As they lay sated and still, she finally understood what all the fuss was about. She also knew that she’d never find this with anyone else, nor did she want to. They could be together because they cared for each other, trusted each other, and Jack would never disrespect her by forcing his will on her.
This was what she’d earned from living a life without being cared for.
This was something very, very good.
Chapter 28
Luanne stretched like a lazy cat on a warm windowsill. Every part of her body was relaxed and satisfied. Jack had made sure of that. She turned her head to see his sleeping face, so handsome in the morning light.
They’d done it, finally. Their entire relationship had been one big game of foreplay. And last night was like an explosion. She brushed a piece of hair from his forehead. He’d been so fierce and gentle with her—hungry in a way she’d never experienced, but at the same time giving and generous.
It was definitely something she’d never forget, and she was grateful to him for showing her how sex could be when the partners liked and respected each other.
“So much thinking, so early in the morning. If you keep it up, your head will explode.” His sleepy voice sent chills down her body.
She turned to her side to face him. “How do you know I was thinking?”
“You get a little crease right here.” He ran his thumb across the top of her forehead. “When you’re in deep concentration.” He slid his hand down to cup her face. “What were you thinking about?”
“Nothin’.”
“Liar.”
She shrugged one shoulder. “I was thinking about you.”
He propped his head on his hand and gave her his full attention, his signature smirk firmly in place. “Yeah? What were you thinking about me?”
She ran her hand down his chest and the heat of his skin scorched her fingers. This man did something to her, something wild and uncontrollable.
He caught her hand and brought it to his lips.
The moan that escaped her mouth would’ve embarrassed her yesterday, but not today. He’d made her moan, growl, and beg last night, and she’d loved every minute of it. “I was thinking how great last night was.” She glared at him when the smirk got cockier. She didn’t even know that was possible. “Like you don’t know you’re amazing in bed.”
He kissed her fingers again. “It’s still nice to hear you say it. Last night was like no other for me.”
“That’s what I was thinking about. How different it is to be with someone you like and respect, and who likes and respects you.”
His expression changed for a second, but then it was gone so fast she didn’t have time to read it. “Let’s be honest. I think we more than like and respect each other, Luanne.” He kissed her palm, then her wrist.
She pulled her hand away. “What are you talking about?” The pulse that a second ago was slow and steady jumped and jerked in her veins.
“I’m talking about the fact that I love you and you love me.” He caressed her face. “It’s okay, I know it’s scary. I’m scared too, but we can do this together.”
She leaped out of bed like it was full of poisonous spiders. A nervous chuckle rattled from her throat. She grabbed her robe and wrapped it around herself. “Stop being weird, Jack. And stop talking crazy.”
He pushed himself to a sitting position and adjusted the pillows behind his head like he didn’t have a care in the world. Like he hadn’t just told her he loved her, and then told her she loved him. What the hell?
“It’s alright, take a minute. I’ll wait.” He put his hands behind his head.
That did it. He was seriously screwing with her new peaceful world and she wouldn’t have it. “No, Jack. I’m not going to take a minute. You’re crazy and last night was a huge mistake.” She began running around the room, gathering up her things.
“Darlin’, I’ve never been more sane or sure about anything in my life. I love you, you love me, and we’re going to get married.”
That stopped her dead in her tracks. “What?”
“We’re getting married, soon. I know that’s a big step for you and it is for me too, but I think that’s the best way to keep you from completely freaking out. You won’t have much time to think about it.”
He was out of his damn mind if he thought she was going to marry him. Maybe reason would work. She hauled in a chestful of air and tried to lower her voice to a calm and reasonable octave. “Jack. I don’t know where you’ve gotten this crazy idea. But you have to know this is a bad idea. I’ve already had one rushed marriage and it ended disastrously. You don’t want that for us. Right? Let’s date. Get to know each other, enjoy sex together, and then we can talk about the future.” Even to her own ears she sounded like a hostage negotiator. But if she could talk him down, maybe things could go back to the way they were before.
He shook his head. “No, I’m sorry. There won’t be any more sex until we’re married. It’s what’s best for you. You deserve to be treasured and valued, not used like you have been your whole life. I won’t do that to you.”
“You son of a bitch.” She advanced on him. “What I deserve is someone who will listen to me and see me as a person with her own opinions and her own desires, someone who doesn’t tell me what I should and shouldn’t do. Someone who doesn’t tell me I’m in love with them and that I’m going to marry them as soon as possible for my own good!”
He took a long breath and blew it out. “I’m sorry you feel that way.”
“And that’s another damn thing. You hide behind that mask of yours, like everything is a game. It’s not. My life is not, and you can’t play with it like that. Like my mother, like my grandmother, and like my father.”
That must’ve got to him because his calm demeanor cracked ever so slightly. “I am nothing like your screwed-up family.”
“You’re no different than them. You want to use me because I make you feel better about your current situation. Well, what happens after your perfect life goes back to normal? What happens when you don’t want me to soothe your boo-boos anymore? What happens when you don’t need me to make things normal for you? I’ll tell you what happens. You dump me and leave me to deal with shit I never wanted to deal with, you arrogant ass.”
He got out of bed and pulled on his jeans. “Luanne, listen to yourself. You’re the one talking crazy. I’m not going to leave you. I just told you I love you, for God’s sake. I want to marry you. It’s the only thing I’m absolutely sure about in my life right now.”
He moved toward her but she couldn’t take it. If he touched her she’d cave. Like with her father. Why couldn’t she tell men no? From deep inside a wounded animal rose up and screamed, “No. I won’t do this. You can’t make me. I’ve played this game before, Jack. You tell me you love me, you give me what you think I want, but it’s only to get what you want. And so today, I. Say. No.”
He stopped and stared at her. “You can’t see it.”
“See what?” she snapped.
“You can’t see the difference between how your family’s treated you and what I feel for you, for what’s between us. It’s not the same, baby. It’s miles and miles different, and you’re about to throw it all away, because you’re too scared to trust me. Don’t do this.”
“And what you don’t seem to understand, Jack,” she spit the word at him, “is that love makes you weak, and powerless, and selfish to the nth degree.” She swiped a tear from her face and straightened her shoulders. “I’m done being weak, and powerless. And I never want to be as selfish as my mother and grandmother. So, yeah, I’m throwing it away, because it’s not real.” Clothes fell from her arms as she tried to grab the rest of her meager belongings. She snatched them up and headed for the door.
When she got there she turned to face him. He was leaning his hip against the bedpost with his hands in his pockets. He could’ve been waiting on his deli order instead of watching the woman he supposedly loved walk out of his life. “I can
tell you’re real broken up about all of this.”
He shrugged. “What am I supposed to do? Nothing I say is going to change your mind.”
“That’s right. It’s not. Don’t come after me.”
“Don’t worry, I won’t. You’ve made yourself very clear.”
“Good.”
Before she closed the door he fired his final shot. “You’re a coward, Luanne Price.”
Jack made his way downstairs. He’d waited in the room for more than an hour until he was sure Luanne was gone. He couldn’t see her. He didn’t know how he’d ever face her again. He’d opened his heart up and told her he loved her and she’d flat out rejected him. He’d hear the click of that door for the rest of his miserable life.
How could she do this to him, and how could she not believe him? The one woman who knew and understood him best, she should know how hard it had been for him to lay it all on the line. She should’ve known that he’d been devastated. What had she wanted? Him to cry and grovel? Even she didn’t get that from him.
Worst of all, she thought his motives were the same as her worthless father, and that he saw her as a means to an end.
What a cluster fuck.
The house was quiet. The rest of the family must be out. Thank God. He didn’t want to talk to anyone, or explain this to anyone. It was too personal, and he was too raw.
He made his way to the kitchen for a beer and found Mitch sitting at the kitchen table watching the birds in the birdbath outside the window. Shit. He was the absolute last person Jack wanted to see. Maybe he could sneak out without his father seeing him. The board under his foot creaked as he turned to leave and Mitch turned his direction.
Double shit.
“Hello, son.”
“Hello.”
“Trying to sneak off on me?” Mitch took a sip of iced tea.
“No. Why would you say that?”
Mitch pointed to the window. “I saw your reflection when you came through the doorway. And then I saw you turn to leave.”
Busted. Jack went to the fridge and pulled out a beer. “Okay, so I was trying to sneak off without you seeing me.” He propped his butt against the counter and twisted the top off.
Mitch raised a brow. “A little early for that, don’t you think?”
“You know what they say—it’s five o’clock somewhere.” He took a long pull on the bottle.
Mitch chuckled. “You’re a pretty cool character, aren’t you, Jack?”
Jack moved his shoulders in a semi shrug. “I don’t know. I guess.”
“That girl of yours sure left out of here in a hurry. Kyle took her to the airport. Evidently she’s going home.” His amber gaze never left Jack’s.
Relief loosened his muscles. She hadn’t tried to drive herself anywhere. “Where are Mimi and Leslie?”
“Mimi’s at her church meeting and Leslie’s at work. So it’s just you and me here. Come. Sit.”
Jack sucked down another drink and pushed off the counter. “Can’t, I’ve got calls to make.”
“Sit.” The command was so emphatic that Jack immediately sat.
“Yes?” He tilted back in his chair, arms stretched out along the back of the chairs on either side of him, like he didn’t have a care in the world.
Mitch’s long fingers played with one of the puzzle pieces on the table. “I think we need to talk.”
“We’ve already talked everything out. I’m not mad at you, I understand why you did what you did, I’d like for us to stay in contact. What else is there to talk about?” Jack gave him his we’re pals smile that he’d perfected long ago.
“Why do you do that?” Mitch cocked his head like he was studying an interesting bug.
“Do what?”
“Act like you don’t have a care in the world. Like you somehow fly just above all the crap the rest of us have to deal with.”
Jack laughed. “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Really? Because in the short time I’ve known you it’s like nothing sticks to you. You throw that cocky grin around like a weapon.”
It was the same thing Luanne had said. What did these people want from him? To see him bleed. Well, if that’s what this SOB wanted, he’d give it to him. He leaned forward and stuck his finger in Mitch’s face. “You don’t think I have to deal with shit? You have no idea. I clean up my clients’ shit. I take other people’s shit for my clients. And I’ve been wading waist-deep in my life’s shit for the past week.”
“Poor you.” Mitch sipped his tea.
Jack shot out of his chair, knocking it back in the process. “Don’t patronize me, you bastard. You’re the reason everything is out of fucking control. I’ve spent my entire life clawing my way out of poverty, and where were you? Livin’ it up with Kyle in your syrup compound in Vermont. Is that even a real goddamn thing?”
Once the dam broke he couldn’t stop what spewed out. “I had nothing! I wore other people’s clothes, I ate free lunches at school, I mowed lawns in the summer until I had blisters and heat exhaustion to pay for my football fees in the fall. And the only thing I had to hold onto was my family.” He paced the tiny room. Anger boiled over and obliterated any hope of being kind. Fuck kind. He wanted to hurt Mitch. Hurt him like he’d been hurt. “I knew I had a mom and dad who loved me, who supported me, who would never lie to me. But that wasn’t true. None of it was true. She lied to me my whole life. My whole fucking life.” He collapsed into the chair like a puppet whose strings had been cut and even though he fought like a lion, a stray tear rolled down his cheek. He had nothing left.
A warm hand touched his head. “It’s okay. I’m here now, and I’m not going anywhere.”
“She was the one I could always count on.” He tried to control the tremble in his voice, but couldn’t. “The best person I knew.”
“I know.”
Jack’s fist hit the table. Hard. “And you took that away from me.” He dropped his head and more fucking tears escaped past his closed lids.
Mitch stroked his hand over Jack’s head again. “I did, and I’m sorry.”
Jack nodded and took several shaky breaths. The storm passed and he pulled himself together enough to sit up. He didn’t even feel embarrassed. All he felt was relief. Pure, blessed relief. How long had that shit been bubbling inside him trying to get out? Years.
A glass of water appeared in front of him. “Drink it.”
He drank. And felt his equilibrium level out, but not completely. Something was different. He was different. He rested in the peace.
Neither spoke, the only sound was the birds at the bird feeder outside.
“I’m sorry.” Jack glanced at Mitch, who was wiping his own eyes.
“Nothing to be sorry for.”
“But the things I said—”
“Were honest. And you never have to apologize to me for being honest.” He folded the handkerchief he’d dried his face with. “Do you feel better?”
Jack snorted. “Yeah.”
Mitch nodded. “Good. If I’ve learned anything in this life it’s that you have to be your honest self. People get hurt. You get hurt when you’re not.”
He guessed Mitch knew better than anyone the truth of that statement.
“You know you’re going to need to forgive your mama, right?”
Jack peered out the window. “I know, and I think on some level I’ve started to forgive her. I won’t ever know all of her reasons, but there are things I do know and those are the things I choose to focus on.”
Mitch squeezed his shoulder and nodded. “Now you want to tell me why that feisty gal of yours flew out of here like her hair was on fire?”
Jack got up to refill his water glass and resumed his pose against the counter. “I told her I loved her.”
Mitch smiled. “Well now, that doesn’t seem so bad.”
“I also told her she loved me and that we were getting married ASAP.”
“You told her.” He nodded again. “Aha, I understand. L
uanne doesn’t seem like the kind of woman who likes to be told what to do. Though I can’t really think of any woman who would respond positively to being told they were in love with someone, and also being told they were going to marry said person. I can’t say it was your smartest move.” He lifted the glass to his lips. Jack suspected it was to hide a grin.
“She accused me of the same things you did, plus a whole load of other stuff.” He came back to the table.
“What are you going to do about it?” Mitch gave him the best dad stare he’d ever seen.
“Nice face.”
Mitch beamed. “You really think so? I’ve been practicing with Kyle.”
Jack laughed and it felt good. “Honestly, I don’t know what to do about Luanne. I could use some advice. I don’t know that I can go to her. I think for this to work she has to come back to me, but I don’t know what to do.”
Mitch came to his side of the table. “You know what I’m going to say.”
“Be honest?”
His father patted his back. “Be honest.”
Chapter 29
Pain shot through Luanne’s thumb when she bit her nail to the quick. She couldn’t remember ever being this furious. And betrayed. She’d been betrayed, by the only other person, besides Scarlett, she’d ever trusted. Jack-ass.
“You okay over there?” Kyle’s smoky voice interrupted her tirade.
“Dandy.”
“Do you want to talk about it?”
“No.”
“All—”
“He pisses me off so much. Do you know what he did?” She turned in her seat to look him.
“Why don’t you tell me?”
“He said he loved me.”
“That bastard.”
She held her finger up to make a point. “And, he told me that I love him.”
“Do you?”
“Of course not.” But even as the words came out of her mouth she knew it was a lie. “Or at least I didn’t think I did, but now that he’s said it…”
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