by Fiona Murphy
Adam holds out the cards. “Texas hold ’em.”
Sighing, I nod. “Let me get out of this dress first.”
Russell comes upstairs with me. “How come you didn’t tell me you were pregnant? I almost fell over when Enzo announced it.”
“I almost fell over too. I haven’t told anyone, I’m not even sure how Enzo found out.” I go into the bathroom to check the bottom drawer, the test is gone. It hits me: the cleaners were here yesterday. Karen, who I do love, has cleaners who come in three times a week to do everything we don’t want to do, like clean toilets and things Karen doesn’t do because her pay grade is above all that. The cleaners had to have found it and she must have told Enzo.
“Hm, I wondered, you looked like you were gonna throw up when he announced it, but I thought that’s how all pregnant women look once they’re pregnant.”
“No, he announced it without talking to me. I can’t believe he did that. We haven’t even been to the doctor yet. This was a discussion we should have had together before he told everyone.”
“He was just really excited,” Russell argues.
“Yeah, he finally got kid number one of the prenup.”
“Don’t, don’t start doing that. He loves you. Anyone who looks at that man can see it.”
Swallowing my tears, I force a smile. I don’t want to have this discussion with Russell, and not when I know he doesn’t get it. “Of course he does. Unzip me please so I can get out of this.”
Changed into pajama bottoms and a loose T-shirt, we find Adam at the dining table with cards and poker chips and reading something on his phone.
“Hey, I was just reading. I had no idea meningitis is so scary.”
Great, now it’s time to admit my ignorance. “What is meningitis, exactly?”
Adam starts reading and my stomach flips. Fuck, that’s scary. Poor Alicia and Cesare, to have to sit and wait, not able to do anything more than worry. Should I go? It hits me again: the smell of alcohol, the moans of my mom, the crying of the woman in the room next door as her husband lay dying. Shaking my head, I grab my phone and text Enzo to ask how everything is going. Nothing. A response never comes.
Around midnight Adam and Russell go home. I go up to bed. The stupid necklace won’t come off. Before I lie down I send another text to Enzo, asking again how everything is going. He doesn’t answer before I fall asleep.
***
Enzo
Bethany nudges me with her foot. “Why aren’t you going to answer Chloe’s text?”
“Because I’m not in the mood.”
“Enzo, don’t be like that. She’s worried.”
“If she were worried she’d be here right now.”
“Don’t be mean. She legit hates hospitals. Russell took her while she was in too much pain to fight him. She did tell you about how they wanted to keep her, but she just took a prescription for painkillers and took a cab because Russell refused to drive her home? Have you ever had kidney stones? Do you have any idea how painful they are? If she won’t go to the hospital for herself, why would she come for Matteo, who she’s encountered all of twice? Dominic isn’t here, no one knows why he hates hospitals, you’re not mad at him. Where did Tony go, by the way?”
“For decent coffee across the street, he’ll be right back. This is family. When something happens you’re there for each other.”
“Look who’s talking. You missed Matteo’s third birthday because of work.”
“This isn’t about a birthday. She’s not coming for Matteo, she was supposed to come for me. Her grandmother took our plane to Italy; the excuse she used for not coming wasn’t valid as of three hours ago.”
“It’s always about you.” Dante shakes his head. “Never mind what she needs. Like what the fuck on announcing she’s pregnant without talking to her first?”
How did he know I didn’t talk to Chloe first? I shrug. “I was excited. I couldn’t hold it in. How could she think I could not tell anyone?”
Bethany winces. “Please tell me you didn’t agree not to say anything then did anyway.”
“We didn’t agree to anything, we didn’t talk about it because she didn’t even tell me.” Thinking of it now, I shove down the anger at Chloe not telling me. How old was the test?
Dante sits up. “She didn’t tell you? How the hell did you know?”
“Karen told me by accident this morning when she came to oversee everything. She assumed I knew because one of the cleaners found the pregnancy test in the bathroom.”
“Wow, you...” Bethany shakes her head. “I can’t even believe you.” She gets up and walks away.
“What?” Dante is staring at me like he’s going to deck me. “What is the big deal?”
“I don’t understand how you can be intelligent enough to make several billion dollars, but so utterly stupid when it comes to women and relationships.”
He gets up and follows Bethany out of the room. What did I do?
***
Enzo
Che comes in a little after four in the morning, looking like hell but with a huge smile on his face. Bethany and Dante only came back an hour ago and haven’t talked to me since.
“He’s going to be okay. It’s not meningitis. They still want to keep him in while they rule out other things less serious but the test came back negative on meningitis.”
Bethany starts crying. “Ugh, I promised I wouldn’t cry. I’m just so damn relieved.”
Che hugs her. “Me too, kiddo—I understand completely. You need to go home and get some sleep.”
Dante nods. “I’ll get her home. Call me though when you know what it is for sure.”
I’m caught off guard when Bethany lays a hand on my chest and pushes. “I wasn’t going to say anything because I didn’t think you deserve it, but Chloe does. A woman’s wedding day should be all about her feeling like a princess, where she wears the prettiest dress she will ever wear and she gets to marry the man of her dreams. It wasn’t a huge deal to me because Dante makes sure I feel like a princess every day, but I know for a fact you haven’t been doing that for Chloe. Then you went and made it about her pregnancy, which sucks so hard because the moment a woman becomes pregnant, it’s as if the world loses their minds and her body and choices are up for public consumption and advice. It’s not just about them anymore, and on her wedding day it should have been all about her. And maybe, just fucking maybe, you should have talked to her and asked her why she hadn’t told you yet. Maybe there was a valid reason and even if that reason was just that she wasn’t ready, it was a fucking valid reason.”
Dante nods. “What she said.”
***
Chloe
For the first time I’m awake before Enzo. Studying him, I can’t help but sigh. He is stunning; we really are going to have gorgeous babies. Longing wells up inside me. I run a finger over his jaw, then he moves. I snatch my hand back and roll over off the bed, as I do the necklace comes off. Catching it, I study it, wondering why he bought it. In the closet, I stash the necklace in the island. I dress quickly in leggings and a T-shirt. Back in the bedroom, Enzo is still asleep, so I grab my phone then close the door behind me.
Going downstairs I blink twice: the whole house has been cleaned. There’s no sign of anything to indicate a wedding happened here yesterday. I check the time, it’s only nine thirty.
“Oh, hello, Chloe. I’m sorry if I woke you,” Karen exclaims. A tall thin woman well into her sixties, Karen is sweet, thoughtful, and a great cook.
“No worries, I’m pretty sure you didn’t. Thank you for seeing to everything.”
“It’s my job. How about some breakfast?”
“Sounds good, oatmeal has been better for me lately.”
“Ah yes, for the baby and morning sickness. I couldn’t eat anything the first few hours of my day except some saltine crackers for the first six months of my first pregnancy. I do want to apologize, I had no idea you hadn’t told Enzo about the pregnancy. Looking back, I should have known i
f the test was buried in the bottom of the drawer.”
Shrugging, I don’t look up from my phone. Relief comes over me as I read the text from Bethany letting me know Matteo is okay. “It’s not your fault. It wasn’t the best hiding place. I wasn’t ready yet.”
Karen nods. We don’t talk much as she cooks the oatmeal, then sets down the sugar and some toast beside my bowl. She leaves with a pat on my hand.
I’m finishing breakfast when Enzo comes downstairs. “Good morning,” I murmur as I chew my toast.
“Morning.” It’s abrupt. “Matteo is all right, in case you cared.”
Closing my eyes, I take a deep breath then another. It doesn’t work. I run for the half bath and lose the breakfast I ate. Enzo touches my back, the touch stings, I shrug him off. Once it finally stops I rinse my mouth out. It’s not enough, though, so I head upstairs to brush my teeth.
“Chloe.”
I ignore him and keep walking. I’m brushing my teeth when I see him in the mirror behind me. Wiping my mouth clean, his hand goes down on my arm. I shrug him off. “I’m sorry.”
Climbing onto the bed he’s made, I work to breathe deep to keep the tears at bay. I won’t let them happen where he can see them.
“Chloe, I’m trying to apologize.”
“You apologized. Please leave me alone, a headache is coming on.” Trying to shut him out, I close my eyes.
“The pilot will be back this afternoon. Do you want to leave tonight or tomorrow?”
“Leave where?” I don’t bother opening my eyes.
He sighs. “For our honeymoon.”
“We don’t need a honeymoon. You got the job done. I don’t want to go on a honeymoon.” The idea of ten days of nothing but Enzo feels like torture.
Another sigh. I swear to god if he sighs again I’m going to deck him. “I would like for us to go on a honeymoon, please.”
“I would not like to go on a honeymoon. Please go away.”
“Look...” I refuse to open my eyes even though I can feel him hovering over me. “I’m sorry about announcing you were pregnant at the wedding without talking to you. I didn’t think, I was excited.”
I shake my head, keeping my eyes closed. “Whatever, what’s done is done. I really want to take a nap.”
“Fine. I’m going into work.”
I squeeze my eyes tight. That’s what you get, Chloe—you pushed him away and he went.
24
Chloe
And over the next few days, he just kept getting further and further away. He didn’t come to bed that night. The next day he was up before me as usual and didn’t come home until after ten, when he didn’t come to bed again. It’s Wednesday before I realize he moved into the guest room. At least he doesn’t hear me when I cry at night.
I’m trying not to pace in the waiting room of the doctor’s office. Bethany gave me the number for the best OB/GYN in the city. I wondered if she was exaggerating, but the Matisse I’m staring at says she’s not. It was also hard to get an appointment when I first called them last Monday, they didn’t have any openings for six months. So I did something I swore I wouldn’t do: I told them my last name was Sabatini and my husband Enzo Sabatini was hoping for a sooner appointment. They had an appointment for me a week later.
“Why are you still waiting? Your appointment was for ten minutes ago.”
I can’t believe Enzo is frowning down at me. “What are you doing here?”
“Being supportive. The appointment was on your calendar. Our calendars have been synced for weeks.”
“More like checking to make sure your precious fetus is fine.”
“If you knew, then why did you ask?”
The nurse calls out, “Chloe Sabatini.”
Enzo goes still. “You changed your last name?”
Shrugging, I fight the blush. “Nonna made sense. You’re not coming in.”
“I’ll be right out here.”
The nurse takes blood, asks a dozen questions, then smiles and says the doctor will be in soon. I’m in a gown that isn’t open in the back and I swear is one hundred percent cotton. My nerves are growing as I sit waiting. God, I’m such an idiot, I really wish Enzo was in here with me. Before I think about it, I text him that. Seconds later the door is opening, it’s Enzo.
“Thanks for letting me come in.”
A knock sounds before the door opens. “Hello, I’m Whitney. And you must be Chloe, and you are?”
“Enzo, my husband.”
“All right, Daddy is in the house, very good. So great news, everything is looking good. hCG levels are where they should be. How are you doing, Chloe?”
“Good, morning sickness most days still. Some days I’m pretty tired, others I’m fine.”
“Excellent. Okay, let’s take a look with the sonogram.”
She lifts up the gown; a squeeze of clear gel then she’s pressing pretty dang hard with a wand. Her eyes on the screen, she nods. “Looking good, everything as it should be.”
“What looks good?” It’s just black then gray with a little less gray.
Pressing a few buttons, she laughs. “Okay, see this teeny tiny thing right here?” What, the dust on the screen? “That’s the baby, and it looks right on line with the three weeks you thought you were. Now, I’m sure you’re aware so early there are...there can be issues. If you have any fevers, some bleeding may occur naturally, but excess bleeding call my office.”
I nod as I remember the terrifying book I’ve been reading. “Right around twelve weeks is out of the scary time?”
With a sigh, she shakes her head. “I’ve seen miscarriages at beyond twelve weeks. Pregnancy can be a huge unknown, but most of the time, if you are going to miscarry it would happen before then.”
“I understand.” There are no guarantees she can give.
“Okay, so I’m going to give you a prescription for some vitamins, I want you to take the iron ones every other day. You’re going to get a weekly pill organizer. Use it, you will forget if you took your vitamins or not. One thing: I noticed your blood pressure is a little high, I want you to work on bringing it down. Get good sleep, make sure you rest throughout the day too.”
“Yes, okay. It’s not normally that high. I’m sure it’s this visit.”
“All right, that happens too. I want to see you back in three weeks then we will go every month after that. Do you have anything for me?”
Shaking my head, I look to Enzo. He shakes his head.
“See you in three weeks.”
Pushing up from the bed, I notice Enzo is still staring at the small strip of paper she printed out of the gray dust. “This is our baby?”
For the first time in a long time, I laugh. “It’s called a fetus. I think it’s the size of a grain of rice right now.”
“Yeah, but it’s our fetus.” Enzo clutches the paper.
“Next time I think it will be the size of a sweet pea. Thanks for coming.”
“I wanted to come. I want to be here, for every step.”
Turning my back, I blink fast. “Right, for the rice. I’ll make sure I put it on my calendar. I need to change so I can get back to work. Goodbye.”
He doesn’t say anything else before I hear the door close.
When I come out of the office he’s gone. I’m annoyed with myself for being disappointed.
***
Chloe
The next few weeks are a repeat of the first week of our marriage. I’m so miserable for a few days I seriously consider leaving, only I don’t really want to. Damn Dominic to hell. I’m doing it. I’m putting myself on the line, I’m turning myself inside out, and it hurts more than I ever thought it could. I also have no doubt if I did leave, Enzo would track down his child—not me, but his child—so it would be a waste of time and energy. I can’t talk to Bethany, I can’t talk to Russell, who is incredibly happy as he and Adam plan their own wedding for Christmas. For two whole weeks I manage to not see Enzo once.
I’m in the doctor’s office readi
ng on my cell phone when Enzo sits down beside me. He doesn’t say anything but his scent identifies him, along with the silk of his black suit. We sit, not speaking until the nurse calls me.
“Can I come in?”
A part of me wants to refuse but I find myself nodding anyway.
The nurse gets my weight and my blood pressure then takes my temperature. Her questions keep coming, and she writes down every word of my answers. Finally she stops and tells me the doctor will be in.
This time it’s only a few minutes before the doctor knocks before opening the door. “All right, Chloe, talk to me, my dear. You’ve managed to lose twelve pounds since I saw you last. I have to tell you that is not good, not at all. Still with the morning sickness?”
I shrug; the nurse asked the same thing. “Not really, it stopped a week or so after our last appointment.”
“So, what’s going on? Please tell me you aren’t afraid of gaining weight. True, you are considered medically, slightly overweight. As a doctor, I feel you were healthy; now I’m needing to make sure you don’t keep losing. The baby will take what it needs from you. At the same time, I need you to remain as healthy as possible. How many times are you eating a day?”
“I have breakfast, I don’t always eat lunch, but I have a snack or something. I have dinner every night.”
“But are you eating everything, or are you pushing the food around on your plate? Dad, anything to add? How is she eating?”
Shaking my head. “I eat fine.” I’m not, and guilt is mounting. I will eat better. “I’ll eat better. Lunch every day.”
“Not just anything you want good fats, those are really important for the development of the baby. We’re talking avocados, olive oil, nuts all kinds, wild-caught salmon is good, at least twice a week.”
Nodding, “Yes, okay. I’ll make sure of it.”
“Good, how is your sleep?”
Shit. “Good, I get at least eight hours in bed.” I only sleep for about five of them though. “Really good.” I will though, from now on, starting tonight.
She doesn’t believe me. “Hm, okay. Maybe shoot for a nap in the middle of the day when you come home from work. Make sure you put your feet up when you get home. Your blood pressure is still high. We don’t want that. I want you to get a wrist cuff and take it three times a day, record it for me. You need to bring it in the next time you see me. All right, let’s take a look and make sure everything is good.”