by I. T. Lucas
"I'm glad you can still find it humorous." Kian raked his fingers through his hair, trying to think of a way to deliver the bad news as gently as possible.
"If Michael doesn't turn, we'll have to thrall away his memory of us, and of him being here, and plant some other plausible scenario in his mind. He might get a little confused from time to time, remembering bits and pieces of things, not sure if he dreamt them or experienced them. Hopefully, this would be the extent of it, and he wouldn't suffer any lasting brain damage." Looking into her eyes, he took her hands in his, waiting for the implications to sink in.
CHAPTER 45: SYSSI
Syssi's eyes widened as the meaning of what Kian was trying to communicate hit home. "Oh, my God, you're planning to erase my memory and send me off, clueless, same as Michael. I can't believe it! You are such a jerk, Kian. And to think I was actually falling for you. Talk about naive."
Pulling away from him, she jumped out of her seat and almost toppled the thing as she stormed into the bedroom she had occupied before—remembering too late that her things weren't there anymore.
Exasperated, she slammed the door behind her, hoping Kian would at least have the decency to stay out.
Not a chance.
A second later, the door banged open and he stormed in. "What would you have me do? What would you have done in my place, huh? I'm listening… Any bright ideas? No? I didn't think so."
The nerve of the guy, venting his frustration and acting as if he was the injured party here. She was the one that would be cast off like yesterday's news. Not him.
It was just too much, and as traitorous tears began sliding down her cheeks, she couldn't stop her chin from quivering. God, why couldn't she be tougher, or at least hold off with the girly emotional display until he was gone. But as there was no chance in hell of him leaving anytime soon, she lashed out. "You're the two-thousand-year-old immortal who should be smart enough to figure something out." Sitting on the bed, Syssi plopped back and grabbed a pillow to hold it over her tear-streaked face.
Kian sat down beside her and tugged on the pillow. "Hiding will not solve anything." Yanking harder, he took it away.
With her temporary shelter gone, she covered her face with her hands—determined not to look at him. "I don't want to talk to you. Go away!" She managed to suppress the quiver in her voice.
Pulling at her arms, he uncovered her teary face. "Please don't cry, you're killing me." Kian leaned to kiss her tears away, planting little pecks all over her face.
Which made it even worse.
"You're such a phony, pretending to care when you knew all along you'll be getting rid of me soon." Syssi turned her face sideways in an attempt to escape his kisses.
"I do care, a lot. It's just such an impossible situation. I'm screwed whatever I do. If you don't turn, and I want to keep you, I'd either have to thrall you repeatedly, which will mess with your brain and might cause lon-gterm damage, or keep you locked up in here unable to leave or get in touch with your family, and you'd grow to hate me either way. The only decent thing I could have done was to let you go. And believe me, I tried. But I couldn't do it, and not only because I couldn't help how much I wanted you. I'm selfish, but not that selfish. This is bigger than just me and what I want, or how unfair it is to you. The slim chance that you might be a Dormant is too important for the future of my clan." Stroking her hair, he leaned into her and waited for her to turn and look at him.
Instead, she grabbed another pillow to hide under.
"Look, let us enjoy the time we have together and see what happens. You wouldn't want me to make promises I couldn't keep, would you? I'm trying to come clean and be completely honest with you. Please don't shut me out."
His pleading tone touched her. And besides, as much as she hated to accept the grim reality, she had to admit he was right.
Discarding the pillow, Syssi shifted her teary eyes to his sad face and opened her arms, inviting him in.
With a relieved sigh, Kian leaned into her embrace and held her tightly to his chest, completely unconcerned with his T-shirt getting wet from her tears. "I'm so sorry. I wish there were more I could offer you." He kissed her forehead.
Syssi sniffled, burying her face in his shirt. "I hate the fact that I need you so much. Just feeling your body against mine calms me down. It's as if I'm addicted to you, craving you even though I know you're no good for me."
Kian's body stiffened and he sat back. "Now that you mention it, there is one last screwed-up detail I haven't told you yet… The venom is addictive. The more your body gets, the more you will crave it, suffering unpleasant withdrawal if denied it."
"What kind of withdrawal?"
"You'll crave only me and get repulsed by any other man trying to be intimate with you. Until it leaves your system, you will not be able to have sex with anyone but me. And that might take a while."
Syssi frowned. She wouldn't want any other man after Kian, regardless of the addiction. No one could take his place, and she wondered if she would ever be able to stop comparing every guy to him and find each and every one wanting.
Still, that wasn't what got her upset. "How about you, will you develop an addiction to me?"
"Eventually, but supposedly it takes longer for males to get hooked. As your body's scent gradually changes, bearing my particular mark, it will both attract me and serve as a repellent to other males of my kind." For some reason, what he had just told her made him frown.
Looking at his hard face, Syssi couldn't decide if he frowned because explaining the compulsory nature of his kind irritated him, or was he secretly yearning for the addiction to shackle her to him… Was his possessive nature once again raising its ugly primitive head? Except, if it did, she was guilty of the same thing, clinging to what he had said in a desperate hope that he'd get hooked on her… and fast.
Sighing, Kian clasped her hand. "Don't worry, it normally takes a very long time for the addiction to set, probably months. We'll know one way or another long before it happens," he added, evidently misreading her expression and attempting to assuage her fears.
Syssi wanted to tell him that she wasn't worried, she was disappointed.
Kian had just destroyed the last glimmer of her irrational hope that he would soon come to crave her so much, he would never be able to let her go—regardless of whether she turned or not.
Then, the obtuse man misinterpreted her dejected expression again and made it worse by trying to make it better. "If a miracle happens and you turn, you'll have your pick of clan males before you're compelled to choose one because of the addiction."
Not getting the relieved reaction he had anticipated, he continued to make it worse. "You don't have to commit to one man right from the start. The way to prevent getting addicted to a specific venom is to vary partners and get several different types of it in your system. You can take your time and choose someone that is right for you with the confidence that you aren't compelled to rush into it."
What the hell? Yesterday he was ready to punch Anandur for flirting with her, and today he was okay with her choosing someone else?
Again, she wanted to scream at him to make up his mind. Come to think of it, throwing something heavy at his head would have been way more satisfying.
Men were so frustrating.
Who could understand the twisted way their minds worked… And to think they accused women of making no sense and being irrational. Ha!
Nonetheless, it hurt like hell.
The only way she could make sense of his bizarre behavior was to accept that as long as he considered her his, he didn't want any other males sniffing around her. But evidently, he wasn't planning on anything long-term. He knew he'd eventually tire of her and then pass her on to someone else.
She must've meant so little to him. Just a convenient lay. Another notch on his belt… A very, very, long belt… Ugh…
Unless she turned…
Then she would be important alright… to the clan. Not him personally, bu
t to all the other males in his family.
Syssi felt so stupid. She had no one to blame for the pain she was feeling but herself. What did she expect? A man like him falling in love with her? Wanting her to be his forever? Forever taking a whole new meaning in his case. He was the freaking son of a goddess, for heaven's sake. Gorgeous, successful…
Syssi wanted to scream in frustration.
She couldn't let him know how deeply he had cut her, though, and regretted even the small glimpses of feelings she had already allowed him to see.
If he could treat their time together as a temporary fling, so could she. Pretending to be just as casual about it, she'd treat him as nothing but a hookup and try to be just as cynical as everyone else.
Too bad, though, that fronting as if it was nothing to her would be hard to pull off. She wasn't that good of an actress.
Pulling her hand from his clasp, she pushed up to her feet. "I need to go to Amanda's place to get dressed."
Kian reached for her as she turned to leave. "Are you okay?" Pulling her in between his thighs, he wrapped his arms around her waist.
"Yeah, sure… I can't spend the day wearing your T-shirt, can I? I have to go." Syssi tugged at his arms until he let go of her. "I also need to put in some work with Amanda, or I’ll lose my pay." She tried to smile reassuringly but failed miserably.
Kian seemed reluctant to let her go, catching her hand as she once again turned to leave. "Okay, but I'll come to see you later. Maybe in the afternoon?"
"Yeah, sure, whatever…" She pulled until he let go and walked out.
Standing outside Amanda's door in her ridiculous getup of platforms and Kian's flimsy T-shirt and nothing underneath, yesterday's underwear bunched in her hand, Syssi knocked, then waited a few moments before knocking again, louder this time.
"Let yourself in!" She heard Amanda call.
Syssi opened the door just a crack and peeked in. "Hello? It's me. Can I come in?"
Amanda couldn't answer since her mouth was busy kissing a bare-chested guy. And it wasn't the one Syssi remembered from the club…
The woman was simply unbelievable…
"Here you go, sweetheart." Amanda handed him his shirt and shoes. Without giving him a chance to put them on, she pushed him toward the door.
"Onidu! Where are you? Sam is ready to go. Please drive him back to the club."
Poor Sam looked completely out of it, stupefied. And judging by his unfocused eyes and gaping mouth the guy was probably thralled within an inch of his life.
But what really caught Syssi's attention were the small bite marks on the side of his neck and both of his smooth pecs.
Amanda kissed Sam's cheek, then shoved him out the door with a pat on his butt. As she turned her full attention to Syssi, there was a knowing smirk on her face. "Good morning, stranger, I see you ended up having some fun after all." She tugged on her own long T-shirt down from where it rode up her thighs.
Syssi decided giving being blunt a shot. "How come your guy had visible bite marks, and I don't?"
"I see that Kian had finally spilled… So what exactly did he tell you?" Amanda walked over to the couch and sat down. Tucking her bare legs under her butt, she covered her knees with the long shirt. "Come tell mommy everything." She patted the spot next to her.
"I guess the main points… Who and what you guys are, your enemies, how I might be a potential immortal, and how crucially important it is to the clan if I am, and so on." Sissy stuffed her underwear in her purse, leaving it on the table before settling next to Amanda. Tucking her legs under Kian's long shirt, she mirrored her boss's pose.
In the quiet that followed, Amanda's stare was unnerving. Turning away from those knowing eyes, Syssi grabbed one of the throw pillows strewn on the couch and hugged it to herself, pretending to admire the colorful pattern.
"He did something to hurt you, didn't he… Tell me, so I can go and pummel the fool to the ground." Amanda held her fists up, then chuckled as Syssi arched a brow. "Okay, I'll hire some muscle to do it for me."
"He didn't hurt me. I had like two seconds of panic when he flashed those monstrous fangs of his, but after that, well… it was amazing… It's just that I'm kind of shell-shocked. All of this is a lot to wrap my mind around—to absorb. I need time to think it through—formulate my questions… And speaking of questions; you didn't answer me about the bite marks." For some reason, talking about it helped Syssi get some perspective and organize it in her head, and she felt some of the turmoil inside her subside.
"He told you about the venom, right?" When Syssi nodded, Amanda continued. "Females don't have any. Our small, wee fangs, if you can even call them that, are for decoration only. They don't elongate like the males' do either. I guess it's like the difference between a penis and a clitoris." Amanda snorted. "I bite because I like it and it feels good, not because it can do anything interesting, like activate a Dormant or incapacitate an opponent. Without the venom, it takes longer for the marks to heal… on mortals anyway. An immortal male's body would have healed those in no time, and maybe it's a big turn-on for them. Who knows? I never had one." Amanda looked down at her hands.
"You never had a lover of your own kind?"
"I don't know any immortal men that I'm not related to. So only plain mortals for me. Yay!" Amanda looked up at Syssi with sad eyes.
That's right, Kian had said that they couldn't mate with members of the same matrilineal descent.
Suddenly, the full weight of their plight dawned on her. The lonely existence they were doomed to endure. Being confined to mortal lovers, they had no chance of having lifelong partners, spending their extremely long existence alone.
How sad…
"Have you ever fallen in love? With a mortal?" Syssi probed.
"No, I hardly ever have sex with the same guy twice. None of us do. Even for an idiot, it wouldn't take long to figure out something is not kosher. Eventually, someone that you're close to is bound to notice that you never get sick, heal in seconds from accidental cuts and nicks, that you're stronger and faster than normal and your senses are sharper. The males have it even worse; kind of hard to explain the fangs away. And there is the addiction factor. Did Kian share that little morsel with you?"
"He did." Syssi grimaced.
"It's funny, but we forgot all about it. Mother told Kian a long time ago, but as it wasn't relevant to our situation, one-night stands and all, he forgot. He was reminded because of you."
Syssi rubbed at her chest, the subject sharpening the knives' barely dulled edge and bringing back the pain. "Yeah, not very convenient for a fling… Still, I bet your ancestors had very stable marriages—being forced to be faithful to each other like that."
"Not necessarily, we are a lustful race, as you're surely aware of by now. The way our mother explained it to Kian, mated couples that didn't want to limit themselves were having sex with other partners from the get-go, mixing up the different venoms to prevent being addicted to a particular one. More so in the upper class, where most marriages were arranged and not the result of any great love. Besides, sleeping around was not frowned on. It was an acceptable behavior for both males and females. What do you think the myths of the gods frolicking with one another and with mortals are based on? That's the way they really were."
"So what's the point of having this system if it's so easily circumvented?"
"Kian and I talked about it. We guess, but it's speculation only, that our race was genetically manipulated to have the peculiar traits we have. The scientist responsible for it might have been a romantic at heart, or loved an unfaithful mate. Who knows?" Amanda smiled. "Kian thinks he was a deranged lunatic, but I think it was sweet. Imagine falling in love, getting married, and during the honeymoon—when everything is still wonderfully exciting and love is fresh—an addiction forms. Voila! Lifelong fidelity. No nasty surprises, no divorces… and an amazing sex life to boot. It could have been a wonderful thing for a true love mating."
"Ha! What if after the hon
eymoon period—as you call it—they started to annoy each other so much that they grew to hate one another but were stuck together because of the addiction? What then?" Syssi crossed her arms over her chest and switched to sitting with her legs crossed at the knee.
"Well, if it got so bad that they were willing to suffer through withdrawal and abstain from sex for a few months, then they could've gone their separate ways. But it gave them one hell of an incentive to just get along." Amanda laughed, giving Syssi a quick hug.
"I don't know… Relationships are complicated, people are complicated; feelings change, people change, shit happens… You cannot hope to solve all possible problems with good sex." Syssi thought her situation with Kian was a perfect example of that.
Amanda's face turned serious. "Look, I don't know what exactly Kian told you, or how he presented it. I know he can be overbearing and insensitive, and expressing his feelings is not something he is good at. Not much of a diplomat, my brother. That's why we have someone else to do the smooth talking for him at business negotiations. But his intentions are good. He hardly ever thinks about what's good for himself. His life is all about the survival of our clan and ensuring that our work continues to help humanity thrive and evolve. It's such a huge burden to carry. You have no idea how much I admire and respect both Kian and Sari for shouldering that huge responsibility. And how grateful I am for being spared from having to shoulder it myself. I don't think I could've done it."
"Your work is important too. You're trying to find compatible mates for your family. I'm sure they appreciate it, especially if you actually succeed." Syssi sensed that Amanda felt overshadowed by her older siblings and wasn't used to getting praise.
"Yeah, after two centuries of being a selfish party girl, I'm finally trying to make a contribution…"
Yep, Amanda definitely wasn't used to praise… And she was two hundred years old? Wow!
"So, does that mean you don't party anymore?" Syssi asked, thinking Amanda partied plenty.