Matthew, Sam, Lexi and Derek had been up for about three hours and had already finished breakfast, but hadn’t seen Riana and Alex. They were outside about to relax in the pool when Sam voiced what they all thought. “Are you sure nothing was going on in there?” She directed the question to Lexi, being as Lexi was the one who said nothing would happen last night.
“Yes, I’m sure.” Lexi repeated firmly. “For knowing Riana for so long, you seem to have little faith in her. She’s loyal to a fault Sam, she’d never “cheat” on Ryan. Even though if you ask me it wouldn’t even be cheating as he can’t commit to her the way she’s committed to him.”
“She deserves better.” Matt observed sadly. He’d always known she deserved more, ever since she was a teenager. He’d read about how hurt she frequently was and he prayed every night she could find someone better, someone who would treat her the way she deserved. Part of him had even wondered if perhaps he should have been that person. Riana faded away though, and Tabitha came into his life. It didn’t make it any easier to watch her still struggle.
“Understatement of the day.” Sam grumbled as she slipped into the water.
“It’s so weird though,” Derek started. “She seems so smart--not just smart, brilliant. You’d think that she’d see how bad Ryan is for her.”
Lexi gave Derek a small, sad smile. “Love doesn’t know logic, D. Sadly, despite her healing and her knowledge of the after effects of everything she’s been through, it still made a huge impact on her. It changed how she views herself and her worth. She can’t let go of the fact he was at one time good for her. She’s desperate to believe it was real, and is still real. She thinks if she sees it for what it is now, it will change what it was.”
Matthew’s heart broke a little in that moment. It was much more complicated than Riana being taken. He wasn’t sure if she’d ever be ready to see what was right in front of her in Alex. Matt’s phone tore him from the conversation and his worry. “Good morning my love.” He greeted as he picked up Tabitha’s call.
“Good morning honey. Just wanted to give you a call and let you know that we are at the airport, flight is on time and we should be landing around 4pm.”
Matthew could hear his little boy Spencer in the background and it brought an instant smile to his face. “Perfect. I can’t wait for you to get here. It’s amazing. Riana has a surprise for Spence too.”
He heard a sharp intake of breath, “Great.” Tabitha snipped curtly. Matthew walked away from everyone else for a bit of privacy. He slipped through the sliding glass door and leaned against the kitchen island as he watched Sam, Lexi and Derek.
“Tabs, don’t be like that. You’re going to love her.” Matt pushed firmly in a hushed tone.
“Much like Alex does I’m sure.” She noted with a bite.
“Like we all do.” Matthew sternly corrected. “She’s opening up her home to us, try being open-minded.” Tabitha sighed on the other end.
“You’re right Matt. I’ll try.” She relented.
“There ya go. We’ll be at the airport at four to pick you up. I love you, give Spencer hugs and kisses too.” Matthew headed back towards the door to rejoin Sam, Lexi and Derek when he heard Riana’s voice behind him.
“She doesn’t want to come does she?” Riana looked utterly dejected as she stood in the entrance of the kitchen with her head downcast. Matthew hurried to her and pulled her into a side hug.
“No, Ri, it’s not that she doesn’t want to come…” Matt pursed his lips as he thought about how to handle this. “It’s been hard on her… the breakup…”
Riana barely nodded her head. “She blames me for their breakup.” She stated simply.
Before Matt could answer, Alex was in front of Riana. He placed his hand under her chin and brought her eyes to his. “That breakup was my decision.” His eyes were fiery as he turned his face to look at Matthew. “Tabitha needs to understand that.” His eyes instantly softened when he looked back at Riana. “Everything will be okay.” He assured. She finally gave him a small smile.
Matthew knew, in no uncertain terms, it was his job to make Tabitha understand Riana wasn’t to blame for Alex’s breakup with Kim. He had tried but Tabitha continued to resist. Tabitha loved Kim much the way Riana loved Sam and Lexi. Matthew hoped meeting Riana would help Tabitha understand Riana wasn’t malicious and she didn’t sabotage Alex’s relationship.
“I’m actually really excited to meet Tabitha and Matt’s son.” Sam remarked as she floated around in her blow up lounge chair in the pool as Matt took his call in the house.
“Me too.” Lexi smiled. “I just hope there isn’t too much tension between Tabitha and Riana. She has a tough image, but Ri is a softy who wants people to like her.”
“I’ve noticed.” Derek commented as he took a shot to the water hoop. “She is likable though. She’s super sweet, and funny. I find it hard to imagine people don’t like her.”
Samantha laughed. “She’s also educated, articulate, assertive and hard-headed. A lot of people don’t like that, especially in a woman.” Derek raised his eyebrow in agreement.
“WATCH OUT!” Riana and Alex’s voices echoed off the stonework around the pool. Sam squealed when a massive amount of water almost submerged her floaty as Riana and Alex did a double cannonball into the pool. Derek shook out his short, curly hair and Lexi quickly sputtered water off her face.
“You guys are ridiculous!” Lexi laughed once Riana and Alex re-emerged from under the water. They high-fived each other and laughed hysterically. Alex brought out the kid in Riana, something she desperately needed if one considered the “childhood” she had. Riana grabbed another floaty and pulled herself into it. She closed her eyes and sighed. Alex held on to the end of it and rested his chin on his arms as he gazed at her.
Their day was filled with a lot of lazing about, relaxation and attempts to take in as much vitamin D as possible without turning into crispy, burnt versions of themselves. Riana was oddly quiet as she attempted to manage the anxiety she had about meeting Tabitha.
Lexi found Riana around noon in her walk-in closet shortly after lunch. Riana tossed shirts, dresses and pants all over her floor. “Honey? Whatcha doing?” Lexi asked softly.
“Argh!” Riana wailed. “Trying to find something to wear.” She huffed as she flicked through hanger after hanger. “I have to leave in twenty minutes and I don’t have a damn clue what to wear.” Lexi quickly went to Riana’s side and placed her hand on her shoulder. “I want to look nice, but not too nice. I don’t want to look sloppy though… ugh!”
Riana had a toned, curvy body. Essentially anything looked amazing on her. “Sweetie, anything you wear will be fine.” Lexi assured. Riana narrowed her eyes at her. “Seriously, I don’t think it’s going to make a huge difference what you wear.”
“Right, she’s going to hate me regardless.” Riana pouted. Lexi grimaced at her and sighed. Lexi walked along Riana’s closet, grabbed a long, flowing, white skirt, a pink tank top and a pair of strappy sandals. She gathered it all in her arms and then flung them into Riana’s.
“There. Now get dressed and get going! It won’t be a good first impression if you and Matthew are late.” Riana didn’t bother to argue as she knew Lexi would win.
Alex sat outside with Matthew as they waited for Riana. It was a comfortable silence until Alex felt the need to break it. “I didn’t break up with Kim because of Riana.” He said simply.
Matthew quickly looked at Alex, shocked by his statement. Alex hadn’t spoken at all to either him or Derek about his breakup with Kim. “I know.”
“I don’t think you do. I don’t think anyone realizes while Riana is… special to me, she wasn’t why I broke up with Kim.” Matt nodded. “I always felt… pressured to make it work with Kim. You and Tabitha were so excited when Kim and I got along. I guess I felt it would make you both happy if Kim and I were together. Given the amount of time we always wound up spending together it just kind of happened. It didn’t feel right thoug
h. It was okay, I guess, her company was nice, we had fun and she did really mean a lot to me…” Alex thoughtfully chewed his lip. “I guess… maybe Riana did play a part, kind of. She helped me realize what was missing with Kim. It wasn’t working even before Riana though, you know?” Matt nodded again. He had no idea Alex hadn’t truly wanted to be with Kim and he felt terrible for having played any kind of part in pushing him into something that made him unhappy. “Then when Kim went off the deep end when those pictures hit the internet, I took it as my out. Tabitha shouldn’t be angry with Riana. If she needs to be mad at anyone it should be me.”
“She shouldn’t be angry at all.” Matt stated. “I know she and Kim are close, but she shouldn’t be so emotionally invested in Kim’s relationships.”
“Right?” Alex agreed with a grin. “Listen, I need your help in making this go well, Matt. Riana’s not going anywhere if I have anything to say about it.”
Matthew smiled brightly. “I know she isn’t. I’ll try my best to help this along Alex, I promise.” The sound of the sliding glass door halted their conversation and Riana hesitantly stepped out.
Riana appeared to be agitated, nervous and unsure. She looked down at herself then up to Alex and Matthew. “Do I… look okay?” She questioned. Alex and Matt stared at her in disbelief. She was absolutely stunning in Alex's eyes, she always was. Alex approached her as he took her in. Okay was not a word Alex would use to describe her; pretty much perfect would be his choice. Her eyes locked on Alex’s and he saw just how terrified she was.
“Sweetheart, you look great.” Alex assured. “Are you sure you don’t want me to come with?”
Riana sighed. “As much as I want you to, I’m sure it won’t help matters. Would probably make them worse I imagine.” Alex twisted his lip into disappointed agreement.
“You're probably right.” Matt agreed sadly.
Alex placed his hands on Riana’s smooth upper arms. “Text me if you need to, I’ll be right here—getting dinner ready.” He smiled. Riana, however, didn’t smile back. She swallowed thickly and nodded. “Hey…it’ll be okay. You know I love you. I’ll make sure she behaves.”
Riana’s eyes went from terrified to soft in an instant, the moment Alex said he loved her. Alex chastised himself instantly, angry with how he let it slip. He did love her though, she was his best friend. He knew, though, that was only the beginning.
Riana felt her heart jump at his words. She knew it was said from a place of friendship, but the words grasped her soul and buried deep within her. Alex pulled her into a hug and she said “Me too.” just barely above a whisper. Alex hoped she meant she loved him too, but he didn’t dare ask.
Riana convinced herself to keep her feelings under strict observation, not to be admitted or acted upon. He didn’t love her, not like that. She knew her love was in the process of quickly surpassing the love of friendship. She pulled herself from Alex’s embrace and took a deep breath. “Alright, let’s get this over with.” She groaned reluctantly. Matthew came to her side and draped his arm over her.
“It will be okay dear, I promise. We all love you. Tabitha will too… eventually.” He smiled down at Riana as they walked to the Jeep. Riana hopped into the driver’s seat and Matthew jogged around to the passenger side. They rode in silence for a while, Riana’s mind circled through different scenarios of how the meeting might play out. “Riana?” Matthew questioned. Riana turned and looked at him. She noticed his blue eyes were heavy with concern.
Matthew didn’t have to finish his question. His eyes provoked Riana to speak. “Matt, I… I just want her to like me. I mean, she’s your wife. I pretty much can’t imagine my life without you guys, but if your wife hates me…”
“She’s not going to hate you Ri.” He said. It did nothing to ease her anxiety. “And considering how long I’ve known you,” he smiled at her. He referred not to the last three months, but rather the nine years before. “I can’t really picture my life without you either.”
Riana pursed her lips, then continued to ramble. It was another nervous habit. “I didn’t try to make Alex breakup with Kim.” She kept her gaze on the road. She knew if she saw Matthew’s look of compassion she’d surely cry. “My intentions were never romantic Matt. He’s one of my best friends.”
“I know honey.” Matt assured softly. “Tabs is just protective of Kim, but because of that she was never really able to see what was missing between Kim and Alex.” Riana glanced over at him, confused. “Alex felt obligated to be with Kim.” Matthew explained. “It seemed like a logical pairing. They had fun together and I know he cared about her. But he didn’t love her the way he loves-- the way he should have.” Matthew avoided Riana’s quick look, he knew he almost made a huge slip up. “He saw an out and he took it, Ri. It just really sucks you got stuck in the middle.”
“Tell me about it.” Riana muttered. They fell into another round of silence. Riana was once again in disbelief that somehow her life ended up there. The fourteen year old inside her still danced around giddily when she looked at any of the guys.
She could tell something weighed on Matthew’s mind but she was afraid to find out what it was. “How long have you and Ryan been together?” He asked suddenly.
Riana stumbled over an odd mixture of a laugh and a grumble. “It’s complicated to say the least.” She started. “We met fall semester of my freshman year at university in 2002. I think I loved him instantly. There was a magnetic, unnatural draw to him. He was hard to get though.” She laughed as she remembered how frustrating their courtship had been. “We became official January of 2003 but almost instantly it became dysfunctional.” She glanced over at Matt and smiled softly when she saw how intently he listened. “There were good things before the dysfunction; a lot of laughter, he taught me how to take things slow, how to love someone before being intimate. It didn’t last long, we broke up in March. I was so in love with him, though. I couldn’t let go. Neither could he. We continued to see each other. He became my rock after I was raped. He stood by my side, respected my choices in intimacy. He was good for me Matt.” Matt nodded. “But...here we are, three years later. I’m still ridiculously in love with him and he… still can’t commit. He’ll go weeks, even months, without speaking to me.” Riana didn’t miss the deep frown on Matthew’s face. “But he always comes back Matt. I know he must love me.”
Matthew shook his head. “No. Ri. He comes back because you allow it.” Riana narrowed her eyes at him. “I don’t doubt that he loved you at one point. But with being so disrespectful now, there’s just no way he loves you.” His words hit her hard. Matthew reached over and held Riana’s right hand between both his hands. “Riana.” He began sternly. “You are…” he looked up dramatically, “amazing. You’ve always been amazing. You’re strong, intelligent, witty, compassionate, funny and assertive. You are worthy of love and respect. Real love and respect. If Ryan can’t see that and treat you accordingly, then I think you need to walk away.” Riana locked her jaw and tried not to cry. “Being with you is a privilege Riana. You should give the privilege to someone who deserves it.”
Riana nodded silently. Shortly after though, the tears started. “What if no one else will want me Matt?” She quickly wiped the tears off her cheeks. “I’m… not easy to love. I’m complicated and moody. I’m always terribly busy. I overthink things, I don’t cook, I can be messy, I’m hard to please. I overreact, I’m territorial. I have… tragic baggage.”
Riana glanced over and was shocked when she saw Matthew wipe tears from his own face. “All the more reason you need out, Ri. You need to learn how to embrace these things as a part of who you are. I promise you’ll find someone who will take all these things and love them because they are a part of you.” Matt found Riana’s eyes. “I promise.”
Somehow, Riana believed him.
Chapter Fourteen
Collide
Alex left the house and went to watch the horses in the pasture. The pasture was surrounded by a sturdy wooden fence, wh
ich he hoisted himself up on and he gazed out to the horizon. The pasture was sporadically green, mostly sand really, but Riana supplemented hay for the horses. It was stuffed into four feeders spread out as to not cause feeding congestion or fighting. There were also two, what looked to be carports, placed oddly in the middle of the pasture. Not barns, and obviously not carports but rather shelters for the horses to escape the hot Arizona sun. Riana took absolutely wonderful care of her horses. She rescued all of them, and said they deserved the best to balance out their rough beginnings.
Alex smiled and thought back, hardly able to believe it had only been three months. He felt like he had known Sam, Lexi and Riana for years. He felt like he’d known Ri forever, almost as if he’d known her before. He couldn’t stop the flood of feelings for her that had quickly overtaken him. No matter how many times he told himself she was taken, he was freshly broken up, it was too soon, and he couldn’t possibly know so soon or so certainly; despite it all, he loved her. She brought a joy to him he hadn’t known in years. He was comfortable with her, yet at the same time always on edge due to the pull she had on him. He loved her smile and her laugh. He adored her quick wit and her passion. “Yep, there it is. I love her.” Alex declared aloud.
“Good.” Samantha remarked as she climbed up next to him.
“Holy shit Sam! Don’t scare me like that!” Alex yelled as he attempted to keep his heart within his chest. He took a deep breath. “You weren’t supposed to hear that.” He mumbled quietly.
“It’s okay Alex, I pass no judgment.” Sam smiled gently and patted his knee.
Panic took a hold of Alex. “You aren’t going to tell her, are you?” he questioned.
Disillusioned Love Page 14