by Alice Mura
Jet helped his father carry bags up to a third-floor unit. The interior was unremarkable, with a tan carpet and white walls with minimal fixtures. There was a real dining set with matching chairs, a worn leather couch, recliner, television, and a floor lamp—not exactly some sad bachelor pad. Everything was neat.
After the groceries were brought in and put away, his dad showed him to his room. The bedroom was small, with a dresser, desk, chair, bed, and nightstand. It looked like a burner room; nothing indicated anyone lived there.
“Hope this is alright. I know it’s small.”
“It’s fine.” Jet set his bags on the desk and his clothes on the bed. He’d never had his own room before Paula’s house, and this bed didn’t even squeak under his weight. After a brief tour of the apartment, the two figured out dinner. They decided on veggie pasta with garlic and parmesan cheese. Jet threw in some oregano since Paula swore by it. The two of them set the table together and dug in.
“This is really good,” Tony said, chewing noisily.
“Yeah...”
The weight of silence hung between them like a dumbbell held up by a string, waiting to snap.
“You know, I don’t use this table much…wanna go in the living room and watch TV while we eat?” Tony smiled hopefully.
“Yes,” Jet said with a sigh of relief. After setting up some TV trays, the two sat on opposite ends of the couch and ate while trying to figure out what to watch.
“Just pick whatever you want.” Tony handed him the remote. Jet traced a finger across the device reverently. No one had ever willingly handed him the remote before. As a soft compromise, Jet picked a re-run of Modern Family – a show they all used to watch together before mom’s accident.
“I haven’t watched this in years,” Tony murmured.
“Yeah, me either.”
After eating, Jet headed for the shower. A new toothbrush, tube of toothpaste and bottle of shower gel lay on a clean, folded towel. He rolled his bottom lip through his teeth. His dad had prepared this earlier today, or maybe yesterday, in anticipation. He stepped into the shower recess and let the hot water wash over him. Scrubbing at his face with a washcloth, Jet examined the black streaks left by his makeup. No one banged on the door to remind him of the water bill. All was quiet, peaceful even. He turned the taps off and stood, trying to absorb some of that silence into his bones. A bathroom shared between just two people was unheard of. Maybe, just maybe, good things were coming his way.
As he finished getting dressed, there was a light knock on his bedroom door.
“Is it okay if I come in?” Tony called.
“Yeah.”
His dad entered his bedroom with a rectangular, cardboard box under his arm. “I got you something.” Jet took the box and unslotted the tabs on the sides. Inside was a brushed-silver laptop wrapped in thin foam.
“Is this for me?” he asked, staring at the laptop. He had never actually owned a computer before, a source of constant shame at his schools where he was unable to keep in contact with the few friends he made.
“Yeah, I figure, it’s the twenty-first century, you probably need a computer for school. It’s just a webbook but should have everything you need. I installed a word processor on it. I wanted to get you one that could play games, but they’re really fucking expensive.” His dad grumbled the last line through gritted teeth.
“It’s okay. I didn’t play a lot of games…before, anyway.”
“And here. Every teenager comes equipped with one of these.” His dad pulled a cellphone out of his back pocket and held it out for his son. Jet took the phone with reverence, open-mouthed as if being given the magic sword to protect his kingdom.
“I’ve never had a phone before,” Jet whispered, running his finger around the base searching for power as he had seen others do.
“I figured...it has unlimited talk and text, but if you have to watch Youtube, please use the wi-fi...and now that I’ve buttered you up, we need to talk about school.” Tony leaned against the footboard.
Jet’s stomach lurched. That one word dispelled his excitement like a popped soap bubble. He sat on his bed and fiddled with his phone as his dad spoke.
“Child services told me you haven’t graduated yet. They helped me enroll you at the local high school. I wanted to keep you enrolled at your current high school because I assumed you have friends there, but there’s this whole thing about taxes, and districts, and stupid adult stuff. Plus, it’s too far away now. I know I have no right to make demands of you after everything, but I really need you to finish high school for me. Trust me when I say your life will be so much easier if you graduate.”
Jet took a deep breath and stared at the carpeting. “Can’t I just get a GED or something?”
Tony shrugged. “I suppose you could, but we’d have to talk to Child Services, and it takes weeks to get an appointment. I promise you we’ll discuss it with them as soon as possible, but for now you have to go to school or I could lose custody of you. I said you don’t owe me anything, but I’m asking this of you as someone who cares about you deeply.”
Jet rolled his tongue around a suddenly dry mouth. If he skipped school, he could force his dad to lose custody and possibly return to live with Paula. It was a tempting thought. Then he sighed. His spot in the foster home was probably already taken. Getting back in the system could land him in a completely different home.
“I’ll go to school then,” he said reluctantly.
“Great. I didn’t mean to spring this on you or anything, but your first day is tomorrow. I tried to get a school supply list, but the school said your teachers would give you individual lists tomorrow, so we’ll go shopping when you get home from school. And one last thing...I better say this before I lose the nerve—whoever you choose to be or however you choose to present yourself, as long as you’re not hurting others, I will love and support you, okay?” Jet’s dad lifted his hand to rub his son’s shoulder but hesitated.
“Okay, Dad...”
“If you ever need someone to talk to or confide in, I’m here for you.”
“Okay...”
“Right, then. Hey, I put my number in your phone, so text me and let me know what you think.” Tony stood up to leave. Jet forced a hint of a smile onto his lips until his dad closed the door behind him. He flopped back onto the pillows. A tidal wave of emotions crashed into him, catching him by surprise. Grief, despair, bad memories, even a tiny fragment of hope rolled together through him over and over like angry sea waves. His chest felt tight and it was hard to breathe. Sobs broke loose, shaking his thin body. He smothered his face with the pillow so he wouldn’t be heard, a habit he had developed in foster care. There was nothing other boys liked to mock more than ‘girly’ tears.
Paula had been the first person in his life who didn’t abuse or mock him for presenting androgynously. She had been so warm and supportive from the first day. Although she couldn’t afford to buy Jet makeup, she had never asked him where he got his eyeliner, despite knowing he had no job. Remembering that sweet and wonderful person, Jet sat up. He blew his nose and cleared his throat. Tapping her number into his phone, he pressed call. The phone rang twice before she answered.
“Hello?” That warm, concerned voice ran like caramel across his raw nerves.
“Hey Mom, it’s me.” Jet wiped tears on the sleeve of his hoodie, leaving dark watermarks.
“Jet, sweetie! Oh, it’s so good to hear your voice. How’s your new house?”
“It’s not a house, it’s an apartment, but it’s okay.”
“That’s nice. And how’s your dad behaving?”
“He seems a lot better now. I think he’s finally turned things around. He took me shopping this afternoon.”
“That’s wonderful, honey. I’m so happy for you.”
“I really miss you...” Jet wrinkled his nose against the threat of fresh tears.
“Awww, I miss you too. I wish you could have stayed, I really do.”
“I believe
you. But…other kids need help too, right?” Jet wished he felt as generous as he sounded.
“That’s right...try to give your father a chance, okay? For me. I know he’s made a lot of mistakes, but he’s trying to do right by you. There’s a lot of kids out there who don’t have even that, as I’m sure you know.”
“He got me a phone and a laptop.”
“That’s wonderful. Now you can finally text all your friends.”
“Right...” He could have called anyone, he realized. But Paula’s voice was the only one he’d wanted to hear just then.
He asked Paula about her cat Tilly, and the neighbors who had been arguing the previous night. After that, he told her how nice his new neighborhood looked, all sparkly-clean, and about starting school. Then Paula yawned.
“Sorry sweetie.” She yawned again
“It’s okay. Go to bed…it was nice hearing your voice.” Paula always turned in early. He was pretty sure she had done it on purpose to allow him to sneak out and act like a rascal.
“You ring anytime you need to, love.”
“I will. I hope your next kid looks after you.”
“Well, they won’t be you. But thanks.”
They said their goodnights. Warmth crept into Jet’s core, although it didn’t reach his hands. He rubbed them on his knees and surveyed the room.
He reached for his laptop with the intention of messaging his friends, then realized he didn’t know any of their social media information. Paula was the biggest sweetheart in the world, but she didn’t even own a computer. This had put a serious strain on Jet’s relationships. Everyone at school seemed to have a smartphone and several social media accounts. Even in class, they were messaging each other, hiding phones under textbooks and pencil cases. He shook his head.
At least he had their phone numbers memorized: a skill that shocked his friends who had no need to remember phone numbers once they were in their phones. Jet began tapping their numbers into his phone, then he stopped. What would be the point? The drive today had taken hours. Sure, they could talk and text and do whatever kids did on social media, but they would never get to hang out again separated by so much distance. He must have been over two hundred miles away now, and there was no way they were going to make the trip for him.
Maybe it was better just to let them go. It’s not like they were close. In fact, he was pretty sure they resented him because he never had any money to do things like go out to eat or see movies. He could never treat or chip in. In fact, he frequently had to sneak in or forego eating all together just to hang out with them. Not to mention how everyone was getting into smoking weed, grumbling on how he never pitched in. Maybe he didn’t need friends like that. Jet sighed.
Jet booted up the computer and ran the setup. Then he headed for Youtube and created an account. Without any personal preferences, he was forced to rely on Youtube’s suggestions. He failed to find the appeal of popular Youtube stars, so instead turned to videos about drawing. With an artist’s live stream going, he broke out his art supplies and sketched in his fresh, new sketch pad.
The slight tension of his pen against the quality paper created a satisfying pressure under his hand. The sound of the nib whispering across the page was like bird song to his ears. For years he had worked on crappy school workbooks. Pencils and notebooks were one of the few things he could afford on his $5 weekly allowance from Paula. He would have to save up for weeks just to go out and see a movie, which he might not even like. Instead, he had tended to spend his meager allowance on notebooks and coloring supplies—one of the only things that could put a smile in his heart.
The clock on the laptop showed ten minutes after 12 when Tony knocked on the door to tell him goodnight. Jet watched another drawing demo, then remembered he had school the next morning. He’d probably need a modicum of sleep to function. A yawn split his mouth. He felt wrung out like a towel on washing day. Slowly he stripped down to his t-shirt and underwear and crawled into bed. The sheets felt cold and crisp, barely warmed by sitting on them for hours. At least they were new and clean, unlike a few beds he had slept in during foster care.
Memories and anxieties swirled in his head as he tried to sleep. He missed Paula. He was terrified of going to school tomorrow where he wouldn’t know anyone. The only thing worse than new foster homes were new schools. He didn’t even have a class schedule. He didn’t know any of the teachers, where any of the rooms were, or when school even started. He tossed and turned, trying to find a comfortable position. Then sleep finally rolled in and Jet passed out.
CHAPTER THREE
Jet awoke the next morning with his dad knocking and gently calling at his door. It felt like a cement slab sitting in his gut, knowing today was his first day at a new school. Even though it would be his last year, everyone at school would have established friend groups. They’d have no interest in welcoming a new kid. They would have years, maybe a lifetime, of shared experiences between them, and Jet was someone they had never even seen before. Jet’s heart pounded as he applied his makeup. This morning ritual, with brand new cosmetics, calmed some of the storm in his veins. After his eye makeup was perfect, he slipped his lip gloss in his pocket and stepped out of his room. He found his dad in the kitchenette, making breakfast.
“Morning, kiddo. Do you eat eggs? Are eggs vegetarian?”
“Eggs are fine…” said Jet, resting his sleepy head at the table. The slab in his gut had turned into a heavy mantle on his shoulders.
“One or two?” his dad asked over the sound of food frying.
“One, please.” For a moment, he felt changing his mind and asking for two, but maybe it was better not to push his luck.
If his dad had gotten sober a year later, all of these problems could have been avoided. He would still be living with Paula, going to the same school and being friends with the same people. Today was going to be a nightmare.
“You look like you could use some coffee.” His dad poured a mug and placed cream and sugar on the table. Jet’s face screwed up as he took a sip. He wasn’t emo enough to overcome the bitterness. With a splash of cream and three scoops of sugar, the hot coffee warmed him up and cleared his mind. His dad brought over a scrambled egg and slice of toast on a ceramic plate. Jet ate in silence as Tony joined him.
“You excited for your first day of school?” he asked as he sipped his coffee.
“No...”
“I promise I’ll make an appointment with social services as soon as possible to talk about getting your GED. As long as you’re getting an education or working, I’ll support you as long as you need me to.”
Jet didn’t even taste his breakfast as he picked at it. The dread of going to a new school was growing like thunderheads on the horizon, bigger and darker by the minute.
“Can we call them now?” Jet fiddled with his mug.
“I already tried. They don’t open until nine. I’ll call on my lunch break. You can do this, kiddo. You’re tough.”
Jet wasn’t sure how tough he actually was. It just showed that his dad didn’t know anything about him. All the fight and hope had been beaten and drained from him in foster care. At some point, he had accepted his dad was never coming back for him, and his foster brothers had shown him the worst of humanity. He wasn’t strong enough to defend himself, and now he didn’t have any friends to watch his back. At his old school, some of the seniors gave him a hard time for being feminine, but blending in with his friends offered a bit of protection.
“I’d figure I’d drive you to school so you didn’t have to get up so early for the bus. If you want?”
“That’s fine...”
“You ‘bout ready to go?” Jet’s dad handed him a packed lunch from the fridge in a brown paper bag, then led the way downstairs to the car. It was practically a field trip for Jet, who didn’t know this area of California at all. Everything was new to him. All the traffic, stores, and restaurants might as well have been another country.
Past an office plaza was a
school with modern architecture. The building was made from white cinder blocks with red brick for trim. Massive windows with silver frames looked out on the parking lot. Out front sprawled a huge lawn dotted with topiary and flower beds that would use more water than an entire district. School buses were cycling in and out of a roundabout while kids steadily poured in like ants. Everything was well kept and clean. Maybe the school wouldn’t be so bad. In his early teens, Jet had gone to some rough schools where there were fights almost every day. The classes were overcrowded, and a lot of the teachers didn’t seem to want to be there. Like his new apartment, things seemed different here. But kids were kids, anywhere.
Tears burned in the back of his throat, and Jet hated them. His dad pulled into the student drop-off queue. No one at this school even knew he existed. If he vanished, how long would it take for anyone to notice he went missing?
“Before I forget,” Tony said, patting Jet’s knee awkwardly. “You have to stop by the office to get your class schedule. I’m sure they’ll have someone show you to all your classes. Try not to get suspended, but don’t let a bully push you around. If someone tries to fight you, a quick hook to the jaw will make them think twice. I know Child Services will be up my ass if you get suspended, but…better then you getting pushed around.”
Jet’s eyes flicked to his dad whose jaw was tight. Tony’s hand swiped at his face. Was he crying? Jet’s heart felt like a hot hand was squeezing the juices out of it. He swallowed hard.
“I’ll be fine Dad. This looks like a really nice school.”
“Right.” Tony cleared his throat. “Just be yourself. You’ve got nothing to hide.”
“Okay...” If only everyone else felt that way.
The car pulled up to the designated drop off spot. Jet and his dad exchanged a look. Tony looked as tense as Jet felt. The ice forming in his veins made his hands tremble.