Sean jolted awake, his head cradled on his crossed arms at the desk. He sat upright and wondered what had woken him. A sound, maybe? Yeah, a muffled thud from the next room. Had Yana dropped something? Or maybe he’d fallen; he could be hurt. Sean got up and went over to the door and tried to listen. He heard nothing. Maybe he had just dreamed it.
“Shit, this is my fault!” He said half aloud, the sound of his own voice startling him. He shook his head in disgust for all he had lost.
Sean loved Yana beyond all reason and valued what they had. He couldn’t believe he’d been so foolish as to let it all slip away. How could he have possibly believed Jimmy?
He knew what Jimmy could pull and Yana despised him for all the trouble he had caused them. Sean had let one insecure moment destroy everything. Yes, Jimmy might be young and sexy as hell and Yana had a thing with him at one time, but that happened years ago. Sean sat with his head in his hands unable to accept he had thrown it all away.
The shower kicked on and Sean felt relieved. At least Yana hadn’t hurt himself trying to escape. Sean returned to his self-loathing. How could he have walked out on Yana without even giving him a chance to defend himself? Sean had automatically assumed the worst. Maybe because, somewhere in the back of his brain, the niggling little thought him and Yana were too good to last kept gnawing at him.
He didn’t have to worry anymore. But he could relish the past year and remember it as the very best of his life. He only wished he could tell Yana. His eyes landed on the note, resting on the desk.
Sean sat down and drummed his fingers. Apparently they couldn’t leave until they figured things out. But they wouldn’t work this mess out. He’d screwed up everything.
Yana wouldn’t speak to him, probably never would again, and Sean didn’t blame him.
Sean saw nothing but misery and loneliness ahead.
He’d probably move back down below. He couldn’t face it up in HOME, seeing Yana every day and not being able to be with him.
He read the note again. ‘Work it out’ Work it out?
How in the world could they fix anything when their lives hit the crapper because of Sean’s stupidity!
He fingered a pen a few minutes then turned the note over and wrote ‘I’m sorry’. He gazed at the two words, stood up, and began to pace back and forth in the small room, stopping occasionally in front of the closed door to the bedroom. Sean didn’t let himself think, he slipped the note under the door and waited a few minutes. Nothing. No response. He resumed pacing.
Without warning, the bedroom door jerked open and Yana came boiling out.
“What the hell is this? Is this supposed to make everything all right? You say you’re sorry and I’m supposed to jump back into your arms?”
Sean stared at him for a moment and said quietly,
“No. I don’t expect you to. What I did was unforgivable. I didn’t trust you, didn’t give you a chance to explain. I jumped to the wrong conclusion. I’m not making excuses. I just wanted you to know I’m sorry for blowing what we had.”
Sean sat back down on the couch, his head thunking on the wall behind. “Oh, Yana, I’m so sorry. So very sorry,”
he moaned, his hands over his tired face squeezing both eyes closed against a throbbing headache.
“Here.”
The voice startled Sean and his eyes snapped open.
Yana stood with two Tylenol in his open hand and a bottle of water.
Sean took and downed them gratefully. He tried to think of something to say but words failed him. The one person who mattered the most and Sean couldn’t find a single thing to say. Sean couldn’t take his eyes off Yana as he sat in the chair opposite him and downed two Tylenol of his own. Sean took a really good look at Yana, and noticed his appearance seemed as shattered as Sean’s.
“You didn’t trust me,” Yana accused.
“I’m a fool,” Sean truthfully admitted.
“You could have asked me.” Yana’s voice lowered, but still had an angry edge.
“I was stupid.” He knew better, but people called it hindsight for a reason.
Yana growled, “You didn’t have to walk out on me.”
“I’m an idiot.” Sean had to agree as he twisted his hands together and hung his head in shame.
“Why?” Yana stood up, furious. “Why didn’t you even give me the chance to explain?”
Sean shook his head and searched for words that wouldn’t come. “I… I don’t know. I don’t know what happened. Jimmy said the two of you had just had sex and I came in and found you in bed naked. I lost it, I guess. I couldn’t think beyond his nasty smile.”
“You know what kind of liar he is, Sean,” Yana accused.
“I know. And I walked right into it. I have no excuse,” Sean agreed miserably.
“You don’t trust me.” Yana shook his head sadly.
“Yes! Yes, I trust you, Yana. I just… I lost all sense of reasoning. The thought of you being with him or with anyone else… just… I don’t know; it unhinged me! I couldn’t think straight. I just had to get out of there.” Sean shook his head in disgust and had to look away. He couldn’t believe how stupid he had been and what it had cost him.
Yana sighed, “What is it that keeps you from believing in me? Is it really Jimmy or is it something more?
Are you still upset I didn’t want you on that mission?”
“I have to admit that left me confused. I thought you believed in me. It was quite a disappointment when I found out you didn’t,” Sean despaired.
“I thought I explained that to you, but apparently I didn’t do a very good job of it. Sean, I was with you every step of your training. I know how good you are, how capable you are.” Yana sat back down, pulling the chair over a little closer to Sean.
“We’ve had contact with the Krill on five different occasions and lost nine experienced men to them. The only way you and I were able to survive is because they didn’t know we were there. If they had known, we wouldn’t have made it out of there alive. When I heard the Krill were involved… I expected it to be a one-way mission. I knew I’d do whatever it took to complete that mission even if it meant forfeiting my life. I wasn’t anxious to forfeit yours. I apologize for not making that clearer. I thought you understood.”
Sean shook his head miserably and looked away.
He stood up and wandered around the room.
“What I understood—or thought I understood—is that you praised my capabilities highly one minute and when the first mission comes along they consider me for, you say you don’t want me along. You said you despise Jimmy and yet I remember the two of you dancing, holding each other close. What else could I think when I saw him in our hotel? How did he even know we were in L.A.? I just assumed that you had called him.” Sean couldn’t quite let go of his misery.
Yana rubbed the back of his neck. “I guess you and I have a totally different understanding of what love means.”
“Yana, I love you. You can doubt anything else if you want, but don’t ever doubt that,” Sean pleaded.
“Sean, I know you love me and I know you’d never cheat on me.”
“You’re damned right!”
“Yet you think I would?” Yana drove his point home.
“Yana, I’m sorry. I don’t know what more I can say.
It was a temporary lapse of sanity on my part. I know you love me and wouldn’t cheat on me. Jimmy just caught me out of the blue. I was heading back to the hotel and, yes, I was still a little down because I didn’t think you believed in me; believed I couldn’t be anything more than your lover. I wanted to prove to you that I could be both. I didn’t expect to see Jimmy there, grinning and saying the two of you had just had sex. I reacted badly and I was wrong to just walk out.” Sean apologized and hoped that Yana would understand and see just how much he regretted his actions.
“You have no idea what you mean to me; do you?”
Yana asked.
“I know you love me.”
“Sean, it’s so much more than that! I adore you. I idolize you. My whole world changed the day you agreed to move up here. From that moment on, I knew what I wanted out of life. You. There’s nothing; no one in this world who could tempt me away from you. What do I have to do to make you believe that?”
“I blew it. I fucked up what we had. I know that.
You have every right to be angry. I understand why you can’t forgive me. I just wanted to tell you I cherish every moment we’ve had together. This last year has been the only time in my life that I was ever truly happy. I want to thank you for that.” Sean apologized again, rigid with defeat and shame for what he had thrown away and anger at himself for losing the only real happiness he had ever known.
Yana closed the distance between them, pulled back his right arm and let his fist fly; catching Sean on the chin and knocking him backwards on his ass.
“So that’s it? I’m not even worth fighting for anymore?” Yana yelled.
Sean got to his feet, rubbing his jaw. “You want to fight with me, Yana? Go ahead. Hit me again. I won’t stop you.”
Yana lunged, pounding both fists against Sean’s chest. “You stupid son of a bitch! I love you! I love you!
Get that through your fucking head!” He grabbed Sean’s face with both hands. “I’m not letting you go! Do you hear me?”
“You… still want me?” Sean couldn’t quite believe his ears.
“Want you? Sean, you’re mine whether you know it or not. You belong to me just as I belong to you.”
“But I thought—”
“Stop thinking!” Yana kissed him, hard and long, and neither stopped when they tasted blood.
“We belong together,” Yana said. “I don’t want any more talk about forgiving or not forgiving or screwing up.
It happened. And now we both know why. All we have left to do is get past it.”
Sean’s hands roamed up and down Yana’s shoulders. “Do you really think we can?”
“I won’t consider anything else and neither will you.”
Sean crushed Yana in his arms and buried his head against Yana’s neck. “I’ll make it up to you. I promise.”
“You’re darn right you will! I’ll think of a way to make you pay.”
“I’ll pay whatever price. Whatever you want me to do. I’ll do it. I love you, Yana and you’ll never regret giving me a second chance here. I promise you.”
“I may have to torture you for weeks, maybe months.” Yana blinked back the tears that were threatening.
“Torture away, my love, torture away.” Sean slowly removed each and every article of clothing that stood between them.
CHAPTER SIX
“Who are you and what do you want?” Sean shouted, straining uselessly against his bonds.
He’d been captured and the men that had him hurried through a long, crowded corridor and answered no questions. In fact, they didn’t even speak. Sean could kick himself. Caught off guard, his captors simply grabbed him and sprayed something in his face that made him stumble and fall to the ground. He remembered seeing Yana transport just before he blacked out so Yana should have made it home safely. Yana would come for him.
Hurry, Yana. Get back here fast and bring an army.
There’s a million of these guys! Sean whispered a silent prayer.
He got shoved into a tiny, windowless room about eight feet square, the door closed and locked behind him.
He sat down against the far wall and waited, repeating his silent mantra again and again. Hurry, Yana. I need you.
He sat patiently for hours then got up and paced, stopping every now and then to bang on the door and yell.
“Who are you and what do you want with me?”
Several hours later, Sean awoke when two men, dressed in white contamination suits, entered the cell.
Something new—he hadn’t seen anyone in anything other than jeans and blue work shirts. They pulled Sean to his feet, walked him out of the room, and down the hall.
“Where are you taking me? I want to speak to whoever is in charge.” He peppered them with questions but like the day before, didn’t get any answers. Hell, he didn’t even get eye contact from either of the two burly men pulling him along.
Sean managed to twist out of their grasp and run, but the result had been two other men cutting him off at the end of the hallway. Their vice-like grip on his arms prevented him from escaping a second time.
His captors escorted him into another room and stripped all his clothes off, which took all four of them to accomplish. The two men in white hauled him into a shower stall and turned on a valve. The foamy substance seemed to come from every direction and the two men turned him around, lifted his arms, and spread his legs to make sure the solution completely covered his whole body.
The chemical smell overpowered Sean and he wondered why the two men wore protective suits. He didn’t have much time to worry. Within minutes the foam stopped and what appeared to be clear water drenched him thoroughly. Hot air followed and moments later he felt totally dry.
His captors pulled him into the next room and someone sprayed a light mist in his face. Sean recoiled but couldn’t escape the effects. The world went gray and his legs buckled beneath him. He would have fallen if they hadn’t been holding tightly to his arms.
His next conscious moment, he found himself placed on a table. They rolled him over on his side and to his horror inserted something cold and metallic into his rectum. They flipped him back over and his arms and legs were strapped down. A restraint across his forehead completely immobilized him. Overwhelmed with a feeling of helplessness, he tried to speak, but words wouldn’t come.
In a daze—not unconscious but not fully awake either— Sean couldn’t move or speak.
A man wheeled a device over to the table and hooked it up to Sean’s body. The same burly captor secured something—Sean couldn’t tell what—to his pelvic area, and it tightly enclosed his penis inside.
Panic gripped him and he dragged in deep gasps of air which only heightened the effects of the spray.
Everything dimmed out entirely. He awoke some time later, his insides churning and his pulse racing. The room had gone silent and he struggled to free himself but to no avail.
His groin area warmed and it stunned Sean to realize he had an erection. He struggled, calling out again and again, but no one came.
The probe in his rectum began to vibrate against his prostrate. “Nooo! Noooo!” He cried out as he ejaculated with such force he passed out.
“All right, all right. What is it?” Aaron opened the door grumpily.
“Aaron, I need your help. It’s an emergency,” Yana begged.
“Yana, what is it?”
“It’s Sean. He’s been taken. I need your help.”
“Sean?”
“Yes,” Yana gasped, shaking from exhaustion.
“What happened?” Aaron stepped back allowing Yana to enter.
“We were on an assignment together and he disappeared. I know who has him and I’ve got a pretty good idea where to look for him, but I need help. I can’t do it by myself.”
“Yana, I haven’t been on a mission since I wrapped my car around that pole in Dallas a couple of months ago and busted my head open. Did you talk with Noel?”
“No. He’s off world and isn’t expected back for at least another week and I can’t wait. I have to go now!
Please! Will you come with me?”
“Right now? In the middle of the night? What’ll I tell Caroline?”
“Tell her it’s a matter of life or death. Tell her anything you want.”
“Yana, I don’t know how much help I’ll be. You know Earth has always been my specialty. I’ve got next to no experience with alien life forms. I haven’t even been on an alien world in twenty years—not since I was in training—and that world was friendly. Noel said I haven’t fully recovered and I shouldn’t try and transport for another thirty days at least. You might end up having to transport us all
back. “
“I can’t wait. I’m going now. Just please… please…
will you come with me? This is my fault. I never should have transported until I knew for sure that Sean had. I’ve got to find him, Aaron, and fast!”
“Of course. Just a minute. I’ll get dressed and have a few words with Caroline.”
“The group that has Sean, the Voles, will likely terminate him once they are finished with him. They’re not known for holding their prisoners for any length of time.”
Yana entered the shuttle craft and guided it out into space.
“So how is it you made it back and Sean didn’t?”
Aaron asked.
“We were sent to retrieve some information discs on Delta Three and had no reason to suspect the building was wired with explosives. Sean and I were going up an outside staircase when the building blew. We had a pre-arranged signal. If one of us called ‘HOME’, we would both immediately transport. After the blast, we landed not all that far apart. I saw him up on his feet and I heard him yell ‘HOME’. I thought he transported, so I yelled ‘HOME’ and did the same.” His mouth twisted.
“Only when you got back, he wasn’t there?” Aaron figured.
“That’s right. I managed to transport to the shuttle craft before I passed out. The shuttle craft got me to the nearest port and they got me home. When I woke up I was just getting out of the re-generation chamber when they told me that Sean hadn’t made it back. I wasn’t hurt all that badly, just broke a couple of ribs, but I was in there and out of contact for three days.” Too many, when Sean needed him.
“So, they’ve had him four or five days now. Who do you think has him; and what makes you think he’s still alive? Just because you saw him standing doesn’t mean he wasn’t injured,” Aaron said.
“I know that. The blast came from in front of us. He was about six or eight feet behind me. He was calling ‘HOME’ or I never would have transported,” Yana explained.
“Was he saying it like it was a question; asking you if you were okay to transport?” Aaron wondered aloud.
The Missions Page 5