Nick had a great chest, even if some of the hairs on it were gray. I didn’t know what I was going to do about how I felt about him, but I was done pretending it was nothing. I wasn’t going to fix it by dating guys like Jayden, either.
“I still think I know him,” said Jayden, as I walked him up to his door when we dropped him off. “I just can’t think where.”
I didn’t bother to ask him about it. I thought he was being stupid. And I thought it couldn’t possibly matter.
Chapter 22
I was woken in the middle of the night, but this time it wasn’t Nick, and it wasn’t from tapping on my window. It was a demon who appeared in my bedroom in a cloud of brimstone. He was a new one, who looked almost human on the top. He had a ripped, muscly chest, but his head had horns and the bottom half of his body was part goat, part lion. He also had a tail.
“I am here to give you your heart’s desire,” he boomed.
I clambered out of bed. “Keep it down!” I whispered loudly. “You’ll wake up my parents.”
“My apologies. But this is an important opportunity. If you have any secret wishes, I can fulfill them. I can give you things you have never dreamed possible.”
He sounded like a used car salesman. I wondered how much success he had with this method. It was pretty cheesy. “You mean you want to make a bargain with me,” I said dully.
“I mean that you want to make a bargain with me,” said the demon.
I shrugged. “Not really.”
He leaned forward so that his face was an inch away from mine, and his bulging pecs close enough to lick. Not that I wanted to lick them. Spit at them was more like it. “I know you wish a bargain. All humans have limitations. They try to get what they want, but ultimately come across the impossible. You have only to speak what it is you want, and then we can discuss what you will give for it. It is as easy as that.”
“I’ve seen what happens to those who bargain with demons. Mr. Barry. Mrs. Feinstein. It doesn’t look good. Why should I be stupid?” I said.
“You aren’t stupid,” said the demon. “You won’t make a bargain like they made. You’re too smart to end up like that.”
Which meant he thought I wasn’t smart enough to avoid it.
“I don’t think so,” I said. “Why don’t you leave and go bother someone else?” I could get out my knife and stab him, but really, he didn’t seem worth it.
“You truly want me to leave?” he said. He held up his fingers as if ready to snap them and disappear.
Ooh! Scary! “I need my beauty sleep.” I ran my fingers through my hair.
“Ah, you see. There is something that I could offer you. Beauty, beyond anything that you can imagine. Do you wish for men to long for you? Do you want to star in movies or to be a world famous model? Do you want to be rich and remembered as the most beautiful woman who ever lived? Say the word, and I can grant it to you.”
He really was not getting my hints. I was going to have to try harder. But I realized I wasn’t in a hurry. Now that I knew what was going on, I was sort of having fun.
“Boring,” I said, stifling a yawn. “Is that all you’ve got, because if it is, like I said, you can leave now.”
The demon’s face twisted. “If you would rather have something else, perhaps you would prefer power? I can make you Student Body President, if you wish. You will have power over all the others in your school.”
I laughed outright at this. It had to be a mistake. The demon must not understand what high school was really like. “Student Body President? There’s no real power in that position. The only thing a Student Body President does is choose the theme for the next dance, and try to get people to donate money for a senior gift to the school. It’s a service position.”
His horns turned a little red. Was that anger or embarrassment?
“Then what power is it you wish? To be mayor of your town? To be the wealthiest woman? To choose those around you who will have success and those who will not?”
If I were a bitter kind of person, that last might almost tempt me. To pick out anyone who had slighted me or teased me, who had looked away when I entered a room or made a face at me, and then to get revenge on them a hundred fold or a thousand fold. But I didn’t want that. It wouldn’t make me feel any better to hurt someone who had hurt me. Not really, not for any length of time. Of course, that was what the demon was counting on. He wanted me to have a short-term view of the problem, and he’d make sure he won in the long-term.
“I don’t care about power,” I said. “Or money. Or revenge.”
“Ah,” said the demon, nodding as if he had figured me out. “Then I know what it is you want. Love.”
“I might be interested in love,” I admitted. Or at least hearing him talk about it from the demon perspective.
“You are in love with someone who can never love you in return, yes? That is it. I can see it by your expression. Those who love unrequited are the most bitter of all. Nothing else tempts them because they are devoured within by the fiery worm of desire.”
“He can’t love me,” I said truthfully, though I still was not interested in a demon bargain, at least not with this demon. “And I don’t believe there’s anything you can do about it.”
“Of course I can. I can make anyone love you in return,” said the demon.
“Make someone love me?” I shook my head. “See, that’s the way you think. So obvious. I’m not interested in that. I need to talk to a demon with a subtler mind. Begone with you and I will wait for someone else.” See how I used that old-fashioned word that a demon would be sure to recognize—and obey?
Instead, he let out a big cloud of brimstone. I guess that was supposed to indicate that he was pissed off.
“There is no one else who can do this better than I,” he said dramatically. “Tell me who it is and I will tell you how to have his love for certain, and for real. It will not be a compulsion. It will simply be a way of you seeing into his soul.”
“And will he love me forever?” I asked. But even as I said it, I wasn’t sure that was what I wanted. Would you want someone to be compelled to love you forever? Wouldn’t you want to have the possibility that you could both break things off, if it wasn’t working out? Maybe not with the people that the demon was used to working with.
“Of course he will,” said the demon. “Because you will be the perfect woman for him.”
Wait a minute. That didn’t sound so good. “I don’t want to have to change for him,” I said. That was another bit of the truth.
The demon sighed. “Of course.”
“And what if he has to be freed from a demon bargain before it can happen?” I asked, truly curious to compare what this demon would have to say compared to what the last one Nick and I had fought said.
“I don’t see why that would be necessary,” said the demon.
“But it is.” I poked my finger into his chest. It felt real, anyway, even if it wasn’t. “He’s already made a demon bargain to find the woman he loves. And he can’t have her. So you have to fix that and make the old bargain null and void. Or else he’ll always be in love with her and not me.”
If Nick hadn’t made a demon’s bargain to find out his true love was it possible he could fall in love with someone else? I mean, are you destined to fall in love with only one person or are there other choices in life? Or if you can’t have the one person you think fits you best, can you still be happy with someone else?
The demon hesitated a long moment. He tilted his head as if he was listening for something. Then a terrible smile spread over his face. Too wide to be human, really, with too many teeth. “Ah, now I know who you mean. Nick, yes? The one who fights demons?”
“That’s the one,” I said softly. I couldn’t pretend anymore that I didn’t care. Suddenly, I knew that I’d chosen the wrong moment. I’d seen Nick too recently, and I was too tired.
“You wish to make a bargain to make him love you instead of this other one?” said the de
mon.
“Not to make him love me. Only to free him from his previous bargain.” Anything between us was still pretty iffy. And besides, I wanted Nick to be free.
“But the bargain did not make him love her.”
I waved a hand. “I know that. But if he is free from the bargain, then his whole life changes. He will see things differently. The future. Everything.”
“Perhaps,” said the demon. “But I must know what you intend from this bargain. You do not ask for him to love you?”
I shook my head at the demon.
He smiled even wider. I thought his whole head might fall off. “And what do you offer on your side of this bargain?” he asked.
“I don’t know,” I said. Was I serious about this? It started as a joke to find out what this demon knew, but maybe it wasn’t so funny anymore. “What would you take?” I countered.
“You can only bargain away what matters to you. Perhaps your mind?”
I shook my head at that. What would be the point of having Nick love me if I wasn’t myself?
“Your family?”
“Not in a million years.” I wasn’t going to have other people pay my demon bargain for me.
“Your youth, then?” suggested the demon.
My youth? “What are you talking about?” I asked.
“You would give up your youth,” said the demon. “You would age immediately, and then you would live only the last years of your life, as an older woman.”
I was struck suddenly by the thought of the consequences unfolding from this. If I gave up my youth, I could become an older woman. I would be the same age as Nick. That would be the perfect solution to all our problems, wouldn’t it? No one could object to an age difference.
Of course, no one might recognize me, either. Which meant I would be giving up more than my youth. My whole life, really.
“Or you could give up something else entirely,” said the demon quickly. He had that same distant expression on his face that seemed to indicate someone was speaking to him whom I could not hear. “Something like your eyesight. Or your speech. A certain number of IQ points. Or your sense of humor. Your ability to dance,” he said.
I put my hand up for him to stop.
“You have chosen?” he asked.
I shook my head.
What was wrong with me?
Giving up your youth in a demon bargain.
Of course.
Why hadn’t I thought of that before?
If giving up your youth was one of the possibilities, then everything had changed. “Hey, thanks for stopping in. Can you leave now?” I said to the demon, waving my hand at him and hoping he’d see this wasn’t working out.
But he had to do the hard sell. “I might not be back in your neighborhood anytime soon. And this is a limited time offer. Very limited,” said the demon. He looked nervous now and I almost felt sorry for him.
“Don’t give me that crap. My mom taught me about limited time offers when I was three. I’ll call you if I want to make a bargain. Now scram.”
“Please,” said the demon. “You don’t know what you might be missing. True love is a beautiful thing.”
“Yeah,” I said. “That’s one thing I won’t argue with you about.” I got out my knife and held it out. I had no problem using it on him if he didn’t disappear.
He got the message and I was soon alone with rioting thoughts about Nick and demon bargains and love.
Chapter 23
But before I could get very far, Dad came roaring into my room. Timing is everything, as they say. And for me, it was always bad.
“Was he here?” he demanded. “Did you let him in your window or something?” He threw up the quilt from my bed and looked under there. And then opened my closet door and checked there, too.
“Dad, he wasn’t. I swear,” I said.
Dad stared at me. “I wish I could believe you these days, Fallin. But he’s gotten into your head. You just aren’t thinking straight anymore. I don’t know what he’s said to you or made you believe about him, but it’s wrong.”
I could hardly pay attention to Dad and his complaints because my brain was working double time. You could give up your youth for love. Was that what Nick had done?
All those times when I thought there was something about him, the way he stood or talked, that didn’t seem old? Was that just wishful thinking on my part or was it something more than that? I had to get this right. I really had to this time. There was no room for mistakes now. We were really playing for keeps.
“Fallin, are you listening to me?” shouted Dad. He put a hand on my arm and shook me a little.
“Dad, sorry. Yes, I’m listening.”
“You don’t look like you’re listening even now. It’s like you can hear his voice in your mind even now. What is he saying? That he loves you?”
But he had never told me that, or even hinted at it. He’d always said he was in love with some mysterious other woman he could never have. He had made me believe it. But what if it had all been a bit of misdirection? I had to find out somehow.
“Fallin, he’s old enough to be my father, let alone yours,” said Dad.
“I know, Dad,” I said. He looked old enough, but was he?
Dad went to the window and opened it. Then he sniffed around the room. There was a faint scent of brimstone still in the air. “What is that smell?” he said. “Is that his?”
“Dad, he wasn’t here tonight. And that is definitely not his smell.”
“Some new perfume, then? Something for him?”
I shook my head. “Dad, it’s not a perfume.” What girl would want a perfume called “brimstone?” “Just, never mind, all right? I want to go to sleep now. Do you mind? I’ve had a long day.”
Dad glanced out the window again, as if to see Nick riding by on a motorcycle or something. There was nothing there. “Fine,” he said. “You’re off the hook tonight, but we will talk about this more later.”
I closed the door on him and climbed back into bed. I clutched the quilt around me for warmth and comfort and I thought about this problem. If it was true that Nick had really bargained away his youth for love—of whoever it was he loved—then that meant he might be younger than he looked.
If that was the case, then why was Nick here? Why was this the place where he kept fighting demons? It had to be because he was from here. And if he was from here, and he was anywhere close to my age, then he might be in one of my yearbooks. I had three of them.
I hopped out of bed and leaped for them. They were underneath all my other books, because of the awkward size, and I had to work to get them out. I almost brought the whole bookshelf down on top of me, and I really hoped that I hadn’t woken Dad up again.
I waited for a long moment, then climbed back into bed, settled myself sitting upright with pillows behind my back in case I was here for a long haul, and started looking through yearbook photos, beginning with the one from my freshman year. I had to look through every photo of every guy in school and I had to think for a long moment, if that face could have ended up being the face that Nick had now. Some people look exactly like you’d expect when they get older. Some people look so completely different you wonder what happened to them. Well, I guess I knew something now. What happened to some people was that they made a bargain with a demon.
It wasn’t until I opened up the third book that I found him.
He was actually a year younger than me, at least in school. He was the freshman Mr. Barry had talked about. Nick, Jayden’s friend. No wonder Nick had been nervous about me going out with Jayden. He must have been afraid he would be recognized. Only Jayden hadn’t paid enough attention to him. Or to me, either, really.
The more I thought about it, the more sure I was it was him. I kept staring at the photo, comparing it to the image of Nick in my mind. He had that same straight nose, those same scruffy eyebrows. His hair was blonde in the photo, but it could have gone gray and made it look different. The shape of his face, sq
uare jawed on the bottom, rounded on top, was the same. And there was something else that was indefinable, that made me look at that photo and feel like it was someone I knew.
I glanced down at the name underneath the photo and felt a jolt of something to my heart. “Nick Kostol,” it said.
Nick was his real name, and I’d guessed it. What did that mean? That I was the love of his life? Or that I’d subconsciously known who he was all along?
I glanced through the rest of the yearbook, but I only found one other photo that had him in it, and it was from the Drama Club. I wasn’t into drama, in any sense of the word. So if that had been his thing, we would probably never have really met up with each other. Unless he was in one of my classes and I hadn’t noticed him. Or hadn’t consciously noticed him, anyway.
I thought how foolish he’d been, that he had been dating two girls and he couldn’t choose between them. And then found out, after he’d made a bargain with a demon, that he was in love with someone else completely.
Me?
He could have told me who it was, but he hadn’t. Was that because he hadn’t wanted to be embarrassed? Because he wanted to protect me? Because it wasn’t really me and it wasn’t my business anyway?
And why hadn’t he told me about how old he really was? Because he hadn’t wanted to make me pity him? To make me love him back?
If you are in love with someone and you think they could never love you back, what do you do? Do you try to find someone to make them happy, even if you believe it can never be you?
That was what Nick had done.
I wanted to call up Georgia and tell her. I wanted to call up Nick. I could look him up in the class phone book. Maybe he was still living at home. No, probably not. He wouldn’t want to freak his parents out that way. But he had to be in town somewhere.
I would see him again soon enough. And then what? Did I tell him I loved him and see if there was a chance for something between us?
The Gift of the Demons Page 18