew I loved her for quite a while, probably it was at the bottom of my brain the whole time, yet it took me a while to get it. It's a blissful feeling to be in love for the first time, to be so invested in a person you don't care about anything at all. But now, now that she had finally understood it as well, accepted her feelings for me, it couldn't compare to anything else.

  Putting on an oversized t-shirt I walked downstairs, feeling the quietness, loneliness that had overtaken the house once again. The waffle scent still lingered in the kitchen.

  I took my phone, turning on my playlist. Music filled the house in seconds. I danced around, shaking my hips to the music. While dancing I took my pills, ate a waffle or two. This for sure had to be one of the best mornings I had ever had.

  I thought about Eden, how much I loved and already missed her. She fit so perfectly in my arms as if she was meant to be there all along. I even smelled like her perfume, yet wanted her to be here to be able to drown in it.
I was so in love even I thought it was cringy as hell, yet I couldn't help but grin and dance around like in one of these romantic movies.

  My thoughts were interrupted by a knock on my door. Grabbing my phone, I turned the volume of the song down.

  "Be right there," I shouted, walking to the door, thinking perhaps it was Eden, already finished with helping her mom.

  But once I had opened the door, there was no one there. Weird, I thought, furrowing my brows. And then I looked down, finding a pretty decent amount of clinched pages laying on the ground.

  I picked it up. The first page had a title in bold "I'm sorry". What the hell, I thought. Someone had to be playing games with me.

  But then I turned the next page. My eyes widened as I processed the words written, the pictures taken. I quickly flipped through them all, putting 2 and 2 together.

  "This can't be true," I said to no one in particular.

  TWENTY NINE

  bed still warm, marks on my neck,

  I still hear your laugh in my head

  I must admit, I'd never guessed

  you couldn't handle being loved,

  too much of a mess

  ✽✽✽

  Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale.

  "The house will be empty for 2 hours from the moment you get this" - the note placed on the last page read.

  It had been half an hour already. I wasn't going anywhere, unable to trust this without checking with her. She loves me, I love her. She's my girlfriend, she would never..

  This had to be a sick joke, there's no way this is true.

  "It has to be a joke", I repeated to myself.

  Come on, you have evidence right in front of your eyes, yet you're still so naive a voice inside my head laughed.

  "No," I whispered.

  She had you wrapped around your finger this whole time and even now she still does? I expected more of you.

  "No, she loves me," I repeated to myself.

  She doesn't, she never did. It was all a game.