I feel like I’m going to hurl. And then—he laughs. If there were any doubt before whether that is actually Tyler, there is none now because he has the most distinctive, deep laugh in the world that all these years later still makes my stomach flip. Fuck my life right now, just fuck my life.
“Hey, you sure you’re okay?”
“Yeah,” I nod. “Fine. Just fine.”
Brandi looks over my shoulder and smiles. “He’s really hung. Wait until you see his cock.”
“Oh, yeah…” I swallow. “Pretty sure a guy that looks like that is hung, and most likely an asshole.”
“Huh.” She laughs. “Probably.”
I hear Hudson’s voice grow louder as they cross the room. “…so, basically, rough but tender, hard, yet soft. Give me a little romance, but make it dirty. Like, smack her ass a few good times.”
“Yeah, sure thing, Hud,” Tyler says. The sound of his voice makes my skin prickle and not in a good way.
“Hey,” Hudson says, and I drag in a breath because here we go….
“Yeah?”
“This is Johnny. Johnny this is Jemma.”
And now I turn around, forcing myself to look at him. The smile on his face quickly fades. The olive complexion of his skin turns pale. And our eyes lock. Shocked. Embarrassed. Floored.
“Nice to meet you, Johnny,” I say.
“Holy fuck…I uh… I…” He keeps shaking my hand, and I snatch it back. “So uh…” his eyes are still plastered to my face. “That thing—the things, I…uh—”
“Dude,” Hud smacks him on the back. “Pull your shit together. She’s not the one you’re fucking.” His eyes stray over to me. “I mean, by all means, feel free, but after hours, okay?”
“No, it’s just…” Tyler trails off, unsure of what to say.
“Okay, places. I have an orgy to film in an hour. Let’s go, let’s go, let’s go. And where’s Vee? I need her in here now. Two girls, one guy. How hard is that to understand?”
I shoot a nervous, stop-looking-at-me-like-that smile at Tyler and then pull the reflector up, blocking my face. Brandi walks over. I hear her make small talk with him. I’m in a fog. Did this really just happen? A week ago I ran into him at a bar and fucked him, freaked out and bailed, and now—now I am standing in a room, holding a reflector when he’s about to strip butt-ass naked and pound into this girl in front of me? When I read his email last night, I did question if running into him like that may have been fate, well fate just said fuck you.
“Hey,” Tyler says in a deep breath. “Hey, Hud?”
“Yeah.”
“I’m not feeling so good. Uh, you know, I think maybe I should let somebody else do the shoot…”
“What?”
I peer over the top of the reflector, watching as Hud walks up to Tyler. “Johnny,” he says. “You look fine to me. What do you need a Viagra or something?”
“No. Fuck.” When Tyler’s eyes dart back over to me, his face goes a little white again. “I just, I’m just not feeling it.”
“Not—” a snarky laugh tumbles from Hud’s lips. “Not feeling it? It’s porn. It’s acting. It’s not about feeling it. I paid to rent this space. You’re here, they’re here, the whole crew’s here. Oh, fuck. Don’t tell me you’re gonna be a damn diva?” He slaps his palm over his forehead, shakes his head, and walks off.
“Hey,” Brandi hops up, rubbing her hand over Tyler’s arm. Even all these years later jealousy bubbles to the surface. “I’ll make it fun. Promise,” she says.
The inner bitch in me is simmering in rage now. At her. At him. At all of this shit.
“It’s just…” Tyler starts as Brandi strips down to absolutely nothing. “Aw, fuck.” He drags his hands down his cheeks and turns to face the wall. “I mean, what the hell? God hates me. That’s what this is. I’ve pissed him off, and now he wants to play jokes.”
“What?” Brandi asks.
“Just, nevermind.”
Hudson comes over to me, taking one side of the reflector in his hand. “Hey, Brandi, do me a favor, chicken, bend over the bed real quick so I can show Jemma where I need the light.”
Brandi does as told, eyeing Tyler the entire time she’s bowed up on the bed.
“Okay,” Hudson moves the reflector around. “You see how there’s a little extra light right on her ass cheek?”
“Yeah…” I stare at the soft glow of light on the middle of her ass.
“Keep it there…or you know, on his ass, just close to where the action is.”
Kill. Me. Now.
“Alright, here we go people.” Hudson claps his hands and moves beside the camera man. I watch in horror as Hudson counts down from five on his fingers and that little red light flashes on.
I shift on my feet, trying not to look embarrassed or uncomfortable. I will my body to stop pouring sweat out of every fucking pore. And then, Brandi pulls his pants down and rams his dick down her throat, and I nearly die. I close my eyes and pray the light stays somewhere around somebody’s ass because I cannot watch this. A few minutes later, I can’t take it. Morbid curiosity takes over. I open one eye, peeking around the reflector. My stomach churns. My chest goes tight. Porn is porn. To me, this is not porn. I’m watching the guy I lost my virginity too bang another—wait, there comes Vee and now she’s stripping—bang two girls. Two fake tittied, super tan, over made girls. And he always hated makeup.
A loud clap echoes around the room. Oh, my God. He actually just smacked Vee on the ass while slamming into Brandi.
“Stick it in my ass, Johnny. Put that big cock in my ass.”
Vomit literally hits the back of my throat, and I close my eyes because I do not want to know if he’s actually going to grant that wish. And now that I’ve come down from the abrupt shock of this all, I have a moment of real fear. I fucked a porn star. I slept with a porn star. Holy shit! I fucked. A. Porn. Star. My stomach twists and turns. I flip through that night’s events completely in panic mode. I didn’t suck him off. He wore a condom.
Hudson claps his hands. “Okay. Break.” I drop the reflector and make a beeline for the refreshment table on the side of the room. I grab a water, twist the top and turn the bottle up. The plastic pops and crinkles from how hard I’m gulping it down.
Brandi bounces up, still naked, and grabs a banana—of course. “He’s good.” She smiles and takes a huge bite.
“Yeah. Bet so.” I have this visceral reaction to her that I should be slightly ashamed of.
“I’m beat.” She sighs and walks off. I want to die. Literally die.
I finish off the water, toss it in the trash, and grab another cold bottle. I hear a throat clear behind me, and I tense.
“I’m sorry,” he says.
I shake my head. “Go to hell.”
“I wasn’t planning on seeing you until dinner.” He laughs nervously.
“I can’t even right now, Tyler.”
“Not gonna look at me?”
“Wha—Um, I just—it’s weird.”
I turn to face him, and my heart starts pounding again. Thank God, he’s at least got on a robe. “I tried to tell you the other night,” he says.
“Really?” I take a step closer to him and lower my voice. “You said you provided services for a multi-million-dollar company, Tyler.”
“Well, that’s not exactly a lie.” A slow smirk works over his lips before his eyes drop to my mouth.
“And it’s so not the fucking truth either.”
“You know the other night, how I kept saying there was something I needed to tell you, well, this was what I was trying to tell you. I didn’t exactly plan on fucking you, and I’m sure you can understand my hesitation in telling you I do porn when I haven’t seen or talked to you in four years.”
“Oh, trust me, had you told me, I so wouldn’t have let your dick anywhere near me…I mean, this is really, really…” I exhale because I don’t even know what to say. “I hope you didn’t give me AIDS.” I take a breath. “Or herpes.”
/> His eyes narrow, his jaw tenses. “Really, Jemma? AIDS? I’m not a fucking asshole.”
“Yeah, I’m just…” I shrug and shake my head. “Just never expected you to do something like this.”
We stare at each other for a moment. A really awkward, terrible, horrible moment.
“I could say the same thing for you.” His eyes flash. “Fluffer…”
“Okay, first of all,” I hold a finger up, “I’m not a fluffer, and second of all…” Shit, there really is no second of all. I toss my hands up. “You do fucking porn!”
His eye twitches as he takes a sip of water. “So, back to the other night…You make a practice of fucking guys and then bailing on them?
“Are you serious? Like you can judge me. I’m pretty sure you’re the one who stuck your dick in a girl’s ass after you plowed through the other one like a Kansas cornfield, and you are questioning my morals? Wait, did I mention that you did all this in front of a camera?”
“You forgot to mention you were holding the reflector.” He smirks.
And here we stand, me with another empty bottle of water in my hand, him with a soft long tenting his robe. I narrow my gaze. “You’re an asshole,” I say with a snarl as I excuse myself to go to the restroom.
I go into a stall, shut the door, pull my phone out, and call Heather, gently banging my head against the aluminum wall while it rings.
Two rings in, she answers. “What’s up—beside a penis?”
“Heather. I am fucking dying right now. Do you hear me?”
“Oh, Jesus. What’s happened?”
“You remember Tyler—”
“Uh, yeah. How could I forget that shit?”
“Yeah, well, he’s here.”
“Where?” she asks, confused.
“Here! At my work.”
“He came to your work?” she gasps. “How did he know where you worked!”
“No, Heather, he works here. I just had to watch him plow thru two girls.”
“Oh, you have gotta be shitting me!” She laughs so hard she snorts. “Your ex is a porn star? Only you, Jemma, only you!”
“Oh, God, I thought I was going to die. What are the chances of that, really? I mean, can we look up the statistics for that because I am pretty damn sure it’s more likely that I would find fucking Bigfoot while riding on the back of the goddamn Loch Ness monster.”
“Well, porn stars have to be somebody’s ex…I mean, shit happens. Hell, I’d brag about it.”
“You don’t brag about having fucked a porn star.”
“Yeah, sure you do.”
“No, you don’t, and did I mention I have to watch him fuck people? Peen in vagina. Over and over. I had to watch him do a money shot. A fucking money shot, Heather.”
“I mean; it could be worse…”
“Really?”
“Yeah, he could be a rodeo clown, or a serial killer or some shit.”
“Oh, just shoot me now.”
“Personally, I find this amazing.”
“It’s not.”
“Now, if this isn’t fate,” she laughs, “I don’t know what is.”
“Oh, no, no, no…this is fate fucking me is what it is.”
“Well, at least something’s fucking you.”
“You know what—I just needed to tell someone. I’ll see you when I get home.”
“What’s his porn name? I need to Google him.”
“Heather!”
“Alright, alright. I’ll see you when you get home,” she says and hangs up.
I open the door, turn the corner, and there he is, leaned against the wall of the women’s restroom.
“Really, Tyler? Why are you in here?” I ask.
He shrugs. “You ran off.”
“Oh, my God—like it isn’t enough already, and then you follow me in here?”
Dragging his hands through his hair, he glances at the floor. “Look, I just don’t want you to be mad. That’s all.”
“Mad? I’m not mad, Tyler. I’m disgusted.”
His eyes lift to my face. I can tell that comment just hurt him, but honestly, I couldn’t care less.
“I thought hooking up with you the other night was a dumb move,” I say, taking a breath. “But damn.”
“Look, I tried to tell you. And I didn’t have to. I wasn’t even gonna try to fuck you. That’s on you.”
“Oh, like hell it is.”
“I know you, Jemma, and I know exactly what you were trying to do.”
“Oh, really?”
“Yeah. The one flaw you always had was being vindictive.”
I huff. “Fuck off.”
“You wanted to fuck me and leave me because you think that’s what I did.” He takes a step toward me, and I back up to the wall. “You think I hurt you on purpose. You think I wanted things to end the way they did.” He braces his arms against the wall, caging me in as his face inches closer to mine. “And the one thing you wanted to do the other night was make sure I still regretted it.”
The door swings open and Vee prances in, halting the second she sees me against the wall with Tyler’s face way too close to mine.
“Oh, um… huh, um…” she scoots around him. “Just gonna pee.”
“No. You’re wrong.” I duck underneath his arm. “Wrong,” I say before I push the door open. My hearts sits in my throat in a quivering lump, my skin hot because he is right. I did want to hurt him. I wanted to make him regret it because as much as I hate it, as much as I don’t want to, I still have a thing for him. Always have. Always will. And now—he’s a fucking porn star. Brilliant!
The door to the women’s bathroom swings closed. A few seconds later, Vee clears her throat.
“Hey, Johnny,” she says then laughs. “Uh, I know this may sound weird and all, but I can’t pee while you’re in here.”
“Yeah, sorry. I’m—” I place my palm on the door. “I’m leaving.”
I step into the hall thinking about how insane this is. First, I run into Jemma in the bar. Her roommate and my roommate decide they want to fuck each other, then me and her end up fucking, and now this shit. My heart is slamming against my ribs in a nervous fury when I walk back into the room. Jemma’s in the corner talking to Hudson. I ignore her and head straight for the bed.
“You ready for round two,” Brandi asks, dropping her robe to the floor and lying back on the bed with spread legs.
This is not what I want to be doing right now. At. All. “Fuck, let’s just get this over with,” I grumble.
She glares at me. “Damn,” she says, glancing at Jemma, who’s now leaned against the far wall. “You were right. He’s an asshole. Good call, girl.”
Jemma smiles and gives her a thumbs up.
“I can’t fucking win here, can I?” I say, tossing my hands up.
“Well,” Jemma says, “Your dick hasn’t rotted off yet. That’s winning in my book.”
“Yeah, still there.” I shake my head then drag my hands down my face. “As you well know.”
“Do you two…” Brandi’s gaze bounces between Jemma and me. “Do you know each other or something?”
“Yeah—” I start, but I’m cut off by Jemma’s, “No.”
“Oh,” Brandi says with a sigh. “Wow.”
Jemma’s staring at me, with one of her brown eyes twitching. I drop my robe and fist my cock, glaring at her. “Oh, no, we know each other. Really—” I pump up my shaft, “really—” another hard stroke, “well.”
Jemma groans.
“You know,” Brandi says. “This is a little awkward, not gonna lie.”
Hudson comes back into the room and walks straight over to me, his eyes straying down to my crotch. “What’s this shit?” he asks, pointing at my dick. “Make it harder.”
“I’m fucking trying.”
“Here, let me help,” Brandi says and grabs ahold of it, trying to revive it.
“It’s fine. Just—I need a second.”
“I don’t have a second, Johnny. I’m on a schedul
e, and your cock needs to be on mine.” He turns around. “Hey, Jemma, get me some Viagra would you?”
“Seriously?” I ask.
He shrugs. “Shit happens. Oh,” he pats me on the shoulder, “and you need to start eating some more egg whites makes the money shots look better. Makes it thicker which equals a better product.”
A few seconds later, Jemma’s standing in front of me, holding a little blue pill in her palm. “Your cock meds, Mr. Depth.” She fights a smile when I take it, then steps back, laughing.
I plop the pill in my mouth and swallow it without water. And since I can’t get my dick all the way hard because my ex-fucking-girlfriend is across the room and laughing, Hudson films a little girl on girl. Without warning, my dick gets so hard it feels like it’s going to split open, and not because of the girl on girl. Fuck Viagra is like giving your dick steroids.
Hudson catches sight of my raging hard-on. “Fuck yes. He’s back. Okay, so just start off like you’ve been at it for a while. Jemma, mist him would you? He needs to look sweaty.”
Jemma trots over with a smirk, holds a spray bottle out in front of her and squirts me right in the fucking face like I’m a damn cat. Three squirts. And I flinch every single time.
Brandi and Vee are still all over each other. I glance at the camera and then at Jemma. This is fucked up. And if it weren’t for the Viagra, my dick would have retreated inside my fucking body. I can’t really explain what’s going through my head right now, but that girl standing across the room glaring at me with disgust is the girl I used to sneak out of my house to go see, the one I chased around her basement trying to kiss. And this—yeah, this entire setup makes me feel sleazy and dirty. My heart is hammering in my chest, and I do the only thing I can right now, I keep fisting my dick.
“And…action…” Hudson says.
I lean over the bed, spreading Vee’s legs apart. And I swear to you, I couldn’t enjoy this if I wanted to. Shame. That is exactly what this is—shame.
When I agreed to be a porn star, I knew people would eventually find out. Family. Friends. And yeah, ex-girlfriends, but Jemma—she’s not just an ex-girlfriend. I know people will see this shit, but being oblivious to the fact that someone I know has stumbled across my porn is a hell of a lot easier to digest than having someone I know—especially my ex—watch from the other side of the room while I screw girl after girl. This takes moral degradation to another level.
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