Julie was late, as usual. She was dressed like a teenager, too.
“Oh Mia! This is going to be so much fun!”
I smiled but inwardly thought, Dork. Julie was always a dork. She didn’t like to think it, I’m sure, but we weren’t in the popular crowd in high school. We didn’t date the football players. I didn’t have a problem with this, but I know that it killed her. It seems the reality of her life didn’t live up to the idea of the life she had in her mind. It made her very insecure. I just kept smiling as the reality of her personality washed over me.
“So, how have you been?” It was odd to hear her say this to me because she was so obsessed with how she has been. It wasn’t long until her true colors came out, though.
“Fine. How about you?”
The torrent of words thrown back at me was so fierce, it made my eyes squint. I was treated to a 15-minute, non-stop monologue. I was used to dealing with the mentally ill, thanks to Miles and Noah, so I smiled and nodded. The highlights included her “fantastic” job promotion to Indianapolis, the “totally hot” guy in her department she was fucking, the “wonderful” deal she got on her house, her “amazing” new car, and her new, “wild” friends in her new town. Wow. How does one compete with all of that? I thought.
The truth was that I was not jealous of Julie one bit. I was happy for her. She was very insecure and needed the trappings of success. In reality, I was fine with my shirker lifestyle. I know that she wasn’t fine with it. Any person with a weakness in her life was a reflection on her, she truly believed. At the same time, these people were essential to validate her feelings of superiority. She was quite a mess.
After her soliloquy, she looked intently at me. “Really, Mia, how are you doing? What is going on?”
I sighed. Should I tell the truth or should I give her the edited version of the truth? I had no problem in saying that I had made mistakes, but I was unwilling to sit and listen to her lecture me on them or take her advice. Our lives were like apples and oranges. I decided that a polished interpretation of what was going on was in order.
“Things are fine. I have a line at a job at the museum for practical experience and I have decided to go to grad school. I just have to decide where and then apply.”
Julie nodded her head, slightly. I continued.
“I have been saving money and have been looking at my options. It just seems after graduation, I wasn’t sure what to do and got stuck in a rut at the Garden. It isn’t a bad job, but it really is time to move on.”
“Why are you living at home?” The look on her face said it all, really.
“You remember Amy, right?”
Julie nodded.
“Well, I was living with her in her grandmother’s building, and she became this crazy kleptomaniac. It scared me. She just wasn’t stable. And she was after Ian! They began dating after I broke up with Ian and moved out. It was pretty messed up.”
“That does suck.” Julie looked thoughtful. I am sure she was formulating a plan to hook up with Ian and fuck him while she was in town. She was just like that. I didn’t tell her about Elease and the rest of Ian’s drama. It was too embarrassing. I also didn’t mention Noah and Serene. That, too, was embarrassing.
“So, I moved home and am saving money. I have begun looking around at schools. I would really like to go to Washington, DC with all of the museums there. I am checking into it.” That thought popped into my head and I liked the sound of it, so I ran with it.
I could tell by the fleeting look on her face that Julie was not happy about the DC thing. Friendly concern was one thing. Bitter jealously was something else. She didn’t want me doing better than her. Or maybe I imagined the look on her face? Couldn’t she be happy for me? I doubted it. I needed new friends. But, like I said, I didn’t want to come across as a loser, so a small, white lie seemed to be the answer. I hadn’t not considered DC, so was it really a lie?
“Those jobs are really competitive.” ‘So don't bother trying, loser,’ Julie seemed to be saying.
“Probably. We’ll see. As I said, I am looking into it. I was also thinking about what discipline to pursue. I really like modern art and there is always the Museum of Modern Art in New York.”
“New York is so expensive. You would probably have to get three roommates to make it.”
Wow, was she supportive. That’s two ideas she had shot down. I decided to go for a third.
“Well, there is always Chicago. The Chicago Institute of Art is a world-class museum.”
“You have to watch what neighborhood you live in in Chicago. There are some scary areas.”
Huh. I tried to process the conversation we just had in my in my mind. First, she was telling me what a loser I was that I still lived in our hometown. Then she shot down every one of my ideas as unworkable. She was a negative presence. I was better off without her and decided that I would never talk to her again. The thought made me feel lighter than air.
As the rest of the night went by, I slowly melted into a state of bliss. Secure in the knowledge that she would be out of my life forever, nothing she said bothered me. Not her trip to Europe, her 800-count sheets, or the 10K she recently ran. Good for her, I thought. I wondered what all the normal people were doing at that moment. Probably not sitting listening to some egotistical blowhard go on about her life. Oh, the crosses I bear!
I also thought about how short life was and how I was wasting it by spending time with people who just wanted something from me. Amy, Ian, Kurt, Miles, Julie. My whole life was trying to please someone else. Why did I do that? I was an overachieving people-pleaser. Sure, the thought had crossed my mind before but listening to Julie go on seemed to jar whatever Miles had knocked loose around like a pinball. I had never been able to look back at my life and see things how they really were.
It wasn’t their fault. It was mine. I put myself into these positions, twisting myself like a pretzel, misinterpreting the attention that people paid to me as real interest. What was really true was the fact that I wasn’t living for myself. What did I want to do? The world opened up before me. It didn’t matter what I said to the people in my life. What matters is what I did for myself in my life. Life isn’t a competition to see who has the most. Life was trying to find a road to travel and be happy on.
As we got ready to leave, I hugged Julie for the last time. I would never see her again. I didn’t want to. Whatever role she played in my life was fulfilled. It was time to move on. Tomorrow was a new day.
“Take care of yourself Julie,” I said, really meaning it.
“You too.” She looked at me curiously as if she wasn’t sure what I meant.
With that I walked out of the bar and into the night.
###
Thank you for reading my book. If you enjoyed it, won’t you please take a moment to leave me a review at your favorite retailer? Thanks!
Claudia Caget
About the Author
Claudia Caget has been writing since forever. In fact as a wee child, she used to string letters together and then ask the adults around her if they formed words. She has been around the written word since that time, writing books, plays, screenplays and working as a reporter and editor for daily and weekly newspapers as well as magazines. An avid reader, the library is her favorite place to be. She resides in Colorado. Read her author interview at https://www.smashwords.com/interview/ccaget.
Connect with me
Visit my website: http://www.claudiacaget.com
Follow me on Twitter: http://twitter.com/@claudiacaget
Like my Facebook page: http://www.facebook.com/claudiacaget
Favorite me at Smashwords: https://www.smashwords.com/profile/view/ccaget
scale(100%); -moz-filter: grayscale(100%); -o-filter: grayscale(100%); -ms-filter: grayscale(100%); filter: grayscale(100%); " class="sharethis-inline-share-buttons">share
Tomorrow's June Page 17