by Kady Hunt
“I never thought of it that way.”
“Neither did I.”
I can still hear my father’s voice reading a passage to me in his study while I just stood there, mesmerized by his delivery.
“Life is a storm, my young friend. You will bask in the sunlight one moment, be shattered on the rocks the next. What makes you a man is what you do when that storm comes. You must look into that storm and shout as you did in Rome. Do your worst, for I will do mine! Then the fates will know you as we know you.”
I see my mother getting out of the limo and coming towards us.
“Did you kill him?” she asks.
“No.”
“You know they’re just going to come back for you, right?”
“Yes.”
There’s silence.
Neither of us has anything to say.
“Thank you for helping me,” I say at last. “Couldn’t have done it without you.”
“You’re my son,” she says. “Don’t thank me for protecting you.”
I start walking back to the warehouse when Mom speaks up. “Should I expect you three at dinner?” she asks. “I can make all your favorite dishes.”
“You mean you can yell at Juanita to make them?”
She smiles. “Hey, those are my recipes.”
I smile too. “Fine,” I say. “Dinner. Six o clock. We’ll be there.”
She comes and kisses me on the cheek. “Thanks baby,” she says. “I love you.”
“Love you too, Mom.”
I start walking back again.
Inside the warehouse, Daniel and Jamie still look dazed but they’re alive and that’s what matters. The minute Jamie sees me she runs towards me and I put my arms around her and never want to let her go.
I wish time would stop.
That I wouldn’t have to face the things that I have to face now.
But I know that’s never going to happen.
“Let’s go home,” I say, breaking away and smoothing Jamie’s hair back. “We have a lot to talk about.”
38.
HOLDEN
“For a minute,” Jamie says when we’re all showered and cleaned and hanging out in my room. Jamie is wearing a pair of my pajamas and they’re entirely too big for her but she still manages to look adorable in it. “I didn’t know what you were doing and it scared me, when Pierre was holding a gun to your head.”
“I knew he wasn’t going to shoot,” I say, from my place on the bed, next to Daniel.
“You didn’t know,” Daniel says. “You had a hunch.”
“Fine,” I say. “I had no idea what I was doing; I’ve never had a girlfriend kidnapped before, so sue me Daniel!”
“I’m sorry,” Daniel says. “I’m still a bit in shock.”
“We’re all in shock,” Mom enters the room. “What Pierre did was completely unexpected.”
We all straighten up.
No one says a word.
“Look,” Mom says. “I know you’re all mad at me and I don’t blame you. I just went a little crazy with power for a moment. I’m not trying to rationalize here, I’m only asking for your forgiveness. So, do you think the three of you can get past all that happened and perhaps give this old lady a second chance?”
“Mrs. Danvers,” Daniel says. “I’m already past it.”
Mom turns to me.
“If Jamie can forgive you,” I say. “Then I can too.”
I know how hard it must have been for her but Mom turns to Jamie this time. “Jamie,” she says. “I don’t know what to say. Just know that I’m really sorry for everything I did to you and this apology comes from the heart, you have to believe me.”
Jamie looks at the floor.
Mom senses that Jamie isn’t about to say anything more so she starts to leave, but then Jamie speaks up. “Mrs. Danvers,” she says. “You don’t have to worry about me. I already forgave you. And yes, I can get past this. It might take me a while, but I know that I can.”
Mom walks up to Jamie and kisses her forehead. “Thank you, darling.”
Jamie smiles.
“Now that that’s settled,” Mom says. “Dinner’s ready.”
“Thanks,” I say. “We’ll be right down.”
“Actually,” Daniel gets up from the bed. “How about I go with you, Mrs. Danvers?”
Mom smiles and the two of them leave the room.
“You do know they’re both trying to give us some space, right?” Jamie says.
I almost leap off the bed and go towards her. “Yes,” I say, pulling her toward me. “They’re very smart people.”
“Holden—”
“You forgave Mom. Does that mean you forgave me too?”
She looks like there’s something on her mind. “Holden,” she says. “I don’t know what to do. One minute we were fine, and the next you were telling me you wanted nothing to do with me or the child! What am I supposed to think?”
“I know what I did,” I say. “I’m not going to justify it. But I thought if I could stay away from you then you’d be safe. Turns out that’s not the case.”
“So, you want to get back together?”
“Yes. I do.”
“I want to keep the baby,” she says.
“Okay.”
“After everything that happened,” Jamie says. “I think…I think I know the value of life. And I don’t want to give up the chance of having a kid. I’ve always wanted a family. Kids. At least one. What if…I get an abortion and for some reason I’m never able to have another child? I wouldn’t want to go through that. And I know a child will make things more complicated, but I don’t care. This is what I want.”
“Honestly,” I say. “I completely understand where you’re coming from. And whatever your decision is, I will respect that. If you decide to keep the baby then I’m going to be a part of both your lives.”
“Are you sure about this?” she says. “Because I can’t have you bailing on me again.”
“That will never happen.”
“I hope not.”
“Come on,” I say. “Let’s go down before Mom comes back up again.”
Jamie smiles. “Okay.”
Everything is right with the world.
39.
JAMIE
When I come out of the bathroom, Holden’s on the bed, reading from his father’s copy of The Count of Monte Cristo and he looks so completely engrossed. I go over to the bed and sit right next to him. “Read me something.”
“I know I’m being such a nerd,” Holden says.
“No,” I say. “I mean it. I want you to read me something. Please.”
“Okay,” he says and goes back to the book, turns a few pages until he finds what he’s looking for. “There are two ways of seeing: with the body and with the soul. The body's sight can sometimes forget, but the soul remembers forever.”
“That was beautiful.”
He places the book on the nightstand. “How’re you doing?”
“Fine, I guess. Where’s Daniel?”
“He’s staying in one of the guestrooms,” Holden says.
“Oh right,” I say. “Keep forgetting there is more than one guestroom in this place.”
“Well,” Holden says. “I don’t want to brag, but we also have a wine cellar.” He picks up a bottle of expensive Cabernet and pours it in two glasses. “I thought we might celebrate.”
“Holden,” I say. “I’m not supposed to drink alcohol.”
He looks embarrassed. “Oh, I totally forgot, I’m so sorry!”
I grin. “It’s okay,” I say. “I checked with your mom. She says it’s okay to have a glass of wine about once a week. She says it helps flush out toxins and actually helps with the baby’s development.”
“So we can celebrate?”
“Yes, we can!”
He hands the glass back to me and I sip the wine slowly. “Oh my God, that tastes amazing.”
“I know,” Holden says. “It’s from my mother’s private collection.
”
“So,” I say. “She has no idea. And she’s going to be pissed when she finds out.”
“Pretty much.”
I laugh. “You’re an idiot.”
“But a smart idiot?”
“Nope. Just an idiot.”
“So, now that we’ve had a taste of mother’s favorite cabernet,” Holden says and takes my glass and puts the two glasses back on the nightstand. “I can finally show you the surprise I had been planning all along.”
“Surprise?”
“Okay,” he says, and takes my hand. “You need to be on your knees for this.”
“Now what?”
He looks right at me. “Why do you love me?”
“Because I can’t help it.”
“I’m dangerous.”
“I know.”
“Jamie, I’m bad for you.”
“I know.”
“So why?”
“Because,” I tell him. “Maybe someday you will break my heart. Someday I will have no choice but to go back. I will have to suffer heartbreak. Loss. But I would have also had this. How can that be bad?”
He pulls me close to his chest.
I can hear the steadily beating rhythm of his heart.
“I need you,” he says. “I need you because you make the darkness seem less scary. Because every time I touch you, I need you even more. Because to me, you’re perfect.”
“Holden,” I say. “You do the same for me. You’re perfect too.”
We’re both on our knees, on the bed when he takes out a tiny velvet box and when he flips it open, there’s a ring inside it. “Then let’s make this even more perfect,” he says. “Jamie Crawford, will you marry me?”
“That’s a big freaking stone, Holden!”
“It used to belong to my grandmother.”
“What?” I say, a little freaked out. “You’re giving me your grandmother’s ring?”
“Well, she’s kind of dead and doesn’t really need it.”
“Holden,” I say. “I can’t accept this.”
“The ring or the proposal?” he asks. “Cause I can change the ring!”
“That’s not it, Holden.”
“Then what?” he says. “You said you loved me. I love you too. What’s stopping us from making it permanent?”
“Would you be doing this if I wasn’t pregnant?”
He goes silent.
“That’s what I thought,” I say and I’m about to get off the bed when he pulls me back.
“Jamie,” he says. “Yes the baby was a catalyst. And part of the reason I want to marry you. But there are other reasons.”
“Holden. Why’re you doing this?”
“Jamie, I made a promise to myself. That I would never let my child be without a father. I will never be the guy who bails on the mother of my child. And that I would love and honor his mother just like I would the baby. I know it sounds odd, but I don’t want my kid to be without a father, not for a second. He needs to be born with my name. And I know, this might sound like it’s too soon, after everything that happened, but you said it yourself, Jamie. If we learn anything from everything that happened the past few days, it’s that we need to be even closer to each other because that’s what makes us so amazing. I don’t want to miss any chances, I have to take risks. Do what I’m afraid of because that’s life. Not sitting around waiting for some future that may or may not happen.”
“You sound like you know what you’re talking about.”
“I do know,” Holden says. “I’ve lost you once, Jamie. I never want to lose you again.”
I thrust my hand forward. “I don’t want to lose you either, Holden.”
“Is that a yes?”
“Yes.”
Holden smiles and slips the ring on my finger. “Thank you,” he says, kissing me. “For making me the happiest man on the planet.”
“Well,” I say. “We got engaged. Now what?”
Holden takes my face in his hands and kisses me softly. “I can think of a few things we can do to celebrate our recent engagement,” he says. His hand reaches behind me as we’re still kissing and he pulls me closer. I run my hands over his back and we kiss some more. His hand lodges into my hair, drawing me closer and then he breaks off long enough to breathe.
We take off our tops and Holden turns me around so my back is to him and pulls me close to his chest. His hand reaches inside my pajama bottoms while his other hand reaches up the front of my bare chest, and teases a nipple. I can feel his erection poking my back and it’s all I can do to beg him to do more. As his fingers deliciously move over my slit, I’m getting all wet, and then Holden makes me lie down on the bed and we kiss first and Holden’s mouth places wet kisses on my chest and as he goes lower he pulls off my pajama bottoms and tosses them aside. His tongue is soon working its magic over my already wet lips and I can’t stop moaning. I hope these walls are soundproof because the sounds I’m making, I wouldn’t want anyone to hear. When his tongue finds my clit, the pleasure becomes enormous, and he doesn’t stop until he’s given me two continuous orgasms and that’s when he comes up.
I take off his trousers, and run a hand over his shaft, he’s already erect and pushes his fingers into my mouth, one by one, and I lick them, and when he takes them out they’re wet, and he uses the same wet tips to tease my nipples again. His mouth descends on my breasts and he takes each one in, using his tongue to bring pleasure again, this time in a completely different place, and he pays special attention to the nipples until I’m ready to come again. We kiss again and his hands resume their teasing, and he enters me while we’re still kissing, and my hands are going over his sleek chest and we’re creating a rhythm that’s ours. As his thrusts increase in pace, so does the pleasure that comes from his being inside me and I’m reaching close to another climax, and when it comes, it’s so forceful I’m left shaking and shuddering and completely out of breath, still holding on to him.
“Jamie,” he whispers. “I want you. Only you.”