Disillusioned Love

by Amy Lee Peine

  “I told you.” Lexi teased as she continued to hold Riana. Alex arched his eyebrow. So this had been planned. Nice job ladies.

  Riana smiled and nodded against Lexi. “Thanks Lex.” She sighed. “I would have stayed alone and miserable forever if you hadn’t helped me along.”

  “This I know.” Lexi laughed.

  “Lexi, Lexi.” Alex interrupted excitedly as he pulled his phone from his pocket. “Would you do me the honor of documenting this momentous occasion?” Riana grinned at his corniness. She couldn’t stop the eye roll as she laughed at him. Lexi smiled and grabbed his phone.

  Derek approached just as Alex pulled Riana back to him and Lexi got ready to snap the picture. “What’s up guys?” Derek asked with a smile and a wink in Riana’s direction.

  “I’m about to introduce the world to my girlfriend.” Alex declared proudly. Derek’s smile grew. Riana’s mind was swimming; I'm his girlfriend. And he’s going to tell the world. Suddenly, panic gripped her. Alex noticed instantly. “Ri, sweetheart. It’s okay, I promise.” Riana took a deep breath and locked her eyes on him. His eyes were sweet, caring and genuine. “You love me?” He asked slowly.

  “I love you.” Riana answered quickly with firm certainty.

  “Then smile.” He urged as he pulled Riana into him again and Lexi snapped a picture. He faced Ri and stroked the side of her face before he kissed her. Lexi took another. Alex pulled away, accepted his phone from Lexi and examined the pictures. “Perfect.”

  Alex thoughtfully chewed his lip as he filtered the picture, captioned it and posted it to the whole world via online social media. Riana’s own phone pinged her and she opened her notifications; D.M.A. had posted a new photo. She grinned as she opened it. The image of them in a sweet kiss greeted her with the caption: “Best birthday ever. I love you Ri. -A” Riana looked up at him and smiled.

  Before she knew it they had bid Lexi and Derek farewell and started their rounds. As friends and family stopped Alex he quickly and happily introduced Riana as his girlfriend. Riana was sure she’d never be able to erase the blush that was imbedded in her cheeks.

  Rebecca made the comment that she “knew it” and hugged Riana again. Alex’s mother was incredibly sweet and gushed about how much she had heard about Riana. She had even read Riana’s book, which had been shared by Tabitha with her. Riana’s heart was touched to know Tabitha had passed her book along to others.

  After the stress of confessing to Alex was over, they fell into the party. They shared drinks and danced to the heavy beats the DJ spun. Riana was acutely aware of more pictures being taken, but she figured she had to get used to it. She had him now, nothing else mattered. Riana couldn’t get enough of Alex’s lips, and she was sure their constant displays of affection drove most of the guests crazy. “Alex.” She mumbled against his lips, the sweetness of drinks lingered between them. “Stay with me tonight?” He hummed in contemplation against her lips.

  “Only if we can leave now.” He replied with a mischievous spark in his eye.

  Riana licked her lips, then grasped her barbell for a moment. “Mmm, that is indeed tempting.” She purred as she gazed at him. “But wouldn’t it be rude? I mean, this is your party after all.” Alex groaned dramatically and twirled Riana around. She faced him again and he pulled her quickly to his chest.

  “You might have a point.” He agreed. “But yes, I will stay with you.” Riana and Alex danced the night away, though they both stopped their drinking. Riana didn’t want to lose her bearings, and Alex wanted to be sure he remembered all of this special night.

  They couldn’t count how many times they told the story of how they met, but his friends found it hilarious. Everyone sang “Happy Birthday” then Riana took great pleasure in smashing a large piece of chocolate cake in Alex's face. She laughed loudly with a snort then attempted to run away in her stilettos. Alex caught her quickly, scooped her up and painted her nose and cheeks with chocolate as well. He then slid her down, and kissed off the frosting. If it hadn’t been her, she would have found the display horribly adorable.

  “Finally!” Alex laughed as he found a place next to Riana on one of the lounge couches. “Guests are leaving, I think it’s time for us to go.” He winked at her.

  Suddenly, Riana felt suffocated under fear and uneasiness. She didn’t understand, she knew Alex loved her. The fear came from how so many before him had either taken it forcefully from her or used her under the pretense of love. She took a breath and reminded herself that she could do this, that she wanted to do this. She wanted it to be right though, honest and full of love. Alex stood and extended his hands down to her to assist her. She laced her fingers through his and allowed him to pull her off the couch.

  They wove through the remainder of the guests and bid their farewells. Alex lovingly led Riana out of the restaurant and down to the pulsating streets of New York. Riana couldn’t stop gazing at him, he was breathtaking. Alex gripped Riana’s left hand firmly and she couldn’t help but wonder what she had done right in life to deserve such an overwhelming moment. A quick breeze hit them, the cold fingers of late fall swept over Riana’s bare skin. A deep shiver ran down her spine and she cursed herself for not demanding some sort of cover up from Sam.

  Alex halted his strides, released Riana’s hand and pulled his leather jacket off. “Here baby.” He cooed as he swung the jacket behind Riana. She stepped in closer to him as she snuggled into the warmth and became engulfed in both the heavy leather and Alex’s soothing scent. Alex briskly rubbed her upper arms and attempted to warm her up as he kept his eyes locked on hers.

  “Thanks.” Riana whispered. They remained still on the sidewalk, droves of people quickly cut left and right to avoid colliding into them. Alex drifted his hands off her arms and around to her back. Riana’s eyes fluttered shut as Alex pulled her to him. His lips were cool from the October air, but she still burned for him. The connection of their lips created sparks to the consuming passion deep within her. Alex slowly released Riana. She found his hand again and they continued their short walk back to her hotel.

  Riana knew she wanted to explore every inch of Alex, and give every bit of herself to him. She worried if it would be too soon. It was more than a physical need that grew inside her, it wasn’t strictly about a primitive expression of desire. She was irrevocably in love with him and she wanted it to be perfect. She didn’t want to ruin things by allowing her body to trump her logic.

  Alex noticed Riana seemed unusually pensive as they traveled down Fifth Avenue. He worried that she was nervous about inviting him to her hotel. Alex chewed his lip and knew he’d have to provide her with support and reassurance for any decision she made. There was no way he would pressure Riana to do anything she wasn’t absolutely ready to do.

  Riana stayed at the historic RomaBelle Hotel when she was in New York. Twelve stories of imposing beauty. As they entered, the concierge tipped his head in greeting. The sound of Ri’s heels echoed off the marble tiles as they ensued to the elevator. Riana pulled Alex through the golden doors, selected the tenth floor then leaned back against the mirrored wall. She smiled at Alex, but uncertainty clouded her brilliant ultramarine eyes.

  The vintage bell announced the elevator’s arrival at their floor. Alex followed Riana out of the elevator and down to a corner suite. As they stepped in they were greeted by crisp white walls, dark woodwork, a panoramic view of Broadway and a conservative living space.

  Riana bit her labret, “Well, here it is. It’s my favorite hotel to stay at in New York. I love watching the people down on the street.” She rambled quickly as she strayed to the window. Alex frowned slightly as he followed behind her. Riana had slipped out of Alex’s jacket and he gently placed his hands on her arms. He watched her smooth shoulders drop with a deep exhale.

  “Ri?” Alex beckoned. Riana turned to him, the lights of the surrounding buildings framed her sweet face. “How long have we known each other?”

  Riana twisted her face a bit, confused as to why he�
��d ask. “Since May.” She replied simply.

  “Since May 25th.” Alex specified. She raised her brow and widened her eyes as she questioned the motivation of the question. “It’s been four months, two weeks and six days, Ri. It wasn’t an easy journey we made, was it?” Riana shook her head lightly. “Even with the complications, the other people, the fights; I’ve been in love with you for each and every one of those days Ri.” Her eyes softened and Alex noticed her hands trembled slightly. He clasped both of Riana’s hands in his and brought her fingers to his lips.

  Alex moved back and took a seat at the small dining table. “I read your book Ri.” He found her eyes, a mixture of love and pain reflected through them. “And even though you are undoubtedly by far one of the smartest, strongest and bravest women I know, I also know the damage those men did isn’t completely gone.” She swallowed thickly. “I love you more than I ever thought possible, Riana. I don’t ever want you to feel obligated to do anything. I am yours. You control this.”

  Riana didn’t want to cry, but as she realized just how fully he understood her she couldn’t stop. Alex quickly got up and gathered her in his arms. “Honey, you okay?” He asked softly next to her ear.

  Riana nodded. “How do you know me so well?” She mumbled.

  “I pay attention.” Riana couldn’t see his face but she could tell he was smiling. “Because I care about you and want to do this right. All of it right.”

  Riana pulled back from him and turned around. She lifted the messy waves of hair off her back and neck. “Unzip me.” She whispered. He placed one hand on her hips as the other pulled the zipper. He stopped about halfway and pulled Riana backwards as he found his chair again. He sat and picked up where he left off with the zipper, except he placed slow, sweet kisses on each newly exposed inch of skin. Riana closed her eyes and felt love wash over her body. The pressure of Alex’s hands instructed her to turn around.

  She admired the striking man before her, who was so gentle and deliberate. “You’re okay?” He questioned. Riana nodded silently. Could I possibly love him more? “Can I keep going?” There it was, I officially love him more.

  “Yes.” Riana breathed. Alex brought his calloused, yet tender, hands to the lace cap sleeves and gently coaxed them down her arms. Soon her dress fluttered down, off her arms and chest, and gathered at her hips. Alex leaned forward and simply placed the side of his face against Riana’s stomach, his late night stubble tickled her sensitive skin. He released a long breath and attempted to relax his excited nerves.

  Alex’s hands embraced Riana’s hips as he barely lifted his head, his endless dark eyes beheld her as he murmured, “You’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen.” Riana knew Alex had to have seen tens of thousands of women in his career so she took the compliment seriously. He then placed his perfect lips against her skin, just above her belly button. She closed her eyes and sighed. No one had ever taken so much time with her.

  Riana gathered the bunched up material of her dress and pushed it off her hips. It landed in a soft pile around her heels. She stood there in only her heels, panties and strapless bra. She was completely exposed, yet she had never felt more comfortable. She took one small step out of the dress and flung it away with the toe of her heel. She playfully grinned at him. “Come with me?” She questioned as she stepped back with her hand outstretched.

  Alex took her hand and stood. “I’d go anywhere with you.” Riana blushed and led him towards the back of the suite and through the door to the bedroom. She faced the bed with Alex behind her. She reached over and barely turned on the recess lighting, she wanted to be able to drink in how beautiful he was. She turned back to him and grasped the sides of his face as she crashed her lips into his. She pulled back as her heart raced, and started to undo the buttons of his shirt. Alex stepped out of his shoes as Riana finished, and he shrugged out of his shirt.

  Riana pouted when she was met with a white undershirt. “Really Alex? Layers? You’re really going to make me work for this aren’t you?” She teased.

  His deep laugh eased the rest of Riana’s anxiety. He was the same Alex, her best friend, only better. “Had I known this was how tonight would end, I wouldn’t have worn anything at all!” Riana couldn’t keep her composure and she snorted as she broke into laughter. Alex wrapped his arms tightly around her as they both laughed. “I love you so much.” He chuckled.

  “I love you more.” Riana declared as she kissed his neck. “Alex,” she breathed, then hesitated. “You know my past. You know how I’ve been hurt and used.” Her breath got choppy and she kissed his neck softly. “Would you do something for me?”

  “Anything.” He whispered.

  “Will you teach me what it means to make love?” Riana’s heart transitioned from a steady beat to a deep thunder as she tried to calm herself. She felt virginal again. She was scared but absolutely thrilled at the possibility of being able to experience Alex completely.

  Alex eased Riana back, just to arms-length. His eyes were intense, but sincere. “I would be honored, my love.” He kissed her sweetly, then peeled his t-shirt from his firm, smooth chest. Riana sighed as she trailed her fingertips over his skin.

  Riana was stunned, and couldn’t believe what she’d been missing. Alex was sweet, patient, funny and utterly sexy. He loved every inch of her, praised every curve. After he read Riana's book he learned how triggering moments like these could be for her, so he paced himself and made a point to keep her from disassociating. He teased her and kept her present as he brought waves of sensations to her she honestly hadn’t known existed.

  They were tangled up in each other, sweat formed in crevices of elbows, knees and in their hair. Alex talked through every moment that had the potential to trigger Riana. He made sure she was still with him and okay. Even in her most vulnerable state, he made her feel safe.

  It was the most impassioned, beautiful and all-consuming moment of Riana’s life. As she pulled Alex to her and found the last of the ultimate peaks he brought her to, she felt nothing but love explode out of every pore of her body. She dug her nails into his broad shoulders as she cried out his name. Alex kissed along her face as she laid there and panted. His body trembled as he whispered, “I love you so much Riana, you’re so beautiful.” Riana held the back of his head and stroked his dampened hair as her chest heaved underneath him. Her body rode aftershocks and she quivered with her eyes closed as fireworks exploded in the darkness.

  “Ri, baby.” Alex’s voice called out to her. “Baby, open your eyes.” Riana found the strength to open her eyes slowly and found Alex’s tender eyes. She realized that hot tears rushed down the sides of her face; but they weren’t just hers. She was astonished. Making love had been just as earth shaking for him as it had been for her. She wiped the wetness from his cheeks as she kissed him.

  “I want you forever, Ri.” He breathed against her lips.

  “Forever.” She confirmed.