by Diana Palmer
“I know you didn’t, but it makes me angry, and very, very sad, to hear that phrase. And coming from one of our own people, well, it reeks of self-hatred and shame and denial of who we are. We were here first. This was our land, but we were willing to share it with the whites. We didn’t violate the treaties we made with them. Was it our fault we ended up with only blankets?”
Not knowing what else to say, Maggie whispered, “I’m sorry.”
Sara shook her head. “It’s not your fault, Maggie. I feel sorry for you, though. What your mother did to you wasn’t fair.”
“What do you mean?”
“She denied you your heritage while you were growing up. And then she made you promise to give it up permanently, when you had no idea what you were surrendering.”
“I don’t think you really understand, Sara.”
“No, Maggie. You are the one who doesn’t understand. If you honor your mother’s last request, you’ll never know who you really are. You will have given up the right to be a real Indian. A real Northern Cheyenne.”
Maggie felt her temper starting to flare, and made no effort to control it. “You know, Jackson has said things like that to me, too, and I find them extremely offensive. What is this real Indian stuff, anyway? Do I have to earn a merit badge to get into the club? Buy a membership card? What do I have to do to prove myself to you people? Huh?”
“You don’t have to prove anything to anyone but yourself,” Sara said quietly. “If you’re happy with yourself and the way you live, it’s nobody’s business but yours. But I’ve been watching you ever since you came here, and I don’t think you’re all that happy.”
“Why not?”
“Why did you come here in the first place?”
“It was my job, Sara.”
Sara leaned forward, pinning Maggie with an unblinking stare. “It was an excuse. An excuse to break your promise, just a little bit, so you could learn about your own people. If you’re honest with yourself, you’ll admit you like being with us, and you want to belong here. You want to be a part of this tribe. You’re just afraid to make the commitment.”
“I didn’t know you had a degree in psychiatry.”
“Can the sarcasm,” Sara said. “It’s not me you’re really mad at.”
Maggie glared at her for a moment, then sighed and shook her head. “You’re right. I’m just all…confused.”
“Welcome to the human race. It seems to me, though, that you’re trying to figure out two issues at once. Maybe if you separated them, it wouldn’t be so hard to figure out.”
“You mean the, uh, Indian thing and Jackson?”
“Yeah. There’s really no point in worrying about a relationship with Jackson until you decide whether or not you’re willing to go back on your promise and become a part of the tribe. He’s here to stay, Maggie. He’s committed to his eyeballs, and I think you know that.”
Maggie nodded. “It’s one of the things I admire most about him. And you’re right about something else. I do like being here. I can see so many things I could do for the tribe, and I like being a part of things. But I feel guilty about it.”
“Because of your mother.”
“Yes. I always knew she loved me, Sara. Whatever she did, she only did it to protect me. She wasn’t a bad person.”
“I never thought she was,” Sara said. “I think she was misguided, but she had to have been a pretty special lady to raise a daughter like you.”
“Thanks. But where does that leave me now?” Maggie asked. “If you were in my place, what would you do?”
“I’d find her family and see if anyone could tell me why she left and why she never came back.”
“What difference would that make?”
“I’m not sure,” Sara admitted. “I’ll tell you one thing, though. Jackson Hawk is no saint, but he’s one of the finest men I’ve ever known. If I was in love with him the way I think you are, I wouldn’t give him up without a damn good reason.”
“That assumes, of course, that he’s in love with me, too,” Maggie said. “Big assumption, Sara.”
Sara grinned. “Aw, he’ll get around to telling you one of these days. Are you okay now?”
“Yeah. I’m better, anyway. Go get some sleep.”
“Right. See you tomorrow, Maggie.”
Maggie waited until she heard Sara’s bedroom door shut, then exhaled a ragged sigh. It was time to make a decision. Countless times, she had considered asking Jackson to introduce her to her relatives. She’d always chickened out, because it had felt like an invasion of her mother’s privacy, at best. At worst, outright disrespect.
But so many of the things Sara had said were on target. What if she was right about Jackson’s feelings for her, too? Her heart skipped half a beat, then lurched into high gear as the truth finally hit her.
Oh, God. She had to meet her relatives as soon as possible. Had to resolve her guilt over her promise to her mother. She wasn’t just falling in love with Jackson Hawk. That was already a done deal.
Fighting the worst case of nerves he’d suffered in years, Jackson parked in front of Sara’s house the next evening and willed himself to calm down. It was only a dinner, he told himself. His family would like Maggie, and she would like them. No need to get himself all worked up.
If he knew what had been troubling her all day, he’d have an easier time believing his own assurances, but he hadn’t been able to coax anything out of her. Damn, he hated trying to guess what was going on in a woman’s mind. One of the things he liked most about Maggie was that she usually told him exactly what she thought, with little or no encouragement. But not today.
He’d never seen her so distracted. While he knew it was probably a sign his recent tactics had shaken her up, he couldn’t tell if he’d made any real progress toward his goal. Had he been putting too much pressure on her? Not enough? The wrong kind?
Well, he’d had enough of the indirect approach. As soon as this damn dinner was over, he’d have a talk with her and get the whole thing out in the open. Then they’d both feel better. At least he hoped they would.
Muttering under his breath, Jackson climbed out of the pickup, hurried up the walk and knocked on the door. Maggie opened it a moment later and smiled at him, and his heart rolled over like a well-trained pup. She’d traded in her jeans for a pair of slim-fitting black slacks. With them, she wore a red long-sleeved silk blouse, cinched in at the waist by a black leather belt. Dainty silver earrings complemented her short hair, and a matching pendant winked at him from the V neckline of her blouse.
She looked casual and classy, sweet and sexy, all at the same time. And if he didn’t get to kiss her again soon, he was gonna go totally out of his mind. Knowing he couldn’t trust himself to keep his hands off her if they spent much time alone, he declined her invitation to come inside. Once he got her settled in the passenger seat, he made a U-turn and headed straight for his mother’s place.
As he’d expected, the simple family dinner had escalated into a full-fledged party. Luckily, the weather had been unseasonably warm during the past two weeks, making a picnic possible tonight. The air was fragrant with the scent of the pine trees and smoke from the barbecue pit. Vehicles of every kind and vintage lined both sides of the long driveway. The big yard surrounding the house teemed with people.
The teenagers had taken over the front porch. One group of women hustled back and forth between the kitchen and the rows of picnic tables, setting out food and fussing over the arrangement of salads, baked beans and frybread. Another group cooed over the babies and gossiped between frantic dashes to keep the more adventurous toddlers away from the irrigation ditch that formed the southern boundary of the yard.
The men played their traditional role of helping the women by staying the hell out of their way. Translated into action, that meant occasionally tending the barbecue pit or gathering around a metal horse trough filled with ice, beer and soft drinks, smoking cigarettes and swapping lies and jokes. The kids charged a
round in packs of five and six, laughing, yelling and generally adding to the commotion.
Meeting a clan as large and diverse as his would have been daunting for anyone. The one time his ex-wife had been here, she’d acted like she was afraid of catching a disease if she touched anyone or anything. Maggie couldn’t have been more gracious. The longer Jackson watched her chatting and laughing with his relatives, the more convinced he became that she belonged here. With him. He could hardly stand to wait until dinner was over to start trying to convince her.
When the time finally came, he casually offered to take her for a walk, and guided her away from the party. They strolled past the barn in silence. Once they were out of sight and earshot of the others, he led her over to the corral fence.
Maggie rested both hands on the top rail. “What’s up, Jackson?”
“I thought you might like a break from the horde. Are they driving you crazy yet?”
She laughed. “No, your family’s wonderful.”
Turning toward her, he braced his elbow on the rail, buying a little time to search for the right words. “I’m glad you feel that way. It makes it a little easier to confess something.”
“Oh? What have you done now?”
“It’s more what I haven’t done,” he said, returning her teasing grin with a rueful one of his own. “For the past week, I haven’t been very honest with you.”
Her grin faded. “In what way?”
“I really haven’t given up on the idea of your coming to work for the tribe. I’ve been trying to put you in situations where you’d see how much we need your skills.”
“Is that all?” she asked with a chuckle. “I hate to tell you this, Jackson, but you’re about as subtle as your family.”
He gave her an unrepentant wink. “Well? Did it work? Have you thought about it at all?”
“Yes.”
He prompted when she didn’t go on. “And?”
“And, I’m…intrigued with the idea.”
“How intrigued?”
She looked away from him, pausing, as if she were wrestling with some inner decision. Impatience clawed at Jackson’s gut, but he forced himself to remain silent. Then she looked at him again. Though her eyes held an anxiety he’d never seen before, her voice was filled with conviction.
“There’s something I need to do before I can seriously consider any kind of a future relationship with the tribe.”
“What is it, Maggie?”
“I need to understand what happened to my mother. I need to meet her relatives.”
Jackson released the breath he’d been holding, in a silent sigh of relief. This he could help her with. “I’ll set up a meeting tomorrow, if you want.”
She grimaced. “That soon?”
“Frankly, I’ve been wondering why you haven’t wanted to meet them before this.”
“It’s not that I haven’t wanted to.” Biting her lower lip, she hesitated, then glanced away again. In a hoarse whisper, she finally admitted, “But I’m scared.”
Needing to touch her, he cupped the side of her face with his palm and forced her to look at him. “Why, Maggie?”
“What if they don’t want to meet me? I mean, what if they hated my mother, for some reason? Don’t you think they might hate me, too?”
“Hate you?” Stroking her cheek with the backs of his knuckles, he laughed softly at the absurdity of any such notion. “Honey, believe me, that won’t happen.”
“How can you be so sure? Do you know why my mother left and never came back?”
“No. But you’ve already met your grandmother, and she likes you just fine.”
“I have a grandmother?”
He nodded. “Yup. You also have three aunts, two uncles and a slew of cousins on your mother’s side of the family.”
“Oh, my,” she murmured, her voice sounding so wistful it wrenched Jackson’s heart.
“Don’t you want to know who they are?”
She shook her head. “I don’t think so. If I ran into one of them before the meeting, I’d probably freak out or something. Do you, uh, know anything about my biological father’s family?”
“Yeah. I was curious about why he wasn’t listed on the tribal rolls with you and your mother, so I did a little discreet checking.”
“What did you find out?”
“He was from Lame Deer. You’ve got a bunch of relatives over there, too. I’ll be glad to go with you, if you want to make contact.”
“Thank you. That’s awfully sweet of you.”
“Yeah, that’s me, all right. I’m always a real sweet guy.”
Her low, husky chuckle wrapped around him like a warm blanket on a frigid night. Her eyes caressed his face with shared humor, and her teasing grin was as blatant an invitation to a kiss as he’d ever seen. Then she wrinkled her sassy little nose at him.
Uttering a half laugh, half groan, he said, “Aw, Maggie,” and gathered her into his arms.
She didn’t seem to mind. When he lowered his head to capture her mouth, she went up on tiptoe and met him halfway. Her arms slid around his neck. Her lips parted. She welcomed his tongue with eager little moans.
The magic was still there, sweeter and more intense than the last time he’d kissed her. God, how had he lived without doing this for so long? He held her tighter, reveling in the sensations created by her body pressing against his from chest to thighs.
Her name pounded in his head in rhythm with the thundering of his heartbeat. Maggie, Maggie, Maggie…Determined to stay more in control this time, he shifted his mouth to the right and contented himself with peppering quick, light kisses across her cheeks, her eyelids, her temples and, finally, the tip of her sassy little nose. Then he rested his forehead against hers.
“Hey, Maggie, ya know what?”
“What, Jackson?”
“Pretending we’re just friends doesn’t work for me.”
She sighed, but didn’t open her eyes. “It doesn’t work for me, either, but I don’t know what else to do. Maybe we should stay away from each other.”
“Is that what you really want?”
Slowly shaking her head, she looked up at him. “I like being with you, Jackson.”
“I like being with you, too. I like it a lot. I like kissing you even more.”
“Yeah, me too.” She dropped her gaze. “Whenever it happens, though, I, uh, seem to forget that it’s not nice to be a tease. I’ll understand if you’d rather keep your distance.”
“That’s the last thing I want,” he said. “I’d like to see you stay here for the tribe’s sake, but that’s not the only reason I’ve been pressuring you, Maggie. You know that, don’t you?”
“I thought there might be more to it, but I wasn’t sure.”
“Well, now you are. I want you so bad, I ache with it.”
She gulped, then looked up at him again. “I don’t think I can handle an affair with you, Jackson.”
“Did it ever occur to you I might want more than an affair?”
“What are you saying? Is this a…proposal?”
“What if I said yes?”
She pulled out of his loose embrace. “I don’t know.”
“Relax,” he said. “It’s not a proposal, but my intentions aren’t completely dishonorable. For now, I’d just like to give our relationship a chance to grow and see what happens. Know what I mean?”
Her eyes narrowing with suspicion, she backed up a step. “I’m not sure I do.”
“C’mon, Maggie, lighten up a little, will ya? All I’m askin’ is for us to admit we’re more than pals and do some of the things other couples do. Like hold hands, or hug or kiss once in a while. It might even be fun to go out on a date and talk about something besides work. Now does that sound so damn bad?”
Feeling foolish for practically yelling at her when he’d been trying to woo her, Jackson scowled while he waited for an answer. Honest to God, he thought he’d behaved pretty well when she called a halt to their kissing before. Considering how
much he wanted her and how fiercely she’d responded to him, he’d damn near been a saint.
The corners of her mouth twitched, then slowly curved up in a smile that was worth every bit of aggravation she’d caused him. “No, Jackson, it doesn’t sound bad at all. As long as you understand that’s as far as I can go until I find out about my mother.”
He held out his hand. She slid hers into it. And without another word, they set off for his mother’s house again. It was a far cry from where he hoped to end up with her, but at least it was a start.
Ten
The next afternoon, Maggie climbed into the passenger seat of Jackson’s pickup, fastened her seat belt and clamped her hands between her knees to stop them from shaking. Jackson slid behind the wheel and drove north on a gravel road they’d never taken before. She wished she had a pair of aviator sunglasses like his to hide behind.
“Nervous?” Jackson asked.
“Yes. You know, it’s weird, but I wasn’t half as nervous when I went to see Mr. Reese.”
Jackson shot her a teasing smile. “Hell, he’s lots meaner and uglier than your grandmmother.”
“My head knows that.” Maggie wiped her damp palms on her jeans. “But the rest of me hasn’t gotten the message yet.”
Steering with his left hand, he reached across the bench seat with his right, grabbed her left hand and laced their fingers together. “You’re only gonna meet your grandmother and one of your aunts today. I promise, it’ll be okay. Annie was tickled to death when I called her this morning.”
“Annie?”
“Yeah. Annie Little Deer is your grandmother. And Rose Weasel Tail is your aunt.”
“Then Wanda’s…”
“Your first cousin,” Jackson finished for her. “You couldn’t have asked for nicer relatives, so stop worrying.”
Maggie digested that information for a moment, then blew out a quiet sigh. “You weren’t supposed to tell me, Jackson.”
“You were gettin’ so tense over there, I was afraid you were either gonna pass out or barf all over my pickup. Besides, if I didn’t tell you now, there wouldn’t be any time for you to settle down. We’re almost there.”