I soaped up the bath poof and ran it across my body.
Kurt and all of his so-called wisdom! I laughed out loud in the shower. If anyone didn't have life's mysteries figured out it was him. I was hooked just the same.
I leaned over and quickly shaved my legs.
My lack of guilt over the affair was a constant source of amazement to me. I knew it was wrong but couldn’t stop myself.
I stood under the stream of water and rinsed the remaining soap from my body
I shut off the water and stepped out of the shower. I wrapped my hair in a towel, and covered my body with a bath sheet. I leaned over and plucked a few stray hairs out of my left eyebrow and scowled at my reflection.
Kurt certainly had a lot of nerve. He acted like he owned me or something. It was pretty one sided because he didn't listen to a word I said and he did a lot of stuff I didn't like, such as always rushing home to Hannah.
No, I didn't like that one bit. The thought grew in my mind like a weed and soon, I could think of nothing but Kurt's possessiveness. Why hadn’t I noticed it before? I had thought it was charming, for God’s sake. The truth was Kurt wanted me to be alone, waiting for him, growing old before my time.
He really was a jerk. For the first time, I looked at it from the outside and the truth whipped around my brain: My relationship with Kurt wasn't going to work the way it had been anymore. Either I was going to have to start lying to him about my whereabouts to stop him from acting like a suspicious boyfriend, or I was going to have to stop sleeping with him. I didn't think I was ready to stop sleeping with him yet. I didn't know why. What if no one ever wanted to be with me again? I decided I would just have to lie to him for now and see what happened.
I sighed. I liked complication but this was getting ridiculous.
Later, at dinner, I was exhausted by all of the psychological drama and had nothing to say to Andy. He didn't seem to notice.
"You are so beautiful. Does your boyfriend know how lucky he is?" Andy smile was open and wide. I could see his molars.
"No, I don't think he does." It was amazing, the guys who adore you, you can't stand and the ones who want nothing to do with you are the ones you want. I decided there was nothing I really had to do at the moment where Andy was concerned. I could keep up the friendly banter between us and eventually he would ruin it by trying to force me into a relationship with him. Then, of course, our friendship would be ruined, I would feel terrible for not falling in love with him, and we would end up not speaking. Until then I thought I would run with it.
I sighed and half smiled back at him, thinking it was nice to spend dinner being adored by someone, anyone.
At the end of the meal, which we split, I said my goodbyes in the parking lot and quickly and deftly slipped into my car.
Andy grabbed the door with his hand. "Well, I'll see you later."
"Okay." I didn't really want to look up at him because he might want me to kiss him or something. I decided to change the subject.
"Do you know where there is a payphone? I have to make a call."
"I think there is one in the restaurant."
"Oh, that's okay, I will stop at a gas station. I forgot to call my boyfriend."
Andy's face fell and he stepped back so I could close my door. He waved goodbye, not looking happy one bit. I pulled out of the parking lot and turned my car in the direction of Noah's house. Since it was March and the windows were rolled up, I screamed really loud. I would never fuck that guy! Why the hell did I even go to dinner with him? What the hell was the matter with me? The nerve of some people wanting these big relationships when they have nothing to offer. I don't think so, son.
For the first time in three days, there was no party going on at Noah's house. In fact, he was the only one there and opened the door when I knocked.
"Hi, where is everybody?" I said, smiling at him as I walked in the door.
"I sent everyone away. This isn't the Holiday Inn." Noah said. There was disgust in his voice. "Enough is enough." He turned around and walked toward the living room.
What about the two guys that lived there? Where were they? I closed the door and followed him.
Without a huge group of people there, the house was really big. I could see why Noah wanted people around him; it was a little spooky being there alone.
"What do you want to do? Watch some TV? I have all the movie channels." Noah slouched on the sectional, remote in had.
"Okay. Hey, do you have any beer? I could use a drink," I said as I moved toward the kitchen.
"Yeah, get me one, would you?" Noah's attention was on the TV and he was pushing the buttons on the remote with what could only be described as fierce determination.
I went into the kitchen, a little disturbed that I was turning into the maid. When was he going to get me a drink? It was a little thing, sure, but they were starting to add up. I put the issue on the back burner for the moment. I wasn't even in a relationship with this guy yet and I was already thinking of things to pick at him about!
The kitchen looked like a hurricane had gone through it. Dirty dishes, pizza boxes, and empty beer bottles cluttered the counters and kitchen table. It was a real mess. Inside the refrigerator was uncovered food and ketchup. Lots of ketchup. And beer. I grabbed two and went back into the living room and handed Noah his beer.
There was no thank you forthcoming.
We settled on the couch and started watching some stupid movie, while drinking copiously. The name of the movie escaped me. While I sat there, the realization that I was with Noah started to make me nervous. He was really hot.
What was I doing there again? Did I really want to go out with this guy?
I stole a look at him.
Yes, I really wanted to go out with him. Whether he wanted to go out with me was another story. Sleeping with him was a good start to a relationship, said no one ever, but not hindering me in the least.
I leaned into him a bit. He put his arm around me first. Then he started playing with my hair. Then he kissed my forehead. I kissed him back. This foreplay went on until I was naked and laying on the couch. We then had unprotected sex, which I wasn't thrilled about, but was swept up into the moment. All before 10 o'clock.
Afterwards, Noah got up and went into the kitchen. It had been a banner day for me, sex-wise, I thought as I put my clothes back on. Noah was not forthcoming from the kitchen, so I walked over to the swinging kitchen door. I could hear him sobbing on the other side of the door. He was crying after having sex with me. Huh. That was a new one. I didn't know whether to be insulted or to try and comfort him. I decided to confront him and see what was the matter. I inhaled deeply and walked in.
Noah was standing at the sink. He turned around, looking surprised, as surprised as a naked, crying Adonis could be.
"What's wrong? Was is that awful?" I said in my best caring voice. I tired not to laugh. I was pretty insensitive.
"Oh Mia," Noah's voice cracked. "No, it's just I haven't been with anyone in a long time besides Serena. I miss her."
"Oh." I went over to him and put my arms around him. He hugged me back, crying on my shoulder. "It was too soon. We should have waited. I know it hurts. I just broke up with Ian," I said rolling my eyes. Ridiculous.
"No, I like being with you. I don't think Serena and I will ever get back together." His voice wracked with sobs.
I said nothing and just held him. I was visited with the sudden urge to run out the door. This was all very odd. How would I make my escape?
"Let's have another drink." Noah let go and walked toward the refrigerator.
At least he was getting his own drinks now. Sure, he was naked while doing it, but it was progress.
"Okay." I would have to wait until he passed out before I would be able to make my escape. Unfortunately, he seemed pretty spry at the moment though.
The whole evening suddenly seemed like a big mistake but I was unable to stop it. He would never look at me as intense as had Serena. What was I do
ing here?
We went back to the living room, each of us clutching our sixth beer like it was a life preserver. I could really handle my alcohol. It looked like he could too. Noah put his pants back on. Sitting there shirtless, he muted the TV and picked up his guitar and started playing and singing. He didn't have a bad voice. I listened to him sing, and then he brought out the pot and we got really stoned. I then could care less what he was singing or doing. I liked to smoke so much so that eventually I couldn't move. Literally. So I did. It was my day off tomorrow. Who cared if I slept all day?
Smoking pot effects people differently. I became very animated at first. So, apparently, did Noah. He moved to the floor in front of the television, using the home theater system with surround sound to play DJ.
"Serena bought this CD for me," he said, holding up a case.
"Oh?" I could care less. I had stretched out on the couch and I glanced up at the case and then back down to the back of my hand.
"Yea, we had just gotten into a big fight." I was startled by this and looked over at him. Noah was smiling at what, to me, sounded like an unpleasant memory. "This was her make-up gift to me."
"What was the fight about?" I didn't care; why did I ask?
"I found out she blew one of her ex-boyfriends after we started going out."
"Oh." I stifled laughter. A CD was all it took to beg forgiveness from this guy. I made a mental note.
"We were kind of broken up at the time. You know when you break up with someone you don't want them to mess around with anyone else?"
"Yeah."
"I don't blame the guy. She was great at giving head. I taught her just how I like it She was a great student."
'I'm sure her parents are really proud,' I said to myself. Out loud I said, "Oh."
"Oh, she was awful when we first started going out. But after mere weeks of practice, she got really good. Whoever she ends up with her owes me a big thank-you."
I glanced at Noah. He was being serious.
"She was bad at sex altogether at first. She never wanted to get on top, but I changed that. She was also a virgin, but I took care of that on our second date."
I knew that I would never look at Serena the same way again. I wondered how he was going to grade my performance to a future girlfriend.
"I also took a bunch of Polaroids of her in her parent's house. They would flip out if they saw them."
"Oh." I was hoping he didn't want me to look at them.
"I might sell them to a magazine. She is really hot."
I almost couldn't believe my ears. He was talking to me like I was some guy and we just had sex. This definitely wasn't a good sign.
"She was a slut though. She slept around on me a lot, I know. Just like that old guy at the bar the other night. What the hell is wrong with her? I have more to offer than that guy!"
I had nothing to say to that. Maybe the guy had a huge dick and Serena liked it. Size does matter although Noah was not lacking in that department. Maybe the guy listened to her. Who knows? Who cares?
"She was always flirting with my friends. I hated that, but was turned on by it. We used to play a little game at bars where we would pretend not to know each other."
"Oh." I hoped he wasn't going to tell me the details!
"Then we would go out to the car and fuck in the backseat."
"Oh." What a slut this Serena was! She sounded a lot like me. Noah was still in love with her, it was obvious. I decided to change the subject because reality was a bit too painful for me at the moment.
"I think Ian is bisexual."
"Oh really? Why?" Noah snapped out of his poor-me-fest.
"Because he wanted me to stick this 12-inch dildo up his ass." I said in a matter-of-fact manner.
"Did you?" Noah looked absolutely horrified.
"Yea. It went in pretty easy." It was true.
"Oh my God! That guy was a friend of mine! We slept in the same bed during an overnight school field trip once!"
"Did he try anything?" I was so awful, making this guy who already was upset about losing his beloved girlfriend, think he had gay cooties on him.
"No! I would have punched him in the mouth!" Noah looked like he was getting really mad. Oh well, it was better than him crying. "I want to beat him up right now!"
"He did get that girl knocked up." Or he didn't, as it were.
"Yea, you're probably right then; he goes both ways."
'He goes both ways?' I said to myself. Who was this Neanderthal I sat looking at? "Yea, I'm sure you're okay." Let's make it all about you, Noah.
"Do you think he has the AIDS?" Noah looked at me worried.
"No, I don't. We last had sex three months ago and we always used something," I said, lying about that weird last time with Ian about a week ago.
Noah looked relieved.
"Thank God because I was going to have to go kick his fucking faggot ass."
I was sorry I brought it up. I didn't want to talk about Serena anymore though. I didn't really have a lot in common with this guy except Ian and Serena and that fact that we both thought he was hot.
At about 3 a.m., we made our way to his room and had sex again. I was hoping he wouldn't cry again; that he would just pass out because he was too drunk and stoned. No dice. He got up and started wailing in the master bathroom that was connected to his room.
I got up and walked to him. He was sitting on the edge of the huge whirlpool bath with his head in his hands.
"Listen Noah, you are going to have to stop crying. It's freaking me out."
Noah lifted his tear-stained face. "I'm so sorry." He was sobbing. "I can't help it."
I turned around and walked out of the bathroom. I toyed with the idea of leaving, but I was really wasted, so I ended up lying down on Noah's king-sized bed and immediately passing out.
The next morning, really early afternoon, I woke up. Noah was still sleeping. I checked to make sure he was still breathing. He was. And then I left. I didn't know if he had a job. Probably not. The band was almost certainly what he considered to be his career.
I was pretty woozy on the drive home. Not bad for a Monday. I took a shower and fell asleep. What a weekend.
Things were really quiet for me the first part of the week. Kurt told me that Noah came by the coffee shop looking for me on Monday, but I wasn't working and my co-workers would not give out my phone number. I had Noah's number, but I didn't call him. Let him come and find me if he liked me so much! For my part, I really wanted to stay away from him. I could easily find myself falling for this guy who cared so little about me. It would take a mammoth effort to not call him. I tried to distract myself.
I was concerned about the unprotected sex Noah and I had, and after I woke up later on Monday, went down to the Center for Choice to get a morning after pill. They work up to 72 hours after the fact and I wasn't taking a chance on getting pregnant. I already had one abortion when I was in high school and it wasn't an experience I cared to repeat.
I was very diligent about birth control, using condoms when I slept with anyone. I didn't know what happened to me with Noah that night. That kind of carelessness was very dangerous. I had thrown all caution to the wind. Even though I may be a little loose morally, I usually attempted to protect myself from unwanted pregnancies. That night, I acted like I couldn’t care less. Scary. I definitely did not want any children, and I'm sure Noah didn't want any children with me. I knew that he was still in love with Serena. What was I doing, messing around with him?
I tried to ask myself that question when Noah walked into the coffee shop on Thursday evening but my mind went blank. I wanted to leave with him immediately and go wherever he was going.
"Hi, Mia, I have been trying to get a hold of you." He smiled at me.
"Really? I have been here every day this week except for Monday." I smiled back at him, wishing I had a mirror so I could check my hair.
"Why did you leave so early Monday? I would have made you breakfast."
"It
was 1 o'clock in the afternoon. I had errands to run." Hardly even a lie.
"You'll have to give me your number so I can call you."
I didn't really want to do this because then I would be sitting around waiting for him to call, and even though I told myself I wouldn't, I know myself pretty well. I decided to try and resist.
"Oh, I might be moving and getting a new number. Just come in here to see me."
Noah opened his mouth to protest when Kurt interrupted us.
"Mia, do you think you can pull yourself away and bus some tables?" He handed me a rag, glaring at Noah.
I looked at him in shock. He was trying to embarrass me is front of Noah.
"Sure." It was best not to argue at that moment. There was time for that later. I took the rag and walked into the lobby where Noah waited for me.
"Who is that guy? Your boss?" Noah said, looking over his shoulder at Kurt.
"No, he just a co-worker."
"What an asshole! He can't talk to you like that! I'm going to kick his ass!" Noah was still staring in Kurt's direction.
I rolled my eyes. Everybody wanted to kick everybody's ass. How alpha male.
"He's all right, just a little high-strung." I defended Kurt, but it sounded weak. It wasn't an argument I wanted to get into.
Noah turned his attention back to me.
"Come over after you get off."
I hesitated. Kurt and I were going out for a drink after work. But still. Noah wanted to me to come over. That had to mean something.
"Okay, I may be a little late, I have to run an errand."
"At 10 o'clock at night?"
"Yeah, I have to pick up my roommate," I lied. Lie upon lie.
"Okay, come over when you are done." Noah leaned over and kissed me lightly on the mouth, causing my heart to race.
"Okay, see you later.” My voice was surprisingly steady.
Kurt didn't look happy when I returned to the counter.
"What the hell did he want?"
"He wanted to tell me he missed me." I lied some more.
"You haven't slept with him, have you?"
Tomorrow's June Page 8