Falling Into the Black

by Lauren Runow

  “Fine,” he says, crossing his arms over his chest and pouting.

  “I’ll tell you this. I have talked to her, but she doesn’t realize it’s me.” He looks over, a confused expression on his face. “Just go along with it, okay?”

  He lets out a big huff. “Fine. Have you changed or something? How could she not know?”

  I think about ten years ago to the kid I was back in Minnesota. “Yeah, I guess I have. Back then all I cared about was school and getting a scholarship so I could get out of my small town. Then she disappeared, and I lost my mind. If I wasn’t studying, I was getting my frustration out at the gym. So yeah, these muscles”—I hold them up, just to play with Kyle, and he rolls his eyes at me, showing off—“I didn’t have these back in high school. Or this beard.” I run my fingers over my scruff, mentally noting I have to trim it tonight.

  “So tell her it’s you.”

  “Like I said, it’s complicated.”

  His face says it all. He thinks I’m being dumb. “How complicated could it be? Do you still like her?”

  I pause. Throughout these past few days, that’s the one thing I didn’t think about. Do I? I’ve gone through so many emotions the last ten years. I’ve missed her. I’ve hated her. I’ve loathed her. But do I like her still? I’ve changed so much, I can only assume she has too.

  “If it’s taken you this long to answer then I’m going to say you do,” he blurts out.

  “What makes you so wise on relationships?”

  “Do you know how much television I watch?” He raises his eyebrows, nodding his head. “Look, you obviously still have something for this girl, or you wouldn’t be like this right now.” He holds up his hands, moving them up and down my body like he’s disgusted. “And, where did you run into her again?”

  I have to stop myself from cracking up at the thought. “Nope, definitely can’t tell you that.”

  “So you know I’m an eleven-year-old boy, right? My mind can think of some pretty crazy things, and I’m going to think the worst since you won’t tell me.”

  My head drops as my shoulders shake. His worst is nowhere near the actual truth. I guarantee that.

  “Whatever,” he says in frustration. “So my mom always says things happen for a reason. It ticks me off because, hello? Then why am I here? But never mind that. You say she came to you, out of nowhere. That had to have happened for a reason. So I say go for it.”

  I hit his arm. “You’re a pretty cool little dude, you know that?”

  He shrugs his shoulders. “Yeah, I know, but I’m not that little.”

  Chapter Eighteen

  Carter

  It’s crazy how an eleven-year-old boy can put things into perspective for you. After I had finished my rounds, I went out to get a haircut and a shave. Instead of grabbing a six-pack, I stopped by the health food store and got a fresh juice, trying to rejuvenate my body and get ready for tonight.

  I haven’t talked to Cole, but I’m not worried if he’s going to be there or not. The more I thought about it, actually, the more I almost hoped he wouldn’t show up. A slight guilt runs through me, but some things just are the way they are. And she was mine first. He can move on to the next like he would anyways.

  I haven’t decided how tonight will go. Telling her it’s me isn’t something I can come out and say like it’s no big deal. This should be a big deal. We have history, we had love at one point.

  It may be mean, but I want her to find out the way I did. I want to see if she can tell. If I’m on her mind in any way and she can put two and two together.

  When I walk into the club, Cole is leaning against the bar. I look around, noticing Evangeline isn’t here yet, and when my eyes meet his, I swear I see the same look of disappointment on his face that I feel.

  What does he have to be sad about? Is she not coming? Does he know this already? Did something happen after I left on Thursday?

  “What’s up?” I ask, offering my hand to him, and he takes it, but something is off. “What crawled up your ass?” I ask when he doesn’t respond.

  He shakes his shoulders, acting surprised that I noticed something’s not right and stands up straighter. “Nothing. Look.” He tilts his head to the front door.

  There she is, walking in wearing an all-black negligee. Her outfits up till now have been slutty and barely there but this is more innocent, sweeter. And fuck me it pulls on my heart more than ever.

  Cole makes his move, but I grab his arm, stopping him in his tracks.

  “What? You want in finally?” he asks.

  I glare at him, questioning his motive. “That’s what we’ve always done,” I say nonchalantly.

  “Not with this one. You scared her off last time.”

  “Won’t happen tonight. I got this,” I say, ending our conversation and walking toward her.

  I place my hand on her shoulder, lightly pulling her to me and engulfing her in my arms.

  “Do I get to know your name?” she asks.

  I shake my head.

  “Are you not going to talk?”

  I shake my head again.

  “Are you going to fuck me tonight?” she teases with a slight tilt to her lips.

  I don’t answer either way because I’m not sure yet, so instead, I wrap my lips with hers, kissing her briefly before pulling her toward a room.

  “What about Mave—” she calls out, but he cuts her off.

  “I’m here,” he says, wrapping her in his arms and pulling her away from me.

  I let him, for now, as we walk to our space. His lips are intertwined with hers, so my hands reach up, brushing them across her hair, moving the blond locks into a ponytail and pulling back slightly, giving me room to kiss her neck and breaking their kiss.

  Evangeline’s arms go up around my shoulders as her head falls back more. I feel Cole move closer as he lifts her negligee, kissing her stomach and wrapping his arms around her waist. I swear I feel him pulling her away from me, so I let go of her hair and place my hands on her shoulders, keeping her right where she is.

  When his tug doesn’t stop, I grip her shoulders harder and swing her around, so she’s facing me. She lets out a small whimper of surprise, and I lace my fingers around her neck, running them through her hair as I bring her lips to mine.

  For a second, I’m brought back to my senior year and our first kiss. I wanted her so badly, and I was in shock that I was finally getting the chance. That same feeling runs through me now. I can’t believe she’s here, in my arms. And I still feel it. It’s her. It’s always been her.

  I go to deepen the kiss but don’t get the chance when I feel Cole literally step in between us and toss her on the bed.

  “What?” she yells, surprised as I am, but he’s quick to lie between her legs, sliding her panties down until they’re completely off.

  She looks over at me before turning her attention back to him. Something’s off, and she notices it too. I’ve never seen Cole act like this.

  His licks bring her back to reality, and instantly her hands go to his head, gripping his hair and pulling hard. She glances up at me while biting her bottom lip. I may love the taste of her, but I’ll choose her kisses over everything else any day.

  I rush in, reclaiming my place at her lips, and her hands leave Cole’s head, wrapping them around my neck and feverishly running her tongue against mine. I’ve been a member of this club for almost a year now, and this is the first kiss I’ve had like this. I know she’s new to the club, but she has to know this is not the norm. This is different.

  This is us.

  I move my body, ready to lie next to her but am stopped when I feel her body slide away from me abruptly. I fly back on the bed, so I don’t hurt her in any way, but before I can do anything, Evangeline turns to Cole and starts yelling.

  “What the fuck was that for?”

  Cole tries to play innocent, knowing that was anything but. “What? Just wanted to play rough, switch things up a little.”

  “Don’t l
ie to me.” She pushes him away and turns to me. “Sorry, someone here”—she glares at Cole—“has some issues tonight.”

  Turning on her heel, she reaches down, grabbing her panties, and leaves the room, walking straight to the door. I’m still stunned at what just went down, but Cole is quick to chase after her. Whatever is up his ass tonight got him in trouble, and he knows it. I’ll let them go. Tonight must not be the night for us.

  Chapter Nineteen

  Evangeline

  I heard Cole calling after me when I tried to leave, but I told him to back off. When the guard at the front door appeared out of nowhere, Cole was quick to do as I asked. I can’t believe he was being so possessive. We aren’t together. This is just sex.

  I’m glad I have a few days to let everything sink in and even more thankful that I never gave him my number. With it being Sunday, I know he can’t get into my school records, but if he did, I’d definitely cut him off. That would be crossing the line—big time.

  I’m learning quickly that being in a secret club has its drawbacks and calling my normal friends just won’t work. After a restless night, I decide to call Kamii for some advice. I know she has more on her plate than my drama, but I need help.

  There are only a few rings before she answers with sleepiness in her voice. “Aw, is someone not getting much sleep?” I say into the phone. “Do you want me to call you later?”

  “It’s okay.” She yawns. “It’s nice to get a little bit of normalcy in my life. What’s up? Did you go to the club last night? Preston got a call saying there was a minor incident but that it didn’t escalate to anything. Did you notice something going on?”

  “And that’s why I’m calling,” I sing out. “The minor issue was me.”

  “Angie, no. What happened?” Kamii blurts out, concerned.

  “So how did you find out it was Preston you were playing with at the club?” I ask, beating around the bush before I spill the beans.

  “It wasn’t until he was in my office asking me to represent him. Why?”

  “Well…guess what?”

  “Crap. You know someone?”

  “I didn’t when I first entered, but guess who’s my teacher?”

  “Holy schmoly! Are you serious?”

  “As a heart attack.”

  “How did you figure out it was him?”

  “Come on, I stare at the guy for three hours every other night, listening to him talk. It wasn’t that hard to put two and two together.”

  “So which one is your teacher? Wait, we are talking about the two guys, right?”

  “Yeah, Maverick is my teacher. Secret is still, well, a secret.”

  “He’s still playing this little game?”

  “Yup, and that’s what brings me to calling you,” I point out. “I’ve come out to Maverick, Professor Spence, Cole, fuck me, whatever I should call him,” I hear her laugh but continue anyway, “and instead of letting it ruin our time at the club, let’s just say we added to our experience by living out another type of fantasy in his classroom.”

  “Angie!” Kamii yells out in disbelief.

  I grin, moving on. “Yeah, yeah, yeah, but that’s not the issue. So last night, Secret—I know that’s not his club name, but it’s how I refer to him—anyway, he was finally coming around last night. He was actually going to join us, but Cole kept getting in between us, like he was trying to prevent it from happening, which is bullshit. We aren’t together!” I blurt out in frustration.

  “Ah yes, the human factor has reared its ugly head. No matter how much we try to remain anonymous, things still happen, and feelings get in the way.”

  “Um, you could have warned me about this part.”

  She sighs. “It doesn’t happen to everyone, just the lucky ones,” she teases.

  “Oh jeez, thanks,” I deadpan.

  “Wait, what was the incident then?” she asks, bringing us back to the issue.

  “After he pulled me away from Secret, I got mad and left. I’d had enough and put my foot down. He tried to come after me, but when the guard appeared he backed off quickly.”

  “So what happens now?”

  “Can’t you just kick him out of the club?” I jokingly ask, having no clue what I’m going to do.

  “Come on, this isn’t that bad,” she responds.

  “I know, just sucks. I’ve still only been with him, and I don’t want him to ruin my time there.”

  “You know you don’t have to be with him at the club. There are rules for this kind of drama, and yes, we can kick him out if he tries to stop you.”

  “No.” I sigh. “It’s not that serious. I just don’t know what to do.”

  “Well, even if you do figure out the club situation, you still have to deal with him being your teacher. How the hell do you always get yourself in these situations?” she teases.

  “Shut up,” I yell out. “I swear, I’m not always like this.”

  “Oh yeah, what about the guy who turned out to be your neighbor’s husband?”

  “Stop! I had no clue that was him. I felt like shit for weeks, and you know that.”

  “I know, but damn, girl. It’s like bad luck follows you around. Can I call you Pig-Pen from now on?”

  “Ha. Ha. Ha,” I breathe out, not enjoying her making fun of me. “And besides, Pig-Pen never had the dark rain cloud you’re envisioning. He was the dirty kid, remember?”

  “You know what I mean,” she deadpans. “I wish I could help you, but you got yourself into this mess. I told you to keep the club at the club. You’ll have to talk to him. Tell him if you want to continue to play with him or not. I wish I had better advice for you, but sometimes you just have to keep your big girl panties on and maybe not have sex with your teacher.” She giggles at her little pun.

  “But do I have to, Mom?” I whine, and she laughs harder.

  “Bye, Angie,” she sings.

  “Wait, one more thing.”

  “Yeah?”

  “I’ve decided to go by my real name again.”

  “Your real name?” she asks, confused.

  “Yeah, Evangeline,” I say with pride.

  Kamii doesn’t know anything about my past. I’ve worked at the law firm longer than her and was only assigned to her desk around two years ago. I watched as she came out of her shell. And even though my shell is a different kind, I’m ready to break through mine as well.

  “That’s your real name? How did I not know this? And why the hell do you use your real name at the club?”

  “It’s a long story, but yeah, it feels good being called it again. It’s been years. I walked away from who that girl was, and I feel like she’s finally coming back to me.”

  “I’m glad to hear, Evangeline. It’s a beautiful name.”

  “Thank you. Give that beautiful daughter of yours a kiss for me.”

  The time is finally here, and I can’t put off walking in to my class anymore. I have to face Cole, and I hope it goes smoothly. Otherwise, I’m facing the longest class of my life.

  I walk in after the lecture had already begun, and he pauses long enough to make me look up at him, seemingly unaffected by my presence.

  The longer the class goes by, the easier it is to breathe, and my fear subsides. A few times I caught him looking at me, and I swear I saw the apology I hoped for written all over his face.

  After class, I walked up to his desk, apologizing for being late. We played the student/teacher role, talking about what I missed last week when I didn’t come to class but when that last door closed, it was like a switch was flipped and he had me in his arms before I could think straight.

  “Wait,” I say, pushing him back.

  “No, let me say something first. I didn’t mean to piss you off on Saturday,” he begs.

  “But you did. What the hell was that?”

  “I was just playing the part.” He shrugs, trying to act innocent.

  “Bullshit.” I push back from him. “That was the work of a jealous boyfriend, and you and I
are not together.”

  He reaches for me again. “I know that.”

  “Do you? I’m new to this club, but I’d say that shit you pulled was not cool. I’m sure Secret didn’t approve either.”

  “Secret?” He laughs out loud. “His name is—”

  “Stop!” I hold my hand up. “You already fucked up once, please don’t do it again.”

  “I didn’t fuck up,” he whispers, pulling me close with his puppy dog eyes.

  “You did.” I stand my ground.

  “Then do you forgive me?” He tilts his head to the side.

  “Can you act like an adult next time we’re at the club? I’m not yours, you know? I may decide to fuck some random guy one night. That’s what this club is for. You have to be okay with that.”

  “I am, I promise. I’ll let you play with whoever you want.” He pulls me in closer, so our bodies are touching. “As long as I get to fuck you too.”

  He leans in for a kiss, and I push him back. “We’ll see about that. You’ll have to prove it to me first.” I lean down to pick up my bag from the floor. The anger in me is wavering, but I’m not ready to give in just yet. He needs to know I won’t stand for shit like that.

  “But the club doesn’t open for three more days.”

  “Yup. We’ll see if you can be a good boy first then we can discuss us playing again, here or in the club.” I turn and walk out of his classroom, feeling really good about putting my foot down.

  Chapter Twenty

  Evangeline

  Work has been insane this week. Another firm has asked us to join them in a major lawsuit, and with Kamii still out on maternity leave, a lot more has fallen on my plate than before. She’s only a phone call away, so I can ask her for guidance, but otherwise, it’s perfect practice for what I hope will be my future.

  “Are you joining us, Angie?” I hear Tom, one of the firm’s partners, say as he peeks his head into my office.

  I’m riding on cloud nine right now, so honored that not only are they allowing me to somewhat step in for Kamii, but they actually want me to sit in on the meetings and really want my opinion.