~ ~ ~
Julia and Gayle turned to walk toward Gayle’s car, followed by Jimmy and Bobbie who’d seen the entire episode. In the meantime, James had gotten to his feet and headed toward Gayle. When he took her by the elbow, she violently shirked him off. “Get lost, James. Your behavior makes me want to puke. Either get some help or get out of town.”
“Yeah, Dad,” said Jimmy. “You were mean to that man.”
“He didn’t even do anything to you,” piped in his sister Bobbie. “And you hit him in the face. That makes you a bad man.”
James felt the blow of his daughter’s remark hit him solidly in the gut. He wanted to hide or tell them all how sorry he was, but what was done was done. He couldn’t—maybe even wouldn’t—take it back. “Come on, Gayle. Have a heart, would you?”
Without looking back, Gayle took Jimmy’s hand while Julia took Bobbie’s and the four of them made their way toward Gayle’s car. Tears of embarrassment, regret, and sadness flowed down Gayle’s cheeks as she said resolutely so her voice wouldn’t betray her, “Good-bye, James. Have a nice life!”
James stood alone in the parking lot and watched as his wife and children drove away. An hour ago he’d have blamed Diego, a week ago Duncan, and a month ago his brother Robert. Yet in that very moment he knew he had no one else to blame but himself. He’d hit rock bottom and he knew it.
James finally acknowledged he was at a crossroads. Either he could choose to continue down the road he was already on, or he could choose to get the help he finally understood he needed. Neither choice actually appealed to him, but something deep within spoke to him.
Closing his eyes and ears so he might fully comprehend what the still small voice within him suggested, James began to cry, quietly at first and then escalating to a full-scale wail. Suddenly, he dropped to his knees and looked up to survey the sky.
“I’m sorry, Robert,” he cried. “I’m sorry I never told you how much you mean to me. I’m sorry that the only way I knew how to react to you was by being jealous and competitive. I’m so sorry that I treated Julia and the people at the winery with such malice. Forgive me. Forgive me for everything I did and didn’t do while you were alive, and for everything I’ve done since you left. Forgive me and please, dear God, help me to forgive myself.”
James lowered his head and let his emotions take over. Soon, he felt a strong hand touch him on his shoulder. Pastor Knudson leaned in.
“You just made an important first step in getting your life back again, James. Why don’t you come with me to my office? We’ll discuss what further action you may want to take to get the help you need and deserve. Okay, pal?”
James gazed into the kind eyes of the pastor. Funny. He’d known Roland Knudson since they were both in the seventh grade at Cascade Middle School. Yet this was the first time the two of them had spoken to each other in years. James wasn’t exactly an active member of the church, even though Gayle and the kids had been attending regularly for years. James took in a deep breath and nodded his head. He then took the pastor’s offered hand to help him to his feet.
“I appreciate this, Roland.”
“I know, James. It’s my pleasure to be of help to one of the members of my flock.”
“Heathen that I am!” remarked James jokingly.
Pastor Knudson smiled in return. “Ah, James, we’re all sinners in our own way. Now come on, let’s talk. And while we’re at it, let’s see what we can do about that bruise on your jaw.”
The two men talked like old friends as they walked into the church. With each step, James became more and more aware his life was changing before him. His deepest hope was that this time it’d be for the better.
~ ~ ~
No doubt about it, Diego was angry. Not so much at James, but more at himself. He’d lost his cool not only in front of Julia, but in full view of the entire congregation at Julia’s church.
“How could you be so stupid, Diego?” he said out loud to no one but himself as he banged his fists on the top of the steering wheel. “Estupido! Stupid! Stupid idiot!”
The more he thought about his actions, the more he convinced himself he was not only unworthy of Julia, but of his new position at the winery as well. Hell! He wasn’t even sure she’d speak to him again, let alone keep him in her employ.
He knew he’d moved in on Julia way too fast, but he couldn’t help himself. Perhaps James was right. Maybe he was holding her back from making amends with her family. One thing was certain. He’d made Julia’s life more complicated and difficult. That’d never been his intention.
By the time Diego turned onto the gravel road leading to the winery, he’d convinced himself the best thing for him and Julia was to leave before he caused any more trouble. He snickered as he thought about his history of poor timing both presently and in the past.
If he only would’ve waited a few months more before pursuing Julia, then maybe he wouldn’t be in the situation he was now in. If he’d persuaded Paulina to leave Mexico and come with him all those years ago, she more than likely wouldn’t have run to his best friend Jorge and married him instead.
“Ah, Diego, you truly are a piece of work!”
He stopped the truck directly in front of the apartment he shared with Mariela and her family. It wouldn’t take him long to pack. After all, the only possessions he had to his name were his clothes, a few toiletries, his guitar, and his parent’s crucifix. He was tempted to leave even that behind, but thought better of it, believing if he didn’t take it with him, once again he’d prove himself to be a disappointment.
Mariela was the only person at home, thank God. He didn’t know what he’d do if he had to say good bye to the children. His disappearance was best left for Mariela to explain.
“What’s going on with you?” asked Mariela curiously.
He continued to throw his belongings into several empty garbage bags for easy transport. “I have to go. I’ve caused enough problems for the Señora to last us both a lifetime.”
She looked at him bewilderedly. “What do you mean ‘you have to go’? This is your home. Your work. Your future. Why are you running away?”
He stopped and stared at his sister. “I’m not running away. I’m trying to make things better for Julia and the only way I can do that is to go.”
He grabbed the stuffed bags and took off for his truck.
“Wait, Diego! You can’t go now? How will we survive at the winery if you leave us behind? Please tell me what’s going—”
“Enough, Mariela. Ya basta! I have to go and that’s all there is to it!” He threw his things haphazardly into the bed of the truck.
He turned to face Mariela before getting behind the wheel. “I’ll call you in a few days. In the meantime, I’ll stay where I have the Crestliner housed. Don’t worry, Mariela. I simply need to get away for the time being. Tell the children I’ll call them soon.”
Mariela looked as though she were struck speechless. It was obvious she could think of no other words to convince Diego to stay. Instead, she called to him one last time. “I will light a candle tonight for you and for the Señora as well. My prayer is you’ll both make the right decision and that you’ll be safe.”
“Gracias Mariela,” Diego mouthed as he rolled up his window and drove away from the only place over the last few years which he had called home. His heart ached, but in his spirit he knew he was doing the right thing. Julia’s happiness and security would only return once he was out of the picture. This he was certain of.
~ ~ ~
Julia sat at the breakfast bar in Gayle’s kitchen and watched as her sister-in-law prepared Sunday dinner.
“Are you sure I can’t help?” asked Julia, knowing already what Gayle’s reply would be.
“No thank you, Julia. You just sip your Siegerrebe and relax. Cooking has always been
my best stress reducer. I love busying myself in the kitchen. Not for clean up, mind you, but for creating my scrumptious mealtime masterpieces.”
She laughed at her own wit. “Honestly, putting together healthy meals is one of the few things I do best. Besides, tonight we’ll snack at your place if you still want us to come over.”
“Of course, Gayle. I don’t think I can manage right now without you and the children,” Julia said, as she took another sip of her wine.
She was glad Gayle and the children had offered to spend the night with her. After last night’s activities, Julia knew she’d yearn for Diego with each passing day. What she couldn’t as easily deal with were the ambivalent feelings she had for him right now. She was fully aware she still loved him, but that didn’t mean she appreciated his violent display that morning.
She didn’t need to have the only two men in her life fighting like wild animals. All she needed was a few hours away from Diego to figure out how she was going to deal with him and James and her future in this little town she’d grown to love. What she required right now was a simple girl’s night in. Good conversation, good food, and hopefully a good pedicure.
~ ~ ~
Gayle stood at the stove working on a gigantic omelet with everything in it from pasta to portabellas. Before church she’d thought ahead and already prepared the vegetable salad. All she had to do was throw the baguette in the microwave to soften it up and voila! Dinner was done!
Before calling the children to the table, Gayle wanted to talk to Julia about why she hadn’t gone back to the winery with Diego. Speedily, she turned the heat down under the egg pan and leaned over the counter where Julia was seated.
“So what’s with you not going back home with Diego right now?” Gayle reached over and took a sip from Julia’s wine glass. “Damn, that’s good!”
“I don’t know. I guess I was so surprised and embarrassed when he tried to punch James out I overreacted.” Julia took back her wine glass and finished its contents in one hefty swallow.
“Diego was only trying to defend you, you know. James said some pretty awful things. And in my opinion, Diego had every right to lay him out flat!” Julia noted both the anger and sadness in Gayle’s voice.
“I guess you’re right. It’s just that I feel like I’m already pushing it by dating Diego, especially with him being my employee and all. Plus, Robert’s only been gone for a short time, and I know how people talk. The last thing I wanted was to draw attention to myself, but James and Diego sort of took care of that this morning, didn’t they?”
Gayle reached for an empty wineglass. The Nooksack Valley Siegerrebe was far too good to pass up. “Oh, stop it. You know darn well nobody gives a rat’s ass whether you date an employee or the President of the United States, for that matter. And as far as Robert’s death goes, my God, Julia, you know as well as I do Robert left this planet long before the plug was pulled. You‘ve virtually been a widow for months now.”
She poured the wine all the way to the top of her glass.
“Besides, everyone is well aware how much you loved and cared for him while he was alive. If I know one thing, it’s that Robert would’ve wanted you to be happy and to find someone again to love.”
Gayle saw that Julia was about to defend herself, so she quickly cut off.
“And I don’t buy this ‘I didn’t want to draw attention to myself’ bit. Everyone in Salmon Run’s fascinated by you and your fame. Geez, you draw attention merely going to the post office, let alone going out with Diego. In case you’ve forgotten, you put in your two cents with James Friday morning, so don’t give me that ‘poor me’ crap.” Gayle took a couple of long sips of wine. “Good God, I’m glad I brought a couple of bottles of this home with me yesterday. More?”
Julia nodded. Gayle knew Julia probably suspected she was right. After all, she had always been honest with her, even when it was painful.
“I guess I blew it with Diego then, huh?” Julia admitted.
“He cares for you. Julia. That’s obvious. And, no, I don’t think you’ve completely blown it. If I were you, I’d call and let him know how you feel. You guys probably owe each other a simple apology, that’s all.”
~ ~ ~
It was always a surprise to Julia how a quick conversation with Gayle could make things feel so much better. Like Barb, she shot from the hip, which often set some people off. Yet Gayle was also bright and possessed a big heart in spite of her directness. Julia liked her. The more she got to know her, the deeper her feelings grew.
Julia was feeling somewhat better about herself when she remembered James’s behavior at church must’ve been as bothersome to Gayle as Diego’s was to her.
“You’re right, Gayle. I’ll give Diego a call after lunch.” She took another sip of her wine. “How are you doing? James wasn’t exactly on his best behavior this morning either.”
Gayle stared into her wine glass as she swirled its contents. “Oh, that man drives me nuts! Never mind how I found out, but it appears James’s real issue has to do with a raging gambling addiction. He has gone through all of our savings and investments. He even second-mortgaged our house to the point that now we’re upside down in what we owe. I’m so angry with him I could smack him. And you heard the kids today. They’re both smart enough to know their dad isn’t who he used to be.”
“I’m so sorry, Gayle.” Julia stood up and put her arm around her sister-in-law’s shoulders. Gayle’s eyes grew glassy as tears started to form.
“He wants to come home, but I can’t allow him to come back until he makes the effort to get help. I’m sure he owes a lot of people money, which is more than likely why he’s so insistent about taking the winery away from you. He and Duncan must’ve cooked up some kind of get-rich-quick plan and you know how those things always turn out. Utter disaster!”
“You still care about him, don’t you? I mean, at least for the children’s sake? He’s their father, after all.” Julia handed Gayle a napkin to wipe her eyes.
“I think I’ll always love that man. It’s just that right now I don’t even like him. Up until a year ago, our marriage was really quite wonderful. Yet Robert’s illness and Buck’s internment into the Alzheimer’s ward changed things between James and me. He spent less and less time at home. When he was here, he was either hard to reach or just plain grumpy. I thought it might have something to do with work, but now I’m not so sure,” she said as she polished off her drink.
“Oh, Gayle. We certainly are a pair, aren’t we?”
“You said it, kiddo! Let’s quit our groveling and whining and get this meal on the table before I throw down a second glass of your prize-winning wine and make an even bigger fool of myself! You with me?”
Julia squeezed Gayle and gave her a quick peck on her cheek. “You bet I am, all the way!”
Both women realized in that moment how lucky they were to have the kind of friendship which would endure no matter what life threw at them. They were what was left of a family turned over onto itself. Yet they were survivors—fighters—women who knew how to love and to lose, and with each other’s help how to learn to love again.
Chapter 14
After everyone ate, the children cleared the table while Julia talked Gayle into letting her at least help with the dishes, especially since she hadn’t allowed Julia to do much in putting the Sunday dinner together. The two of them yakked and laughed yet purposely stayed away from the twin subjects of Diego and James.
When everything was finally put away, both Julia and Gayle voted to take much needed naps before going out to the winery. It was obvious to Julia why she was so tired. A night with Diego left her yearning for more, of course, but for uninterrupted sleep as well. She couldn’t have it both ways, so for now she opted to stretch out on the couch, close her eyes, and hope for the best.
Gayle had also
been to bed late the night before and up early to meet with James at the county jail, the stress of which gave her a mild headache. That, coupled with the events in the church parking lot, wore both women out to the point that sleep appeared to be their only recourse.
Gayle checked on the kids to make sure they were busying themselves and then made a move for her bedroom. As soon as she closed her bedroom door, Julia headed toward the couch. She lay down and tried to close her eyes but thoughts of Diego made her restless.
Exasperated by her own inability to fall asleep, Julia shot up and ran to retrieve her cell phone from her purse. She needed to work up the courage to call Diego and not because she was uneasy about asking for the man’s forgiveness. She was seriously worried Diego wouldn’t find it within himself to forgive her. The possibility of that scared her to death. She took in a deep breath and dialed.
Julia listened to Diego’s phone ring at least five or six times before it went to voicemail. At a loss of words, she immediately hung up.
“Dammit, don’t be such a wimp!” she said as she dialed his number again.
Still no Diego.
This time when it went to voicemail, Julia asked him to call her as soon as he got her message. By the time she hung up, she felt wide awake. Adrenaline raced through her body, but she made herself lie back down and close her eyes anyway, praying for sleep.
~ ~ ~
Whenever Diego was anxious, irked, or wound up, he turned to his Ford Crestliner, and today was no exception. He loved tinkering with the old Ford, learning everything he could about its inner workings and outer design. American cars had always turned him on, even when he was a kid growing up in Mexico.
Love's Harvest (A Salmon Run Novel Book 1) Page 20