by Robyn Carr
Lou had been appalled. But she’d been there, holding Eve most of the time so Cee Jay could party.
After that, Mac couldn’t remember them ever being happy. Maybe he’d just been too goddamned tired.
Before leaving the Denny’s parking lot, Mac drove by the side of the restaurant to look at the booth where he had just been sitting. He could see Cee Jay sitting in the same booth, laughing animatedly into her cell phone. How could she do that—laugh and joke after a meeting like that with her ex? After tears and begging and anger, how could she switch it all off?
*
Lou felt as if her face was on fire. Her heart was pounding and she put a hand to her solar plexus. She realized she was standing in the frozen food section, nearly yelling into the phone. A couple of people were looking at her—thankfully not people she knew. A man in his seventies dipped his chin and said, “You okay, miss?”
Miss? Lou was sixty! “Fine. Thanks, I’m fine.”
And then she wondered if she should leave her cart and run. Instead, she shoved her list in her pocket, ignoring what was left on it, and made a mad run through the frozen foods, throwing pizzas, casseroles, burritos, fried chicken and various other frozen meals in her cart. In went French fries, Tater Tots, garlic toast, peas, beans, cheesecake, cookie dough. She rushed to the dairy aisle and grabbed milk, cheese, cold cuts, sour cream, yogurt. She found the spaghetti sauce and pasta and loaded up. On her way to the checkout, her cart heaped with a mountain of food, she grabbed bread, chips and pretzels, two bottles of wine and a two six-packs each of soda and beer. It was like stocking for a hurricane. Yes. Hurricane Cee Jay.
“Whoa, Lou,” the cashier said. “Having a party?”
She was stunned by her mania. “Ah…just some friends.”
She wanted to take the kids home and bar the door. She had enough food to keep them going for more than a week. Maybe during that time they could figure out what to do about Cee Jay. Oh, God, she’s going to take them away from me, Lou thought in near despair.
She had to have help to load the groceries in the minivan and she rushed to get the kids.
“Why did you take me out of practice?” Ryan asked.
“Your dad asked me to round up you kids and bring you home. He wants to tell you something.”
“What?” Ryan asked, pulling off his shoes in the backseat.
“Well, I’m not completely sure,” she said, because she wasn’t. What was Mac going to say to them? Your mother is back—be nice to her?
While she was waiting for Dee Dee to load up her backpack from gymnastics, she dialed Eve’s cell phone. Eve was just leaving cheer practice and was going to go to Ashley’s house for a while. “I need you home—I have something I need help with. Stay at school, I’ll pick you up in about five minutes.”
“What’s going on?” Eve asked when she got in the front seat next to Lou.
The whole car smelled gamey, filled with the wild scent of sweaty kids. Lou had been doing this since before Dee Dee was walking—shuffling them to school, games, lessons, everything. The weekends were jam-packed, as well, they had so many things to attend to—housecleaning, laundry and general chores. They had a list—assignments for everyone. Seven days a week, twenty-four hours a day, Mac and Lou operated a split shift, making sure that everyone was covered and that everyone felt they were getting an equal amount of adult time and love.
Oh, God, she’s going to take them away from us and hurt them!
“Aunt Lou? What’s going on?” Eve asked.
“Your dad just asked me to round you up and bring you home—family meeting I guess. But hey—I bought a ton of food that’s extremely bad for you, so before we give him the podium, I’m going to need every hand to get this stuff in the refrigerator and freezer. Pizzas, lasagna, Stouffer’s mac and cheese, the really good stuff. And I didn’t even buy lettuce—we can work on our cholesterol later. We all on board here? Let’s get this stuff put away before we hunker down with your dad.”
“I thought he was working today?” Eve said.
“He is. I’m sure he allotted fifteen minutes for this family meeting. Try not to insult him with boredom.”
But Lou was secretly terrified and Lou was strong—it took a lot to terrify her. When she pulled in to the garage, she yelled, “Everyone, grab at least two bags!” When they all walked in, heavily laden, Mac was standing in the kitchen waiting for them. He looked at them. “There are a few more in the car,” she said.
“Jesus, Lou. Was there a sale or something?”
“Or something,” she said, beginning to shove things into the freezer, her head down. “Let’s not let it spoil.”
“Let’s do it,” Mac ordered. “Let’s put all this stuff away. Then we’re going to sit down for a talk.”
“Who’s in trouble?” Ryan asked.
“Me,” Mac said.
*
They sat at the dining room table. “There’s no way to sneak up on this, kids. I had the shock of my life today. I saw your mother.”
He was faced with three astonished faces. Big eyes. Open mouths. It was Eve who asked, “You just saw her?”
He shook his head. “She came to town looking for me. We had a cup of coffee together. We talked.” He took a breath. “It seems she realizes it was a mistake, leaving our family as she did.”
A bark of laughter came out of Eve and the look on her face was downright evil. “A mistake?”
He took a breath and noticed that Lou had her hands folded on the table and was staring down at them. Probably trying to keep herself from screaming. “I think it’s pretty normal to be angry about that,” he said evenly. “I was very angry for a long time, but at some point I decided it wasn’t good for us. It wasn’t good for me or for you. And at the time we got married, at the time your mom left, she was too young to make good decisions. She was only sixteen when we got married. I know every sixteen-year-old thinks they’re brilliant and wise and capable of making big life-altering decisions, but I’ve got news for you—in fact, when your mom left, she was still very young. She’d been thrust into adulthood, had never really lived, was so overwhelmed by responsibility…”
Eve leaned toward him. “It didn’t overwhelm you!”
“Yes, it did, Eve. I couldn’t manage. I had to ask Aunt Lou for help. And believe me, I was too young, too. So I did everything your Aunt Lou told me to do.”
Lou lifted her eyes. A very small half smile played on her lips and she gave a slight nod. Because, yes, he had. He was drowning and terrified and so angry. Lou, a savvy woman, mature with a lot of experience, talked him through it and helped take care of the kids.
“Eve, we’ve talked about this before and you’ve talked with your aunt Lou about this—this is the kind of hardship young families run into when they’re not grown up enough, not really ready to take on the world before they have the experience. That’s why I hope you graduate from college and have a handle on what you want out of life before you make the kind of promises and commitments your mother and I made. Promises and commitments we weren’t prepared for and didn’t know how to keep. I’m sorry, Eve. It’s as much my fault as anyone’s.”
“It’s not! You didn’t leave us!”
I got her pregnant, he thought. “Everyone has their own way of handling stress.”
“Aren’t you pissed?” Eve fired back.
“Yes,” he said. “But I’m not going to let that run my life. I don’t have to let anger control me and I won’t.”
“Dad, she left you! She signed us away!”
He so could use a drink right now. Not a beer, but a shot of something strong. “There are times I regret being so honest with you. Maybe it’s the cop in me—I always start with the truth. I just can’t keep track of a lot of lies. Listen, when I sent your mother those divorce and custody papers, I had absolutely no idea what her life was like. She could’ve been living in her car for all I know. I had to locate her and all I got was an address.”
“So?”
“So maybe she signed the papers as a favor to you. To me. To get it over with so she wasn’t a burden on anyone, I don’t know. And maybe she came back to say she was sorry because it’s taken her this long to get her life together—I honestly don’t know. All I know is—it’s not our problem. We have a pretty solid family and we’re going to keep our family solid. We’re strong, Eve. We can afford to be calm and kind.”
“Well, I might be solid, but I’m still pissed,” she said, giving the table a thump with her fist.
“I think that’s normal. Your life has been tough enough with only a dad and aunt—try not to let this event and your anger make your life any tougher.”
“Where is she?”
“I don’t know,” he said. “I was so surprised to see her, I forgot to ask. But I’m sure she’ll contact me again.”
“Are you letting her back with us?” Eve asked. “Are you?”
Mac was shocked by the question. He shook his head and frowned. “No,” he said, confused. “Eve, my marriage with your mother ended ten years ago, years before our divorce was final. I haven’t said this to you kids, but I know you realize it—I love Gina. We’ve been best friends for years and I trust her and care about her. And I love her. That doesn’t mean we’re getting married or moving in together or changing our families right now—but it’s a fact. And no other woman, not even my ex-wife, is going to change that.” He shook his head. “She will always be your mother, but she hasn’t been my wife in a very long time—so no, I am not inviting her to come home to us.”
“When she calls you again, tell her I want to see her,” Eve said angrily.
Everyone turned shocked faces toward her.
“That’s all. I want to see her. That’s all.” And then Eve got up from the table and left the kitchen. Momentarily her bedroom door slammed. There was silence around the table.
“Is she pretty?” Dee Dee finally asked, her voice a little smaller than usual.
They had pictures. There weren’t any pictures of Cee Jay displayed in their house, but the kids each had an album of photos taken during early childhood, pictures they could look at if they wanted to. That was Lou’s doing. Remarkable, given Lou was probably even more angry at Cee Jay than Mac was, if that was possible. But no one could make Cee Jay disappear and the kids were curious, naturally. For years Eve was obsessed with why her mother had left her but the younger kids just wanted to know who she was.
“She’s very pretty,” Mac said. “That’s probably where you kids got your good looks. She looks like the pictures you have. Hasn’t changed a day.”
“I want to see her, too,” Dee Dee said.
“So do I,” Ryan said. “Think she’d maybe come to a soccer game?”
“I don’t know, son. I guess anything is possible. But I think it’s pretty likely she’s just visiting around here. I wouldn’t count on her staying long. To be honest, I don’t know what her plans are. I’ve never known. I think she’ll get in touch with me again, but I don’t know for sure.”
“Were we too much? Is that why she went away?” Ryan asked.
They’d been over this a hundred times. That question always came out of the blue at odd times. The answer was always the same. “Everything was too much, son. I worked all the time, there wasn’t enough money, the house was falling apart, your mom was so young and lonely and felt cheated by life. We argued too much. It was just too hard for her, I guess. And I’ve asked myself a thousand times what I could have done to make it better. Easier. And I don’t know.”
“I wish’t I could just see what she looks like for real,” Dee Dee said.
Mac reached across the table and squeezed his baby girl’s hand. “I hope she calls, punkin. I’ll sure tell her you want to see her.”
Dee Dee grinned. “I’m going to practice piano,” she said, scraping back her chair and heading for the basement stairs.
“Can I get on the computer?” Ryan wanted to know.
“I’ll be checking your Facebook stuff, so no funny business,” Lou said.
“Yeah, yeah, yeah,” he replied, following his younger sister to the basement. All the kid stuff was down there.
And then they were alone, Lou and Mac.
“Eve’s pissed,” Mac said. “I should go talk to her….”
“No,” Lou said, shaking her head. “Not so fast. Let her simmer, I’ll talk to her in an hour or two. And the younger ones? They took in your shocking news, blew it off after a minute and headed for their favorite toys.” She shook her head and laughed. “To them, Cee Jay is a myth. Kids. Don’t try to guess what they’ll do next—it’s exhausting. Are you going back to work?”
“For at least a couple of hours. I’ll try to come home early.”
“I’ll handle Eve. This is a huge event in her young life,” Lou said. “I’m sure Eve didn’t think she’d ever see her mother again.”
“Right,” he said. “And we’d better hide all the sharp objects.”
“It’s very selfish of me, but I’m glad she’s angry,” Lou said. “I think I had a panic attack at the grocery store, afraid Cee Jay would take the kids away from us. I bought everything I could fit in a cart in about three minutes.”
“She’s not going to take the kids away from us,” Mac said. “Worst case, she’ll see them. No, that’s not the worst case—worst case is she’ll hurt them emotionally. Build up their hopes, let them down, reject them all over again. I’m going to try to head that off if I can.”
“How?” Lou asked.
“Hell if I know.”
Seven
Gina was beginning to relate to Ashley—she had been gripping her phone ever since Mac walked out of the diner that morning, followed by Cee Jay. In her most rational musings she saw him dealing with the many questions his kids must have had about their mother. Ryan and Dee Dee couldn’t even remember her, but Mac had told her how traumatized Eve had been, still was on some days. In her most irrational fantasies, Cee Jay was moving her beautiful wardrobe into Mac’s house, into his closet, curling up with him while the children welcomed her with tears of joy.
When there was a soft knock at the door at 9:00 p.m. she jerked it open. There he stood, holding two bottles of beer by their necks. “What a day,” he said.
She let out such a sigh of relief she almost collapsed. “You might’ve called.”
“Honey, there was no time. Well, I could have sent you a text, but I really wanted to see you, to tell you about it. I couldn’t figure out a text or voice mail short enough to send that would also explain everything. Grab a sweater or shawl—come out on the porch with me.”
She grabbed Carrie’s wrap off the hook by the front door. Her house was quiet. Carrie had gone to bed, exhausted from the hard day of running a deli and Ashley had retreated to the solitude of her room. She sat down with Mac on the porch step.
“Expecting a call?” he asked with a slight smile, glancing at her cell phone.
“I think it’s attached itself to the palm of my hand….”
He chuckled and opened a beer for her. She finally let go of the cell, laying it on the porch, wiping her sweating palm on her pant leg.
“My kids are doing better than I dared hope. Well, Eve’s acting out—completely expected. She wants to see her mother, but I suspect it’s not to welcome her home. She’s outraged, which she’s entitled to be. But Lou? She’s over-the-top—I left her with a bottle of wine that was slowly disappearing.”
Gina laughed. “Taking it hard, is she?”
“She’s afraid Cee Jay is back to wrestle the kids away from her. That’s not going to happen, but Lou’s what I would call overwrought.”
“Has Lou seen her yet? Cee Jay?”
He shook his head. “I believe you alone have had the honor.”
“You might’ve mentioned that this illusive ex of yours is drop-dead gorgeous.”
“Hell, she’s always been pretty. Now she appears to be pretty and rich. I’m going to have to do some digging, see what she’s been
up to. See if I can figure out what she wants. I find it hard to believe that after ten years she wants her family back.”
“Mac, she’s not pretty. She’s probably the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen. She literally took my breath away. Before I knew who she was, I thought a famous actress whose name I couldn’t remember had stopped into the diner.”
“Come on,” he said doubtfully.
“Seriously. I’ve been having really awful wide-awake nightmares all day. There’s this one very bad scenario I’ve been playing over and over where you take one look at her and start peeling her clothes off and begging her to come back to you.”
He lifted a brow, then took a slug of his beer. “Well, you were there when I took my first look at her. Is that what you saw?”
“Actually, you looked very pissed.”
“To put it mildly. What nerve. She’s been gone since Dee Dee was nine months old—ten years ago now. She hasn’t called or sent a birthday card or Christmas present in ten years and then, without any warning, she sashays into town in a sixty-thousand-dollar car, looking as if she just stepped out of a fashion magazine. And she wants to know her kids? Maybe she’d like to start by getting to know their orthodontist bills.”
“What did she say, Mac?”
He took a deep breath and told her parts of their conversation. “I told her to just leave town. I threatened her with a restraining order—a completely empty threat—and she said she was going to legally challenge the custody agreement. I told her to have her lawyer call my lawyer. I haven’t talked to my lawyer since he gave me a very nice discount to file the divorce and custody papers for me five years ago. Papers she signed without a question, a call or a visit, by the way.”
“Did you tell the kids this?” Gina asked.
“I’m real careful about what I tell them. I try to tell them the truth without telling them that their mother, half of their gene pool, is a selfish unfaithful bitch who left them as babies without looking back. It’s not easy. But she’s done enough to them. I don’t need their self-esteems attached to her irresponsible and cruel choices. They’re innocent, after all.” He put an arm around her, pulling her closer. “Besides, who’s the genius that knocked up a sixteen-year-old? I have to own my part in all this.”