by J. M. Barrie
CHAPTER X
THE FAVORITE OF THE LADIES
That night the excited boy was wakened by a tap-tap, as of someoneknocking for admittance, and stealing to his mother's side, he cried,"Aaron Latta has come; hearken to him chapping at the door!"
It was only the man through the wall, but Mrs. Sandys took Tommy intobed with her, and while Elspeth slept, told him the story of her life.She coughed feebly now, but the panting of the dying is a sound that nowalls can cage, and the man continued to remonstrate at intervals. Tommynever recalled his mother's story without seeming, through the darknessin which it was told, to hear Elspeth's peaceful breathing and the angrytap-tap on the wall.
"I'm sweer to tell it to you," she began, "but tell I maun, for thoughit's just a warning to you and Elspeth no' to be like them that broughtyou into the world, it's all I have to leave you. Ay, and there'sanother reason: you may soon be among folk wha ken but half the storyand put a waur face on it than I deserve."
She had spoken calmly, but her next words were passionate.
"They thought I was fond o'him," she cried; "oh, they were blind,blind! Frae the first I could never thole the sight o' him.
"Maybe that's no' true," she had to add. "I aye kent he was a black, butyet I couldna put him out o' my head; he took sudden grips o' me like anevil thought. I aye ran frae him, and yet I sair doubt that I wentlooking for him too."
"Was it Aaron Latta?" Tommy asked.
"No, it was your father. The first I ever saw of him was at Cullew, fourlang miles frae Thrums. There was a ball after the market, and EstherAuld and me went to it. We went in a cart, and I was wearing a pinkprint, wi' a white bonnet, and blue ribbons that tied aneath the chin. Ihad a shawl abune, no' to file them. There wasna a more innocent lassiein Thrums, man, no, nor a happier one; for Aaron Latta--Aaron came halfthe way wi' us, and he was hauding my hand aneath the shawl. He hadnaspeired me at that time, but I just kent.
"It was an auld custom to choose a queen of beauty at the ball, but thatnight the men couldna 'gree wha should be judge, and in the tail-endthey went out thegither to look for one, determined to mak' judge o' thefirst man they met, though they should have to tear him off a horse andbring him in by force. You wouldna believe to look at me now, man, thatI could have had any thait o' being made queen, but I was fell bonny,and I was as keen as the rest. How simple we were, all pretending toone another that we didna want to be chosen! Esther Auld said she wouldhod ahint the tent till a queen was picked, and at the very time shesaid it, she was in a palsy, through no being able to decide whether shelooked better in her shell necklace or wanting it. She put it on in theend, and syne when we heard the tramp o' the men, her mind misgave her,and she cried: 'For the love o' mercy, keep them out till I get it offagain!' So we were a' laughing when they came in.
"Laddie, it was your father and Elspeth's that they brought wi' them,and he was a stranger to us, though we kent something about him aforethe night was out. He was finely put on, wi' a gold chain, and a freew'y of looking at women, and if you mind o' him ava, you ken that he wasfair and buirdly, wi' a full face, and aye a laugh ahint it. I tell ye,man, that when our een met, and I saw that triumphing laugh ahint hisface, I took a fear of him, as if I had guessed the end.
"For years and years after that night I dreamed it ower again, and aye Iheard mysel' crying to God to keep that man awa' frae me. But I doubt Iput up no sic prayer at the time; his masterful look fleid me, and yetit drew me against my will, and I was trembling wi' pride as well asfear when he made me queen. We danced thegither and fought thegither a'through the ball, and my will was no match for his, and the worst o'twas I had a kind o' secret pleasure in being mastered.
"Man, he kissed me. Lads had kissed me afore that night, but never sincefirst I went wi' Aaron Latta to the Cuttle Well. Aaron hadna done it,but I was never to let none do it again except him. So when your fatherdid it I struck him, but ahint the redness that came ower his face, Isaw his triumphing laugh, and he whispered that he liked me for theblow. He said, 'I prefer the sweer anes, and the more you struggle, mybeauty, the better pleased I'll be.' Almost his hinmost words to me was,'I've been hearing of your Aaron, and that pleases me too!' I fired upat that and telled him what I thought of him, but he said, 'If you cannaabide me, what made you dance wi' me so often?' and, oh, laddie, that'sa question that has sung in my head since syne.
"I've telled you that we found out wha he was, and 'deed he made nosecret of it. Up to the time he was twal year auld he had been a kentface in that part, for his mither was a Cullew woman called Mag Sandys,ay, and a single woman. She was a hard ane too, for when he was twelveyear auld he flung out o' the house saying he would ne'er come back, andshe said he shouldna run awa' wi' thae new boots on, so she took theboots off him and let him go.
"He was a grown man when more was heard o' him, and syne stories camesaying he was at Redlintie, playing queer games wi' his father. Hisfather was gauger there, that's exciseman, a Mr. Cray, wha got his wifeout o' Thrums, and even when he was courting her (so they say) had theheart to be ower chief wi' this other woman. Weel, Magerful Tam, as hewas called through being so masterful, cast up at Redlintie frae nonekent where, gey desperate for siller, but wi' a black coat on his back,and he said that all he wanted was to be owned as the gauger's son. Mr.Cray said there was no proof that he was his son, and syne the queersport began. Your father had noticed he was like Mr. Cray, except in thebeard, and so he had his beard clippit the same, and he got hand o' someweel-kent claethes o' the gauger's that had been presented to a poorbody, and he learned up a' the gauger's tricks of speech and walking,especially a droll w'y he had o' taking snuff and syne flinging back hishead. They were as like as buckies after that, and soon there was a townabout it, for one day ladies would find that they had been bowing to theson thinking he was the father, and the next they wouldna speak to thefather, mistaking him for the son; and a report spread to the headoffice o' the excise that the gauger of Redlintie spent his evenings ata public house, singing 'The De'il's awa' wi' the Exciseman.' Tam dranknows and nans, and it ga'e Mr. Cray a turn to see him come rolling yontthe street, just as if it was himsel' in a looking-glass. He was asedate-living man now, but chiefly because his wife kept him in goodcontrol, and this sight brought back auld times so vive to him, that hea kind of mistook which ane he was, and took to dropping,forgetful-like, into public-houses again. It was high time Tam should begot out of the place, and they did manage to bribe him into leaving,though no easily, for it had been fine sport to him, and to make asensation was what he valued above all things. We heard that he wentback to Redlintie a curran years after, but both the gauger and his wifewere dead, and I ken that he didna trouble the twa daughters. They wereMiss Ailie and Miss Kitty, and as they werena left as well off as wasexpected they came to Thrums, which had been their mother's town, andstarted a school for the gentry there. I dinna doubt but what it's theschool that Esther Auld's laddie is at.
"So after being long lost sight o' he turned up at Cullew, wi' whatlooked to simple folk a fortune in his pouches, and half a dozen untruestories about how he made it. He had come to make a show o' himsel'afore his mither, and I dare say to give her some gold, for he was ayeready to give when he had, I'll say that for him; but she had flitted tosome unkent place, and so he bade on some weeks at the Cullew public. Hecaredna whether the folk praised or blamed him so long as they wonderedat him, and queer stories about his doings was aye on the road toThrums. One was that he gave wild suppers to whaever would come; anotherthat he went to the kirk just for the glory of flinging a sovereigninto the plate wi' a clatter; another that when he lay sleeping on twachairs, gold and silver dribbled out o' his trouser pouches to thefloor.
"There was an ugly story too, about a lassie, that led to his leavingthe place and coming to Thrums, after he had near killed the Cullewsmith, in a fight. The first I heard o' his being in Thrums was whenAaron Latta walked into my granny's house and said there was a strangeman at the Tappit Hen public standing drink to any t
hat would tak', andboasting that he had but to waggle his finger to make me give Aaron up.I went wi' Aaron and looked in at the window, but I kent wha it wasafore I looked. If Aaron had just gone in and struck him! All decentwomen, laddie, has a horror of being fought about. I'm no sure but whatthat's just the difference atween guid ones and ill ones, but this manhad a power ower me; and if Aaron had just struck him! Instead o'meddling he turned white, and I couldna help contrasting them, andthinking how masterful your father looked. Fine I kent he was a brute,and yet I couldna help admiring him for looking so magerful.
"He bade on at the Tappit Hen, flinging his siller about in the way thatmade him a king at Cullew, but no molesting Miss Ailie and Miss Kitty,which all but me thought was what he had come to Thrums to do. Aaron andme was cried for the first time the Sabbath after he came, and the nextSabbath for the second time, but afore that he was aye getting in myroad and speaking to me, but I ran frae him and hod frae him when Icould, and he said the reason I did that was because I kent his will wasstronger than mine. He was aye saying things that made me think he sawdown to the bottom o' my soul; what I didna understand was that inmastering other women he had been learning to master me. Ay, but thoughI thought ower muckle about him, never did I speak him fair. I loo'edAaron wi' all my heart, and your father kent it; and that, I doubt, waswhat made him so keen, for, oh, but he was vain!
"And now we've come to the night I'm so sweer to speak about. She was agood happy lassie that went into the Den that moonlight night wi'Aaron's arm round her, but it was another woman that came out. Wethought we had the Den to oursel's, and as we sat on the Shoaging Staneat the Cuttle Well, Aaron wrote wi' a stick on the ground 'Jean Latta,'and prigged wi' me to look at it, but I spread my hands ower my face,and he didna ken that I was keeking at it through my fingers all thetime. We was so ta'en up with oursel's that we saw nobody coming, andall at once there was your father by the side o' us! 'You've written thewrong name, Aaron,' he said, jeering and pointing with his foot at theletters; 'it should be Jean Sandys.'
"Aaron said not a word, but I had a presentiment of ill, and I cried,'Dinna let him change the name, Aaron!' Your father had been to changeit himsel', but at that he had a new thait, and he said, 'No, I'll no'do it; your brave Aaron shall do it for me.'
"Laddie, it doesna do for a man to be a coward afore a woman that's fondo' him. A woman will thole a man's being anything except like hersel'.When I was sure Aaron was a coward I stood still as death, waiting token wha's I was to be.
"Aaron did it. He was loath, but your father crushed him to the ground,and said do it he should, and warned him too that if he did it he wouldlose me, bantering him and cowing him and advising him no' to shame me,all in a breath. He kent so weel, you see, what was in my mind, and ayethere was that triumphing laugh ahint his face. If Aaron had fought andbeen beaten, even if he had just lain there and let the man strike away,if he had done anything except what he was bidden, he would have won,for it would have broken your father's power ower me. But to write theword! It was like dishonoring me to save his ain skin, and your fathertook good care he should ken it. You've heard me crying to Aaron in mysleep, but it wasna for him I cried, it was for his fire-side. All thelove I had for him, and it was muckle, was skailed forever that night atthe Cuttle Well. Without a look ahint me away I went wi' my master, andI had no more will to resist him--and oh, man, man, when I came tomysel' next morning I wished I had never been born!
"The men folk saw that Aaron had shamed them, and they werena quite soset agin me as the women, wha had guessed the truth, though they couldnabe sure o't. Sair I pitied mysel', and sair I grat, but only when nonewas looking. The mair they miscalled me the higher I held my head, and Ihung on your father's arm as if I adored him, and I boasted about hisoffice and his clerk in London till they believed what I didna believe aword o' myself.
"But though I put sic a brave face on't, I was near demented in case heshouldna marry me, and he kent that and jokit me about it. Dinna think Iwas fond o' him; I hated him now. And dinna think his masterfulness hadany more power ower me; his power was broken forever when I woke up thatweary morning. But that was ower late, and to wait on by mysel' inThrums for what might happen, and me a single woman--I daredna! So Iflattered at him, and flattered at him, till I got the fool side o' him,and he married me.
"My granny let the marriage take place in her house, and he sent in somuckle meat and drink that some folk was willing to come. One came thatwasna wanted. In the middle o' the marriage Aaron Latta, wha had refusedto speak to anybody since that night, walked in wearing his blacks, wi'crape on them, as if it was a funeral, and all he said was that he hadcome to see Jean Myles coffined. He went away quietly as soon as we wasmarried, but the crowd outside had fathomed his meaning, and abune theminister's words I could hear them crying, 'Ay, it's mair like a burialthan a marriage!'
"My heart was near breaking wi' woe, but, oh, I was awid they shouldnaken it, and the bravest thing I ever did was to sit through the supperthat night, making muckle o' your father, looking fond-like at him,laughing at his coarse jokes, and secretly hating him down to my verymarrow a' the time. The crowd got word o' the ongoings, and they took acruel revenge. A carriage had been ordered for nine o'clock to take usto Tilliedrum, where we should get the train to London, and when weheard it, as we thought, drive up to the door, out we went, me on yourfather's arm laughing, but wi' my teeth set. But Aaron's words had putan idea into their heads, though he didna intend it, and they had gotout the hearse. It was the hearse they had brought to the door insteadof a carriage.
"We got awa' in a carriage in the tail-end, and the stanes hitting it wasall the good luck flung after me. It had just one horse, and I mind howI cried to Esther Auld, wha had been the first to throw, that when Icame back it would be in a carriage and pair.
"Ay, I had pride! In the carriage your father telled me as a joke thathe had got away without paying the supper, and that about all the moneyhe had now, forby what was to pay our tickets to London, was thehalf-sovereign on his watch-chain. But I was determined to have Thrumsthink I had married grand, and as I had three pound six on me, thesavings o' all my days, I gave two pound of it to Malcolm Crabb, thedriver, unbeknown to your father, but pretending it was frae him, andtelled him to pay for the supper and the carriage with it. He said itwas far ower muckle, but I just laughed, and said wealthy gentlemen likeMr. Sandys couldna be bothered to take back change, so Malcolm couldkeep what was ower. Malcolm was the man Esther Auld had just married,and I counted on this maddening her and on Malcolm's spreading the storythrough the town. Laddie, I've kent since syne what it is to be withoutbite or sup, but I've never grudged that siller."
The poor woman had halted many times in her tale, and she was glad tomake an end. "You've forgotten what a life he led me in London," shesaid, "and it could do you no good to hear it, though it might be alesson to thae lassies at the dancing-school wha think so much o'masterful men. It was by betting at horseraces that your father made aliving, and whiles he was large o' siller, but that didna last, and Iquestion whether he would have stuck to me if I hadna got work. Well,he's gone, and the Thrums folk'll soon ken the truth about Jean Mylesnow."
She paused, and then cried, with extraordinary vehemence: "Oh, man, howI wish I could keep it frae them for ever and ever!"
But presently she was calm again and she said: "What I've been tellingyou, you can understand little o' the now, but some of it will comeback to you when you're a grown man, and if you're magerful and havesome lassie in your grip, maybe for the memory of her that bore you,you'll let the poor thing awa'."
And she asked him to add this to his nightly prayer: "O God, keep mefrom being a magerful man!" and to teach this other prayer to Elspeth,"O God, whatever is to be my fate, may I never be one of them that bowthe knee to magerful men, and if I was born like that and canna help it,oh, take me up to heaven afore I'm fil't."
The wardrobe was invisible in the darkness, but they could still hearElspeth's breathing as she slept
, and the exhausted woman listened longto it, as if she would fain carry away with her to the other world thememory of that sweet sound.
"If you gang to Thrums," she said at last, "you may hear my story fraesome that winna spare me in the telling; but should Elspeth be wi' youat sic times, dinna answer back; just slip quietly away wi' her. She'sso young that she'll soon forget all about her life in London and allabout me, and that'll be best for her. I would like her lassiehood to bebright and free frae cares, as if there had never been sic a woman asme. But laddie, oh, my laddie, dinna you forget me; you and me had himto thole thegither, dinna you forget me! Watch ower your little sisterby day and hap her by night, and when the time comes that a man wantsher--if he be magerful, tell her my story at once. But gin she lovesone that is her ain true love, dinna rub off the bloom, laddie, with aword about me. Let her and him gang to the Cuttle Well, as Aaron and mewent, kenning no guile and thinking none, and with their arms round oneanother's waists. But when her wedding-day comes round--"
Her words broke in a sob and she cried: "I see them, I see them standingup thegither afore the minister! Oh! you lad, you lad that's to bemarried on my Elspeth, turn your face and let me see that you're no' amagerful man!"
But the lad did not turn his face, and when she spoke next it was toTommy.
"In the bottom o' my kist there's a little silver teapot. It's no' realsilver, but it's fell bonny. I bought it for Elspeth twa or three monthsback when I saw I couldna last the winter. I bought it to her for amarriage present. She's no' to see it till her wedding-day comes round.Syne you're to give it to her, man, and say it's with her mother's love.Tell her all about me, for it canna harm her then. Tell her of the foollies I sent to Thrums, but dinna forget what a bonny place I thought itall the time, nor how I stood on many a driech night at the corner ofthat street, looking so waeful at the lighted windows, and hungering forthe wring of a Thrums hand or the sound of the Thrums word, and all thetime the shrewd blasts cutting through my thin trails of claithes. Tellher, man, how you and me spent this night, and how I fought to keep myhoast down so as no' to waken her. Mind that whatever I have been, Iwas aye fond o' my bairns, and slaved for them till I dropped. She'llhave long forgotten what I was like, and it's just as well, butyet--Look at me, Tommy, look long, long, so as you'll be able to call upmy face as it was on the far-back night when I telled you my mournfulstory. Na, you canna see in the dark, but haud my hand, haud it tight,so that, when you tell Elspeth, you'll mind how hot it was, and the skinloose on it; and put your hand on my cheeks, man, and feel how wet theyare wi' sorrowful tears, and lay it on my breast, so that you can tellher how I was shrunk awa'. And if she greets for her mother a whiley,let her greet."
The sobbing boy hugged his mother. "Do you think I'm an auld woman?" shesaid to him.
"You're gey auld, are you no'?" he answered.
"Ay," she said, "I'm gey auld; I'm nine and twenty. I was seventeen onthe day when Aaron Latta went half-road in the cart wi' me to Cullew,hauding my hand aneath my shawl. He hadna spiered me, but I just kent."
Tommy remained in his mother's bed for the rest of the night, and somany things were buzzing in his brain that not for an hour did he thinkit time to repeat his new prayer. At last he said reverently: "O God,keep me from being a magerful man!" Then he opened his eyes to let Godsee that his prayer was ended, and added to himself: "But I think Iwould fell like it."