by Unknown
He took another moment to wipe down everything he thought he’d touched in his car, anything he might have smeared with Dobbs’ blood. As he opened the door, he concentrated on what a lucky bastard he had to be now, and that was when he caught a glimpse of his bloodstained turn signal. He made a clucking noise as he wiped that on the shirt, then took the white bundle over to the transport truck and wedged it in good between the tire of a strapped-down Chrysler and the rusty metal on which it sat.
Then he got into his car and awkwardly drove to the Super 8, still trying to keep the bloody back of his clothes from rubbing the car seat. The fire doors were locked, and he worried that desk clerk might notice something odd about him, but as it turned out the night man was preoccupied with a bloody nose and didn’t even see him come in.
As he entered, Fred had no way to know he’d missed Joe Kimble by minutes.
* * *
The front desk of the Super 8 Motel had an electric buzzer—just a doorbell from True-Value, Joe figured—and while Fred had been hiding the gun, Joe had leaned on it for a full five seconds before poking his head over the counter to look in the back.
“Hey! How about some service here?”
A door into the manager’s office opened, and there stood Dan Hamilton. Joe’s eyes narrowed and his lip pouted out a little. He hated Dan Hamilton. When Joe was just a freshman in high school and Dan was a junior, Dan had picked on him for no reason at all that Joe could discern. By the time Joe got his growth spurt, Dan had gone off to college.
“Well well. If it isn’t Joe Kimble.” Dan had put on the freshman fifteen at college and had kept right on going. His beady eyes peered from fatty folds.
“Hey Dan, you got a room for me?”
“You got a reservation?” Dan asked playfully. Behind him, through the open door, Joe could see a small TV playing. He recognized it as a Jerry Springer “Too Hot For TV!” tape.
“Gimme a break,” Joe said, glaring at him.
“That a yes or a no?”
“I don’t need no reservation.”
“Language, Mr. Kimble,” Dan said, aping the voice of one of their hardass high school English teachers.
Joe had spared only a moment’s thought that Dan might be at the Super 8. Dan’s dad owned it and Joe knew Dan had started working there after flagging out from U of M. Nonetheless, nothing was going to make Joe check into the Sleepy Teepee.
“Dan, I saw the fucking ‘vacancy’ light on your sign, so you can cut the crap and give me a room, okay? Just do your job, all right?”
“Ooh, you know Joe, there’s a little ‘no’ thing ahead of ‘vacancy’ on that light. Like, on a separate circuit. Burns out a lot. It might be burned out now. Lemme check the books…”
Joe gritted his teeth as Dan casually flipped open the registry and started languidly reviewing it, leaning on his right hand, flipping pages with his left.
“So Joe, what brings you here tonight?”
“It’s none of your goddamn business.”
“Yeah, that’s what your mom used to say.”
Joe’s eyes and nostrils both got wide.
“What was that, Dan?”
“‘S what your mom used to say when she’d check in here. You know, after she’d have fights with your dad.”
“Dan, I wouldn’t be talking ‘bout that if I was you.”
If Dan had bothered to look up at that moment, he probably would have shut his mouth. Or, better yet, said something kind and sympathetic to take the sting out of his words. But Dan hadn’t really looked at Joe for years, just as he rarely really looked at himself in the mirror. He didn’t realize that Joe had put on some weight of his own, but weight gained at boot camp—not from starchy campus food. He still considered Joe Kimble the scrawny kid he’d shoved around, crammed into lockers and tripped in the hallways.
That’s why he didn’t dignify Joe’s warning with even a look. Instead, he said, “You know, my dad was always real nice to your mom. I think a couple times she didn’t even have to pay her bill…”
Joe reached over the counter with both hands. His left hand grabbed Dan’s right wrist and yanked it outwards, while his right cupped the back of Dan’s head and flung it forward, hard, onto the book. Dan didn’t even see it coming. There was a crack and Dan’s nose started bleeding.
“Owww! You cocksucker!” Dan straightened up and stared in shock and anger.
“C’mon out here and say that.”
“I ought to call the fuckin’ cops on you!”
“Go ahead. Luther’s on duty tonight.” It was a bluff, but Luther had also suffered from Dan’s high school attentions.
Dan looked at Joe. Weighing his chances, his anger started to bleed away into fear.
“You’re just lucky your pal’s a cop,” he said at last.
“I ain’t the one hiding. C’mon Dan. Come on out and get some, if that’s what you want.”
Dan looked in Joe’s eyes and realized he’d never seen anyone look that crazy before. He’d seen actors try it on TV, but this was the real thing.
“Can’t take a motherfucking joke,” he muttered, lowering his eyes, turning away.
“Not when it’s my mother,” Joe said.
Dan reached for a paper towel for his bleeding nose, then sullenly handed Joe a key.
Minutes later, Fred Mundy walked through the lobby doors. Not long after that, it was Leslie and Kate.
* * *
In his room, Fred took several deep breaths and kneaded the scrawny muscles of his shoulders. They were tight with tension. He checked the bed for Magic Fingers, but no such luck. (The Sleepy Teepee had them.) He was in the bathroom splashing cold water on his face when he heard a knock at the door. He hadn’t had a chance to change out of his lightly-bloodstained clothes.
At the sound of the knock, he felt an elevator lurch in the middle of his chest and a cold prickle on his skin. Instantly, his shoulders were tense again. He thought about going for a gun, but unlike Seth he’d packed his at the bottom of a suitcase.
“Who’s there?” he called. He couldn’t think of anything better to do. He didn’t want to look through the peephole. Jada Skinks in Topeka had made that mistake. The gunman on the other side had been watching her back through it, using an optic device that reversed the tiny lens. When he saw that she was standing in front of the door, he’d shot her through it. Somehow, Fred didn’t think the pressboard doors at a Motel 8 would stop a bullet.
“It’s Kate and Leslie. You wanna open up or what?”
His first reaction was relief, then surprise that he was relieved. He hadn’t exactly parted from Kate on the best of terms. On the other hand, he’d take her over a vengeful duke or a curious cop any day.
“Uh, hold on, okay? I gotta put some pants on,” he said, yanking off his trousers and shirt. He rolled them into a bundle as quick as he could and shoved them under the bed, then groped in his suitcase until he’d found an old pair of sweat pants and a polo shirt he’d only worn once.
He peeked out the door at last then opened it for the woman who was no longer his wife, and the man who had never been his child.
For a moment, they all just looked.
“Well, one big happy family, huh?” Leslie said in an overbright tone. Both his parents scowled. There was a tense silence as Kate and Leslie shuffled in and seated themselves in the room’s two wicker chairs. Once again, Fred took his seat on the edge of the bed.
“Don’t everyone talk at once,” Leslie said at last. Fred blew out his breath across slack lips, making a horselike sound. Both Leslie and Kate knew it was his expression of exasperation.
“I guess I should be surprised you’re here,” he said. “But somehow, I’m not. So. How’d you manage to find me?”
“Aw Fred,” Kate said, “The phone trick. Don’t you remember teaching me that one?”
“Oh I remember,” he said. “I guess I’m a little surprised you’re willing to go the distance for it.”
“Did you forget the first
lesson you taught me? ‘Life is full of surprises.’”
“So how you charging up then? Picking fights? ‘Lady or the Tiger’? Chainsaw juggling?”
“Blind driving, if you have to know.”
“Look, Mom, Dad,” Leslie said. “Could you two cool off for a little bit? Ever since we came in here, you’ve been glaring at each other like…”
“Like divorcées,” Kate said, with a sneering little grin.
“Well could you take it down a notch, huh? ‘Not in front of the children,’ right?”
“I’m sorry son,” Fred said, looking away from his ex-wife. “I guess I’m just a little curious about how your mama’s been risking her life, that’s all.”
“Probably as smart or smarter than you have!” Kate replied. “But I suppose big risks are pretty easy to take in prison, right?”
“You better believe it.”
Fred’s tone had changed, subtly. It was still bitter, but the sarcasm had dropped out, replaced by an echo of genuine loss.
Kate was silent for a moment.
“You shouldn’t have taken the fall for Braunfeld,” she said quietly.
“I disagree.”
Leslie tried again.
“Look, could you two just say it’s water under the bridge? Seriously. I mean I… do you have any idea how much it hurts me to watch you two fight? What is under all this? The two of you haven’t seen one another for years, and the first thing you’re doing is copping attitudes like two old-west gunslingers. Jesus. You were married. You had a kid. Do you still need to impress one another?”
The two parents were silent again before Kate spoke.
“He started it,” she said, and when she looked up there was a mischievous smile on her face.
Fred flexed his mouth for a moment, then guffawed.
“All right, you got me, you got me. Shit. Look, can you forgive me for going to jail for Donna Braunfeld instead of you?”
“Well, it sounds like you paid for that piece of dumb more than I ever would have asked.”
All three were smiling, but only Leslie’s was wide and unguarded. Fred could feel his shoulders relaxing again, when Kate said, “So, we followed you from the Sleepy Teepee. Was that Seth Dobbs I saw jumping out the window with you?”
Fred’s smile evaporated. “Yeah,” he said, “But I don’t think you’ll see him around any more.”
“Oh? You weren’t working with that shithack, were you?”
“Are you kidding? I know he’s bad news,” Fred said. “We were having a frank and honest discussion, and we agreed that it would be best for all concerned if he left town.”
“Uh huh. Is that why his hand was bleeding?”
“As a matter of fact, yes it was.”
She nodded. Leslie’s smile had been replaced by a look of concern.
“Dad… was there any other way…?”
Fred let out a long sigh.
“Son, I know we raised you to be a pacifist, to turn the other cheek, and… all that. But sometimes, you have to do what’s expedient.” It rang false in his ears even as he said it.
“I’m not going to shed many tears for Seth Dobbs’ misfortunes,” Kate said. “Do you know why he was here? Somehow I’m guessing a finder of his skill wasn’t just passing through.”
“I’m pretty sure he’s here for the same reason we all are.”
“Do you know who sent him?” Kate’s voice was tense. “Dobbs strikes me as just the kind of hustler who’d sign up with this New Inquisition racket. If he tips them that there’s something big going on here… Jesus, I don’t even want to think about it. Did you hear they got Stealin’ Dan McKay?”
“I heard he was dead, and that this New Inquisition was involved. The way I heard it thought, it was Neal Brinker who did the deed.”
“Neal?” Leslie asked, incredulous. “I don’t believe it. I know he and Dan had their quarrels, but Neal would eat glass before he’d hurt Dan.”
“Maybe. Unless he was gambling for some big mojo.”
They were quiet for a moment.
“You think Neal would do that?”
“I don’t know, son. I’ve seen people do crazy shit, evil shit, for a lot less power than that. I know Brinker and McKay were close. I mean, that’s what makes it work, isn’t it? Risk the death of someone you love, win a big magickal prize. That’s the rules. Our rules.”
“I don’t think Neal would go that far.”
“‘If you’re not going to go all the way, why go?’” Fred quoted softly.
“That’s ridiculous!” Leslie replied, his voice and his face both tight with emotion. “Just because a deadly path is the most powerful doesn’t mean it’s the best or most worthwhile. You yourself said that the people who want power at any price usually burn out fast…”
“Leslie, I think that comment was aimed at me,” Kate said quietly.
Leslie turned, puzzled.
“Mom?” he asked.
“It was a long time ago,” Fred said.
“Yeah well,” Kate said. “I forgave you for Donna Braunfeld. Can you forgive me back?”
Fred smiled again, and his voice was gentle. “Like Leslie said, it’s water under the bridge.” He ran his hand over the freckled top of his head and spoke again. “For what it’s worth, I asked Dobbs if someone had sent him, and he said he was just nosing around on general principles. I don’t think he’s New Inquisition. I’m pretty sure. I know he was hanging out with Harvey Duopulous, and Harvey was tight with Brinker and McKay. Duopulous is never going to be anybody’s soldier.”
“Yeah, but he ain’t exactly the sharpest knife in the drawer, either.”
“So does Dobbs know why you’re here?” Leslie asked.
“I think generally yes, specifically no.” Fred squinted at his two guests. “The question is…do you two know why I’m here?”
Leslie looked him in the eye and calmly said, “If you mean, ‘do I know I’m not your child’ the answer is yes.”
Fred bit at his lips. He was terribly proud.
“So,” Kate said, her eyes boring into him. “Do you know who he is? The ‘fruit of our loins’? The gemini baby who was supposed to dethrone a god?”
Fred nodded. “Uh huh. His name’s Joe, Joe Kimble. He’s working for his dad—or, the guy he thinks is his dad. They’re exterminators.”
Kate blinked. “You mean, bugs? Like, pest control?”
“Exactly that.”
Leslie looked back and forth between them. “What?” he asked. “Why is that significant?”
“It probably isn’t,” Kate said, and at the same time Fred said, “Well, there always was the possibility he’d be a born killer.”
“A born killer?” Leslie asked. “I thought you two wanted the Hermaphrodite’s replacement to be, you know, kind and virtuous and good. To improve the world. I thought that was the whole point.”
“Yeah, well, there’s always unpredictable factors,” Fred said uncomfortably. “Shit, you know chaos magick. You know there’s always a chance that a monkey’s gonna crawl into the works.”
“That’s probably how you wound up switched,” Kate said without thinking. Then her left hand went to her mouth while her right reached out to touch Leslie.
“It’s okay mom. I mean, it happened.”
“You know that I love you like my own? You know that, right?”
“I know, Mom.” Leslie glanced at Fred, who shifted uncomfortably. He thought about saying the same thing, but then worried that he’d look like he was just chiming in.
“Leslie, I gotta say… I’m sorry about all the stuff we put you through. I mean, I know a lot of it was kind of rough. If I’da known, I would’ve…”
“What, wouldn’t have wasted your time training me? Would have set off immediately looking for your real baby, the one perfectly aspected to be the Mystic Hermaphrodite?”
“Look, I’m trying to say I’m sorry! I mean, I know you resisted sometimes. I mean, like… well, you know.”
“I can think of a couple times,” Leslie said with a squint. Then he took a deep breath, closed his eyes, and flexed his neck. “But you also taught me to be forgiving, and kind, and to look for the greatest good. Remember all that? So I can’t hold it against you. You thought you were doing the right thing.”
“Switched babies though,” Kate said. “Damn. That’s straight out of ‘Guiding Light.’ You don’t think it could be some kind of magickal blowback, do you?”
Fred shrugged. “I wouldn’t be one fucking bit surprised. ‘You want chaos to give herself to you, you have to give yourself to her.’ Weirder things have happened to entropy sorcerers, though I gotta say I’m hard pressed to think of one right now.”
“Either that or someone got wind of what we were doing and caused the switcheroo.” She gave him a pointed look. “After all, we know that’s possible.”
He met her gaze blandly. “My, this is the night for dredging up the past, isn’t it? Okay, yes, that occurred to me too. But I don’t think it’s right. If they had done it, they’d have killed the Kimble boy for sure.”
“If who had done what?” Leslie asked.
“Oh, a long time ago your father and I crossed paths with a rather nasty couple. It’s nothing you have to worry about.”
“Mom, I’m not a little kid anymore. I may not be the godwalker you were hoping for, but I can take care of myself and I think I’m old enough to know about your past. Did you and Dad do stuff you’re ashamed of? Well, so what? You think I’m not going to love you any more? Or is it that you think I can’t take it?”
“Fine,” Fred said. “This couple, the McCallums, were trying to give birth to the antichrist, or something very much like it. They were bad people. They killed two men and a little girl in order to carry out their plan. Your mom and I tried to stop them, and they were too strong for us. So we got their baby switched with another couple at the hospital.”