by Diana Palmer
Supper out with anyone was the last thing Maris wanted for tonight, but maybe spending time with another man besides Luke would put her back on course. “Sure, why not?”
Judd shaped one of his rare smiles. “I’ll pick you up around six, all right?”
“I’ll be ready.”
After Judd left, Maris went to the patio and sat down. She’d hardly had a chance to catch her breath yesterday, but people had merely dribbled in today. Judd could very well be her last customer, she decided, and then turned her thoughts to what she could prepare for Keith’s and Luke’s supper.
She bit down on her lip, suspecting that Luke wasn’t going to like her going out with Judd tonight. But last night’s foolishness didn’t give Luke any say in what she did or did not do. Last night had been a mistake. What in God’s name had caused her to behave so brazenly? Loneliness was no excuse for completely losing herself in a man’s arms.
Then, sitting there in the quiet, she thought again of a baby, and of the names she had chosen shortly after her wedding day. Her first son would have been named Robert Ray Wyler, after his father. Her first daughter would have been named Samantha Ray Wyler, also after her father. It would be wise, of course, to keep the “Ray” in either name, should she become pregnant.
Maris shuddered. Why was she still thinking that way? She wasn’t going to do it, so why couldn’t she eradicate the idea from her mind?
Blackie wandered over and lay down beside Maris’s chair. “Blackie, my friend,” she said quietly. “A dog’s life is very simple compared to a human’s. Be glad you’re a scruffy little mutt, okay?” Patting Blackie’s head, Maris got to her feet and started for the house.
Luke saw Maris going in. “Just keep him moving in a circle like you’re doing, Keith.” The bay gelding was on a long lead, and Luke had shown Keith how to swing a rope with one hand while hanging on to the lead with the other. It was another step in the training process, teaching the horse to obey a human’s commands and not to fear a rope. “I’m going up to the house to talk to Maris about something. I won’t be long.” Taking hold of a corral post Luke vaulted over the fence.
“Sure thing,” Keith agreed. “I’ll keep him moving.”
Luke jogged to the house and walked in. “Maris?”
She was in the kitchen, putting together a casserole of rice, vegetables and chicken, which would be baking in a slow oven until suppertime. Luke’s coming in without Keith put her on guard. “What is it?”
“I think we should talk about last night.”
Maris turned her back on him, giving the casserole her full attention. “There’s nothing to talk about.”
“Nothing?” Luke went to stand beside her at the counter and crooked his head around to see her face. “You’re calling what happened last night nothing?”
“No, it’s just that I don’t see any good reason to talk about it.”
“You don’t. Well, supposing I do?”
“Don’t pressure me, Luke.”
“Stop puttering and look at me.”
“I’m not puttering. I’m making dinner. Yours and Keith’s. I won’t be here.”
Luke narrowed his eyes on her. “Where will you be?”
“I’m having dinner with Judd.”
The bottom fell out of Luke’s stomach. “You’re going out with Judd? Why?”
Maris sent him a quick, nervous glance. “Because he asked me. He’s a good friend, Luke.”
“How good a friend, Maris?” Luke’s voice was lethally quiet.
“Not the way you’re thinking. He’s a friend. Do you understand the definition of the word?”
“Don’t patronize me, Maris. I might not have gone to college like you did, but I’m not stupid.”
She realized that she had hurt him, and she turned to face him. “I never meant to imply you were. But last night shouldn’t have happened.” Oh, Lord, he was handsome. Just looking at him made her spine tingle. He was sweaty and smelled musky and male. His heavy dark hair was damp and drooping down his forehead. There was a fierce, defensive pride in his eyes. “I’m sorry,” she whispered, deeply shaken by what she was feeling for him. “It just…shouldn’t have happened.”
Luke kept looking at her. His past relationships had been sweet but brief and he’d never wanted them any other way. Maris was different. He was different because of her. He didn’t want her going out with Judd Hensley or any other man.
But nothing came out of his mouth.
“Luke? Do you understand?”
He nodded. “Yeah, I understand.” Whirling, he strode from the kitchen, gave the screen door an unnecessarily hefty shove, causing it to bang loudly behind him, and headed for the corral.
Clenching her hand into a fist, Maris brought it up to press against her lips. Which one of them was hurting more, she wondered with tears dribbling down her cheeks, her or Luke?
A second later she wiped them away with a kitchen towel. Another car was arriving. Pasting a smile on her face, she went outside. Her smile became genuine when she saw Jessica. “Hi.”
“Hi, Maris.” Jessica got out and opened the back door of her car. “I have Jennifer with me.” Jessica began unbuckling the safety straps of the baby’s car seat as she thought to herself. She missed her truck, but having the car was much more practical with Jennifer.
Maris felt a burst of joy at sight of the baby. “Oh, Jessica, she’s so beautiful.”
“Yes, isn’t she?” Jessica said proudly. Lifting the sleeping child from the car seat, Jessica held her daughter so Maris could look at her. “She’s so special to Sterling and me, Maris.”
“That’s how it should be with a baby,” Maris said softly, her gaze riveted on the child’s adorable little face.
Jessica spotted Luke and Keith in the corral. “I need to speak to Keith, Maris.” She smiled. “Would you like to hold Jennifer while I do it?”
“I’d love to hold her.” Jessica passed the baby to Maris’s arms. “Oh, she’s wonderful,” she whispered emotionally. “I’ll sit on the patio with her.”
“I shouldn’t be very long with Keith,” Jessica said, then started walking toward the corral.
Maris resumed her chair on the patio and stared in awe at the sleeping child on her lap. She touched Jennifer’s tiny fingers and then undid the lower portion of her lightweight cotton blanket to look at her little feet. The baby’s warmth and powdery scent penetrated Maris’s clothing and skin to wind around her soul.
She wanted a baby of her own. Every cell of her body ached from the wanting, and it wasn’t wrong, she told herself. Wanting a child was natural and right. She wasn’t warped or crazy to yearn for motherhood. Nature intended for the female of every species to procreate.
Luke looked up to see a woman standing at the corral fence. “Hi,” he called.
“Hello.”
Keith turned. “Mrs. McCallum!”
“Hello, Keith. Could you leave your work for a few minutes to talk to me?”
Keith’s face was red, but he remembered his manners. “Mrs. McCallum, this is Luke Rivers.”
Luke nodded a greeting. “Nice meeting you, ma’am. Keith, you go on and talk to Mrs. McCallum.”
Keith considered vaulting the corral fence the way Luke did, but he figured he’d better try it for the first time when no one was around, and he went through the gate. “Anything wrong, Mrs. McCallum?”
Jessica began walking, leading him away from the corral. “I’m not here to deliver bad news, Keith,” she said calmly. “At least, I don’t consider my message bad news. You’ll have to make up your own mind on that score.” They stopped under a large elm tree. She looked Keith in the eye. “Keith, your father would like you to visit him.” There was a sudden sharp withdrawal in the boy’s eyes. “You don’t have to do it. You never have to see him again if you don’t want to. But you should know what’s been happening with him in prison. He has joined Alcoholics Anonymous and has voluntarily requested emotional therapy. The prison psychologist sent me
a report that indicates definite progress in Terrance’s attitude and outlook.”
Jessica touched Keith’s arm. “I’m not advising you one way or the other on this, Keith. I’m merely passing on Terrance’s request.” The boy was silent for so long, looking off into the distance, that Jessica spoke again. “You don’t have to make up your mind this minute, Keith. Maybe you’d like to think about it for a while.”
“Why does he want to see me?”
Jessica looked at the boy. “I don’t know. Perhaps he’s thinking about making amends. You’re his only child and he’s getting old, Keith. Without alcohol pickling his brain, maybe he’s sorry for what he did to you.”
“He’ll start drinking again when he gets out of jail,” Keith mumbled.
“That’s possible. It’s also possible that he will never touch liquor again.” Again Jessica touched Keith’s arm. “It’s your decision, Keith. No one can make it for you, nor should they. I’m going now. Call me after you’ve given it some thought.”
Jessica began walking toward the patio. “Mrs. McCallum?” Keith called.
“Yes?” Jessica stopped and turned.
“Uh…I’ll go and see him. Can I go tomorrow?”
“If I can arrange for your transportation that soon, I don’t see why not. I’ll call you as soon as I know, all right?”
Keith nodded. “Thanks.”
Jessica smiled. “You’re quite welcome. Incidentally, you seem to enjoy working with horses.”
“Luke’s teaching me a lot.”
“I’m pleased to hear it. Goodbye for now, Keith.”
“Bye.”
Jessica continued on to Maris’s patio. “Well, are you tired of holding Jennifer?”
Maris lifted her eyes to baby Jennifer’s mother. “I could never get tired of holding a baby, Jessica. I’m not completely certain—I haven’t seen a doctor yet—but I think…I think I might be pregnant.” Maris licked her suddenly dry lips. “Please don’t mention it to anyone. I don’t want it to get around until I know for sure.”
Jessica’s eyes misted over. “Oh, Maris, how wonderful for you. Don’t worry, I won’t say a word to anyone.”
Maris remained on the patio after Jessica had driven away, though she had turned her chair to face the corral and Luke. Her arms still felt the imprint of baby Jennifer’s firm little body and there was a lingering scent of baby powder on her clothes. Her face bore a look of determination, even though her stomach roiled with guilt. She was going to get pregnant, and that man out there in the corral was going to be the baby’s father.
That decision was final.
Eleven
Maris tried very hard to be an attentive dinner companion to Judd that evening, but her mind was at the ranch with Luke and not on the busy Hip Hop Café or the excellent stir-fry dish she had ordered.
“Something’s bothering you, Maris,” Judd said after he’d had to repeat himself several times to get a response from her. “Would you like to talk about it?”
“I’m sorry, Judd.” Reaching across the table, Maris patted his hand. “I don’t know where my mind is these days.”
“You’re not over Ray’s death yet,” Judd said with a somber expression. He was also thinking of himself, of the death of his son and of his divorce. It had been seven years and he still wasn’t over those two tragic events. Maris was a courageous woman, but Ray’s death had to have hit her hard. “How could you be?” Judd stated logically. “It’s only been a few months.”
Two and a half months to be exact, Maris thought. Who would be stupid enough to believe she’d been pregnant when Ray died?
But who, Maris decided next, would be rude enough to mention dates to her face? There would be talk, of course, and more than likely Luke’s name would come up. He lived on the ranch with Maris for several months, you know. If you ask me, Luke Rivers is the father of that baby.
It wouldn’t matter, Maris thought with sudden fierce resolve. She would have her baby, and the gossips could speculate from then until doomsday and they would never know for sure.
“I’m pretty much over Ray’s death,” she told Judd, speaking calmly and certainly honestly. There’d been a time when losing Ray would have nearly killed her, but those days were long gone and she didn’t like thinking about them.
It was getting dark when they left the Hip Hop. “How about a drive somewhere?” Judd asked. “You don’t have to hurry home, do you?”
“No, I suppose not.” Maris hoped her reluctance didn’t show. After they were in Judd’s car and driving along, she thought about Judd’s invitation that afternoon and why she’d felt so obliged to accept. He’d been kind and considerate since the night he had come to the ranch to tell her about Ray’s death. She recalled every word:
“Judd!” Maris had answered the doorbell, and was surprised to see the sheriff on her front porch. It was late, or early, depending on one’s point of view: 2:30 a.m.
“May I come in?”
“Well…yes, of course.” Nervous suddenly, Maris pinched the lapels of her robe together. The sheriff didn’t make calls in the middle of the night without cause and Ray wasn’t home yet. Silently she led Judd to her living room.
“Sit down, Maris,” he said gently.
She sank to the sofa. “Something happened to Ray, didn’t it? Is he all right?”
Judd sat next to her, compassion in his dark eyes. “Ray’s dead, Maris.”
Shock bolted through her system, all but immobilizing her. “Dead?”
Judd reached for her hand. “It was a highway accident. He drove into a cement pier at an underpass.”
Maris swallowed because her throat felt so tight and sticky. “Was anyone else hurt?”
“No one. He was alone and no other vehicles were involved.”
Maris leveled a demanding look on the sheriff. “Tell me the truth. Was he drunk?”
“I don’t have the coroner’s report yet, but I was there and my own opinion is that yes, he was very drunk.”
“Dead drunk,” Maris said with intense bitterness. It was a macabre pun and not funny. Tugging her hand out of Judd’s, she raised it and her other to cover her face. Her eyes burned, but there were no tears. Her heart ached for Ray’s wasted life, but there was no real sorrow. It was as though she had known for a long time that something like this was going to happen.
She felt Judd’s hand on her shoulder. “Maris, is there anyone you would like me to call to come out here and be with you?”
She dropped her hands and spoke dully. “I’ll be all right, Judd.”
Ever since, Judd had checked on her regularly. He wasn’t really courting her, she felt, nor did she think that he was falling in love with her. She turned her head to look at him. It was too bad they weren’t falling in love. Judd was steady as a rock, and wasn’t that the very quality she would hope for in a man, should she ever marry again? Instead, she was getting much too involved with Luke, who was a lot more like Ray than Judd could ever be.
Judd realized he was being stared at and sent her a glance. “What?”
Maris smiled. “I was just thinking. You’re a nice man, Judd.”
He chuckled cynically. “Not everyone would agree with you on that point.”
“Maybe not, but it’s still the truth.” Judd took his duties as sheriff very seriously, and there were people in the area—especially those of Terrance Colson’s ilk—who had nothing good to say about Judd.
But Maris saw beneath his reticent, stern exterior. He was a proud, solitary man and she suspected that he viewed her as bearing the same traits. Judd’s own marriage had ended in divorce after he and his wife had lost their eight-year-old son in a tragic accident. Judd was no stranger to loss or loneliness. Maris was lonely, too, but her loneliness hadn’t begun with Ray’s demise. Only one person, Lori Bains, knew that Maris’s unhappiness had started within the first six months of her marriage.
Maris sighed. Everyone had to live with his or her own past, but the water under her bridge was mu
rky and dark with shattered dreams and ideals. It was up to her to bring some sunshine into her life; she was the only one who could do it.
Judd drove out to the Laughing Horse Indian Reservation, turned around and took some side roads back to town. They talked about impersonal topics, the library’s current fund drive to increase its reference material, the new houses being constructed on the outskirts of Whitehorn and local politics. Maris had held up her end of the conversation, but she was glad to see the lights of Whitehorn. It surprised her when Judd drove past the turn onto Highway 17, which led to her ranch.
He sent her a small smile. “Let’s have some dessert before calling it a night.”
What could she do but agree? “All right.”
Judd stopped at a fast-food restaurant that featured ice-cream specialties. “A banana split sounds about right to me,” he commented as they got out of the car.
Maris ordered a chocolate soda and Judd ordered a banana split with extra caramel sauce. The rich desserts were delivered to their table. Judd picked up his spoon and began eating. After a few bites he said, rather casually, “Maris, I hope you know I would never deliberately say anything to you that would hurt your feelings.”
She gave him a questioning look. “Yes, I know. What’s on your mind, Judd?”
Judd spooned another bite of ice cream and banana into his mouth, chewed briefly and swallowed before answering. “There’s talk around town about you and Luke Rivers.”
Maris sat back. “That’s not news, Judd. I would have been a lot more surprised to hear you say that no one ever mentions it.”
“Well, for my part, I’ll be glad to see the last of Rivers.”
“Why is that?”
“Just a feeling that he could be trouble, Maris.”
Instantly defensive, Maris leaned forward. “Let me tell you about Luke Rivers, Judd. He’s up before dawn every morning and only stops working for meals. He hasn’t taken any time off since the day he started working for me. If Ray had possessed even one-tenth of Luke’s drive, our ranch would have prospered. Luke is kind to Keith and…”
“Kind to you?” Judd said softly.