by T. S. Joyce
“Well, I made it. I don’t have a lot of money for presents for you, Eden, but I can carve things. My dad taught me how when I was a kid.” Twitch. He pulled something small from his other pocket, but kept his fist closed around it. “I wanted to give it to you right after we fucked, but it didn’t seem right to take you rough and then give you something like this. It’s just a stupid little something.” He shook his head self-deprecatingly, then shook her hand formally, squeezing something small and lightweight between their palms. And then he lifted her knuckles to his lips and pressed a lingering kiss there, eyes locked on hers. When he pulled away, he said, “Even after you go, I hope you keep that and think of me.” And then he offered her a sad smile, turned, and walked toward the sound of water lapping a shore in the distance.
Stunned, she looked down at her palm. He’d carved her a small feather, stained it, and polished it to shining. And then he’d attached it to a thin cord of leather the same shade of light gray in her eyes.
He’d given her a gift but didn’t realize how big it was. This was as important as a claiming mark to falcons. He’d accepted her gift, kept it, and then given her one in return. She would never tell him because she didn’t want to trap him, but he’d just bound them in ways she couldn’t explain. Her heart had already latched onto him, but as she stood in the dark Red Havoc woods with his gift clutched in one hand and his phone with her pictures in the other, she had a moment. Something big changed inside of her heart.
She reached the E.
And now she—Eden of the Ashe Crew, daughter of Kellen and Skyler Brown, albino falcon shifter, goody two-shoes lonely bird—became something else.
She became Barret’s.
Chapter Nine
Eden stepped onto the pebble beach that lined the pond and scanned the surrounding woods. Where was Barret?
A loud “whoop!” sounded. Eden hunched in startlement as Barret went sailing through the air on a rope swing. He did a back flip and landed in the water with a goofy grin at her.
She belted out a laugh and gave a quick glance around to make sure no one was in the woods. There was nothing but the sound of the rippling water, Barret’s breath as he broke the surface, and little mouse sounds somewhere on the forest floor behind her.
“Be the owl, not the chicken,” Barret dared her.
God, she wished he knew what she was already. She wished he could say, “Be the falcon,” and his lips would still stretch in the carefree smile he wore now, but instinct told her if she Changed in front of him, he would never give her that smile again.
Barret swam to her quick like he was born a damn merman, cupped his hands, and slapped the water, drenching her.
She gasped at how cold the water was and high-kneed it a few paces back. “Dick!”
“Works fine,” he deadpanned, standing in the water and looking down at the body part in question. “You tested it out, remember? Get in the water so I can molest you.”
“It’s cold!”
“Then warm it up with your hot bod, Mystery Girl.”
“I feel like that name doesn’t apply anymore. You’ve been inside of me.”
“It was perfect too, all warm and slimy—”
“Barret! Don’t say slimy!”
“Woman, that was a compliment. Get in before I drag you in. Let’s fondle.”
She snorted. “Stop.”
His baiting smile grew bigger. “You touch my nips, I’ll touch yours.”
Eden shook her head and tried to contain her smile, but failed. “I’m gonna do a strip-tease.”
“Good. Make it weird.”
Giggling, she wiggled her butt, then jumped around and swiveled her hips in a circle. She slapped her ass and looked over her shoulder with her eyes crossed and her cheeks puffed out.
“Oh, yeah, that’s the move. Keep that shit up, you’ll get a double-fucking tonight.” Barret’s stomach was flexing with laughter.
Quickly, and as un-seductively as she could, she struggled out of the wet shirt and whipped it around her head, then threw it on the ground. It made a sopping slap against the rocks. Barret was clapping and whistling now. Eden loved this. She could be completely silly, and he accepted it.
Laughing her head off, she pranced toward the water’s edge, spanking the air with one hand, the other fist out in front, her boobs bobbing.
Barret was wearing the biggest, best smile she’d ever seen.
“God, you’re fun,” he told her as she tiptoed into the waves.
Around ankle deep though, she hesitated because it really was cold. He was headed her way to meet her, and she thought he would toss her in the waves, but he didn’t. He stooped slightly and picked her up like she was a queen, all folded in his arms. He ran the scruff of his two-day beard against the top of her head like an affectionate cat as he walked slowly to deeper waters. She was so touched by his unexpected sweetness, she slipped her arms around his neck and kissed his chest, right over his pounding heartbeat. It thumped faster against her lips, and she smiled, nuzzled him like an affectionate cat right back.
“I like you,” he murmured. “You make me want to not kill things.”
She looked up into his bright green eyes and brushed her knuckles against the rough whiskers on his cheek. “I calm you?”
He dipped his chin once. “Nobody’s ever done that before.”
“Are you saying I’m special?”
“Aw, don’t get cocky now, Mystery Girl. I’m certified crazy. You should be running from me, not lookin’ at me all mushy.”
“You don’t seem crazy to me.”
“Then your crazy must match mine.” He was hip-deep in the water now. “Take a deep breath. I’ll dunk you quick so you get used to it. Going slow won’t make it hurt less. Going slow never made anything hurt less.”
“I trust you,” she murmured, because he should hear that from her. She didn’t just mean about the water temperature. I trust you with my life. That’s what she was really saying. She hoped he would read between the lines because she was too cowardly to say it out loud.
Barret searched her eyes for a few moments, then leaned in and kissed her, lips soft against hers, plucking at her until he finally slid his tongue into her mouth and tasted her. It was a sweet kiss—the kind boys gave to girls they really liked. The kind that wasn’t asking for more. The kind of kiss that was fine with staying a kiss, not transitioning to touches and sighs, hair pulling, gripping hips, bowing backs, and clutching covers.
She got lost here in the moonlit waves, kissing the man who had turned out to be everything she needed. It should be terrifying how fast this was happening, but this is how it had happened for her parents too, and the entire Ashe Crew. It had happened like this for all the shifter couples she knew. She used to think it was some kind of bonding magic that she didn’t possess, but maybe her falcon was just waiting for Barret. These moments with him were full of butterflies, shocked gasps, warmth pooling low in her belly and spreading to her heart.
He moaned deep in his throat, once, twice, three times, in a sexy countdown before he lowered them into the water. Lips pressed hard against hers, he sank into the waves with her. The cold was shocking, but her body was still buzzing from Barret’s kiss, from his touch, from his hands holding her under while he pulled her close to him at the same time. And still she trusted him. There was no struggle from her. Instead, she held onto his shoulders as he guided them to deeper water.
A few seconds of lips on lips at the bottom of the pond, surrounded by rays of blue moonlight and cloudy water, and then Barret pushed off the bottom and broke the surface. Eden inhaled deeply against his mouth, cold and warm all at once, her body in shock, her falcon steady, eyes on her mate. Her mate? Yep, nothing had ever felt more right than that word in this moment. His hand cupped her cheek gently, like he was palming rose petals. A gentle touch from a rough man, he was good at showing care. He thought he was a broken monster, but to Eden, he had been broken into the perfect shape to fit her.
Barret was chaos,
high walls, and jokes that hid his real parts from the world.
He was a disaster.
A beautiful, perfect, awe-inspiring disaster.
“You’re my disaster,” she whispered against his lips.
Barret froze and eased out of the kiss. He canted his head like a curious animal, one corner of his mouth turned up in an unsure smile. “I like that.”
“Well, I like you.”
The smile fell, and a frown marred his face. “Sometimes I want that more than anything, and then sometimes I think you shouldn’t.”
“Why not?”
“Because I want you to survive me.”
“You wouldn’t hurt me. I know you wouldn’t.”
“Not on the outside, Eden. I mean on your insides.” He laid her on her back and held her floating there in the waves, spinning her slowly in the pond. “I wish I could take a picture of this. Of you, just like this, laid bare in these waves, wearing nothing but the necklace I made you, all shadowed by the moon, goosebumps all over, nipples drawn up, water lapping at your skin. Water can’t you have you, though. Not tonight. Tonight you’re just for me. I’ve never had anyone just for me. Not since Dad and Marney.”
Eden’s gaze went automatically to the tattoo of the falcon on his shoulder, but he didn’t wince away this time. Instead, he allowed her to drink the artwork in. With a touch as light as a paintbrush stroke, she felt the perfect lines etched in ink below the falcon.
“Were these marks to remember the people you lost?”
He shook his head slowly, and his eyes went hard as stone. She could see the wall he was building as plain as day.
She was desperate not to lose the magic of the moment so she whispered, “It’s okay not to talk about it. I can be patient.”
“Sometimes I want to sabotage everything,” he murmured, still spinning her. “Fuck.” His head jerked to the right, and he squeezed his eyes tightly closed for an instant, like the movement had hurt. Something about his memories made his body fight.
Oh, he couldn’t give her answers on his tattoo yet, but he’d just given her something else—something big.
“When I think about the past, sometimes I get desperate not to get lost in the memories, and I mess shit up. On purpose. And even sometimes when I’m not thinking about the bad stuff, I want to ruin stuff for myself. Sometimes I push the Red Havoc Crew to the brink. Sometimes I dare Ben to kick me out, just to see if they’re really with me. To see if he still thinks I’m salvageable. Sometimes I want to test you. I will test you. And then like an asshole, I’ll sit back and gauge your reaction and look for an excuse to make you run away from me. Favorite color is red. Biggest fear is getting close to people. Now you go. Tell me something no one else knows. Tell me something big.”
“Okay.” Eden dipped down into the water and stood on the rocky bottom, facing him. She locked her eyes on him when she said, “Ben doesn’t let you chase Red Havoc off because you belong with them. I won’t let you chase me off because I belong with you.”
Barret inhaled sharply. “Don’t say that.” He angled his face away but kept his intense gaze on hers. “Don’t say stuff that’ll rattle around in my head after you’re gone. I got enough ghosts in there.”
“And what if I don’t go?”
Barret backed off a couple steps into shallower water and scrubbed his hand down his jaw. “You shouldn’t give hope like that to a man like me. It’s a tease for a life I’m not built to keep.”
“I’m not teasing.”
“What can I offer a girl like you, Eden? Huh?” He sounded angry. “What could you possibly gain from being with me? I own an auto shop that’s barely making it. I make half of my income making moonshine. I’m so fucked up I’m barely even a man.”
“Stop.”
“I have no family. I won’t be a good dad to your cubs, and you deserve cubs, Eden!”
“Stop!” He was backing away, step-by-step, but she wasn’t having it. “You’re doing it now. You’re sabotaging, and it’s not going to work. Not with me. Barret, I’m serious. Stop!” When she lurched forward and grabbed his forearm, he paused, frozen in the pond, water at the middle of his stomach. She hopped up and threw her arms around his shoulders, held on tightly and said against his ear, “What can I gain by being with you? I don’t give a shit about material things, Barret. Never have. I would gain you. It’s enough. You’re enough. Don’t push me away.” And then she lost her damn mind and sank her teeth into his shoulder.
He jerked, but he didn’t stop her. He stood there like a statue for a moment, then gripped the back of her hair roughly and pulled her closer. “Harder or it won’t scar,” he snarled out. It had to hurt.
She was biting him hard, blood pooling in her mouth, but he wanted it to count, so…she made it count.
And the second she released his torn flesh from her bite, he repeated the words he’d murmured earlier, “Going slow never made anything hurt less.” And then he sank his teeth into her shoulder, so fast and so hard she was stunned into stillness.
Oh, it hurt. It burned like fire and felt like he was biting her down to her bones. One second, and he changed her whole life. One second, and he picked her, not like with the present that he didn’t know the significance of. This was him claiming her back. One second of pain, and he released her skin and crushed her against him. His breath hitched, and his hand went tight in the back of her hair as he rocked them gently in the waves. Warmth trickled down her shoulder and pooled in the crevice between their skin. Moonlight, crimson, warm and cold, warm and cold…love, love, I love him. Why was she crying? Tears were pouring down her face that she couldn’t stop. All she could do was clutch onto him harder to keep from falling into a million pieces. Her chest burned with something she didn’t understand, something that drew her to him.
“Shhhh,” he crooned, swaying back and forth like a boy at a high school dance.
She suddenly regretted how long it had taken them to find each other. Oh, their life wouldn’t be easy. No shifter’s was, but they were going to walk through it together. She’d never thought she would be lucky enough to get a claiming mark and a gift, but he’d given her both. Her parents had always told her that when she met her match, she would know quick. It’s how it worked, but a big part of her hadn’t believed them. She’d believed instead that there was no match—not for her, the lonely bird.
“Can’t leave now,” he said in a hoarse voice that said he was as emotional as her. “Can’t leave me. I’m sorry.”
“Bad Cat. No apologies for that. I’m gonna be so good at moonshining.”
There was this moment of silence, and then he snorted. She peeled into giggles and gripped his short hair in the back, looked up at Mother Moon, and sighed. “Can’t get me to run now.”
Barret took them deeper into the water and eased back just enough for his lips to crash onto hers. His arm was tight around her back as he pulled her against him and slid into her. She moaned into his mouth because this was perfect. It was the perfect ending to what they’d just done. He wasn’t rough this time, no. He was true to his word, taking care of her for their second time. His hips moved slowly, smoothly as he pushed into her, eased out, pushed in and eased out. The man knew how to hit her just right. He was already building a fire in her middle, building the pressure, building her body’s devotion to him. Inside, her falcon was screeching in possessive victory. Mine. He’s all mine. For better or worse. For the broken days that would come. The days where they would have to work through Barret’s past. For the perfect days that would break up the dark until the bad days were no longer. She could see their future so brightly.
Barret grunted this sexy sound, and his body was shaking now with every thrust into her. He was close, and she loved this. Loved falling together as he tried to keep control of himself for her. Faster, faster, he was bucking into her now just as fast as she needed it. So close. Eden threw her head back and closed her eyes when his lips went to her throat. Every inch of her skin that touched his wa
s tingling and warm. Nothing had ever been like this—so intense. Barret had been worth the wait.
His arms went tight around her as he came, pulsing streams of warmth into her. His throbbing shaft spurred her own orgasm on. “Barret,” she cried, “deeper!”
And he did. He pushed so deep into her there was no end to him, no beginning to her. Bodies pulsing, they moved together, graceful like the waves around them. Slower and slower, drawing every aftershock out as they coveted each other’s bodies. And when they were spent, they held each other, no words here in the dark, just content to be in each other’s arms.
She didn’t know how long they stayed like that, with no one to witness this huge moment but them and the moon, but Barret whispered something against her ear that made her heart wrap around him completely. “Eden, I think I love you.”
Her eyes filled instantly and spilled over onto her cheeks. Barret had broken her apart and put her back together in a different shape tonight—a better shape. She could feel the growth, feel the changes within her. No more would she be stagnant and alone.
“Barret, I know I love you.”
“I told you,” a voice echoed across the pond.
Barret turned with a snarl, stepped in front of Eden protectively. But Eden knew that voice like the back of her hand. Lynn.
“I told you not to fall in love,” Lynn said. Her red hair was mussed, and she was wearing jean shorts and a red tank top, no shoes. “I knew something bad was happening. I felt it in my bones. Take it back!”
“What?” Eden asked, padding across the pond bottom to stand beside Barret.
Tears streaked down Lynn’s face, and her blazing gold eyes were wide and panicked. She snarled up her lip. “I’m saving you. I told you both not to fall in love. Take. It. Back.”
Eden shook her head sadly. “Barret isn’t Brody.”
“It’s not you I’m worried about, Eden!” she screeched. “I know! I know! I know about the Four Deadlies. Take it back so he can be okay. He’s been nice to me. He’s broken like me. You’re going to ruin him.”