Sacrifice For Love

by Vicki Green

  “Mr. Evans. I’ve been given permission to speak to you about Taren, however….” Mrs. Mills walks in right behind him. “Mrs. Mills would like to speak with you about her instead.” I can’t take my eyes off her as I watch her walk to a chair, pulling it up beside me. She takes my hand in hers, my heart causing the machine to go off again as I look at her tear streaked face, wetness still brimming in her eyes. “I’ll just leave you all alone.” I hear him walk out but still can take my eyes off hers. She’s dead. I know it. I can feel it.

  “I’ll leave you all too. I’ll be right outside,” Caylan speaks.

  “No! You need to stay, dear. After everything you’ve done, you have the right to be here and are more than welcome.” The right? What does she mean?

  “Thank you,” he replies. From the corner of my eye, I see him sit in another chair close by.

  She squeezes my hand and I swallow hard, thankful of the water I’d drank. “Brock, dear. I’m going to tell you about Taren but I need you to remain calm. Can you do that for me? For her?” I nod and swallow again, nervous for what I’m about to hear. It must be bad if she’s telling me to stay calm. I don’t know if I can take it. My feelings are all over the place, but I have to know. I need to know. “Honey. Taren is okay. Well, as good as expected.” I’m relieved, but that scares the shit outta me at the same time. “Let me step back. She was hurt pretty bad, not as bad as you of course, in the beginning. She has a bad concussion and some bruising and scrapes, a cut on her head, but….” Tears flow readily down her face now and my heart stops.

  “Brock. She thought you were dead. When she was laying on a gurney, ready to be brought to the hospital, she thought you had died so she….” I watch her swallow and look away. She brings her other hand up and wipes away some tears, keeping her other hand in mine, then looks up at me again. “She took the knife that killed Jeffrey from Dean’s hand. He was standing by her side. Brock, she stabbed herself in her stomach, wanting to end her life.” What? Why would she do that? My eyes fill with tears. Knowing she would take her own life to be with me in spirit makes me want to shake her hard then hold her in my arms so tightly. I can’t believe she did that. Romeo and Juliet. How many times had we watched that over the years thinking our lives sounded so much like that story? Mrs. Mills squeezes my hand again, bringing me back to the present.

  “She had to have surgery.” Her voice now sounds rough with emotion. “She’s better now but still not awake yet.” She leans closer, her grip on my hand tightening. “Honey. She’s pregnant.” The heart machine goes ballistic, and my breathing escalates. She places her other hand on my arm. “I need you to take a deep breath, Brock. I need you to relax.” A baby? But she stabbed her stomach. How can… “The baby is fine, dear. Calm down for me.” I swallow hard, multiple times. A baby. We’re gonna have a baby.

  “Is everything okay in here?” The nurse shows up, concerned. “If you can’t remain calm, Mr. Evans, I’ll need to sedate you and your visitors will need to leave.” I open my mouth to speak but nothing comes out. Mrs. Mills turns to her and smiles.

  “He’s fine. I’m sorry. I’ll make sure he stays calm.” The nurse looks at her wearily then finally nods and leaves the room again. Mrs. Mills turns back to me, her smile faltering slightly. She pats my arm and then lays her hand on her lap, keeping the other tight around mine. “She really is okay, honey, but doesn’t know about the baby yet.” I take a deep breath, expelling the air quickly. “Brock. She’ll need you when she awakens. Do what you’re told by the nurse and doctor. I’ll talk to him about getting you to her room. Okay?” I nod and swallow again.

  “When do you think…. When do you think she’ll wake up? I want to be there. I have to be there.” Thoughts of her waking up without me there makes me cringe. She thought I’d die, tried to take her own life not realizing she was carrying a life inside her. A part of me. A part of her. I feel the wetness of my tears on my cheeks.

  “The doctor told me it will be today. He’s had her sedated. Brock. I’ll talk to him as soon as I leave here, okay? You need to be there with her.” I nod again, unsure if I can speak. She removes her hand from mine and pats my arm. “I’m gonna go back to her. I don’t want to stay away long. Mimi and Irish are with her now. I’ll send one of them as soon as I talk to the doctor. Okay?” I nod again, swallowing hard. She stands leans over and kisses my cheek. “You just stay calm and heal. She’ll need you more than ever now.” I look up at her and then watch her leave the room. A clearing of a throat reminds me that Caylan is still in the room. I turn my head and look at him. He’s sitting in a chair, a few feet from where Mrs. Mills sat. His head is down, his hands in his lap clasped together.

  “Um. Can you move closer? Some things we need to talk about,” I ask him quietly. He looks up, nods, and moves to the abandoned chair beside me. “Thanks. I mean…. What did Mrs. Mills mean about you having a right to stay? What don’t I know?” He looks down, suddenly shy or maybe embarrassed? Definitely don’t know him well enough to know his expressions. “Fill me in?”

  He looks back up at me and takes a deep breath. “I just did what most people would do. I got you and Kane out of the shack. That’s all.” He shrugs like it’s no big deal. Like he didn’t just save two people’s lives.

  “That’s all.” I smirk, and his mouth turns up into a small smile. “I’d say that’s quite a bit.” He shrugs again, but his smile widens. “Thank you, man. I mean it. If not for you, Kane and I might not be here today.” I reach out my right hand. My movements hindered by the pain and my left forearm in a cast weighing me down.

  “You’d have done the same for me. No thanks needed.” He smiles.

  We release hands and I just look at him. He seems uncomfortable, but I still have so many questions. I’m still confused about some things, but I know Taren would be the only one to answer a few of them. “Did you see….” I almost can’t get the words out and feel like I’m choking on them. “Did you see Taren stab herself?” I can’t believe she’d do that. I know our love is strong but to want to end your life because she thought I was dead scares the shit outta me.

  He nods slowly, his smile gone. “Yes. I wasn’t too far from her. She thought you were dead. I saw her grab the knife that Dean was holding. She didn’t even hesitate. I envy you.” My brows raise. Envy me? “You two have a love like none other I’ve ever seen. She was willing to die because she thought you had. Kinda reminds me of that story Romeo and Juliet. You know the one where the families try to keep them apart but their love was so strong and in the end they both end up taken their lives because they think the other is dead?”

  “Does sound vaguely familiar.” I smirk but then sadden. “Good thing it didn’t turn out that way in the end for us.” He nods and sits back in the chair, relaxing a bit. I feel a little more relieved and raise one brow at him, giving him a half smile. “So you read that shit?” A burst of a laugh leaves him, and he smiles.

  “Yeah, well. I like to read. You know that book has a movie out too.” I laugh, my hand moving to my chest. Okay, it hurts to laugh. We end up talking for a long time, getting to know each other better. I like him. He’s a good guy, and I’m so thankful to him for saving Kane and me. After an hour, the doctor walks in, the nurse behind him pushing a wheelchair in tow. He tells me that I can go be with Taren, that they’ll be bringing her out of sedation and after talking to her mom, they feel I should be with her to help with her recovery. If I have my way – I’ll never leave her again.

  Soon after he leaves, Ma and Pop walk in. She runs over to my bed, throwing her arms around me. “My baby boy!” She cries into my neck. My arms move around her, the tubes making it difficult. Pop walks over to the other side of the bed, laying his hand on my shoulder. Tears brim in my eyes as well as his. “We were so worried.”

  I look up at Pop, my tears threatening to fall. “Son,” is all he can manage.

  We stay like that for a long time. My tears keep threatening to fall but I hold them back. Until I see Taren.
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  Chapter Sixteen

  Taren

  I lick my dry lips. A voice reaches me. The sound of his beautiful voice fills me. I don’t want to open my eyes, fearing it could be a dream. A beautiful dream.

  “And when I found out you tried to leave this world, not knowing I was alive, I almost lost it.” The dream is so real I can almost feel his hand squeeze mine. “I found out…. I found out you’re pregnant.” Now this dream has gotten strange. I can hear him choking on his words, and I feel the warmth of his hand on my forehead, his thumb brushing against my skin. I always loved when he did that. So soothing. Loving. Pregnant? “I know that had you’d known you wouldn’t have tried to take your life. You would have been strong for our baby.” Wait! What? I need this dream to stop. I need him. “Come back to me, baby. I need you. I need to hold you in my arms so badly.”

  My hand moves, slightly. I try to squeeze his hand but feel like I can’t move. I’m tired. So tired. “Taren! Come on, baby. Come back. Please.” I try again, actually feeling his skin, his warmth, but I’m afraid I didn’t do it hard enough. “That’s it. That’s my girl.” Maybe I did. I try again, a little harder. “Thank fuck.” I hear his heavy breathing. He has to be exhausted and hurt. I thought he died. Now I feel his finger wipe away a tear from my face I know I’m shedding. “Don’t cry, sweetheart. I’m here. I’ve got you. I’ll always be here.” His hand leaves mine, and I don’t feel his warmth on my face any longer. Wait! Don’t go! I hear movements, shuffling of a chair, and then the mattress dips and I’m in his arms. His strong arms. His warmth. I sigh. Out loud. I think. “There now.” My mouth turns up a little at the feel of his lips against my cheek. “I’ll never leave you again. Never.” I bask in his warmth and then I return to darkness, comforted.

  * * * *

  “And then she smiled. It wasn’t much but it was there.”

  “Oh, Brock! That’s fantastic news. I’m sorry I missed it but I’m so glad you were here.”

  Brock. Mom. Their voices seem so far away. “I’ll never leave her again.” This time his voice sounds close. Then I feel his lips press against my face.

  “Mmmm.”

  The bed jerks. “Baby? Taren? Are you awake?” I try to open my eyes or even one eye, but I’m still so tired. He kisses me again.

  “Mmmmm.”

  He laughs. What a beautiful sound. “It’s okay, baby. You sleep. As long as you come back to me.” Once again his lips press against me but this time they’re on my lips. I moan again and he lays his face against mine. He feels so good. I wish I wasn’t so tired. I want to kiss him back. So badly. “Sleep, love. I’ll be right here.”

  * * * *

  “It’s very normal. Her vitals and reflexes are good and you heard her make a noise. Between the sedation and the severeness of the concussion it may take her a lot longer to fully come around. Don’t worry. She’s doing very well and the baby’s heartbeat is strong.”

  An unfamiliar voice rings in my ear and I feel someone poking and prodding me.

  “Thank you, Doc. I’m just anxious for her to wake up.”

  “I can understand that, Brock.”

  Brock.

  I feel my heart start to speed up and a warm body beside me immediately. “Baby? Open those beautiful blue eyes for me.” My eyes roll around underneath their lids but I’m still too tired to open them. “That’s it, my love. Try for me.” For him. I’d do anything for him. Anything. I take a deep breath and crack open one eye, just a slit. “Ah. Hi, my love.” He’s hazy, clouded, but I can see his gorgeous smile.

  “Brock,” I whisper/croak. My voice sounds strange. Probably from lack of use.

  As I open my other eye a slit, I see him leaning on the bed, his face so close to mine. He leans in and starts to kiss me but stops. “You’re about to close your eyes. I know it’s easy to do when we kiss but please don’t close them. I need to see them.” My mouth turns up into a smile. He reaches up and cups my face then his lips press against mine. Warm. It’s short. Sweet. He lays his forehead on mine. “Hi.”

  My smile grows. “Hi,” my voice is quiet yet rough.

  He moves back but only a breath away. “So many things I want to tell you. But right now, all I want to do is look at your eyes. I’m so thankful you came back to me. I love you, so much.”

  My chin quivers. My eyes open a little more. “I thought you were…. Dead,” I croak. “I didn’t want to go on without you. I’m so selfish.”

  His hand cups my quivering chin, softly. “No. You’re not. I would have felt the same way, if I thought you had died. You didn’t know.” He leans in and kisses my lips quickly then moves back to where he was.

  “A baby?” I whisper.

  His smile grows huge. His eyes light up and sparkle. “Our baby. Made from our love.” He moves again and rubs his scruffy face against mine. I don’t remember ever seeing him with scruff before. I kinda like it.

  I swallow hard and my eyes open even more. “Hold me?”

  He doesn’t hesitate and climbs onto the bed. He helps me up, slightly, then puts his arm around me. I try to move, turn on my side in my favorite position but I feel too weak. Like he reads my mind, he helps me turn. I wince with a little discomfort but I’d take any kind of pain to be in his arms. I sigh as I bring my arm around his waist, laying my hand on his flat stomach. “Better?” he asks as he rubs my shoulder. I nod and snuggle into his chest, loving the feeling of his fingers on my skin.

  “Talk to me.” I yawn, still a whisper. Suddenly, my heart beats harder, and I raise my head. “Daaad.” I let out a quiet sob, and my eyes fill with tears. “Mom.”

  His hold tightens and I lay my head back down, too tired to keep it up for long. “I’m so sorry, Taren.” He kisses the top of my head. “Your mom is doing okay. She’ll be back in a while. She’s been here since we were brought in.” I nod and sniffle as a tear rolls down my cheek. “I think she still really loved him, ya know? I know she believes he was there to save you. He did love you.” I nod into his chest unable to speak. We lay here in silence. Thoughts of my dad overwhelming me. Little did he know he would have been a grandfather. So much time past. If he hadn’t turned into the man he was, we would have had a happier life. Brock and I would have been together. Dad would have welcomed his grandchild into the world with us. I let out another big yawn mixed with another sob and nestle into him. “Sleep, sweetheart. You’ve been through a lot and need rest now. Sleep.” My eyes grow heavy and even thought I don’t want to, I let sleep take me again.

  I open my eyes to a bright room and turn my head to the window. Sun bellows in through the blinds and I take a deep breath, grateful to be alive. The bed is cold next to me, and no one is in the room. I startle when the door opens and a doctor walks in. “Well, good morning, Miss Mills. I’m Dr. Gammon. How are you feeling?”

  I smile and push my hands against the mattress, moving myself up a bit. “I feel tired and weak but I’m good. Thank you.”

  “Good. Well, you have visitors, even though in ICU we normally only allow one in at a time but I’m making an exception. I’m thinking I can remove the catheter now. I think we should get you out of bed today. But not too much. Don’t want you to overdo.” I nod and he pulls back the covers. I wince a little as he removes it but I feel relief when it’s gone. He sets it down and checks my vitals, telling me everything is good.

  “When can I go home?” I give him a smile, hoping he’ll tell me that I can go soon.

  “Hmmm. I think we’ll see maybe tomorrow. I want you to get some more rest and check the baby again before you leave. Sound good? You’ll need to continue to rest at home.” He gives me a smile and I nod. “Very well. I’ll just take this and go and tell your visitors you’re ready to see them.” I like him. He seems very nice. I watch him leave and suddenly I’m feeling yucky, dirty. My teeth feel coated and I reach up and try to thread my fingers through my snarled hair without much luck.

  “My baby!” Mom runs over and throws her arms around me. “Let me look at you
,” she says as she moves back, her hands on my face. “You look so much better today.” I love her smile.

  “Bestie!” I look around Mom and see Irish walking in carrying sacks. I look back at Mom and frown.

  “I wish I could brush my teeth and take a shower.” Mom’s head turns and then looks back at me.

  “I’ll be right back.” She leans in and kisses me then leaves the room.

  Irish sets everything down on a very small table then walks over to me. “God. It’s so good to see you awake,” she whispers as she gives me a hug.

  “Where’s Brock?” It’s not like I could miss him in this tiny room.

  “Oh, they took him for some tests and to check him out. He said he was gonna take a shower then come straight back. He told me to tell you not to worry.” A small laugh bursts from me but inside I’m feeling all warm and loved. She walks back over to the table and begins taking things out. The smell of food makes my stomach growl. Mom walks back in with a nurse behind her.

  “Brought some help.” She smiles. The nurse gives me a smile too and pulls back the covers. They both help me up, and I’m glad they’re holding onto my arms tightly as my legs feel so weak and wobbly. The bathroom is tiny but as soon as they help me get the gown off, they walk me into the even smaller shower and help me sit down on a plastic stool in there. I’m grateful to be able to sit. “I brought you a pair of your jammies and some clean panties,” Mom says as she turns the shower knobs. The water is cold at first but then turns to warm and it feels so good. She leaves me and the nurse then returns with a small bag, placing it in the sink, since there’s no counter. I smile when I watch her bring my shampoo and conditioner and can’t wait to be clean again. I know it’ll make me feel better. The nurse steps out and Mom washes my hair. I close my eyes at her loving touch. Once my hair and body are clean, the nurse returns and help me out, dry off, and get my jammies on. I feel so much better already. Then after relieving myself, I sit on the toilet seat, and Mom gets my toothbrush, paste, and a small container and I almost moan as I brush my teeth.