by J. M. Barrie
CHAPTER XXV
A PENNY PASS-BOOK
Elspeth conveyed the gift to Tommy in a brown paper wrapping, and whenit lay revealed as an aging volume of _Mamma's Boy_, a magazine for theHome, nothing could have looked more harmless. But, ah, you never know.Hungrily Tommy ran his eye through the bill of fare for something choiceto begin with, and he found it. "The Boy Pirate" it was called. Nevercould have been fairer promise, and down he sat confidently.
It was a paper on the boys who have been undone by reading perniciousfiction. It gave their names, and the number of pistols they had bought,and what the judge said when he pronounced sentence. It counted thesensational tales found beneath the bed, and described the desolation ofthe mothers and sisters. It told the color of the father's hair beforeand afterwards.
Tommy flung the thing from him, picked it up again, and read onuneasily, and when at last he rose he was shrinking from himself. Inhopes that he might sleep it off he went early to bed, but hiscontrition was still with him in the morning. Then Elspeth was shown thearticle which had saved him, and she, too, shuddered at what she hadbeen, though her remorse was but a poor display beside his, he was somuch better at everything than Elspeth. Tommy's distress of mind was sogenuine and so keen that it had several hours' start of his admirationof it; and it was still sincere, though he himself had become gloomy,when he told his followers that they were no more. Grizel heard his talewith disdain, and said she hated Miss Ailie for giving him the sillybook, but he reproved these unchristian sentiments, while admitting thatMiss Ailie had played on him a scurvy trick.
"But you're glad you've repented, Tommy," Elspeth reminded him,anxiously.
"Ay, I'm glad," he answered, without heartiness.
"Well, gin you repent I'll repent too," said Corp, always ready toaccept Tommy without question.
"You'll be happier," replied Tommy, sourly.
"Ay, to be good's the great thing," Corp growled; "but, Tommy, could weno have just one michty blatter, methinks, to end up wi'?"
This, of course, could not be, and Saturday forenoon found Tommywandering the streets listlessly, very happy, you know, but inclined tokick at any one who came near, such, for instance, as the stranger whoasked him in the square if he could point out the abode of Miss AilieCray.
Tommy led the way, casting some converted looks at the gentleman, andjudging him to be the mysterious unknown in whom the late Captain Strokehad taken such a reprehensible interest. He was a stout, red-faced man,stepping firmly into the fifties, with a beard that even the mostconverted must envy, and a frown sat on his brows all the way, provinghim possibly ill-tempered, but also one of the notable few who can thinkhard about one thing for at least five consecutive minutes. Many took aglint at him as he passed, but missed the frown, they were wondering somuch why the fur of his heavy top-coat was on the inside, where it madelittle show, save at blasty corners.
Miss Ailie was in her parlor, trying to give her mind to a blue andwhite note-book, but when she saw who was coming up the garden shedropped the little volume and tottered to her bedroom. She was therewhen Gavinia came up to announce that she had shown a gentleman into theblue-and-white room, who gave the name of Ivie McLean. "Tell him--Ishall come down--presently," gasped Miss Ailie, and then Gavinia wassure this was the man who was making her mistress so unhappy.
"She's so easily flichtered now," Gavinia told Tommy in the kitchen,"that for fear o' starting her I never whistle at my work withouttelling her I'm to do't, and if I fall on the stair, my first thought isto jump up and cry, 'It was just me tum'ling.' And now I believe thisbrute'll be the death o' her."
"But what can he do to her?"
"I dinna ken, but she's greeting sair, and yon can hear how he'srampaging up and down the blue-and-white room. Listen to his thrawnfeet! He's raging because she's so long in coming down, and come shedaurna. Oh, the poor crittur!"
Now, Tommy was very fond of his old school-mistress, and he began to beunhappy with Gavinia.
"She hasna a man-body in the world to take care o' her," sobbed thegirl.
"Has she no?" cried Tommy, fiercely, and under one of the impulses thatso easily mastered him he marched into the blue-and-white room.
"Well, my young friend, and what may you want?" asked Mr. McLean,impatiently.
Tommy sat down and folded his arms. "I'm going to sit here and see whatyou do to Miss Ailie," he said, determinedly.
Mr. McLean said "Oh!" and then seemed favorably impressed, for he addedquietly: "She is a friend of yours, is she? Well, I have no intention ofhurting her."
"You had better no," replied Tommy, stoutly.
"Did she send you here?"
"No; I came mysel'."
"To protect her?"
There was the irony in it that so puts up a boy's dander. "Dinna think,"said Tommy, hotly, "that I'm fleid at you, though I have no beard--atleast, I hinna it wi' me."
At this unexpected conclusion a smile crossed Mr. McLean's face, but wasgone in an instant. "I wish you had laughed," said Tommy, on the watch;"once a body laughs he canna be angry no more," which was pretty goodeven for Tommy. It made Mr. McLean ask him why he was so fond of MissAilie.
"I'm the only man-body she has," he answered.
"Oh? But why are you her man-body?"
The boy could think of no better reason than this: "Because--becauseshe's so sair in need o' are." (There were moments when one likedTommy.)
Mr. McLean turned to the window, and perhaps forgot that he was notalone. "Well, what are you thinking about so deeply?" he asked by andby.
"I was trying to think o' something that would gar you laugh," answeredTommy, very earnestly, and was surprised to see that he had nearly doneit.
The blue and white note-book was lying on the floor where Miss Ailie haddropped it. Often in Tommy's presence she had consulted this work, andcertainly its effect on her was the reverse of laughter; but once he hadseen Dr. McQueen pick it up and roar over every page. With aninspiration Tommy handed the book to Mr. McLean. "It made the doctorlaugh," he said persuasively.
"Go away," said Ivie, impatiently; "I am in no mood for laughing."
"I tell you what," answered Tommy, "I'll go, if you promise to look atit," and to be rid of him the man agreed. For the next quarter of anhour Tommy and Gavinia were very near the door of the blue-and-whiteroom, Tommy whispering dejectedly, "I hear no laughing," and Gaviniareplying, "But he has quieted down."
Mr. McLean had a right to be very angry, but God only can say whether hehad a right to be as angry as he was. The book had been handed to himopen, and he was laying it down unread when a word underlined caught hiseye. It was his own name. Nothing in all literature arrests ourattention quite so much as that. He sat down to the book. It was justabout this time that Miss Ailie went on her knees to pray.
It was only a penny pass-book. On its blue cover had been pasted a slipof white paper, and on the paper was written, in blue ink, "AlisonCray," with a date nearly nine years old. The contents were in MissAilie's prim handwriting; jottings for her own use begun about the timewhen the sisters, trembling at their audacity, had opened school, andconsulted and added to fitfully ever since. Hours must have been spentin erasing the blots and other blemishes so carefully. The tiny volumewas not yet full, and between its two last written pages lay a piece ofblue blotting-paper neatly cut to the size of the leaf.
Some of these notes were transcripts from books, some contained theadvice of friends, others were doubtless the result of talks with MissKitty (from whom there were signs that the work had been kept a secret),many were Miss Ailie's own. An entry of this kind was frequent: "If youare uncertain of the answer to a question in arithmetic, it is advisableto leave the room on some pretext and work out the sum swiftly in thepassage." Various pretexts were suggested, and this one (which had aninsufficient line through it) had been inserted by Dr. McQueen on thatday when Tommy saw him chuckling, "You pretend that your nose isbleeding and putting your handkerchief to it, retire hastily, thesupposition being th
at you have gone to put the key of theblue-and-white room down your back." Evidently these small deceptionstroubled Miss Ailie, for she had written, "Such subterfuge is, I hope,pardonable, the object being the maintenance of scholastic discipline."On another page, where the arithmetic was again troubling her, thisappeared: "If Kitty were aware that the squealing of the slate-pencilsgave me such headaches, she would insist on again taking the arithmeticclass, though it always makes her ill. Surely, then, I am justified insaying that the sound does not distress me." To this the doctor hadadded, "You are a brick."
There were two pages headed NEVER, which mentioned ten things that MissAilie must never do; among them, "_Never_ let the big boys know you areafraid of them. To awe them, stamp with the foot, speak in a loudferocious voice, and look them unflinchingly in the face."
"Punishments" was another heading, but she had written it small, as ifto prevent herself seeing it each time she opened the book. Obviouslyher hope had been to dispose of Punishment in a few lines, but it wouldhave none of that, and Mr. McLean found it stalking from page to page.Miss Ailie favored the cane in preference to tawse, which, "often flapround your neck as yon are about to bring them down." Except indesperate cases "it will probably be found sufficient to order theoffender to bring the cane to you." Then followed a note about rubbingthe culprit's hand "with sweet butter or dripping" should you havestruck too hard.
Dispiriting item, that on resuming his seat the chastised one is a heroto his fellows for the rest of the day. Item, that Master John JamesRattray knows she hurts her own hand more than his. Item, that JohnJames promised to be good throughout the session if she would let himthrash the bad ones. Item, that Master T. Sandys, himself undercorrection, explained to her (the artistic instinct again) how to givethe cane a waggle when descending, which would double its nip. Item,that Elsie Dundas offered to receive Francie Crabb's punishment for twosnaps. Item, that Master Gavin Dishart, for what he considered the honorof his school, though aware he was imperilling his soul, fought HendryDickie of Cathro's for saying Miss Ailie could not draw blood with onestroke.
The effect on Miss Ailie of these mortifying discoveries could be readin the paragraph headed A MOTHER'S METHOD, which was copied from anewspaper. Mrs. E----, it seems, was the mother of four boys (residingat D----), and she subjected them frequently to corporal chastisementwithout permanent spiritual result. Mrs. E----, by the advice of anotherlady, Mrs. K---- (mother of six), then had recourse to the followinginteresting experiment. Instead of punishing her children physicallywhen they misbehaved, she now in their presence wounded herself bystriking her left hand severely with a ruler held in the right. Soontheir better natures were touched, and the four implored her to desist,promising with tears never to offend again. From that hour Mrs.E---- had little trouble with her boys.
It was recorded in the blue and white book how Miss Ailie gave this plana fair trial, but her boys must have been darker characters than Mrs.E----'s, for it merely set them to watching each other, so that theymight cry out, "Pandy yourself quick, Miss Ailie; Gavin Dishart'sdrawing the devil on his slate." Nevertheless, when Miss Ailie announceda return to more conventional methods, Francie was put up (with threats)to say that he suffered agonies of remorse every time she pandiedherself for him, but the thing had been organized in a hurry and Franciewas insufficiently primed, and on cross-examination he let out that hethought remorse was a swelling of the hands.
Miss Ailie was very humble-minded, and her entries under THE TEACHERTAUGHT were all admonitions for herself. Thus she chided herself forcowardice because "Delicate private reasons have made me avoid allmention of India in the geography classes. Kitty says quite calmlythat this is fair neither to our pupils nor to I---- M----. Thecourage of Kitty in this matter is a constant rebuke to me." Excepton a few occasions Mr. McLean found that he was always referred to asI---- M----.
Quite early in the volume Miss Ailie knew that her sister's hold on lifewas loosening. "How bright the world suddenly seems," Mr. McLean read,"when there is the tiniest improvement in the health of an invalid oneloves." Is it laughable that such a note as this is appended to a recipefor beef-tea? "It is surely not very wicked to pretend to Kitty that Ikeep some of it for myself; she would not take it all if she knew Idined on the beef it was made from." Other entries showed too plainlythat Miss Ailie stinted herself of food to provide delicacies for MissKitty. No doubt her expenses were alarming her when she wrote this: "Aninteresting article in the _Mentor_ says that nearly all of us eat anddrink too much. Were we to mortify our stomachs we should be healthieranimals and more capable of sustained thought. The word animal in thisconnection is coarse, but the article is most impressive, and acrushing reply to Dr. McQueen's assertion that the editor drinks. In theschool-room I have frequently found my thoughts of late wandering fromclasswork, and I hastily ascribed it to sitting up during the night withKitty or to my habit of listening lest she should be calling for me.Probably I had over-eaten, and I must mortify the stomach. A glass ofhot water with half a spoonful of sugar in it is highly recommended as alight supper."
"How long ago it may seem since yesterday!" Do you need to be told onwhat dark day Miss Ailie discovered that? "I used to pray that I shouldbe taken first, but I was both impious and selfish, for how couldfragile Kitty have fought on alone?"
In time happiness again returned to Miss Ailie; of all our friends it isthe one most reluctant to leave us on this side of the grave. It came atfirst disguised, in the form of duties, old and new; and stealthily,when Miss Ailie was not looking, it mixed with the small worries andjoys that had been events while Miss Kitty lived, and these it convertedonce more into events, where Miss Ailie found it lurking, and at firstshe would not take it back to her heart, but it crept in without herknowing. And still there were I---- M----'s letters. "They are all Ihave to look forward to," she wrote in self-defence. "I shall neverwrite to I---- M---- again," was another entry, but Mr. McLean found onthe same page, "I have written to I---- M----, but do not intendposting it," and beneath that was, "God forgive me, I have posted it."
The troubles with arithmetic were becoming more terrible. "I am never_really_ sure about the decimals," she wrote.
A Professor of Memory had appeared at the Muckley, and Miss Ailie admitshaving given him half-a-crown to explain his system to her. But when hewas gone she could not remember whether you multiplied everything by tenbefore dividing by five and subtracting a hundred, or began by dividingand doing something underhand with the cube root. Then Mr. Dishart, whohad a microscope, wanted his boy to be taught science, and severalexperiments were described at length in the book, one of them dealingwith a penny, _H_, and a piston, _X Y_, and you do things to the piston"and then the penny comes to the surface." "But it never does," MissAilie wrote sorrowfully; perhaps she was glad when Master Dishart wassent to another school.
"Though I teach the girls the pianoforte I find that I cannot stretch myfingers as I used to do. Kitty used to take the music, and I oftenremember this suddenly when superintending a lesson. It is a pain to methat so many wish to acquire 'The Land o' the Leal,' which Kitty sang sooften to I---- M---- at Magenta Cottage."
Even the French, of which Miss Ailie had once been very proud, wasslipping from her. "Kitty and I kept up our French by translatingI---- M----'s letters and comparing our versions, but now that thisstimulus is taken away I find that I am forgetting my French. Or is itonly that I am growing old? too old to keep school?" This dread wasbeginning to haunt Miss Ailie, and the pages between which theblotting-paper lay revealed that she had written to the editor of the_Mentor_ asking up to what age he thought a needy gentlewoman had aright to teach. The answer was not given, but her comment on it toldeverything. "I asked him to be severely truthful, so that I cannotresent his reply. But if I take his advice, how am I to live? And ifI do not take it, I fear I am but a stumbling-block in the way of trueeducation."
That is a summary of what Mr. McLean read in the blue and white book;remember, you were warned not to expect much.
And Tommy and Gavinialistened, and Tommy said, "I hear no laughing," and Gavinia answered,"But he has quieted down," and upstairs Miss Ailie was on her knees. Atime came when Mr. McLean could find something to laugh at in thatlittle pass-book, but it was not then, not even when he reached the end.He left something on the last page instead. At least I think it musthave been he: Miss Ailie's tears could not have been so long a-drying.
You may rise, now, Miss Ailie; your prayer is granted.