by Kara Hart
“God, I sound so cheesy,” I say. “I just… I just like you, okay? I really like you.”
He comes toward me slowly. Then, just when I think my world is about to fall apart again, he just holds me in his warmth. Everything is better again. “Emma,” he whispers. “Why do you think I’m here?”
“I just thought, you know, we were having fun. We were just having some fun,” I stutter out. “We met each other and decided to have some fun. That was it, right?”
“I’m here because I want you. I’m here because you’re the only damn good thing in my life right now,” he says, running his hand through my hair. “I’m not here to fuck your brains out. If that happens, it’s just a bonus. I’m here to enjoy you in every way possible. What I’m trying to say is that I’m here because I really like you too.”
“Does it always have to be so sappy?” I laugh. But I’m staring into his eyes, his dark, deep eyes, and I’m seeing more to him than I ever have. I see all his hopes and dreams. I see the disappointment that life gave him. I see all the hardship and I just want to hold him and make him feel better. I just want to take care of him.
“I kind of like the sappy,” he laughs and kisses me again. Our lips slide against each other like we’ve known each other forever. Our bodies do the same, and I can’t help but notice that I’m as wet as I can possibly be. I hold my breath and rest my head against his shoulders.
It’s quiet in my house now, and we’re being as sappy as we can be by holding each other. We’re just standing there because words have proved themselves to be meaningless. The only important thing is how we feel in this moment. All I can say is that I feel perfect and desirable, and I have the feeling that everything is going to work out for the both of us. Or at least, it’s a strong hope.
When we let go of each other, I quickly walk over to the lights in my living room. I turn them off and suddenly the room is dark. There are no words spoken. He sits on my couch, expecting what’s about to happen. We both expect it.
I bend down in front of him, kissing his chest. I slip his shirt over his head and throw it into a corner. I drag my lips down, across his perfect body. He’s suffered a lot. This body has had to work hard for nothing, but now he gets me, the prize.
His hand comes across my tits and he pulls the dress down over them. His hand is warm to the touch, as he feels around my nipples, slowly cupping each breast. “God,” he moans with approval.
The intensity builds and I’m aching for him. I need him. In this moment, I want to give him everything he’s ever dreamed of. I unzip his pants slowly, placing my lips across his pants. I can feel him growing for me. The pants get harder and thicker. I put my hand next to my mouth and run my fingers across his rising shaft. He sits there, moaning loudly, waiting for what’s next.
Finally, after teasing him fully, I unbutton his pants and place my hand inside. I wrap my hand around his tight flesh and feel how hard he is. It’s like he hasn’t had sex in weeks. That’s how hard he is. Pleased, I kiss the tip of his cock, kissing down toward his balls.
With my left hand, I cup his balls. Slowly, I lick the head, and I’m driving him wild. This is his night. He runs his hand through my hair and down to my shoulders. “Emma,” he moans. I still haven’t put his cock in my mouth and he’s going crazy.
I open my mouth wide and stick out my tongue for him. Right as he enters my mouth, he groans real loud. I push forward and feel him hit the back of my throat. I release and breathe heavy, sliding my tongue across his shaft. He’s so fucking big that it’s hard to get anything down there, but I’m trying my hardest.
“You’re going to make me cum too fast,” he protests, running his hand across my cheek. “God, you’re too beautiful for a guy like me.”
“I want you to cum for me, Soren,” I whisper, kissing his member. He’s so big that he’s about to burst. I just keep sliding my tongue across him. “Tonight is about pleasing you.”
That gets him going even more. I look him in the eyes as I pull him back in. I keep my mouth open wide for him and he pushes as far as he can go. He starts to use the back of my head, finally, after some moments, and soon enough, he’s grabbing my hair.
“Yes,” I moan. “Do what you want with me.”
He pulls me back and bends forward to kiss me. Then, he pulls my hair down with force, until I’m back on his cock again. I wrap my mouth around him and let him use me. He grabs my hands and pushes them down, ordering me what to do. “Play with yourself,” he says. “When I cum, I want you to cum with me.”
I’m already soaking wet and at this point, I’m just a throbbing, hot mess. I like it when he gets in these moods. I love it when he gets as dirty as he can with me. He pulls his cock from my mouth and strokes it, using my saliva, while I remain on my knees and masturbate.
“There we go.” He smiles. “Arch that back for me.”
He runs his hand down my back, until he feels my ass. He squeezes each cheek like I’m his property and I have to smile because the idea of being his property actually turns me on. I want him to claim me. I want him to tell me what to do. I’m a good girl from a good family, and I’ve never had anything bad happen to me. But that doesn’t mean, I don’t want to get filthy with a man.
I watch him as he sits back and pumps his cock in his hand. He’s so fucking powerful. He’s what a man should be and what I’ve always fantasized about before as a girl. Now, I’m a woman and he’s right in front of me.
First, I feel my legs nearly give out. Then, I feel the sharp pleasure form in between my legs. It begins to spread like a wildfire, into my ass, up into my spine. I start to move in inhuman ways, like my muscles are giving out. “I’m going to cum,” I moan. “I’m going to fucking cum!”
Just when I get to that precipice where it feels like everything just wooshes from your body, he takes his cock and tells me to, “open your mouth.” He slides it inside my mouth, blocking my airway. He plugs my nose and I just lose it. I lose all control. My senses heighten and grow dull.
He lets me breathe for a second and when the air comes in my lungs, I fall into a deeper pleasure than I’ve ever experienced. He tenses up and pushes himself in deeper. Deeper. So fucking deep, I can barely breathe. He doesn’t even need to say a word. He’s going to cum and he’s going to cum a lot.
His balls tighten and his cock grows stiff, before bouncing up and down against my tongue. Finally, it comes in waves of hot cum, flowing onto the top of my tongue. As he pushes back, I hold him in. Too much pleasure causes him to move out of control, but I never let go. He keeps cumming, until finally he’s sighing like a baby on that couch. He’s breathing from the side of his mouth as if he doesn’t know how to cope with this much desire and gratification.
When I swallow all of him down, he looks at me with big eyes. “Fuck.” He rubs his face. “Are you kidding me right now?”
“Nope.” I smile. “All gone.”
I walk over to my kitchen and grab a bottle of Vodka and pour two glasses. I open a drawer and pull out a special pack of cigarettes that I keep for occasions like this. I grab two of them and the glasses, and walk back over to the couch. He looks… well, he looks like he just got his soul sucked out of him.
“You know I’m never going to leave you, right? You’ve just done yourself in.”
I laugh and lay across his chest. “I guess it’s official? You’re my boyfriend now.”
“I’ll be whatever you want me to be,” he says. “Just keep being yourself and I’ll stay forever.”
Soren
This woman has some fucking tricks up her sleeve, like I ain’t ever seen before. She’s got some ancient Thai tantric shit down. It’s insane. And it’s like she wants me to go crazy on her. The more I do, the more she begs for it. She’s not some girl I met at a bar. This is a functioning, career-oriented woman. This is someone who you’d call a strong woman too. This is definitely the kind of girl you want to make your girlfriend. This is wife material. Shit.
The whole night
I’m at her place, we talk, drink, and smoke the occasional cigarette. Everything feels good for once. It’s like a light has opened up in the sky and finally some good fortune has decided to rain down on me.
Seeing her curled up against my body, using me for comfort is something else. I never thought I’d get this chance. I thought that my life was pretty much over once I left Buffalo. I was sure of it, even. I saw the worst a person could probably see, and my life flashed in front of my eyes. Maybe now my luck is turning around.
I hold her close to me, making sure that this never goes out. At least, it won’t tonight.
“You really think this is going to work?” I ask her. I know. It’s something a guy shouldn’t ever ask. You should just assume it’ll work, but in my experience, that’s not how it works. If you assume too much, you’ll lose it all. You can’t ever get too cocky or the sky will start falling, or some other heavy kind of shit.
She wraps her arms around my chest and kisses me, like she always does. “I think if we want it to work, it’ll work,” she says. “And I really want this to work. I really do.”
“Me too,” I sigh. “I never thought I’d meet a woman like you.”
She laughs and looks up at me with those beautiful eyes of hers. Everything bad immediately just drifts away. “You sure about that? Remember when we first met?” she laughs again.
“Yeah, I remember,” I laugh with her. “I was an asshole.”
“I was too,” she shrugs. “I just thought you were some bum looking to scam me or something.”
“Well, I guess I didn’t exactly look like a standup guy in that moment,” I say, thinking back on it. I was covered in grease. I looked like a fucking killer or something. “To be honest, if I saw someone on the side of the road that looked like me, I wouldn’t pick him up. But you did.”
“Normally, I wouldn’t have,” she says. “But something told me I should.”
“Yeah, me blocking the road,” I laugh.
“Maybe,” she says.
“I don’t think you’re stuck up and I don’t think you’re a city girl,” I tell her.
“Well, I am kind of a city girl,” she says. “But I’m doing an okay job out here, I think.”
“Your adaptable,” I say. “But I worry a little. No one in this city has good things to say about my family. Like, Harry. He doesn’t like us and it’s for no good reason. I’m sure more people will have shit to say about us.”
“I don’t care what they have to say. I only care about what you say or do,” she says. “Okay?”
“I’m just glad I met you, strawberry,” I say.
“I like that you call me strawberry,” she says. “It makes me feel unique.”
“You are unique,” I say.
She kisses me, raising her body up to my level. “Let’s try and fight for this. It won’t be easy. I know the town has some weird prejudice against your family, but we don’t need to listen to them. We can just…”
I grab her and kiss her. “Whatever you want,” I say. “I’ve been fighting my whole life. It’s what I was born to do. If you want to fight for this, I’ll stand right beside you.”
We’re basking in the comforts of the unknown future. We’re sitting around the campfire of our desires, and we don’t give a fuck what happens to us. The whole world can be stacked against us, but it doesn’t mean we’re not going to try for this.
Fuck, now she’s gotten me all excited.
The next day, I wake up, expecting my bed to be empty and for her to realize how damn stupid she is for clinging to me. I’m not a guy women fall for. I’m an asshole and I’m intimidating. I know that about myself. Women like my body and they sure as hell like the attitude in a bar. But as soon as the night ends, I usually get them the hell out or they scurry out on their own.
This love business is new to me. At least, at this stage in my life it is. What do I do? Do I hold her hand in public? Do I kiss her on the cheek and smile big when she makes a joke? I have no idea what the right protocol is for this shit.
“Morning,” I say to her. She doesn’t open her eyes. She just makes this cute little noise and stretches, turning toward me. She’s still in the throes of sleep, but she manages to wrap her arms around my chest and hold me. I’m in fucking heaven. The thought comes into my head: what if I died in Buffalo and I just didn’t know it? That would explain a lot, right? I’m just going through the rounds of things I never got around to doing.
No, this is reality and I’m fortunate to find something good in it right now. But whenever there is good, there’s bad lurking around the corner. I’ve found that out the hard way. So, as I hold my angel, I brace for the upcoming car crash that is my life. I never wanted to bring her into all of this, but I guess this is just how it’s gotta be.
When I shut my eyes for the second time, I’m bombarded with those horrible images again. Blood, bullets, the fear. That’s what gets me the most. The images become dull to you after some time. The images you can get over, somewhat. It’s the fear that I can’t let go of. It’s the feeling that someone might be right outside this house with a loaded weapon and intent to destroy. You never fucking know.
I wake up, sweating and shaking. Emma doesn’t notice anything. She sleeps right through my torment. She’s never experienced this kind of pain and I never want her to. Looking at her angelic face right now, it’s like she’s been sleeping on a cloud every night of her life. She’s blessed.
I take her arms off me, gently and walk out of the room. I sit down at the kitchen table and look at the note that was left on my door. What am I going to do?
Emma… if I somehow ruin everything, I hope you know that I’m sorry. I really did love you. I really did try.
Emma
I wake up and he’s not near me, but his cologne and rich scent is all over his pillow and the bed sheets. I breathe in the air and open my eyes. Finally, I crawl out of bed and make my way into the kitchen. I find him sitting at the table, staring off into the distance. He quickly turns my way and snaps out of it.
“Brooding again?” I ask him. I squeeze each massive shoulder of his and there’s at least a million knots under that skin. “You’re—”
“Tense?” he asks me. He gives me a smile and nods. “Yeah, I had a nightmare. First one in a long time. Sorry for being a total weirdo about it.”
“You’re not a weirdo.” I kiss his head. “Okay, you’re kind of a weirdo. But still, you’re my weirdo. You can talk to me about these things, you know?”
He holds onto my arms and leans back to kiss me. “You’re too good for me,” he says. “It was only a dream. It’ll pass. I just needed to leave the room for a bit and gather my thoughts.”
“Your friend,” I whisper. “Was it about him?”
He nods and looks away. “Can’t get it out of my head. I can’t believe he’s gone,” he says.
Now is my time. Ask him. He’ll tell you. He has to tell you what happened. “Soren, I want to ask you something, but I don’t want you to get mad at me,” I say.
“You want to know what happened. Don’t you?” he asks me, sighing. “I know I can’t keep it from you forever. I just never knew how exactly to put it.”
I take my hands off his shoulders and sit down next to him. I touch his thighs and look him in the eye. “I’m scared of knowing,” I tell him. “But I want to know. I want to know that you’re not some drug dealer or something, or a killer. The whole thing just freaks me out. Why did your friend die and why’d you have to leave right after it happened? It doesn’t make any sense.”
“Listen,” he says with intensity. “It wasn’t because of anything I did, okay?”
“Okay,” I reply. I patiently wait for him to reveal everything to me. The whole truth. Finally, I’m learning who exactly Soren Payne is and why he’s back here.
“I moved to Buffalo because Gabe stole my woman,” he says. I’m stunned.
“Woman? Who?” I ask him immediately. I have to admit, I feel kind of angry with him k
eeping that part from me. “For something that happened over twelve years ago, you seem to be pretty hung up on it.”
“Julia,” he says. “I can understand if you’re angry, but you need to let me ex—”
“Julia?! Your brother’s wife?” I stand up from my chair and turn red with anger and hurt. “Yeah, I’m a little angry, Soren. What the fuck?”
“It’s nothing to me anymore,” he says. “She means nothing. I held a grudge out of spite. I thought it was out of principle, but it wasn’t. I was wrong, okay? That’s not even a big part of the story, Emma.”
“Well, it’s big to me,” I tell him. “It’s pretty much a fucking deal breaker, to be honest. What is wrong with your family?”
He groans and places his face in his hand. He’s not getting any sympathy from me. This is bullshit. I can’t believe I ate dinner right next to her. Jesus.
“I knew you’d turn on me,” he says. “It didn’t take long. Did it?”
“That is not my fault, Soren. You know it. You held things from me,” I angrily spit the words out.
“I was trying to do the right thing here,” he says. “Now. Now that we’re together.”
I turn away from him and stare out the window. “I don’t know if we are together anymore,” I say.
He stands up, full of anger and dumb confusion. “What the hell do you mean you don’t know if we’re together or not? This was twelve years ago, Emma. I’m not in love with her. I was a fucking child,” he says.
“It’s just weird you didn’t—”
“I didn’t even know you then!” he screams. “You were just some beautiful girl I wanted to take out. I didn’t know you’d actually want to stay with me. What was I supposed to do? Give you my life story on day one?”
I sit back down and cool off for a second. “Tell me more,” I say. “Tell me everything that happened.”