“Trust me, McKay. My guy is doing more than sitting on his ass. We’re on top of this. Don’t you do something stupid and get in our way. I think a motel room is where you should be. Let us handle this.”
“No way. I’m not going anywhere until I see Lauren and know she is safe.” Jackson jabbed off his phone, before Tarver could argue his involvement.
He drummed his fingers on his leg and weighed his options. Finally he bolted out of his seat and returned to the front desk.
“Who is Lauren’s boss?”
“You mean her squad leader or crew supervisor?”
“Whoever is in charge of assignments and the jump list. Whoever I need to see about having Lauren taken out of the rotation for a while.”
“That’d be Larry Hood.” The woman sat taller in her chair and gave Jackson a superior look. “Who are you to tell us how to operate and who to put in the jump schedule?”
Jackson fought for his patience. “Please, just let me talk to somebody. Lauren’s life could be at stake!”
Another dubious frown from the blonde. Finally she picked up the phone and paged the head of operations to the front desk.
A few minutes later, a tall man with short-cropped graying hair appeared in the waiting area. “I’m Larry Hood,” the man said, offering his hand to Jackson. “Is there something I can do for you?”
Jackson introduced himself and Emily and indicated they were friends of Lauren’s. “Is there someplace more private we can talk?”
“My office.” Hood hitched his head toward the corridor and started that direction.
“Come on, Em.” Jackson waited for Emily to gather her things and follow before heading down the hall to Hood’s office. He didn’t want Emily overhearing his conversation, but refused to leave her alone.
Hood apparently picked up on Jackson’s dilemma and offered an out. When they reached his office, he flagged another man walking down the hall and introduced him as one of the pilots. “While I talk to this young lady’s father for a moment, will you tell this pretty gal about some of your adventures in flying?” Hood ducked his head toward the pilot and added, “The G-rated version.”
The man silently opened and closed his mouth like a fish, clearly wishing to refuse, but knowing he was stuck.
“This shouldn’t take too long,” Jackson offered as they stepped into the office. “Get me if anything, and I mean anything, happens that seems out of whack.”
The pilot nodded.
Hood moved around an inexpensive government-issue desk, spread with reports, maps and family pictures. He bridged his fingers as he sat in a rolling chair with a ripped vinyl seat.
“I have good reason to believe that Lauren Michaels is in serious danger,” Jackson said without preamble. He sat in a folding chair across from Hood. “Threats have been made against her. I believe the man responsible intends to sabotage her equipment or cause an accident on the job somehow that will seriously injure or even kill Lauren.”
Hood drew his gray eyebrows into a deep V. “Have you reported your suspicions to the police?”
“I’ve talked with the FBI. They’re the primaries on the case.”
Hood scooted his chair forward, his face growing grave. “You may not know this, but the BLM lost a good man recently when some madman shot him and put a bullet in another smokejumper.”
Jackson took a slow breath. “I do know that. I’m terribly sorry for your loss.”
“Lauren was on that jump.”
Jackson nodded. “I know that too. I was there. I’m the man she helped guide down the mountain to Redmont.”
Hood’s eyes widened, and his chair screeched as he sat back. “That was you? I thought your name sounded familiar.”
“Yeah. And the madman responsible for the death of your man is still at large.”
Jackson summarized the new threats Rick had made, his suspicions about the supposed reporter calling to talk to Lauren and his concerns for her safety. Hood exhaled harshly. “What is it you want me to do?”
“Take Lauren out of the jump rotation. Give her a desk job or something until Carson is caught.”
Hood scratched his eyebrow. “Lauren is one of my best jumpers. I need her. Especially considering the active season we’re having and the fact that I’m short on men due to—” He didn’t finish the thought.
Jackson stood and braced his arms on Hood’s desk. “I understand the bind this puts you in, but do you really want to risk losing Lauren if it can be prevented by taking her off the active duty list for a while?”
“Having my other jumpers overworked and fatigued makes for a dangerous situation for them.”
Jackson grunted his frustration and turned to pace.
“You want Whitefeather taken off the jump list too?”
With a shrug, Jackson raised his palms. “Hell, I don’t know. I don’t want to see anyone else hurt. I owe John Whitefeather a huge debt of gratitude, but I don’t think he’s in the same immediate danger Lauren is. And Lauren…” He rubbed his jaw and puffed out a sigh. “Lauren is very important to me. On a personal level.”
Hood cocked his head. “I see. Is it possible that your personal feelings have obscured your view of the situation and blown things out of proportion?”
He met Hood’s gaze levelly. “Perhaps. But are you willing to gamble Lauren’s life on that?”
Hood thumped a pen on the desk in a staccato rhythm that matched the rapid-fire hammering of Jackson’s heart. “What did Lauren say when you talked to her about this?”
Jackson shifted his weight and tightened his jaw. “I haven’t had a chance to talk to her yet. She’s been at a fire.”
Hood lifted his brow, rounding his eyes. “You expect me to take her off the jump list without consulting her first?”
“If her life is at stake…yes, I do.”
Hood considered Jackson’s response for a moment, and his expression hardened with resignation. “All right. I’ll take her off the list for now. But I need her back at work as soon as possible. I’ve never seen anyone more committed to doing her job and doing it well. Her dedication is one of the reasons she’s so good. I—”
A loud shriek from the outer office interrupted Hood.
Fear for Emily clawing him, Jackson whirled around and ripped the door open.
He found his daughter wrapped in the arms of a sooty and rumpled woman.
“Daddy, look!” Emily gushed, grinning from ear to ear, “Lauren’s back!”
Lauren raised her head, wearing a lopsided smile on her ash-smudged face. “This is a nice surprise. What brings you two down here?”
She divided her glance between Hood and Jackson, and her smile faded. “Gentlemen? What…what’s happened?”
“Mike, can we have a word with you?” Hood inclined his head toward his office.
She disengaged herself from Emily’s embrace and gave a meaningful look to her dirty clothes. “Now? I’m sorta—”
“Yes, now.” Hood walked into his office, leaving Jackson and Lauren to follow.
“I guess I’m still supposed to stay here?” the disgruntled pilot asked.
“Please,” Jackson said.
Lauren tucked behind her ear a hank of hair that had worked loose from her ponytail, and she wet her lips.
Jackson stood back to let her proceed him into the office, wishing he could have a moment alone with her first, a moment to just hold her, kiss her and greet her the way his heart longed to. A moment before she learned what he’d done and she hated him for it.
Lauren stormed out of Larry Hood’s office, shoving the door so hard it crashed against the wall. Rage poured through her blood like poison, making her shake, making her sweat, making her temples pound. “I can’t believe this!”
“Lauren, wait! Let me explain!” Jackson called.
She whirled around and jammed a finger in his face. “There is no excuse for this! You went behind my back and interfered in my career. That’s unforgivable!”
“Lauren, you a
re in danger. I just want you safe!”
“I am safe! I’m good at my job. Damn good! Why can’t you get that through your head?”
“No one’s questioning your skill. I just—”
“Like hell! If you trusted my skill, we wouldn’t be having this discussion. I know the risks involved with jumping fires, and I’ve trained for the dangers.”
“You haven’t trained for Rick Carson sabotaging your gear or arranging a fatal accident while you’re at a fire scene!”
“I check my equipment before every jump,” she grated through her teeth. “I’d find any problem Rick created. And accidents are an inherent risk of the job, with or without Rick’s help. I prepare for accidents. Long and hard. Every smokejumper does. This is so unfair!” Seething, she turned to march toward the door.
“It’s not permanent, Lauren. It’s just until Rick—”
She spun around again. “Who’s to say Rick won’t get to me even if I stay behind a desk? If he wants to kill me, haven’t we made it easier for him to find me?”
Jackson stiffened. Paled.
“Yeah, you didn’t think about that, did you?” She crossed her arms over her chest and glared at him.
“I only did what I thought was best for you. I don’t want—”
“No, Jackson! You did what was best for you. You think you have to control everything and everyone. You interfered with my job. My job is the only thing I’ve ever done that I’m proud of!”
His jaw tightened. “Lauren, you’ve done plenty of things to be proud of. You are more than your job. You—”
“Stop!” she screamed and raised a trembling hand. “Stop with the platitudes and patronization!” She drew a breath, struggling for her composure.
“It’s not patronizing if it’s the truth!”
Lauren rubbed her gritty eyes and sighed. “Jackson, I just got off a fire that we worked through the night. I’ve had four hours sleep in the last two days. I’m tired and hungry and need a shower. What I don’t need right now is a man who wants to control me and dictate my life. Please just…leave.”
Her heart breaking, she pivoted on her boot heel and stalked into the hall.
Jackson pursued her. Emily followed her father. One of the tanker pilots trailed after them all.
“Does this mean I can go now?” the pilot asked.
“Lauren, wait!” Jackson called to her as she marched outside to stalk back across the NIFC complex toward the BLM smokejumpers’ building. “You’re not listening. Rick made threats—”
“Rick is an excuse.” She fought the tears of frustration and hurt that swelled in her throat. Tensing, she faced him again, her body quivering with her tangled emotions. “This is about Janine, isn’t it?”
Jackson drew back as if struck. “Janine? What—”
“She died on the job, so now you’re on a crusade to save me from the same fate. You hate the fact that you had no control over the circumstances of her job, so now you’re meddling with my career because you think you should have been able to save her.”
“You’re wrong!”
“Am I?” Lauren cut a concerned glance to Emily, who stared at her father with wide, dark eyes. Jackson, too, shifted his attention to his daughter and mumbled a curse.
Taking Lauren’s elbow, he led her a few feet away and lowered his voice. “I was her husband. It was my job to protect her, but… We fought about her job the morning she was killed. It would have been just like her to do something reckless just to prove me wrong. Her way of proving her independence. She wasn’t wearing her Kevlar vest that day, probably to spite me. I’ve had to live with that guilt.”
Lauren swallowed the sour taste that surged in her throat. “Jackson—”
“Now you are in danger because of my research, because of Rick.” He paused, pressed his lips in a grim line then expelled a harsh gust of breath. “I’m scared to death of losing you! Is that what you want to hear? I love you, Lauren. I want to spend my life with you, and I’ll do whatever it takes to protect you! Even if it means you hate me.”
Someone moved in her peripheral vision, yet Jackson’s confession held her so in thrall, she didn’t register Birdman’s presence until he spoke.
“Mike, is everything okay?”
“Birdman!” Emily closed the distance between them, and Whitefeather scooped the girl up in a bear hug.
“Hi, little one. What brings you by?”
“Can we have a minute?” Lauren asked Birdman.
He nodded and carried Emily toward the practice jump towers and training area.
“Jackson, why do you think you have to bear the burden, the responsibility for everyone and everything in your life?”
He bristled, and she lifted a hand to halt his protest.
“Don’t get me wrong. I think it’s great how much you love Emily, your total commitment to her. I’m even flattered on some level that you want to protect me, that you care enough to want to make me your problem. But…you’re not responsible for me.”
He scowled. “But I—”
She pressed a hand to his mouth. “No. Some problems have no solution. Sometimes bad stuff just happens, and there’s nothing you can do about it. As a smokejumper, I’ve learned there are plenty of things you can’t control. The weather. Other people. Fire. You can work with what you are given, but in the end, all you can control is your response to a situation.”
A muscle in Jackson’s jaw worked and he looked away, frowning. “I’m a scientist, Lauren. I—”
“That’s right. A scientist. Not God. You’re not all-powerful. You have to learn to accept what you can’t control and deal with it. There was nothing you could have done to save Janine, Jackson. You have to give up the guilt and grieve for her. Then move on.”
“I don’t know how.”
“You can start by accepting who I am and what I do. Without limitations. Without conditions.”
Jackson met her gaze with moisture in his eyes. “When Janine was on the force, I hated never knowing if she’d come home that night. Knowing the risks she faced on the job tore me up inside. I can’t live like that again.”
“And I can’t live under your thumb. I can’t bear the burden of your fears or change who I am to be who you think I should be. This is it, Jackson.” She spread her arms. “What you see is what you get. Smokejumping is who I am.”
He shook his head. “No. It’s a job. I didn’t fall in love with your job. I fell in love with the woman you are. Your strength and courage, your wit and resourcefulness. You are a beautiful, passionate woman with spunk and energy. You breathed life and hope into me when I needed it most. We have something special, Lauren. Don’t throw that away.”
Emotions knotted inside her. Confused her.
“Will you ask Hood to put me back on the jump list?”
Jaw tightening, he flinched. “Lauren, I can’t let you—”
She tensed, and her heart dropped to her feet. He couldn’t let her?
“—deliberately put yourself in harm’s way.”
“Then we have nothing else to say to each other. Goodbye, Jackson.”
He stared at her, stricken.
Pain like a razor sliced through her. Before she lost her nerve, before she forgot how this man had interfered with her job, before she remembered how sweet life had been for one precious night in his arms, she walked away.
Chapter Twenty-Four
“We’re leaving? Already?” Emily had to jog a few steps to keep up with her father’s brisk, agitated strides.
“Not for good. We’ll get a hotel room or something and try to talk to her when she calms down.”
“Birdman too?”
“Hmm? Uh, yeah. Birdman too.” He stopped by the door of his Grand Cherokee and braced his hands on his hips, grimacing at the ground. How had things gotten so screwed up? He’d thought he was doing the right thing coming here, but Lauren had him questioning everything from his motives to his instincts regarding Rick.
Could he have been th
at far off base? Had he invented the danger to Lauren in order to rationalize coming to Idaho, to justify his meddling with her career? Had his grief for Janine so consumed him that he couldn’t see the proverbial forest for the trees?
Steady, boy. Clear your mind. Don’t let your emotions cloud your thinking.
He scanned the grounds of the smokejumping base where men and women drilled parachuting techniques and safety protocol.
When you know you’ve prevented someone’s home from burning, spared acres of habitat for endangered animals or maybe even saved people’s lives, you know it’s all worth it.
The impassioned defense Lauren had given for her job on the last day of their hike off the mountain resonated inside him. Janine had said much the same thing about her work as a police officer. The risks of the job were a sacrifice she was willing to make to serve the community she loved. When he’d first met Janine, he’d admired that selflessness and courage, her independence and determination. It didn’t surprise him that another woman with those qualities had gotten under his skin.
“Daddy? My door’s still locked.”
Pulled out of his musings, he glanced over the hood of the Jeep to Emily. “Oh, right.”
He opened his door and flipped the button to unlock Emily’s side then climbed in the SUV.
Lauren was different from Janine in many ways, he thought as he poked the key in the ignition. But the very qualities that made her so good as a smokejumper, her mettle, dedication and drive, were qualities he loved about her. Asking Lauren not to be a smokejumper was tantamount to asking her to be someone other than the woman he’d fallen in love with.
But the irony was he was going to lose her anyway if he didn’t find a way to deal with his apprehensions over her job. Her ire over his attempts to keep her safe proved that well enough.
You have to learn to accept what you can’t control…
If he loved Lauren, he had to find a way to live with the dangers of her job, accept the risks she took. Even if he didn’t like those risks.
Under Fire Page 27