She looked over at Gareth and sensed the tension coming off of him.
“You seem a bit pale,” Edith whispered, as Clarisse sank back into her seat. “Are you all right?”
“Nay,” she said, shaking her head. She felt the bile rising to her throat. “Sir Hervey is causing trouble.”
But she didn’t listen to Edith’s words of assurance. A few people shot speculative glances at her and then at Gareth. The people who were unaware of what had happened knew about it now. For probably a dozen times tonight, she wished that Amelie sat beside her. Her cousin always knew what to say and do, and often took matters in her own hands. Unfortunately for Clarisse, Amelie sat at the high table with her new husband. A worried look appeared on her cousin’s face, and she looked over at her father, but Sir Gordon only shook his head, a small warning to leave things alone. She pursed her lips, but kept quiet.
Even Derrik looked uncomfortable, and he appeared to be refraining himself from jumping in and defending his friend. But Clarisse knew that Amelie’s husband had seen the small gesture that Sir Gordon had given to Amelie. Derrik’s position in the family was new and precarious, and it wasn’t surprising that he didn’t want to do anything that might jeopardize his relations with them. Of course, this meant that Gareth had to fend for himself.
Hervey paced across the front of the room, moving slow enough to ensure that all eyes stayed on him. It seemed as if he was putting on a performance, and he enjoyed every minute of it. Meanwhile, Gareth had grown aloof and watched her suitor with narrowed eyes. Although the knight didn’t outwardly display any signs of being troubled, Clarisse could only imagine what was going through his mind. He did not deserve this! It appeared that no one was going to help Gareth. Her heart went out to him. But unfortunately Hervey wasn’t finished with him.
“’Tis not everyday,” her suitor continued, with a sweep of his hand in Gareth’s direction, “that a dishonored knight can change into an honorable one. In fact ‘tis a miracle that we can witness such an astonishing transformation.” He looked around the room, and allowed a smile to appear on his face. And when he continued again, there was a touch of venom in his voice. “We must strive to be more like our knight here, and perform similar acts of bravery.” He raised his cup again. “To Sir Gareth!” And then tipping his cup, he drank from it.
A murmur went through the crowd, and hundreds of eyes swung over to Gareth. Rumors abounded regarding his downfall, but until now no one had dared to voice it publicly. As Hervey continued with his flowery words, the small tick at Gareth’s jaw became more pronounced.
“Come,” her suitor called, his voice overly cheerful and loud. “Let us hear a speech from our hero.” He lifted his hands in the air, prompting the guests to chant: “Speech, speech!”
Gareth stood up and slammed his fist down on the trestle table, the force of the blow causing the utensils and cups to rattle and shake.
“I have heard enough,” he growled. And even though he didn’t raise his voice, it carried across the room. He looked steadily at Hervey as if it was just the two of them facing off in the battlefield. “I may not have your fancy way with words, but I know when I’m being insulted.”
“I was merely complimenting you, brother,” he said, looking at him with feigned surprised.
“I am not your brother,” Gareth grounded out. “My brother is dead.”
With that, he turned on his heels and strode out of the hall.
A shroud of silence fell over the great hall as eyes turned to follow the knight’s retreating back. The people at the high table displayed a varying degree of emotions. Lady Edeline had a look of relief on her face, while a frown marred Derrik’s visage. The silence might have continued except Sir Gordon had the presence of mind to cue the jugglers and musicians to start the entertainment again. Then slowly, as if the guests had awakened from a dream, they resumed their eating and chatter. And in a short time, the great hall was once again filled with a cacophony of noise.
While the guests had forgotten what had just transpired, it wasn’t so easy for Clarisse to erase the image of shock and anger on Gareth’s countenance. From where she sat, she had seen how Hervey’s words had cut into his armor, and she wished that she could reach out and offer him comfort. Unfortunately she had her own troubles.
Her eyes narrowed as she saw Hervey returning to his seat, a satisfied smirk on his face. What kind of man would ridicule and provoke others in this way? She wished that she could put him in his place. But unless she wanted to draw attention to herself, she was helpless to do anything about his callousness. The last thing she needed was to have the focus fixed on her. She had stirred enough trouble. Still, her instincts about Hervey were true. And his actions tonight further solidified the reasons why she didn’t want to marry him. But how was she going to get out of the marriage arrangement?
Ignoring all the activity that swirled around her, she thought hard, searching for a solution. There just had to be a way to escape from her impending union with Hervey. Perhaps there was something that she missed.
Just when she was about to give up in frustration, she suddenly remembered something that Gareth had told her. And she almost laughed at the simplicity of it. It was true. She just needed to find a better prospect, a prospect that her father would approve of. And Gareth was just the person to help her.
“Do you need something, my lady?” Edith asked, as if she was able to sense Clarisse’s half thought out plan.
“Aye, I need to use the garderobe.”
“I will walk with you then.”
“Nay,” she shook her head. “’Tis not necessary. I will not take too long.” Then to make her nursemaid feel more at ease, she lifted the corner of her lips, and sent her a practiced smile. “For once enjoy yourself, woman, and do not fret about me. I am no longer a child. And besides, we are nearing the end of the celebrations, and there is still much entertainment to be had.”
Her nursemaid beamed at her, and turned to watch the acrobats flip in quick succession in front of the dais. She laughed, clapping her hands as the performers raised their arms triumphantly in the air. Likewise everyone at the high table was either preoccupied with conversation, or watching the various pockets of entertainment that scattered throughout the great hall.
Clarisse hurried out of the hall, going in the opposite direction of the garderobe. She threaded through the crush of servants and animals that fought over the discarded food on the floor.
A few minutes later, she made it out of the great hall. With the noise and chaos behind her, she paused for a moment to breathe in the cool night air. All that she needed to do now was to find Gareth.
Chapter 17
Gareth climbed the steep steps to the wall-walk. The moon was out and the occasional baying of dogs sounded below. The cool air felt good against his skin as he walked along the deserted pathway.
On the other side of the curtain wall, he could see the sentinel. There was no danger of attack of course, so a skeleton crew guarded the castle while everyone else feasted inside.
He stopped and peered into the darkness, wishing that he was elsewhere. He should have listened to his instincts and not come to Stanbury. It was best that he wasn’t here. His life was simple — eat, drink, sleep and then repeat. Here, he was reminded of all the things that he wanted to forget, all the things that he had lost.
As his mind wandered to the incident in the great hall, he balled his fists. His wits had fled him at the time, and he knew that if he had been cool-headed, he would have handled the situation better. Instead, he had allowed his temper to rule his mind, and Hervey succeeded in making him look like a fool.
A soft voice called out to him, and he dismissed it, thinking it was his imagination.
“Sir Gareth?” the voice called again.
This time he turned, and when he did, his heart did a small flip when he saw that it was Clarisse. The moonlight struck her hair, making it almost white. She walked over to him, her hips swaying gracefully.
“How did you find me?” he asked.
“’Twas not too difficult,” she said, a small, hesitant smile playing at her lips. “The moon is bright enough that I saw you standing here.”
“I don’t know why you came, my lady. You put yourself in jeopardy by being in my vicinity.” He turned away from her. “You should go.”
He felt empty, as if all the fight within him was gone, and his demons had taken over. She needed to heed his warning, and stay far away from him and his self-destruction.
When she didn’t move, he gritted his teeth. “Go!” he said, his voice harsh. “Go back to your sheltered life in the castle. You don’t want to be anywhere near me.”
“I do not believe that.” she said, stepping closer. “I had a friend once, and I failed her. I do not want anything bad to happen to you.” She swallowed. “I — I care too much for you.”
The sincerity in her voice, made his heart constrict. When was the last time he heard someone say she cared for him? Never. No emotion other than hatred and vengeance had filled his body, and now her gentle words evoked something in him that was altogether foreign.
When he didn’t respond, she continued. Taking a deep breath, she said, “I want to apologize for what happened back there. Sir Hervey shouldn’t have said those things about you.”
He walked over to the wall and looked blindly into an empty courtyard that was partially lit by of the light of the moon.
“’Twas not your fault.”
“Indeed, ‘twas my fault. If you had not found me out in the castle kitchen, he would not have singled you out. I do not care what he says —”
“You should care,” he said, interrupting her. He stretched his hands out, resting them on the stone wall as he hung his head. He felt the bile rising to the base of his throat. “All the things that your suitor has said about me are true. I killed Raulf of Blackburn, and for my deed I’m hell-bound.” He paused, allowing his words to sink in. “I knew full well what I was doing when I plunged my knife into him. Derrik will tell you that I was drunk that day, but I was dead sober.”
“From what I understand, he terrorized and murdered people. You might be right in that he deserved to die.”
“Aye, he deserved to die a thousand deaths,” he agreed. He pushed away from the wall, and walked over to the other side of the wall-walk. “Back then he was known as the Grey Knight. And when the bastard killed my brother and he lay dying in my arms, I vowed to avenge him.” He blinked rapidly, trying to clear the grim scene from his mind’s eye. He should have spared Clarisse the details, but she needed to know the ugly truth. And she needed to run far, far away from him, and never look back.
“Aye, that may be true,” she said softly. “But you know what else is true? Despite what everyone says, and what you want people to believe, I am convinced that you are a kind, honorable man. You have given shelter to a young boy and mercy to an injured animal. You have also come to my rescue many times. I know you would rescue me again if I was ever in danger.”
He lifted his head and looked out across the moonlit field. The silvery shine had cast parts of the world in shadow while the other parts in light. Whether he moved in darkness or in light, he was no longer certain.
“You speak as if you know me. But believe me, you don’t,” he said in a low voice. “I’m a cold-blooded murderer as everyone says, and you cannot trust my word.”
She approached him, unafraid. And then placing a small hand on his forearm, she tugged at it slightly until he turned around. “Is this the reason why you are so distant, Gareth?”
He couldn’t look at her. “Who would want any part of this?” he gestured at himself.
“I do,” Clarisse said without hesitation. Her face was tilted up at him, sympathy and something else which he couldn’t place were reflected in her eyes. “Perhaps you made a misjudgment in killing the Grey Knight, but I feel that deep inside you are a good person.”
Gareth put a weary hand over his eyes. Her words felt like a balm to his hurting heart, yet he knew that it was a mistake to believe her. Because there was no truth in it. Because he knew that the knife he plunged into Raulf was as deliberate as the breeze rippling through his hair. He knew without a doubt that if the same situation arose and his brother’s killer was at his mercy, he would do the same thing again.
“You best get back to the festivities before you are missed.”
She didn’t move except to stare at him with her beautiful eyes.
“Do you wish to say something?” he asked, lifting one eyebrow.
“Aye, I do…” her voice trailed off as her gaze fell to his lips. A long moment passed and finally she said, “You asked to kiss me in the castle kitchen.”
He braced himself.
“Aye,” he said slowly. “That kiss never occurred,” he said, reminding her. He recalled how frightened she was. “I stopped because the last thing I wanted was for you to run away from me.”
When she raised her eyes to his, they locked, and he saw something in there in which he couldn’t fully comprehend. There was trust, and something else that he dared not hope…
“I am not running anywhere,” she whispered.
His eyes drifted to the dimple on the left side of her cheek and then down to her soft lips. How could he ever forget that moment? He had kissed other women before, but except for Clarisse, he never felt a need to do it. Still, this yearning felt odd to him, and he couldn’t make any sense of it. All he wanted to do was to fold her into his arms, and watch as a smile lit up her alluring face. Others might view only her pleasant demeanor, but he knew that there was something more to her. And he was well acquainted with what that more was, having suffered through it since his brother’s untimely death. Whatever bothered her, he knew that he didn’t want her to suffer any longer.
Inhaling deeply, he took in her scent of sweet summer roses. He was hard pressed not to gather her up in his arms and just hold her close. If he was wise though, he would end things right now — before he was tempted to kiss her. But would it be so terrible if he stole just one kiss? a voice inside him argued. The guests were celebrating in the great hall, and only two or three guards manned the castle walls. They had a lot of ground to cover. He had seen one of the guards pass through this area already, and it was unlikely that he would return. Essentially Gareth and Clarisse would be alone. The mere thought of being with her caused his heart to beat a little faster.
But then she took a step toward him, and suddenly all his thoughts grounded to a halt…
“Kiss me, Gareth,” Clarisse said softly.
She reached over and placed her palm on his warm cheek. Her eyes followed as her hand skimmed across the bristly hairs along his strong jaw. Being in Gareth’s presence made her forget all her troubles. And the reason she sought him flew from her mind. Instead, she placed all her focus onto his firm, masculine lips. There was no denying the curiosity she felt. And that curiosity inside her grew; it expanded with each passing second until it eclipsed the fear that was born from that terrible day.
“Are you certain, Clarisse?” His eyes searched hers, looking for any sign of hesitation, any doubt.
She sensed that he wanted to please her, to fulfill her request. Yet his hands were bunched at his sides, as if he refrained from reaching out and overpowering her with his need. It was then she realized that he didn’t dare touch her, not unless he had her absolute permission.
“Aye,” she whispered, granting him the assent that he needed. “I have never been more certain in my life.”
Until now, the memory of that awful day in the tower hung heavily over her. It was the reason why she kept men at a distance, the reason why she abhorred the touch of any man. But Gareth wasn’t just any male, a voice inside reminded her. Even though she had only known him for a short while, she knew instinctively that he would never hurt her. She wanted to feel his touch. In fact, she craved it. The mere thought of his lips brushing against hers made her entire body tingle and throb with se
nsual awareness.
When still he hesitated, she took a deep breath. It was up to her to take matters in her own hands. She had never been interested in kissing Hervey or any other male. But now she longed to know what it felt like to kiss a man who she admired and, she suddenly realized, loved. Her eyes widened at the thought. That was it. She loved Gareth. She was unsure before, but this would explain why her heart raced whenever she saw him, and why every time she gazed into his eyes, she became lost in their depths. No matter how short their acquaintance, she knew that they had a connection, a deep understanding of each other that went far beyond words. He treated her with respect, listening to her every word. She knew without a doubt that he truly cared about her welfare and happiness. And for that, she wanted to thank him.
Sliding both hands along his cheeks, she cupped either side of his handsome face. Then lifting up on her toes and reaching for him, she brought his head down toward her. The first shock of his firm lips touching hers went straight to the soles of her feet. And then just as quickly, it zipped back up to her head, causing her to feel momentarily dazed.
She paused for a moment, her lips still connected with his, marveling at the wonderful sensation. Her body felt light, as if she hovered above the ground. And at any moment now, she would float up to the clouds.
But then he began to stir as if the kiss she initiated wasn’t enough to satiate him. He pulled her toward him, and suddenly his thick arms were wrapped around her, his hands moving slowly up and down her back. The gentle massage and the warmth from his hands caused her to sink further into the kiss, a kiss that was as heady and sweet as the finest wine in the kingdom.
Her fingers found their way to the base of his neck, sliding upward as they threaded through his dark hair. Any fear that remained within her breast faded away into nothingness.
She let out a small sigh of pleasure as his hands glided down to the small of her back. Her own hand slid over his hard chest, covering his heart. She could feel the quick thumping beneath her palm. He was more affected by her than he let on, she realized. And even as her own heart sped up in answer, she became frightened by the intensity of this new knowledge.
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