His eyes widened and then he grinned, taking out one of the strips of paper, and read, "I want to shave you completely, and then lick honey off my sweet honey." Briggs looked at me, pulled me down onto his lap and kissed my neck. "This has been the best birthday ever. Thank you, Janelle," he said, kissing me passionately, running his hands over my bare back. Halter-tops were perfect for skin-on-skin contact. I couldn't wait for him to see me in the referee costume too. Briggs kissed me again, and then said, "Now go get your razor…and the honey."
I could seriously get used to waking up in Briggs' arms. We literally slept all night entwined in one other. Normally, I hated to be touched while I slept, wanted my own room and space. I often felt hot and claustrophobic with someone touching me all night long. I reveled in the feeling of Briggs' arms around me, offering security and comfort.
"Morning Babe," he said, brushing my hair out of my eyes. "Wanna get another strip of paper out of the jar?"
"Yes," I said, smiling. "I need to go pee first though. I'll go; you get the jar."
Just as we were getting out of bed, there was a knock at my front door. I glanced at the clock. It was 10:15 a.m. Feeling relieved that Jasper and Leo were both working, I threw on an old t-shirt and slipped on some underwear. I hated the way Jasper looked at me after a man spent the night. Jasper was good at being the overprotective older brother. But even worse would be the look that Leo would give me if he knew that Briggs and I'd broken the contract and spent all night together. Plus, I just hated the look Leo gave me after I'd spent any time with Briggs.
"Coming," I yelled, unlocking the door.
Leo was on the porch, looking haggard and worn. "Leo, what's wrong?" I asked, my stomach dropping.
I motioned for him to come in; he walked in and stopped dead in his tracks when he saw Briggs coming out of the bathroom. Leo didn't say anything; he just turned around and walked outside. Worried, I followed him out, chasing him down.
"Leo! Wait!" I yelled, following him. "Stop! What's going on?"
He stopped and didn't turn around. "I need to go."
"Just talk to me," I pleaded. "What's wrong?"
Leo looked at me and dropped his head. "I came over to talk, to tell you that I was leaving, but that…that…" he stopped, pointing to the house. "It's just too much," he admitted.
"I know; I'm sorry," I said, reaching for him. His body remained stiff, not responding or softening to my touch. "What is it? What'd you wanna talk about?"
"I'm leaving. I'm going to Arizona for while. I want to be there when Megan…when she—" He didn't, or couldn't, finish his sentence. "I wanna go out there for a while. I'm leaving this afternoon," he said.
"Today?" I asked, feeling pains in my heart.
"Yeah, I wanna be there," he said, laying his head down on the hood of his SUV. Taking a deep breath, he looked up at me said, "Janelle, I can't do this. Not right now."
I rubbed his back, and said, "I know, we'll talk more when you get back. Just know that I'm here if you need anything. I hate seeing you like—"
"No, I mean this…you and me...Briggs and you…" he said, pounding his fist on the hood. "It's just…it's…not the right time to get involved."
"Oh…so you mean that you can't...you don't want to be with…ummm…okay," I said, not really knowing what to say. I just let the words fade off, not finishing my sentence. What was I supposed to say? Beg him to stay? To reconsider? How could I ask him to still want me when I couldn't promise that I only wanted him? How was that fair?
"I'm gonna go," he said. Leo hugged me, and kissed the top of my head. "Bye Janelle."
"Leo?' I said, holding his hand. "Are you breaking up with me? Ending this for good?" I had to know, had to put it out there. I couldn't let him leave without knowing his definitive answer.
"How do you break up with someone you don't really have in the first place?" he said as he walked away and got into his car.
"I was surprised you didn't call me a hundred times this morning," Jocelyn said when I got into her car. Jasper and Jocelyn were going with me to my first Flowers Vs. Flowers court hearing. Gavin Greenwick was meeting us there.
"I wanted to, but I just figured out what I was going to wear on my own," I admitted. I chose my parent-teacher conference orange and tan dress; it's conservative but fashionable at the same time. I really wanted to wear one of my black or gray dresses, but I still hadn't gotten my shoes back from Char. So, I had to wear my caramel-colored pumps instead. I'd twisted my long, dark hair into a sleek twist, adding professional sophistication to my look. I knew Marcus would look like a million bucks; he filled out a suit well.
When we arrived at the courthouse, Jasper and Jocelyn escorted me in to meet with Gavin. They walked on either side of me, providing the security that I so desperately needed at this point. I'd spent all night wishing that miraculously somehow my parents would be waiting for us when we walked into the courthouse. No such luck. Sure, having Jasper and Joz with me, holding my hands, was comforting, but nothing is as comforting as having your parents with you, supporting you. I wasn't even sure what remote underprivileged country they were in at this time. It was getting harder and harder to keep track.
Gavin met us in the courthouse foyer with a grim and angry look on his face. "Bad news guys," he said, shaking Jasper's hand.
"We just got here. How can there be bad news already?" Jasper asked, taking the words right out of my mouth.
"Marcus didn't show…and…he's not coming. His lawyer said that Marcus isn't agreeing to any of the terms we requested," Professor Greenwick explained. "His lawyer rescheduled for four weeks from today."
"Four weeks? I just want this over," I whined, getting even more pissed at Marcus, the jitbag.
"It's a delay tactic. It's a common practice in divorce cases. I'm sorry, Janelle," Gavin said. I wasn't even asking for hardly anything. I wanted sole custody of our dog Gatsby and 50% of the sale of the house. That was all I wanted. I didn't even want anything inside our house. How could he possibly be delaying this?
The four of us went to a small Italian restaurant in a strip mall once we left the courthouse. We were on our second bottle of wine, when my phone alerted me to a text message. I slid the lock over and saw a message from Briggs:
I need to go to Ohio State now for a few meetings. Taking Tate with me. Meyer wants to meet him. Hope things went good with court. You single now? See you tomorrow. Love you.
Then another message came immediately after the first. Also from Briggs:
So yeah I sent before thinking. I love hanging out with you. Hope ur not freaked.
What the fuck did that mean? My head was going a mile a minute. Did he or did he not just tell me that he loved me? Or did he immediately just retract it? Why was he going to Ohio State? I had a zillion questions, yet I couldn't ask any of them. I ended up just sending him a text back:
Ok. See you tomorrow. Say hi to Tate.
I figured we'd just talk about it tomorrow. Or we wouldn't. I didn't know, but I did know that in one day, I'd been stood up by Marcus and Briggs while Leo was in Arizona with his sister. Seemed like I couldn't pay a guy to want to hang out with me.
Yes, it was July 18th. It had been five, yes five days, since my court hearing and since Briggs canceled on me. Leo'd been gone the entire time in Arizona. I'd texted Leo a few times, but I only got short, impersonal messages back. Briggs, I didn't even know what was going on with him. As soon as he got back from Ohio State last Friday, he said that he and Tate were going to Connecticut and that he'd tell me everything when he got home. I'd wanted Briggs to take more of an interest in his brother's life, but I suppose I didn't want to take a back seat to all the time he was spending with his brother now. Plus, we needed to discuss that whole "love ya" statement and retraction.
Admittedly, I'd spent the last five days, mopey and irritable. Even Char had been too busy to hang out. Apparently, it was a buyers' market again in real estate. Honestly, I was bored, reading books every day nonstop does get
a little old, especially if there isn't anyone to role play all the sex scenes with.
I'd made plans to have dinner with Vivian and Sarah, who by the way, were going strong. At dinner, they were all over each other, holding hands, massaging each other's necks and shoulders, everything. I wasn't at all bothered by their public displays of affection; I was happy for them. What didn't make me happy was that I didn't have someone to fondle, to caress, or to whisper little inside jokes to throughout the entire meal. How could I have two guys, vying for my attention and affection, and still feel lonely and depressed? I wasn't one of those girls who needed a boyfriend. I could function and survive happily without a man. Couldn't I? It was ridiculous that I felt like this, absurd really.
Vivian and Sarah were going to a movie after dinner; I opted out, wanting to go home and soak in my tub before going to bed. When I got home, Briggs was pulling into my driveway at the same time I was. My heart fluttered and my stomach flipped. It was obvious that I had real feelings for him, feelings that went beyond sexual attraction and mutual fondness. I knew I was in love with him; I was pretty sure that he was in love with me, too. I just wasn't ready to make that final leap, take the final step and actually tell him so.
Briggs opened my car door, when I killed the engine, "Babe, I missed you," he said, taking my hand as I got out of the car. We began walking toward the pool house, hand-in-hand, but he stopped abruptly in his tracks and turned toward me. "I can't even wait to get inside," he said, kissing me deeply. Our tongues began their familiar dance around each other's mouths; it'd been too long since I tasted him. Every time he kissed me, the taste and sensation were better than the last. Would it always get better and better? I didn't know how it could, but couldn't wait to find out.
As Briggs kissed my neck, trailing his tongue along my collarbone, he said, "We need a new strip of paper...like now."
"Agreed," I said, pulling away and jumping on his back. "Pronto!"
Lying on my bed, sharing a bottled water, I asked, "So, are ya gonna tell me where you've been and what you've been doing for the last week?"
"Five days, and of course I'm going to tell you," he said, finishing off the last drink in the bottle. "But not yet. I can't. It's a surprise. I'll know everything on Thursday."
"Thursday? That's forever away! What's it have to do with?" I probed.
"Not going there," he said, shaking his head.
"I think you're forgetting how truly persuasive I can be," I said, sucking his finger into my mouth, swirling my tongue around it.
"I'm not telling you," he said, removing his finger from my mouth. Just as I was about to persuade him even more, my phone alerted me to a text message. "Ahhh saved by the bell," he said, laughing as he handed me my phone.
"Most people would consider that a cock-block," I joked, snatching the phone from his hand. "It's Leo."
"Great," he said. "Talk about a cock-block."
I read Leo's message:
I'm taking the redeye home on Friday night. I'll get home around 8:00 a.m. Saturday morning. Will you pick me up at the Cleveland airport? I'd love to spend the day with you.
I responded with:
Of course. How's Megan? What do you want to do Saturday? Can you call me later tonight? I miss your voice.
Leo's text back:
I'll call in an hour. Tell Briggs to go home. J/K. Can you just surprise me? She's the same.
"Janelle, are you any closer to making a decision?" Briggs asked. Briggs never brought up the big choice, the final outcome. It was almost an unspoken thing with us. I looked up, and he'd clearly been looking over my shoulder, reading along with me. "Are you?"
"Sure, I've pretty much…narrowed it down…to either you…or Leo," I said, trying to lighten his mood, make him laugh.
"I'm serious," he said, staring at me intently.
"I think so," I admitted. "But, it's just gonna suck...for me…and for…just for everyone."
"It ain't gonna suck for the one who gets you," he said, wrapping his arms around me. "So, you miss him? Even when you've been here all night with me?"
"I didn't mean it like that. I just miss…I miss seeing him. Being with…around him," I confessed.
"Alright. Well, I'm gonna get going," he said, letting me go and getting up off the bed.
"Hey, that's not fair. You asked," I said, feeling guilty and kind of betrayed.
"I know I did, but I still have to go."
"Briggs, that's not fair. I didn't mean to piss you off…or hurt your feelings," I lamented.
"Babe, I'm stronger than that. I can handle a little competition. But I do have to go," he said as he slipped into his shorts. "I'll call you tomorrow."
I spent the whole flight home trying to sleep, but going back and forth worrying about Megan and thinking about Janelle. I needed to come back home for the week to finalize some things at work. I told Megan that I'd be back next weekend. I just hoped that she'd— I couldn't go there, couldn't think about that right now. Right now, I needed to focus on my job and on Janelle, at least get a few things situated.
When the plane touched down in Cleveland, I felt a flicker of excitement, happiness, feelings that had not run too rampantly in Arizona. I'd spent a lot of alone time with Megan, but also made sure that I took Austin and Avery away for a bit. I wanted Cliff and Megan to have as much alone time as they needed; I didn't want them to have any regrets of things left unsaid or unfelt. Cliff was starting to fall apart; I was glad that I got to be there for him and help out. He was a good guy and a great husband for my sister.
At night, Austin and Avery brought their blankets and pillows into the den and slept on the floor at the foot of the hospital bed that had been set up in their den. When I was little, I used to get scared in the middle of the night. I hated seeing the lights on the walls and ceiling when a car turned down our road; the lights reflected on my mirror. They always looked like little ghosts flying all over my bedroom. Instead of running all the way downstairs to my parents' bedroom, I'd bring my blanket and pillow and sleep on Megan's floor. I always felt safe around her. She was my big sister and could protect me from my fears and nightmares. Seeing the kids sleeping on the floor reminded me of how little anyone could protect us from anything that actually scared us.
It killed me, was literally destroying me, that I couldn't fix this, helping all of them at once. Megan couldn't get up and down the stairs; it was too exhausting for her to climb even one flight of stairs. The bed was brought in and put directly into the den. Cliff moved a recliner in too, so he could sleep next to his wife and hold her hand throughout the night. Seeing my sister's entire family squeezed into a tiny den to steal as many moments as they could together tore me apart and shattered my heart. That kind of love, that kind of devotion, really put things into perspective.
My mom and dad were already in the air en route to Arizona. The plan was for them to fly out on the day I got back, so someone was with Megan at all times. Granted, Cliff, Avery, and Austin were with her nonstop, but we needed to be with her, too. I booked another flight to Arizona for next Friday night after work. Work would understand; they couldn't fault me for this. Family was always more important that finances. Anyone who didn't know that was a total dumbass.
As I rode the escalator down to the baggage claim, I laughed when I saw her. Janelle was holding a sign that read: "Bueller? Bueller? Bueller?" Janelle was beautiful—even when she wasn't trying. She just had on black shorts and a pink and black striped tank top with her hair in a ponytail. She was naturally adorable.
Janelle walked over to me, grinning ear-to-ear. "I missed you, Leo," she said, leaping into my arms. "I'm so glad you called me. I was really worried that I'd never talk to you again." I marveled at how much this one person, this perfect woman could lift my spirits, making me forget my problems.
"I missed you too," I admitted. My every thought was either consumed with Megan or Janelle. "So what did you plan for us to do today?"
"Well, I did plan something," she said
. "But are you tired? Do you just want to go home and sleep for a bit?"
"No way, I slept the entire flight home," I lied. I didn't want to go home. I didn't want to be alone. Being alone meant I had to think. Thinking meant that I had to worry about Megan, visualize the things Briggs did to Janelle when I wasn't around, and wonder what was going to happen to Avery and Austin after Megan—
"Good, because Operation Leo Fun starts right now," she said, dancing around me, looking absolutely adorable and so full of life.
When Janelle veered onto the causeway leading to Cedar Point, I couldn't believe it. I hadn't been to Cedar Point since my advanced physics class took a field trip during my senior year. I'd heard they'd added four roller coasters since then; ones I'd wanted to ride.
"I've never been on a roller coaster," she stated, glancing over at me as she drove.
"For real?" I asked, surprised.
"Yep, too afraid," she replied. "But I figured if you're facing the scariest thing that anyone could ever image, then I could ride a silly little roller coaster."
Janelle and I hadn't really talked about Megan. Janelle had followed my lead. She never pried, never forced me to talk, but always made it clear that she was ready to listen whenever I was ready to talk. Before I could stop myself, I blurted, "Things like that…when you talk like that…that's what made me fall in love with you years ago."
I watched as she gripped the steering wheel a little harder, as her eyes widened, and as her breath caught. "Oh yeah," was all she said.
"Yep, February of my senior year."
"You know the month, Leo?" she said, smiling. I realized that she thought I was kidding. "At least you're saying these sweet things to me now. Last time I saw you, you were telling me that you couldn't see me anymore," she said, not looking at me.
The Final Lesson Plan Page 17