“Well, old Mrs. Unfeld, the one with dementia, as soon as her daughter could get her, she took her home with her. Again, the ladies at the church made sure she was cared for.”
“The unsung heroes?”
“There are many of them in this town. Nothing gets people pulling together better than a natural disaster. But you know, people here have always taken care of each other.”
“I guess. I’ve started piles here for Ben, Dennis, and Rob. How about giving them a call tomorrow and ask them to come when they can and see if they can fill in any of the blanks?”
“All right. Now go home.”
“Yes, Mother. Night.” Esther hung up and dug out her purse from the drawer. The stack was gone. The relief that washed over her threatened to carry her out with the tide if she didn’t just give up and get some rest.
The next brisk November days flew by with talk of the clinic overshadowing everything except the football team, first with its league victory, then on to district. Despite the time they’d lost due to the storm and recovery, the team was charging forward. When you thought about it, the whole town was. Esther came in one day to find blue and white balloons that said ON TO STATE tethered to the underside of the reception counter and bobbing in the draft.
“And who do we thank for the new decorations? Don’t they have to win district first?”
“That’s this weekend. They’re playing Fillmore, I think.” Barbara snickered. “You know the old fifties movies where something horrible happens to the quarterback the day before the Big Game? Always the Big Game. Well, this one’s the Big Game, capital letters.”
“Wouldn’t the state championship be the Big Game?”
“Normally, yes. Pineville has to get past the Fillmore Eagles to go to the finals. But beating Fillmore is almost more important than the championship. Certainly more important than life and death.”
“Wow. Okay.”
“Are you going?”
Esther kept from making a face. She’d been off to college when her brother played and didn’t mind missing the games. Like she’d told Ben when he tried to teach her, she’d not cared much for the sport. “I doubt it.”
The next day Beth called and invited her over for a girls-only party while the guys were gone to the division game. “I’ve invited Yvette, too, since her hubby went with Ben and Ansel.”
“What can I bring?”
“Yourself. I’m making an apple crisp and I have chips and dip. Nothing fancy.”
“I could bring a cheese ball and crackers.”
“All right. But don’t expect a whole lot.”
When Esther arrived at Ben’s house, Beth handed her Dawn and went to pick up Nathan, who had decided he was now hungry. “He’s adopted a trait of Dawn’s, wanting to be fed immediately. I thought they’d be down before company arrived.” With Nathan on one arm, she sent her nightgown-clad little daughter for a blanket and settled in the rocking chair. “Thank you, sweetie.” She flipped the blanket over her shoulder, settled her son to a noisy nursing, and heaved a sigh. “Not quite the way I had planned it.”
The doorbell rang. “Could you get that please?”
Esther nodded and, Dawn in one arm, invited Yvette in. “Welcome to feed-the-babies hour.”
“I can see what it would take to raise twins,” Esther said a bit later when the three children were sound asleep in their respective beds. “How do you stay so cheerful and on top of things?”
“I guess because I love doing this. I have always loved babies, and watching these two grow and change is pure delight.” Beth reached for a the knife to add cheese to her cracker. “This is so good.”
“Thank you.” Beth smiled. “A recipe I tried so that I could make it for Thanksgiving. My mother asked me to bring three kinds of hors d’oeuvres. I agree that it is yummy.”
They talked recipes and life in Pineville, the funding drive for the clinic, and the arguments going on wherever folks congregated.
Yvette’s beeper went off; she groaned and flicked it open. “I’m needed on a run. I told them I’d be on call.” She grabbed her coat. “See you. Thanks, Beth.”
“I’d better be ready just in case. Thanks for having us and for letting me hold Dawn for a while. This has been a delightful evening. And to think, we never even brought up football.” She drove to the clinic and listened to the police band. They were bringing the patient to the clinic parking lot to meet air evac.
At the same moment, she heard the chopper coming in. What a shame that patients needed to be airlifted out because their clinic was so insufficient. She watched the smooth exchange and the chopper lifting off again. Who was it and what had they needed? So many of the elderly in Pineville needed closer care. Why was there so much arguing going on about the proposed clinic?
Thanksgiving Day came quickly. From long experience with the big friendly gang wars that her mom called “family getting together,” Esther packed the perishables in the cooler and the nons in a basket, so when Ben drove up, she was ready. She met him at the door, handed him the cooler handle, and carried the basket. He had left the SUV running, with Bo watching over the infant seat strapped into the seat right behind the driver. He wagged his tail and sat back down. Ben settled the food things in the rear.
“You’re not concerned Bo might have a snack?”
“He’d never touch that without permission. He’s been trained to not take food from anyone but me.” He opened the passenger door for her.
“What if something happened to you? Would he never eat again?” She climbed in and glanced over her shoulder. Dawn lay sound asleep, a pink fleece hood cupping her round little face.
Ben slid behind the steering wheel. “Good question. If someone else put kibble in his dish, he’d eat that. But no hand-feeding.”
“I assume there’s a reason.”
“So the bad guys can’t distract him with a steak while they do their badness. Or worse, feed him poison or something.” He smiled at Esther. “You ready?”
“As I’ll ever be.”
“Is this really so hard for you?”
Esther could feel him glancing at her. Trying to figure her out. How could he figure her out when she couldn’t figure herself out? But if she forced herself to look inside, she knew what the problem was. Plain old guilt. Guilt and resentment. Two of those things God said to let go of. Resentment that her mother always had to find something to criticize in her eldest daughter. Was she that way with the others? If so, they didn’t let it bother them. Kenneth was the golden boy in their mother’s eyes. He could do no wrong. So was it not only guilt and resentment but envy, too?
Why not look at ’em all? No wonder her mother constantly found something to harp on. Esther figured she brought it on herself.
With a sigh, Esther answered. “Probably only as hard as I make it. The others seem to get along just fine. I’ve always felt like the odd man out. Or woman in this case.”
“And of course you are not an overachiever at all.”
She stared at him wide-eyed. “Ya think? Whatever gave you that idea?”
“I think it is that eldest-child syndrome. Our parents expect a lot of us and so we expect even more. Something worth growing out of, wouldn’t you think?”
“You excelled in football, earned straight A’s, and could have gone to any number of universities. Why didn’t you?”
“I had always wanted to be a marine, thought I would stay in and retire with a bunch of stars on my shoulders or something. But during my first hitch, my folks needed me at home, and I had lost my desire to fight. There had to be other ways to handle problems, nationally and internationally. So I finished my tour and came home. Took me one more year to graduate with a BS and I went to work for the border patrol, grateful to be stationed right here in my hometown.”
“You ever thought of going back to school? You did a good job there at the clinic.”
“I took the advanced EMT training. By then I was married and I didn’t want to pull up stakes
and go back to school. Allie and I moved into my folks’ house to help take care of Dad; Mom had already gone. I’ve done some remodeling on the place and I thought we would raise our family there.” He paused and cleared his throat. “Besides, I like what I do. Most of the time.”
Esther heard squeaking from the backseat. She looked over her shoulder to see Dawn stretching and looking around. Bo whined.
“I know, big dog. I hear her. How much farther to your house?”
“Not long.”
“Dawn probably won’t make too good a first impression if she decides she is hungry. I tell you, she has a hefty set of lungs.”
Esther giggled. “You watch. My mother will take her over before you can blink. Babies settle right down when she takes care of them. Turn right at the next crossroad.”
The familiar farmland glided by out there—not a sunny day but not heavily overcast, either. Brown oaks, orange maples. Eventually, they pulled into the drive.
When he stopped the vehicle, Dawn was fussing and Bo was whimpering. Ben opened the side door and Bo leaped out.
Esther gathered the food baskets. Let Ben take the baby. She led the way.
The door swung open as she reached it. Time to put on her smiley face. “Hi, Mom. Dad. I want you to meet Ben James, and that pink bundle is Dawn.”
“Glad to meet you.” Ben untangled one hand enough to shake theirs. “Mr. and Mrs. Hanson, thanks for inviting us.”
“May I hold her?” Mom reached for the baby. “And please call me Madge.”
“She’s probably going to start screaming any moment now. When she decides it is mealtime, she means right now.” Ben handed his baby over, and Esther was privately grateful that Bo couldn’t see him giving Dawn to a stranger.
“Then we better get right on that. Esther, introduce Ben around. Is her bottle in that diaper bag?” Without waiting for an answer, Mom snatched away the diaper bag and marched inside.
Ben held the door for her and Esther led him into the house. In the flurry and busyness of introductions and greetings, Esther almost started to relax. With all the hubbub going on, she might be exempt from her mother’s attention. Ben got sucked away into the living room, so Esther wandered into the kitchen.
“Esther, she is a darling,” Gramma Alma crowed. She frowned. “I listened to all the news reports, but I didn’t hear anything about a baby.”
“We’re trying to protect her.” Esther arranged her contribution on platters.
“Doesn’t that look pretty?” Her mom appeared, Dawn tucked comfortably into the crook of her arm, and stopped at the table. “Do you need more cocktail napkins? I have more in the drawer, that one down there. I’m going to feed little Dawn. What an angel.”
Ben strolled into the room and caught the last of that. He watched her mom disappear into the family room and grinned at Esther. “You were so right. Dawn never goes to strangers without a fuss.” He smeared cheese ball on a cracker. “Oh, my gosh, this is so good.”
Kenneth joined him at the table, took a sample of each, and raised his voice. “You guys better get in here, or Ben’s going to eat all of these.” He wiggled a finger toward their houseguest. “This guy’s a genuine hero, Esther, I guess you know. Single-handedly trounced the Fillmore Eagles twice. Walks on water.”
Granny frowned at Ben. “Didn’t you lead our team to a state championship?”
“Two championships.” Kenneth licked his fingers. “But Fillmore’s the biggie.”
Barbara’s Big Game. Esther almost laughed out loud.
By the time they all had their fill of the turkey and vast array of trimmings, Ben had settled in as if he’d been a longtime friend of the family. How much of that was Ben’s easy personality, and how much was Football Hero worship? At first Esther would have guessed hero worship, knowing her dad and brother, but it looked like Ben would’ve been gold even if his victories had been in intramural volleyball. She watched and listened as they discussed the game that had just ended and the one about to begin. She wagged her head. What had started out as a holiday set aside to give thanks to God had now deteriorated to a day to pig out on food and football. Nationally, of course, not just in the Hanson home.
Being non-football-enthusiasts, Esther and Gramma boned out the turkey, put the food away, and returned the kitchen to its normal sparkle. Then Esther ambled into the family room, where Kenneth was divulging all the family stories.
He was just finishing the one about the time Esther was aiming her camera for a shot and stepped backward into a neighbor’s backyard swimming pool. Maybe bringing Ben here was not quite the greatest of ideas.
“You should have seen her! Mad as a wet hen.” Kenneth laughed.
“I thought you guys were watching football.” She nodded toward the television set. They didn’t seem to be paying much attention to it.
“Aaa, lousy game. You’d think both teams would be sharp on their toes. But they’re both making more mistakes than a kindergartner at a spelling bee.” Kenneth waved a hand dismissively. “How many turnovers already? And it’s still the first quarter.”
So that gives him the time and the privilege to make fun of me, does it?
“Oh, stop pouting, Esther.” Mom smiled wickedly. “You know, when you’re mad, you’re really funny. So don’t be so sensitive.”
“Sensitive!” Kenneth laughed. “Remember that time she hit a stupid deer? Talk about upset.” He grinned up at Esther. “You remember that? Just a couple of days after you graduated from college. You’da thought it was the end of the world.”
“I never hit a deer!” An acid fountain erupted in her stomach.
“Sure you did. Really fell apart. I thought you were going to cry for three days.”
“No! No, I never hit a deer. Why do you make up stories like that?” She was yelling. She didn’t mean to, but she was.
“Dad, you remind her.” Kenneth looked at his father. “It’s no big deal.”
Stop shaking! But yelling at herself did no good.
“What is it, Esther?” Her father’s gentle voice only made it worse.
The tremor in her hands ran through her knees and down to her feet. Her throat dried up, and yet at the same time she felt like throwing up. The flashback brought her to her knees.
The darkness. Pitch dark. Unholy dark! Her car lights hitting the reflectors of a car dead in the road, black car, black night—it’s too late. Too late! She slammed on the brakes, nearly driving the pedal through the floorboards, but it did no good. She pulled the steering wheel hard to the right. Miss them! Lord God, miss them! In the flash before the collision, she thought she saw someone in the car. The horrific screams of steel on steel, or were some of those screams people, both cars swapping ends, her headlight beams going all directions. Until silence.
Get out of the car and go see how they are. Silence out there in the blackness. What if…? Thoughts pummeled her, jabbed her behind the eyes and through her brain. Leave! Get out of here! NOW!
She must get out; at least see who they are. She can’t! Do it! I can’t! She cranked the key. Her car started right up. She spun the wheel and tore around the other vehicle, something clanking in the front end. How she made it without looking at the other car, she never knew.
“Esther! Esther!”
Ben’s voice. “It’s okay, Esther. You’re safe. It’s all right. Come on, look at me. You’re going to be okay.” He was kneeling in front of her, gripping her arms.
She shook her head. “No. No!”
He murmured, “I know a flashback when I see one. It’s all right now. It’s gone.”
She jerked away. “You don’t understand.”
“Then talk to me.”
“No! Take me home. Please! Now! I have to go home!” She wrapped both arms around herself and curled forward, anything to disappear. She must have been yelling all that—it was so loud.
Now they’d all know.
Chapter Twenty-Four
God, you have to help her, for she sure isn’t let
ting me in.” Ben felt like throwing his cell phone out the window or against a tree, or something. How about running over it with the SUV? Sure, kill the messenger. But if there were ever a time he needed a drink—it was now. Not just a drink but enough to become oblivious.
Esther, what are you doing? God, give me ideas. I know what she is going through. If only she would talk with me. Why can’t she let loose and let someone help her?
If this was what loving was like…loving. When had he begun to feel that? He couldn’t point to an hour and day, but the feelings were there. It wasn’t exactly like the love he’d felt for Allie, but it was kind of the same thing. But Allie never had the horrible baggage that Esther carried.
They needed to have a serious discussion, and it better be soon.
He clicked off as soon as the call went to the message center. What if there was an emergency and no one could get hold of her? Or was she just screening his calls? That thought stabbed like a stiletto right into his heart. What else could he do to make her trust him?
Ever since he had brought her home from the dinner yesterday, she had not turned any lights on in her house. Was she a closet alcoholic drinking it off the way he wished he could? He was pretty good at picking up on the signs of alcoholism and drug use and had seen none in her. Maybe he should just break the door in to make sure she wasn’t lying on the floor. Call the sheriff? On what grounds? What a hullabaloo that would cause! He’d just met her family. How would they react if he sent in law enforcement for help? The thoughts and fears kept stampeding through his mind.
Good thing he had to work today; he was glad for the distraction. Perowsky probably thought he was punishing Ben, making him work the day after Thanksgiving, although of course His Highness made sure he had his own entire weekend off, Wednesday through Sunday. For sure no one missed him. When Ben got off today, he would work with Ansel on his house, interior stuff, re-shingle the roof Saturday, and then after church on Sunday finish the outside work if possible. So at least he wouldn’t be acting like a worried mother hen all the time. Just whenever he had a moment.
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