Sentimental Tommy

by J. M. Barrie

  CHAPTER VIII

  THE BOY WITH TWO MOTHERS

  "I love my dear father and my dear mother and all the dear little kidsat 'ome. You are a kind laidy or gentleman. I love yer. I will never doit again, so help me bob. Amen."

  This was what Shovel muttered to himself again and again as the two boysmade their way across the lamp-lit Hungerford Bridge, and Tommy askedhim what it meant.

  "My old gal learned me that; she's deep," Shovel said, wiping the wordsoff his mouth with his sleeve.

  "But you got no kids at 'ome!" remonstrated Tommy. (Ameliar was now inservice.)

  Shovel turned on him with the fury of a mother protecting her young."Don't you try for to knock none on it out," he cried, and again fella-mumbling.

  Said Tommy, scornfully: "If you says it all out at one bang you'll bedone at the start."

  Shovel sighed.

  "And you should blubber when yer says it," added Tommy, who could laughor cry merely because other people were laughing or crying, or even withless reason, and so naturally that he found it more difficult to stopthan to begin. Shovel was the taller by half a head, and irresistiblewith his fists, but to-night Tommy was master.

  "You jest stick to me, Shovel," he said airily. "Keep a grip on my hand,same as if yer was Elspeth."

  "But what was we copped for, Tommy?" entreated humble Shovel.

  Tommy asked him if he knew what a butler was, and Shovel remembered,confusedly, that there had been a portrait of a butler in his father'snews-sheet.

  "Well, then," said Tommy, inspired by this same source, "there's a rooma butler has, and it is a pantry, so you and me we crawled through thewinder and we opened the door to the gang. You and me was copped. Theycatched you below the table and me stabbing the butler."

  "It was me what stabbed the butler," Shovel interposed, jealously.

  "How could you do it, Shovel?"

  "With a knife, I tell yer!"

  "Why, you didn't have no knife," said Tommy, impatiently.

  This crushed Shovel, but he growled sulkily:

  "Well, I bit him in the leg."

  "Not you," said selfish Tommy. "You forgets about repenting, and if Ilet yer bite him, you would brag about it. It's safer without, Shovel."

  Perhaps it was. "How long did I get in quod, then, Tommy?"

  "Fourteen days."

  "So did you?" Shovel said, with quick anxiety.

  "I got a month," replied Tommy, firmly.

  Shovel roared a word that would never have admitted him to the hall.Then, "I'm as game as you, and gamer," he whined.

  "But I'm better at repenting. I tell yer, I'll cry when I'm repenting."Tommy's face lit up, and Shovel could not help saying, with a curiouslook at it:

  "You--you ain't like any other cove I knows," to which Tommy replied,also in an awe-struck voice:

  "I'm so queer, Shovel, that when I thinks 'bout myself I'm--I'msometimes near feared."

  "What makes your face for to shine like that? Is it thinking about theblow-out?"

  No, it was hardly that, but Tommy could not tell what it was. He and thesaying about art for art's sake were in the streets that night, lookingfor each other.

  The splendor of the brightly lighted hall, which was situated in one ofthe meanest streets of perhaps the most densely populated quarter inLondon, broke upon the two boys suddenly and hit each in his vital part,tapping an invitation on Tommy's brain-pan and taking Shovelcoquettishly in the stomach. Now was the moment when Shovel meant tostrip Tommy of the ticket, but the spectacle in front dazed him, and hestopped to tell a vegetable barrow how he loved his dear father and hisdear mother, and all the dear kids at home. Then Tommy darted forwardand was immediately lost in the crowd surging round the steps of thehall.

  Several gentlemen in evening dress stood framed in the lighted doorway,shouting: "Have your tickets in your hands and give them up as you passin." They were fine fellows, helping in a splendid work, and theirsociety did much good, though it was not so well organized as othersthat have followed in its steps; but Shovel, you may believe, was in nomood to attend to them. He had but one thought: that the traitor Tommywas doubtless at that moment boring his way toward them, underground,as it were, and "holding his ticket in his hand." Shovel dived into therabble and was flung back upside down. Falling with his arms round afull-grown man, he immediately ran up him as if he had been a lamp-post,and was aloft just sufficiently long to see Tommy give up the ticket andsaunter into the hall.

  The crowd tried at intervals to rush the door. It was mainly composed ofragged boys, but here and there were men, women, and girls, who cameinto view for a moment under the lights as the mob heaved and went roundand round like a boiling potful. Two policemen joined theticket-collectors, and though it was a good-humored gathering, the airwas thick with such cries as these:

  "I lorst my ticket, ain't I telling yer? Gar on, guv'nor, lemme in!"

  "Oh, crumpets, look at Jimmy! Jimmy never done nothink, your honor;he's a himposter"'

  "I'm the boy what kicked the peeler. Hie, you toff with the choker,ain't I to step up?"

  "Tell yer, I'm a genooine criminal, I am. If yer don't lemme in I'llhave the lawr on you."

  "Let a poor cove in as his father drownded hisself for his country."

  "What air yer torking about? Warn't I in larst year, and the cuss asruns the show, he says to me, 'Allers welcome,' he says. None on yoursarse, Bobby. I demands to see the cuss what runs--"

  "Jest keeping on me out 'cos I ain't done nothin'. Ho, this is aencouragement to honesty, I don't think."

  Mighty in tongue and knee and elbow was an unknown knight, everconspicuous; it might be but by a leg waving for one brief moment in theair. He did not want to go in, would not go in though they went on theirblooming knees to him; he was after a viper of the name of Tommy. Halfan hour had not tired him, and he was leading another assault, when amagnificent lady, such as you see in wax-works, appeared in thevestibule and made some remark to a policeman, who then shouted:

  "If so there be hany lad here called Shovel, he can step forrard."

  A dozen lads stepped forward at once, but a flail drove them right andleft, and the unknown knight had mounted the parapet amid a shower ofexecrations. "If you are the real Shovel," the lady said to him, "youcan tell me how this proceeds, 'I love my dear father and my dearmother--' Go on."

  Shovel obeyed, tremblingly. "And all the dear little kids at 'ome. Youare a kind laidy or gentleman. I love yer. I will never do it again, sohelp me bob. Amen."

  "Charming!" chirped the lady, and down pleasant-smelling aisles she ledhim, pausing to drop an observation about Tommy to a clergyman: "So gladI came; I have discovered the most delightful little monster calledTommy." The clergyman looked after her half in sadness, halfsarcastically; he was thinking that he had discovered a monster also.

  At present the body of the hall was empty, but its sides were livelywith gorging boys, among whom ladies moved, carrying platefuls of goodthings. Most of them were sweet women, fighting bravely for these boys,and not at all like Shovel's patroness, who had come for a sensation.Tommy falling into her hands, she got it.

  Tommy, who had a corner to himself, was lolling in it like a littleking, and he not only ordered roast-beef for the awe-struck Shovel, butsent the lady back for salt. Then he whispered, exultantly: "Quick,Shovel, feel my pocket" (it bulged with two oranges), "now the insidepocket" (plum-duff), "now my waistcoat pocket" (threepence); "look in mymouth" (chocolates).

  When Shovel found speech he began excitedly: "I love my dear father andmy dear--"

  "Gach!" said Tommy, interrupting him contemptuously. "Repenting ain't nogo, Shovel. Look at them other coves; none of them has got no money, norfull pockets, and I tell you, it's 'cos they has repented."

  "Gar on!"

  "It's true, I tells you. That lady as is my one, she's called herladyship, and she don't care a cuss for boys as has repented," which ofcourse was a libel, her ladyship being celebrated wherever paragraphspenetrate for having knitt
ed a pair of stockings for the deserving poor.

  "When I saw that," Tommy continued, brazenly, "I bragged 'stead ofrepenting, and the wuss I says I am, she jest says, 'You littlemonster,' and gives me another orange."

  "Then I'm done for," Shovel moaned, "for I rolled off that 'bout lovingmy dear father and my dear mother, blast 'em, soon as I seen her."

  He need not let that depress him. Tommy had told her he would say it,but that it was all flam.

  Shovel thought the ideal arrangement would be for him to eat and leavethe torking to Tommy. Tommy nodded. "I'm full, at any rate," he said,struggling with his waistcoat. "Oh, Shovel, I _am_ full!"

  Her ladyship returned, and the boys held by their contract, but of thedark character Tommy seems to have been, let not these pages bear therecord. Do you wonder that her ladyship believed him? On this point wemust fight for our Tommy. You would have believed him. Even Shovel, whoknew, between the bites, that it was all whoppers, listened as to hisfather reading aloud. This was because another boy present half believedit for the moment also. When he described the eerie darkness of thebutler's pantry, he shivered involuntarily, and he shut his eyesonce--ugh!--that was because he saw the blood spouting out of thebutler. He was turning up his trousers to show the mark of the butler'sboot on his leg when the lady was called away, and then Shovel shookhim, saying: "Darn yer, doesn't yer know as it's all your eye?" whichbrought Tommy to his senses with a jerk.

  "Sure's death, Shovel," he whispered, in awe, "I was thinking I done it,every bit!"

  Had her ladyship come back she would have found him a different boy. Heremembered now that Elspeth, for whom he had filled his pockets, waspraying for him; he could see her on her knees, saying, "Oh, God, I'sepraying for Tommy," and remorse took hold of him and shook him on hisseat. He broke into one hysterical laugh and then immediately began tosob. This was the moment when Shovel should have got him quietly out ofthe hall.

  Members of the society discussing him afterwards with bated breath saidthat never till they died could they forget her ladyship's face while hedid it. "But did you notice the boy's own face? It was positivelyangelic." "Angelic, indeed; the little horror was intoxicated." No,there was a doctor present, and according to him it was the meal thathad gone to the boy's head; he looked half starved. As for theclergyman, he only said: "We shall lose her subscription; I am glad ofit."

  Yes, Tommy was intoxicated, but with a beverage not recognized by thefaculty. What happened was this: Supper being finished, the time hadcome for what Shovel called the jawing, and the boys were now musteredin the body of the hall. The limited audience had gone to the gallery,and unluckily all eyes except Shovel's were turned to the platform.Shovel was apprehensive about Tommy, who was not exactly sobbing now;but strange, uncontrollable sounds not unlike the winding up of a clockproceeded from his throat; his face had flushed; there was a purposefullook in his usually unreadable eye; his fingers were fidgeting on theboard in front of him, and he seemed to keep his seat with difficulty.

  The personage who was to address the boys sat on the platform withclergymen, members of committee, and some ladies, one of them Tommy'spatroness. Her ladyship saw Tommy and smiled to him, but obtained noresponse. She had taken a front seat, a choice that she must haveregretted presently.

  The chairman rose and announced that the. Rev. Mr. ----would open theproceedings with prayer. The Rev. Mr. ---- rose to pray in a loud voicefor the waifs in the body of the hall. At the same moment rose Tommy,and began to pray in a squeaky voice for the people on the platform.

  He had many Biblical phrases, mostly picked up in Thrums Street, andwhat he said was distinctly heard in the stillness, the clergyman beingsuddenly bereft of speech. "Oh," he cried, "look down on them onesthere, for, oh, they are unworthy of Thy mercy, and, oh, the worstsinner is her ladyship, her sitting there so brazen in the black frockwith yellow stripes, and the worse I said I were the better pleased wereshe. Oh, make her think shame for tempting of a poor boy, for gettingsuffer little children, oh, why cumbereth she the ground, oh--"

  He was in full swing before any one could act. Shovel having failed tohold him in his seat, had done what was perhaps the next best thing, gotbeneath it himself. The arm of the petrified clergyman was stillextended, as if blessing his brother's remarks; the chairman seemed tobe trying to fling his right hand at the culprit; but her ladyship,after the first stab, never moved a muscle. Thus for nearly half aminute, when the officials woke up, and squeezing past many knees,seized Tommy by the neck and ran him out of the building. All down theaisle he prayed hysterically, and for some time afterwards, to Shovel,who had been cast forth along with him.

  At an hour of that night when their mother was asleep, and it is to behoped they were the only two children awake in London, Tommy sat upsoftly in the wardrobe to discover whether Elspeth was still praying forhim. He knew that she was on the floor in a night-gown some twelve sizestoo large for her, but the room was as silent and black as the world hehad just left by taking his fingers from his ears and the blankets offhis face.

  "I see you," he said mendaciously, and in a guarded voice, so as not towaken his mother, from whom he had kept his escapade. This had not thedesired effect of drawing a reply from Elspeth, and he tried bluster.

  "You needna think as I'll repent, you brat, so there! What?

  "I wish I hadna told you about it!" Indeed, he had endeavored not to doso, but pride in his achievement had eventually conquered prudence.

  "Reddy would have laughed, she would, and said as I was a wonder. Reddywas the kind I like. What?

  "You ate up the oranges quick, and the plum-duff too, so you should prayfor yoursel' as well as for me. It's easy to say as you didna know how Igot them till after you eated them, but you should have found out. What?

  "Do you think it was for my own self as I done it? I jest done it to getthe oranges and plum-duff to you, I did, and the threepence too. Eh?Speak, you little besom.

  "I tell you as I did repent in the hall. I was greeting, and I neverknowed I put up that prayer till Shovel told me on it. We was sitting inthe street by that time."

  This was true. On leaving the hall Tommy had soon dropped to the coldground and squatted there till he came to, when he remembered nothing ofwhat had led to his expulsion. Like a stream that has run into a pondand only finds itself again when it gets out, he was but a continuationof the boy who when last conscious of himself was in the corner cryingremorsefully over his misdeed; and in this humility he would havereturned to Elspeth had no one told him of his prayer. Shovel, however,was at hand, not only to tell him all about it, but to applaud, and homestrutted Tommy chuckling.

  "I am sleeping," he next said to Elspeth, "so you may as well come toyour bed."

  He imitated the breathing of a sleeper, but it was the only sound to beheard in London, and he desisted fearfully. "Come away, Elspeth," hesaid, coaxingly, for he was very fond of her and could not sleep whileshe was cold and miserable.

  Still getting no response he pulled his body inch by inch out of thebed-clothes, and holding his breath, found the floor with his feetstealthily, as if to cheat the wardrobe into thinking that he was stillin it. But his reason was to discover whether Elspeth had fallen asleepon her knees without her learning that he cared to know. Almostnoiselessly he worked himself along the floor, but when he stopped tobring his face nearer hers, there was such a creaking of his joints thatif Elspeth did not hear it she--she must be dead! His knees played whackon the floor.

  Elspeth only gasped once, but he heard, and remained beside her for aminute, so that she might hug him if such was her desire; and she putout her hand in the darkness so that his should not have far to travelalone if it chanced to be on the way to her. Thus they sat on theirknees, each aghast at the hard-heartedness of the other.

  Tommy put the blankets over the kneeling figure, and presently announcedfrom the wardrobe that if he died of cold before repenting the blame ofkeeping him out of heaven would be Elspeth's. But the last word wasmuffled, for the bla
nkets were tucked about him as he spoke, and twomotherly little arms gave him the embrace they wanted to withhold.Foiled again, he kicked off the bed-clothes and said: "I tell yer I wantsto die!"

  This terrified both of them, and he added, quickly:

  "Oh, God, if I was sure I were to die to-night I would repent at once."It is the commonest prayer in all languages, but down on her kneesslipped Elspeth again, and Tommy, who felt that it had done him good,said indignantly: "Surely that is religion. What?"

  He lay on his face until he was frightened by a noise louder thanthunder in the daytime--the scraping of his eyelashes on the pillow.Then he sat up in the wardrobe and fired his three last shots.

  "Elspeth Sandys, I'm done with yer forever, I am. I'll take care on yer,but I'll never kiss yer no more.

  "When yer boasts as I'm your brother I'll say you ain't. I'll tell mymother about Reddy the morn, and syne she'll put you to the door smart.

  "When you are a grown woman I'll buy a house to yer, but you'll havejest to bide in it by your lonely self, and I'll come once a year tospeir how you are, but I won't come in, I won't--I'll jest cry up thestair."

  The effect of this was even greater than he had expected, for now twowere in tears instead of one, and Tommy's grief was the moreheartrending, he was so much better at everything than Elspeth. Hejumped out of the wardrobe and ran to her, calling her name, and he puthis arms round her cold body, and the dear mite, forgetting how cruellyhe had used her, cried, "Oh, tighter, Tommy, tighter; you didn't notmean it, did yer? Oh, you is terrible fond on me, ain't yer? And youwon't not tell my mother 'bout Reddy, will yer, and you is no done wi'me forever, is yer? and you won't not put me in a house by myself, willyer? Oh, Tommy, is that the tightest you can do?"

  And Tommy made it tighter, vowing, "I never meant it; I was a bad un tosay it. If Reddy were to come back wanting for to squeeze you out, Iwould send her packing quick, I would. I tell yer what, I'll kiss youwith folk looking on, I will, and no be ashamed to do it, and if Shovelis one of them what sees me, and he puts his finger to his nose, I'llblood the mouth of him, I will, dagont!"

  Then he prayed for forgiveness, and he could always pray morebeautifully than Elspeth. Even she was satisfied with the way he did it,and so, alack, was he.

  "But you forgot to tell," she said fondly, when once more they were inthe wardrobe together--"you forgot to tell as you filled your pocketswif things to me."

  "I didn't forget," Tommy replied modestly. "I missed it out, on purpose,I did, 'cos I was sure God knows on it without my telling him, and Ithought he would be pleased if I didn't let on as I knowed it was goodof me."

  "Oh, Tommy," cried Elspeth, worshipping him, "I couldn't have donedthat, I couldn't!" She was barely six, and easily taken in, but shewould save him from himself if she could.