by Nicole Helm
“You really think yes will solve everything?”
She met his gaze, her hazel eyes watery, but damn if her certainty didn’t grow back like a weed—quick and twice as tough. “I know it will.”
Carter got a harsh, sinking feeling in his chest. He hadn’t realized quite how . . . Well, Dinah had some real issues, and she was very much in denial about them. He didn’t know how to deal with denial. He’d never had to fight denial, never had to see it through or prove himself. When his family left, he’d had to start over every time.
He couldn’t help wondering if when Dinah finally realized she couldn’t power through everything, he’d be left alone to start all over again.
Chapter 15
Dinah had been fine all day. Calm and in control and certain, but something about Craig’s parting shot and Carter’s reaction had jumbled her all up and she felt shaky and scared and not at all certain of the outcome.
The longer it took the board to deliberate, the longer and tighter her nerves stretched. The more Carter held her hands and told her to breathe and sweetly called her baby, the more she wanted to scream. Just scream.
When Grandmother finally appeared to summon them back, Dinah nearly sobbed with relief. Which was also scary. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d felt so emotional.
Maybe when Dad disappeared? Or Mom decided to move? Or—
“Dinah, I’d like to see you in my office. Mr. Trask, your presence will not be required.”
“Wait. Did the board vote? What’s this all about? If they voted no, I—”
“I said I wish to see you in my office, Dinah. We will discuss the rest there.” She flicked a glance at Carter. “Mr. Trask, you are dismissed.”
“I’m dismissed?” Carter asked incredulously, and Dinah had a feeling it was only the way she squeezed his hands that kept him from saying something snarky back to her grandmother.
“Yes. You are,” Grandmother said regally, because she was a woman who never backed down from a perceived challenge.
Dinah could tell that Carter wanted to argue with her grandmother, and she could tell he really didn’t appreciate the way people were talking to him around here, but his gaze studied her and eventually he just nodded.
“Call if you need anything. Let me know how it goes. I’m not going far.” He gave her hands a squeeze before he released them.
She wanted to grab on and hug him. Hold on to Carter and insist he be allowed to come with her, but her grandmother’s wanting to talk to her alone was a frightening and confusing prospect. Usually Grandmother was happy to let whatever happened with the board happen. This was unorthodox and problematic.
Carter disappeared and Dinah looked at her grandmother, trying to discern some clue as to what was going on.
But her grandmother’s face was blank. Always the unreadable matriarch who held all the power, and Dinah suddenly felt as though she had absolutely none.
From the moment her father had disappeared with Aunt Linda, the power she thought she’d had growing up had been completely eradicated, which meant it was never hers in the first place. It had all been Dad’s, and she’d just foolishly thought she shared some of it.
She followed Grandmother up to the older woman’s chic, spacious office, feeling oddly beaten. All of her confidence and certainty deserted her.
“Have a seat,” Grandmother instructed as they entered.
Dinah took the uncomfortable chair opposite Grandmother’s desk while Grandmother sank into her plush leather armchair. Dinah clasped her hands in her lap, desperately trying to find some sense of strength and determination.
“The board has voted in your favor.”
Dinah let out a whoosh of breath. In her favor? In her favor? That meant yes. Yes.
“As your grandmother and as the head of the Gallagher family, I was able to persuade the board to vote yes, despite your relationship with Mr. Trask. It’s a solid plan, Dinah, and I appreciated the detailed and professional way you went about putting this together.”
The board had voted yes and her grandmother was praising her. Had she fallen into an alternate universe?
“That being said, I think it’s important we discuss the matter of Mr. Trask.”
“The matter?”
“He’s beneath you, Dinah. I hope you know that.”
Dinah could only gape for a few buzzing seconds. “B-beneath me? That . . .that doesn’t even make sense. What do you me—”
“You’re a smart woman. You’re strong and you’re determined. You can make Gallagher’s into something better than Craig can. I believe that. I’m willing to tell him, and the board, my opinion the next time the director position comes up for discussion and vote.”
Dinah couldn’t believe what she was hearing. Grandmother thought she’d do better than Craig. Dinah believed that wholeheartedly, but she hadn’t considered Grandmother might agree with her.
“Grandmother. I don’t . . . I don’t know how to thank you. This is—”
“Thanks aren’t necessary, because this is best. But, there is one condition.”
All the elation, all the joy, all the pleased and touched parts of her came to a screeching halt. The glow of her grandmother’s praise wore off pretty damn quick. “A . . . condition?”
“I will only support you as director under the condition that you are not romantically involved with Carter Trask.”
It hit her like a blow. Hard and physical. She actually fell forward a little, as though someone had punched her straight in the back. She couldn’t breathe, and when she managed to finally suck in a breath, she looked at her grandmother’s shrewd hazel eyes and knew without a shadow of a doubt there was no arguing her way out of this.
This was Grandmother’s ultimatum. Her final decision. The only hope of being the director of operations of Gallagher’s, like she was supposed to be, was to lose Carter.
“I’m sure you think I’m being unfair, in the moment, but I saw the way that man stood up for you, and I see what you’re doing for that man. Quite honestly, this isn’t the lark Craig seems to think it is. You seem to care about each other.”
“I do. We do. Grandmother—”.
“Nevertheless, Carter Trask is not for you. If you’re going to be the head of Gallagher’s, if you’re going to be our director of operations and take my place as matriarch of this family when I’m gone, you need someone who understands this world. Someone who knows when to shut his mouth. Someone who knows how to lie. For heaven’s sake, that man did nothing but spout the truth in his proposal. It was god-awful.”
“Grandmother,” Dinah croaked.
“I suppose you think you love him or that he understands you or whatever young people think. I’ve been where you are, but this is the law of the Gallagher woman’s life. The choice.”
“I don’t understand what I’m choosing,” Dinah replied, feeling sick and teary and hoping to show neither of those things to her formidable grandmother.
“You’re choosing Gallagher’s. First and foremost. When you do that, you’ll want a marriage that’s more of a business proposition than love. I didn’t marry your grandfather because he was the great love of my life. I married him because he would allow me to continue my work with Gallagher’s. I married him because he was a businessman himself and understood. Love has no place in this family if you want to continue a legacy. Your uncle married for love. See what that got him?”
“Grandmother.”
“Your young man is dedicated to his farm, and you found a way to combine farming with our business. Congratulations. Now, what happens at the first roadblock? The first time our business needs don’t meet with his? What happens when we have to decide what is more important—Gallagher’s bottom line or his?”
“It would be business. Something everyone worked through as business people. Just because Carter and I have a personal relationship doesn’t mean it has to bleed into our professional one.”
“You’re young and idealistic. It doesn’t work
that way. The only way you can combine personal and professional is to do what I did. Trust me, Dinah. This is for your own good.”
“You loved Grandpa,” Dinah whispered, feeling small and young and stupid. This wasn’t true, or right. It was just a test or something. “You did, and he loved you.”
“We’d been married for over twenty-five years by the time you were born. We certainly grew to love each other in a fashion. We grew to love Gallagher’s together. Will your man ever love Gallagher’s more, or even as much, as he loves his farm?”
That landed like a blow too, because she knew the answer beyond a shadow of a doubt. Never. Carter would never love something more than his land. His roots.
“The reason Gallagher’s is so important to us is because it’s in our blood. It beats as our hearts. The person you end up marrying has to understand that at least half our hearts, if not all, is with Gallagher’s. First and foremost. Before marriage. Before children. Before everything.”
Dinah was shell-shocked and numb. She wasn’t ready to think about marriage. Love was still that scary thing she was trying to figure out, but giving it up before she figured it out seemed cruel.
“Those are my terms. You can take them or leave them.”
“I don’t know what to do.” Dinah wasn’t sure she’d ever admitted to her grandmother she didn’t know something. That she was confused and hurt. A normal grandmother-granddaughter relationship would probably include something heartfelt or understanding, but Dinah was under no illusion that she’d get any of that.
“Take a few days to break it off with Trask, and when you do, come back to me. I’ll make my recommendation to the board at that point.”
Dinah blinked. This all felt surreal. Like it was happening to someone else. Like it wasn’t real. “What about Craig? He won’t take that well.”
“You let me handle my son. I want your answer by Friday, Dinah.”
She forced herself to stand and didn’t even bother with a goodbye.
“I know you’ll make me proud, Dinah,” Grandmother said as Dinah walked out the door.
In her whole life all Dinah had wanted was to make her grandmother proud. Make Gallagher’s proud. To take her rightful place.
Now here it was, within reach, and it was coming at such a cost. Dinah didn’t know how to wrap her head around it, and she sure as hell didn’t know what to do about it.
* * *
Carter was elbow deep in compost when Dinah finally showed up. He looked up at her. She was pale and drawn, and he immediately assumed the worst. “They voted no.”
Dinah forced a smile and shook her head. “They voted yes. The partnership is a go.”
“So why do you look like your dog just died?”
“Grandmother had quite a talk with me,” she said, sounding small and far away, so unlike Dinah, he pushed to his feet.
“About?”
Dinah studied him long and hard. “You know, I don’t really want to talk about it right now. It was all kind of personal stuff.”
Carter rocked back on his heels. Personal. She said it in a way that seemed to insinuate he had nothing personal to do with her. Ouch.
“Did you want to celebrate? Because you seem kind of not in the mood for that.”
“It’s weird. I just don’t know how to . . .” She swallowed and looked around his yard, so many emotions on her face he couldn’t read them all. “Could you just kiss me?” She laughed, but there was no happiness behind it.
He reached out to touch her face, but he stopped because his hands were filthy. “Tell me what’s wrong.”
She looked away from him, and it was like the moment in the bar when her grandmother had dismissed him. She looked lost and confused, but he didn’t know how to reach her.
“I just don’t even know. Nothing today quite went the way I anticipated and . . . I . . . I think I need to go talk to Kayla. Kayla would know what to do.”
“Okay. But, you know, you could talk to me too. I might have a few ideas.”
She forced a smile that was probably the most fake thing he’d ever seen.
“It’s just such crazy family stuff. I think I can explain it better if I talk to her first.”
“Baby, I’m worried about you. Can’t you tell me what happened? You look like you’re about to cry.”
That’s exactly what she did. She started to cry. Carter didn’t have the last fucking clue what to do with that, but even with all the dirt and crap on his hands, he pulled her against him.
She cried into his shoulder for he didn’t know how long, but as she slowly got ahold of herself he didn’t miss how tense she felt.
Eventually she stepped away, refusing to make eye contact. “Well, that’s embarrassing.”
“It shouldn’t be. It’s okay to cry.”
She made a sound, something he couldn’t figure out—a scoff, a laugh, another sob?
“I have to go,” Dinah said, shaking her head and backing away.
“You can’t leave without telling me what’s wrong. Come inside, I’ll—”
“No, I really have to go,” she whispered, backing away, step by step, still not meeting his gaze.
“Dinah.”
“I’m sorry,” she whispered, shaking her head and turning to leave.
He wanted to say something. A lot of somethings. But he bit his tongue. Whatever she was dealing with, she didn’t want him to have anything to do with it. He’d been there. He knew how that went. People kept secrets and did what they wanted without his input.
That was life. Might as well accept it.
His gaze raked the yard, looking for something to pound or destroy to get this impotent anger out of him. Instead it landed on a person stepping through the gate as Dinah scurried out.
“I’m in no mood for another fight, Jordan,” Carter called out, because he was afraid if Jordan tried to pick another fight with him, Carter wouldn’t be able to stop himself from pounding his friend.
Jordan put his hands up. “I actually came to apologize for how I acted the other day.”
“What changed your tune?”
“Grandma threatened to beat me with a wooden spoon?” Jordan laughed and shook his head. “Seriously, man, I was . . . I was worried about Grandma. She’s been forgetting things. She fell. It was easier to worry about, well, the house and dumb shit than it was to worry about her.”
“Yeah, man, I get that.”
“So I’m sorry I jumped down your throat. Grandma even thinks this is a good thing, so I gotta agree whether I want to or not.”
“If nothing else, I’ll get the inside scoop on Gallagher’s.”
Jordan snorted. “The only inside scoop you’re getting is on Dinah Gallagher herself.”
Carter stiffened. He knew his friend was trying to make a joke, but nothing with Dinah felt particularly joke-like right now. So he didn’t say anything to that; he focused on his last-of-the-season corn.
“You really got a thing for her, huh?”
Carter eyed Jordan, who was standing there watching him carefully. “Hell. I think I’m in love with the damn woman,” he muttered.
“No shit.”
Carter shook his head. He had no idea why he’d said that aloud, to Jordan of all people. He wasn’t an effusive guy. Didn’t talk about his problems or his damn feelings.
But he didn’t know what to do with them.
“I hate change,” Jordan said with a weary sigh. “People getting older. New partnerships. New . . . feelings and crap. It’s all a load of bullshit.”
“I’m inclined to agree with you, but you know what my dad always used to say about bullshit?”
“Some country hillbilly saying that will make no damn sense to me?”
“Bullshit grows the best produce.”
Jordan barked out a laugh. “I’d rather have a way to stop time than a damn big tomato.”
“It ain’t that magical.”
Again Jordan laughed, and though Carter was still worried about Dinah, it
felt good to laugh, to remember a thing his dad had said about hard times, and commiserate a bit on how good stuff can grow from difficult stuff.
He’d lost his land time and time again, but always found more land, and more meaning. He’d lost Grandma, and that would always hurt, but Dinah had been a salve for his grief. Company and care. Someone to lean on even if she didn’t have a clue he was leaning.
“So, you going to go after her?” Jordan asked, nodding toward Gallagher’s.
Carter assumed she’d gone to talk to Kayla, and maybe she needed that. To talk to family, people who understood all the weird Gallagher’s dynamics. He’d give her that time, but then . . .
“Soon enough,” he returned. “Soon enough.”
Chapter 16
Dinah was a mess, and she’d never been a mess before. Even after her family life had exploded into what it was now, she’d never fallen apart like this. She’d still had a plan and a goal and a focus.
Now she was confused and lost and, most problematic of all, needing someone else’s advice. She couldn’t ask Carter, not when this was about them, though she had the sneaking suspicion the man in her life she’d known the least amount of time might understand her the best.
Still, this wasn’t as easy as understanding. This was choosing, and it was a choice she’d never imagined having to make. She’d been certain her whole life she could have it all—everything she wanted—if she only worked hard enough.
Was it all a lie?
She didn’t particularly want to ask Kayla for advice when Kayla was having a break with Gallagher’s and the family. But Kayla knew the family, knew Grandmother, knew Dinah. Surely she could put aside her feelings about Gallagher’s in order to give advice.
Dinah thumped her head against Kayla’s apartment door in lieu of knocking. She felt like she needed to knock her head against something hard about a hundred more times before today would make sense.
When Kayla opened the door, she was a little breathless and flushed, and her eyes widened as she took in Dinah. “You’ve been crying,” she said by way of greeting.
“Hi to you too.”