"Cole, fuck-"
"Don't go," he said to me so quietly, I almost missed it. There was pleading in his expression, pain in his green eyes. "Don't leave, Jasper," he choked out. "I can get past this. You forgave me for Skye. We'll work it out."
I looked at him for a long minute before letting the DVDs drop to the floor and grabbing his face to kiss him. He responded at once, as he always did. I backed him into the bookshelf and kissed him as hard and as fervently as I wanted, pressing my body against his, memorizing everything. I tasted his tears, his desperation, felt his fingers curling in my hair and his dick growing hard against my crotch.
Then I stopped and shifted backwards, holding him by the shoulders and pinning my gaze on him. "I can't stay," I said to him through gritted teeth. "She doesn't even want to see my face. If I stay, she will leave, Cole. We can't do that to her. So you need to get it together. For her sake."
Cole said nothing and I stepped away, going back to my tasks. He stayed there, as though rooted in shock, for the rest of the time it took me to put the suitcases in my car. My heart clenched with pain as I witnessed his distress. If he didn't snap out of this before Skye got home...
"Cole," I called out in a commanding tone. "Cole. Look at me."
Slowly, he raised his eyes and blinked at me, looking like he was going to crumble as the reality of what was happening finally caught up to him. He tried to deny things as much as he wanted, push things to the back of his mind to avoid dealing. But then it all came crashing down on him in the worst possible ways.
I gave him a small smile. My partner, my lover of seven years. The guy I had given my heart to. I remembered him as the insecure college kid who had no idea how to be in a relationship with a man. I looked at all he had achieved since then and how far he had come. How much he had put into this relationship once he learned to handle his doubts. How supportive he was of Skye when he himself had needed so much looking after when I'd first met him.
We exchanged so many unspoken words during that drawn-out moment. And so much regret.
He didn't have to tell me. I knew how he felt. Without me here, he'd be the man of the house. He'd have to do all the caretaking. And he wasn't sure he would be able to handle it.
"Remember that time when I had my stroke," I stated as he continued to stare at me blankly. "Three long, agonising months. Remember how hard it was for you to wake up every day and not have me so much as greet you with a smile. To go to bed wanting to hold me and I brushed you off every time." My own voice shook as I recalled it. "Baby, you never said a word to me to make me feel bad. You never complained. You never fucking gave up even though I was being so stubborn and unresponsive. You never left me, Cole. You loved me through it all. You can do it for Skye too." I blinked once and the tears fell out of my eyes, unrestrained. "You are stronger than you think." I tried another smile. "I love you. Get over me and get on with your life."
I didn't give him a chance to say anything, to beg or plead again because I had reached my quota now. I wasn't made of stone. He was weakening me. I couldn't be that selfish. Skye wouldn't forgive me. Even if Cole wanted to.
When I reached my car, I dared to look back and my breath caught in my chest to see that he had followed me and was standing in the doorway, just watching me and not even bothering to hide his tears. He brushed them away and didn't make a sound but the agony on his face killed me.
Fuck.
Cole.
I bit down hard on my lip, shaking my head at him, unable to speak either and half scared that I might fall to my knees right there. My breath was coming out in gasps now but I made myself turn my back on him. Rubbing my eyes. I got in the car, started it and drove away before I lost it completely.
****
Chapter Thirty-Five
Jasmine
I sat on my bed in my hotel room and waited. It was almost eleven p.m when he called me. I answered at once because my phone was right there in my hand.
"Alex."
"Hey, Jas. Sorry I didn't call earlier. He was being a huge baby."
A pang hit my heart. "Is he okay though?" I asked tentatively.
"Yeah. A little dramatic but he'll survive. He went for a drive, said he wanted to get out of the house. We're going to Amira tomorrow."
I smiled. "That sounds great. You'll get to see your Mum. Thank you for doing this."
"Come on, you know I love him. I want to help him. And I'm not mad at him anymore"
"I know. He's hard to stay mad at anyway."
I heard Alex chuckle. "You take care."
I hung up after saying goodbye. I'd wanted to ask more but held back deliberately. I was the one who had blocked him, not the other way around. It would be as simple as going on social media and undoing what I had done. But I had to stay strong. Alex would help him heal. I had to wait a while longer before I waltzed back into his life and asked for that divorce. It would only happen once I was sure he would sign those papers willingly and in good faith.
A knock sounded on my door and I jumped off the bed to go open it. Jasper stood there in jeans and a sweater, looking like he had seen better days with his bloodshot eyes, ragged face and untidy hair. I looked him up and down with a raised eyebrow. He had texted me earlier to let me know he was coming over, had caught a flight earlier this evening. And then he had switched off his phone.
"What happened? You said you won't be coming back for at least a month," I reminded him.
He pushed past me to enter the room. "Change of plans. Do you have any alcohol in here?"
"Er...no."
He gave me a look before going over to the lounge area and grabbing a bottle of champagne. I stood watching silently as he gulped most of it down. Once he was done, he wiped his mouth with the back of his hand and glanced over at me.
I didn't move from the door.
Jasper walked back towards me with determined footsteps, his eyes dark and stormy. When he reached me, he placed both his hands on the door on either side of me and brought his eyebrows together in a scowl.
"I don't appreciate you going behind my back and giving my sister money," he bit out, his cheekbones stark and tone full of anger. "She's my sister, my family. Did you really think she wouldn't tell me?"
I inhaled slowly and blinked up at him. "I just wanted to help."
"Why?" he demanded. "I didn't ask for your help. Stop fucking meddling in my affairs. I don't need your charity." Digging in his pocket, he brought out the crumpled cheque and tossed it at me.
I clenched my teeth together, feeling my eyes sting a little. "Okay. I'm sorry."
Jasper gave me a hateful look then, narrowing his eyes at me and sneering. "You're just supposed to be a hot piece of ass," he ground out. "That's it. I just fuck you and make you enjoy it and then toss you aside so you can go crying back to your husband. That's what affairs are. You’re not supposed to be my friend."
I pressed myself back against the door and lowered my eyes because I was starting to cry. I couldn't hold back the tears.
"Please stop," I said softly. "Stop. You don't mean that. You are my friend."
He let out a laugh that sounded cruel and bitter. "You're so pathetic, Jasmine. You walk around thinking you've got it all figured out but you don't even realise when you're being taken for a ride."
I couldn't think through the haze of pain clouding my brain. Couldn't breathe. I tried to push him away but his hands came to grip my bare arms and squeezed, holding me in place.
"Jasper, stop it. Let me go," I snapped, fighting him, trying to get him away from me. "If you want to leave, then leave but please don't hurt me."
He didn't loosen his grip as I struggled and just when I started to think I would have to hit him to get him to release me, he pressed closer to me, his big body covering mine, his face buried in my neck and his arms tightening around me. His body shook as we stood there against the door. I felt the wetness on my neck, heard his ragged sobs, felt the coiled tension in his body leaving via the release of tears.
He didn't stop. Didn't let me go as he sobbed like some kind of wounded animal. My tears flowed freely as well. I didn't know exactly what was hurting him but still felt a thousand shards of pain slicing across my chest. Agony like that...I'd felt it once. I knew it all too well.
"Jasper," I whispered in a shattered breath and rubbed his back. "Please...please don't cry. What's going on with you?"
I heard him drag in a breath as his body continued to shake. "I've lost them," he choked out and moved away to look at me with moist, reddened eyes. "I lost Cole. And Skye. And the baby isn't mine. It's all over. It's all gone..."
His face slackened as he said those last words and his arms fell to his sides. Jasper blinked several times, his mouth falling open slightly as he sucked in air.
"Jasmine...," he said and his speech sounded slurred.
I stared at him, my brain trying to catch up with what was happening. He'd told me about the time he'd had a stroke, how it had happened. I knew the signs. I'd researched it one time for my story.
He wasn't okay. Shit. Jasper wasn't okay.
****
Chapter Thirty-Six
Skye
The store was quaint and smelled like spring, its simplicity and softness surrounding me in a cocoon of good feelings. I was happy. Cole was beside me. He frowned thoughtfully at some baby socks before throwing it in our shopping basket.
"Cole, I honestly don't think we need that many socks," I protested with a laugh.
He shook his head and threw in some beanies. "You can never have too many socks," he replied, grabbing a stuffed toy when we reached that particular section.
I rolled my eyes, holding my belly with a small smile on my face. He was so eager to buy stuff for the baby, I didn't want to be a party pooper.
"Baby, I need a break," I murmured and found a cushioned sofa to settle in at the end of an aisle.
He gave me an amused look and said, "Hippo."
I gasped before glaring at him. "Not funny," I grated.
Cole looked confused. "But you say it all the time," he pointed out. "I didn't mean it. It's just a joke, honey."
I huffed and folded my arms, making myself comfortable. "It's okay when I say it. But as my devoted boyfriend, you should be telling me I'm beautiful no matter what."
His expression was deadpan as he said, "I think hippos are beautiful creatures."
Then he laughed and ducked as I threw a stuffed toy at him, telling him to get out of my sight. Cole disappeared into the next aisle, determined to do all the baby shopping in one day.
I closed my eyes and leaned back with a sigh, feeling so exhausted. My feet hurt like hell. A firm grasp on one of those feet made me give a soft cry as my eyes flew open. I sat there stunned as Jasper held my shocked gaze while his remained absolutely unreadable and he placed my foot on his knee where he had lowered himself beside me on the sofa.
Applying a gentle pressure, his big hands massaged my foot, relieving the ache in it and almost making me groan out in pleasure. I chewed on my bottom lip as he finished and began to work on my other foot.
The world stopped. It was just me and Jasper in that store. And the unresolved feelings swirling between us.
"I'd carry you out to the car but I don't think you'll appreciate it." His voice, so sober and full of regret. But there was tenderness in his eyes. "No matter what you think of me, I want you to know that I love you. What I did, it's all on me, Skye. Don't ever blame yourself for anything."
I cleared my throat but didn't reply, my heart heavily weighed down with grief. He was unshaven and his expression was so bleak, so broken. My big mountain lion. I missed him so much.
But he betrayed me.
"Say something," Jasper whispered painfully. "If you wouldn't speak to me properly, then rage at me. Slap my face."
I shook my head and willed myself not to cry or speak. Not to weaken. He was a cheater. I couldn't take him back and allow him to hurt me again.
Once a cheater...always a cheater.
His eyes went to my swollen belly, darkening visibly, his lips parting as he breathed out softly, "At least tell me why you'd keep my own child from me."
I gasped, reeling back in shock and pulling my foot from his grasp. His image blurred, then disappeared altogether. So did the store I was sitting in. When I blinked again, I was looking at the ceiling of my room at home. It was morning. I could hear birds chirping through the window and Cole breathing softly next to me.
Jasper wasn't here. He had left a week ago. It had only been a dream. Or a nightmare.
I got out of bed slowly, making my way over to the spare room. I found the document I had hidden and went inside the kitchen, looking for a lighter. It was dangerous to keep it. It needed to be destroyed.
I looked at the paper again for the last time even though I knew the information typed on it wouldn't change.
Mother
Skye Madison.
Alleged father
Cole Aimeric Sawyer.
Probability of paternity : 0.00%
Here was the evidence that I wasn't carrying Cole's child. It was Jasper's. A part of me had always known. I suspected a small part of Jasper had always believed it as well.
Not giving it another thought, I lit up the paper, watched it catch flames and dropped it in the sink as it blackened and turned to ash in front of my eyes. I cleaned up the mess, expelling all the doubts and fears that had plagued me for the past few weeks before going back inside my bedroom.
Cole was stirring, looking all rumpled and sexy in just those boxers, the sheets kicked aside. It had been so long. Ever since that night Jasper had hidden away in the bathroom and decided he couldn't fuck us, we hadn't done anything with each other either. The stress of our deteriorating relationship with Jasper had been enough to turn the mood off.
I crawled up between his legs as carefully as I could and my hand went to his morning wood. It wasn't fully erect, but with my administrations, it eventually got there. Cole let out a small sound and opened those mesmerizing green eyes to half-smile at me.
He blinked at what I was doing, his sleep-fogged brain finally catching up to his body's response. "Hey," he mumbled, looking at me. "You're a busy girl this morning."
Grinning like a Cheshire Cat, I shoved his boxers down, freeing him before leaning forward.
"I missed having this in my mouth," I told him seductively. "And other places as well."
He was aroused but his hesitation was obvious, an uncertainty in his eyes. A deep sorrow I hadn't been able to expel since Jasper's departure.
"I love you, Cole. I'm here," I said firmly. "I just want what's best for us. For our family. Meet me halfway."
He smiled slightly at my pleading tone, his expression growing tender. "Of course, baby," he murmured. "I'm not going anywhere either."
It was all I needed to hear before I took him in my mouth, working on him, promising myself to make sure no sign of Jasper Wells remained within the walls of this house as Cole's groans of pleasure echoed around the room.
I would make him the happiest man on this earth. We didn't need Jasper, hurting us, making us question our very worth. Our future was only going to be beautiful from now on without someone like him darkening it with his presence.
****
Chapter Thirty-Seven
Three months later
…
Jasper
The cries of seagulls flying overhead did little to distract me as I checked my phone for the dozenth time that day, harsh sea breeze whipping me in the face. Ireland was cold this time of the year. Jasmine had rented a cottage on the beach for us. Of course she had.
She'd panicked, the first time I had ever seen her panic actually, when I had shown up in London months ago after leaving Cole and Skye and almost had another stroke.
Almost.
I liked to think this woman, my friend, had saved my life. I'd cried like I never believed was possible for me to cry in her hotel room, knowing I did what was
best for them but hurting so much anyway. My vision had started to blur, my limbs starting to seize and cold sweat breaking out. I had known the signs from before but at that moment, I truly hadn't cared if I survived or not.
Jasmine had acted fast though. Surprisingly, she'd known what to do when it came to providing first aid for anyone about to have a stroke while calling the paramedics in a shaky voice. I was fortunate, however, since this time, it had only been a transient ischemic attack or ministroke and the symptoms had faded within twenty four hours. The doctors said that TIA was usually a sign of a second, possibly fatal stroke to occur in the future but getting the proper medical attention had most likely prevented that from happening.
And then Jasmine had brought me here, far away from everyone and everything. She was working on her next book which was set in Ireland and said she wanted to do some shit called method writing while living like a recluse or something. I didn't really get it but this place sure made for some great photography. I had started to go crazy with the camera as soon as I had set foot here. It was cosy. I liked it. Smiling at the ocean, I turned around to head back to the cottage.
She was curled up on a recliner in front of the fire, scribbling furiously in her notebook. I'd lost count of the number of times she had snapped at me these past few months to not disturb her when she was in one of her speed-writing moods. In the small kitchenette, I poured myself some coffee and refreshed my phone screen again. Then I went inside my room, counted out some cash, put it inside an envelope and pocketed it before returning to the kitchen and checking my phone. Again. What was taking so long? I was starting to feel worried so I tried to breathe deeply, my gaze shifting to one of Jasmine's unopened wine bottles on the counter.
"Don't even think about it."
I snapped my head back towards her where she sat looking at me with a raised eyebrow, pen poised over the notepad.
Once A Cheater Page 18