by Alice Mura
“You have pretty lashes. You’d make a really cute girl,” said Liam as he finished. His mouth twitched. “Ah! Sorry! I know you said you’re not trans. I was just thinking out loud.” He took Jet’s hand and led him out of the bathroom. Two boys entered as they left and neither seemed to care that Liam and Jet were holding hands in public.
“What are you doing?” Jet asked as Liam led him into the sea of students going to and from class. The traffic stalled in the main hall as the students filed through classroom doorways.
“I’m making sure you get to your next class okay,” said Liam over the din of rowdy students. In that moment, Jet’s heart melted. Here was the sweetest, most considerate boy he had ever met in his life. Jet would do anything to make him his boyfriend.
“How do you know where my next class is?” said Jet.
“I saw your schedule, remember?”
“You must have a really good memory.” Somehow, they were still holding hands. Jet rubbed Liam’s knuckles lightly with his thumb as they walked. Liam’s heat blazed through their contact.
“You’d think so. My brain just picks and chooses what’s important at random. I guess it thought I needed to memorize your schedule.” After pushing through some a cluster of students where the two main hallways of the school intersected, Liam led Jet to his history class. They stood to the side of the doorway and Liam dropped his hand. Jet bit his lower lip and looked at Liam. Even after seeing and hearing all his shit, Liam hadn’t run.
“This is your stop,” Liam announced with a relaxed smile. A soft, thrilling tremor ran through Jet. Without any kind of forethought, he hugged Liam around the neck and pecked him on the cheek. Liam’s cheeks went bright pink.
“Was that too much?” Jet asked, instantly regretting showing any kind of affection.
“No...no...I know it’s normal for guys to show affection. I can’t be an insecure dude-bro about it. I just wasn’t expecting it.”
“I won’t do it again if it upset you. I should have asked first...not invaded your personal space...”
“N—no, it’s cool. Here.” Like a clumsy yeti, Liam lifted his arms and carefully hugged Jet. Jet hugged him back with the beginning of a smile tugging his lips. He rested his face on Liam’s firm chest for a second before letting go.
“See. Just two guys secure in their sexuality.” Liam gave a thumbs up to show how comfortable he was. “Oh, before I forget. Let me get your number.”
The two exchanged phone numbers, Jet smiling the entire time.
“I need to rush to my next class. Don’t be afraid to text me if you see Jackson,” said Liam as he jogged off down the hall.
“Love you...” Jet whispered to himself.
CHAPTER SIX
Jet slunk through the rest of the day, staring at his textbooks and avoiding conversation. After the final bell, he joined the rivers of students streaming out through the entrance. As far as first days went, it had to be one of the worst. Then again, he’d also made a pretty sweet friend. Maybe someone he could convince to be more than a friend? At the pickup zone he was mildly surprised to find his dad already waiting for him.
“So, how was your first day of school?” Tony asked as they pulled away.
“Ups and downs...normal school stuff.”
“You were smiling as you got in the car…at least, I think it’s a smile?…and I know for a fact you weren’t smiling when you got out. Something good must have happened. You don’t have to tell me, but I do really want to hear about how your day went.”
Jet paused a moment, unsure how much information he wanted to share with his dad. Talking to his old friends about boys felt natural, but he was reluctant to have that same talk with his dad. Jet loved being gay and being able to embrace his femininity, but he still worried about what antiquated notions his dad held about manhood. After all, Tony was over forty, which was practically a boomer as far as Jet was concerned. So far there’d been no judgement. Maybe he should just get it over with, and see how his dad reacted?
“I’ll tell you, but you can’t like make a big thing out of it, okay?”
“Sure. I’m all ears, kiddo.”
“Well...I met a boy...” Jet could feel his veins flood with warm cotton. Why did it have to feel so embarrassing to tell his dad he had a crush on a boy? Shouldn’t it just be a normal, ordinary thing?
“That’s great! What’s his name?”
“Liam...he’s really tall and really sweet. He showed me where all my classes were and stuff. We exchanged numbers. I don’t know if he likes boys though...”
“You should probably ask him before your wedding night instead of after.”
“Dad!” Jet felt heat rise on his neck, but at the same time, the iron claws gripping his stomach relaxed.
“I’m just kidding! He sounds sweet. You should invite him over for dinner sometime. Maybe not tonight though.”
“Why not tonight?”
“I’m picking up a double shift at work tonight, so I won’t even be home for dinner. Floor manager gave me ninety minutes to pick you up and grab something to eat for the night. Hope you’ll be okay by yourself. I know I said we’d get your school supplies tonight, but maybe tomorrow?”
Jet’s heart flooded with excitement. He immediately knew this meant having the house to himself. Would Liam be interested in coming over? Could he find out now if Liam would return his affections?
Once they got back to the apartment, Jet began texting Liam.
Hey whatcha doing tonite?
Is this Jet?
Yeah my dads going to be working late and I hav the house to myself if you want to stop by
Just you and me???
Jet could feel the adrenaline being pumped into his veins. Was Liam implying what he thought he was implying or was Liam hesitant to be alone with Jet? A small voice cautioned Jet to back off, but his hormones were flaring like fireworks at the thought of being alone with Liam.
yea
you dont still live in redondo do you?
no lolz im only like ten minutes from the school
what’s your adress?
Jet felt like he was trying to swallow a frog, his throat was so tight. Liam really wanted to spend time alone with him. That’s when he realized he didn’t know his own address.
“Dad, where are we?”
“Home?” his dad called from the kitchen.
“I mean, what’s our address?”
“Why? Are you ordering pizza? Do you need money?”
“Can we have pizza tonight?” Pizza would be perfect for Liam, probably. Who didn’t love pizza?
“As long as you’re happy eating it for breakfast and lunch tomorrow, go ahead and order yourself something. We’re at the Forest Green Estates on Lewiston Road, just pass Cypress Avenue. Room thirty-three in building two. Did you get all that?”
Jet rapidly typed the address and sent it to Liam.
Cool did your dad leave yet
“Dad, when do you have to leave?”
“I’m leaving right now. There’s twenty bucks on the table.”
“Thanks. Bye.” From in his bedroom, Jet heard the front door shut and lock. A fountain of possibilities bubbled up inside him.
My dad just left stop by whenever
Cool see you in a few
Jet tossed himself on his bed and sighed like a princess waiting to be rescued. Liam was really coming over, and no one was home but him. No foster parents, no foster brothers. The small two-bedroom apartment swelled to a giant wilderness of possibilities. If things went perfectly, this would be the single greatest night of his life. Jet was so excited he became aroused and rolled over on his back. He unzipped his pants and thought about Liam. He was so tall that Jet would have to stand on his toes to kiss him. He was probably strong enough he could carry Jet to the bedroom. Their bodies would touch, clumsy hands excited to feel each other. Jet imagined holding Liam tight and kissing his neck. The pants would come off. They’d touch. Jet would finally know what it felt like
to be loved.
Jet snapped out of his fantasy as the front door buzzed. He re-did his pants and rushed to answer it only to find no one standing in the hall. The door rang again, and Jet realized he had to buzz Liam up. He pressed the big white button on a panel next to the door and held it down for a few seconds. Jet fluttered around the house, unsure of what to do with himself. He should have done his makeup or maybe cross-dressed for Liam to make himself more desirable. He did have some cute girl clothes in his bag he had stolen from an outlet store.
The knock at the door made Jet’s heart leap. He took a deep breath and opened it to find Liam standing in the hall with a bag of chips in his arm.
“Can I come in?”
“Of course!” Jet yelped, stepping back in a hurry. Shit, what would Liam think of him just standing in the doorway?
“So your dad left?”
“Yeah, just a few minutes before you got here. We can do whatever we want.” Jet was tempted to make a move, already pent up from moments earlier, but he didn’t want Liam to feel like he was lured here for sex.
“Is it alright if I smoke a bowl here?”
Jet recoiled slightly. “Like weed?”
“Yeah, just a little. If not, it’s cool. I just needed a place to smoke where my parents wouldn’t be butting in. Are you like, straight edge?”
Jet’s heart sunk. “No! No, I used to smoke weed all the time before I moved here. We should go on the patio though, so we don’t stink up the house.”
They stepped out on the patio into the warm, August evening. The sun was still a good two handspans from the horizon, and the traffic on the street was bumper to bumper. Jet was tempted to spoon Liam from behind but leaned on the railing and gripped it tight. How should he ask? He watched the traffic go by as Liam sat against the sheet metal rails of the porch and packed a small glass bowl. After a few minutes, Jet slipped to the tiles next to him so their knees were touching. Liam produced a lighter, sparked it, and drew a big hit on the bowl. With his head upright holding in the hit, he passed it to Jet who was very familiar with how a bowl worked. He took a big hit and prayed this night was going places. In only a minute, Jet could feel the effects of the weed. The world just seemed so peaceful and nothing seemed to matter. The sound of the traffic faded. He was in a new exciting place and the day was beautiful. They were practically up in the air on the third story patio.
Once the bowl was finished, Liam gently tapped it on the patio to empty it and kicked the ashes to the wind. For a moment, the two friends just stared out at the city.
“I am fucking loving this patio right now,” said Liam, pulling his arm around Jet’s waist. Jet felt a prickle of happy tears sting the bridge of his nose.
“It’s my first time on it, but I get it. Everyone should have a third story, outdoor patio. The world would be a better place.”
“Totally.”
In that moment, Jet couldn’t care about how painful his life had been or how terrifying lunch had been that day. All he could focus on was how peaceful and happy he was with Liam.
“Oh, sorry. I didn’t mean to grab you. My friends say I get touchy-feely when I’m high. I keep forgetting you’re not a girl.”
“You can think of me as a girl if you want,” said Jet, resting his head against Liam’s shoulder. He held his breath waiting for Liam’s reply.
“Do you think you’re a girl?”
“No...I mean, I like doing some feminine stuff like wearing makeup and dressing up sometimes.”
“I bet you’d make a super cute girl.”
“I have some girl clothes in my room...if you want to see me dress up.”
“That sounds hot...” Liam swallowed and looked at Jet. Jet licked his lips and took Liam by the hand, leading him to his bedroom. Liam sat in his desk chair as Jet dumped his bag of clothes out on the bed. Among the pile was a pleated, purple skirt and a hot-pink tank top. The rest of the clothes were mostly skinny jeans and hoodies. Jet hesitated a moment then slid off his jeans, revealing white panties with pink stripes underneath. He watched Liam for a reaction. Liam could only stare at Jet’s crotch. Jet’s heart thundered in his rib cage. Everything was going exactly as planned. Jet quickly slipped into his skirt and tank top then turned with his hands on his hips. He brushed one hand through his black three-inch hair away from his face.
“How do I look?”
Liam’s eyes devoured him taking in the diminutive length of his body.
“Do – do the makeup too.”
Jet took out his phone and used the camera app to see his face. He went all out, starting with his new foundation and finishing with dark smoky eyes. He completed the look with some rose gloss to make his pouty lips pop. Feeling beautiful and bold, he straddled Liam’s lap and wrapped his arms around the back of his neck.
“Do I make a cute girl?”
Liam nodded, his mouth hung slightly open. To Jet’s wonderful shock, Liam made the first move, leaning in for a kiss as he pawed at Jet’s flat chest. Jet had heard the tired cliches about seeing fireworks during your first kiss. He didn’t see any fireworks, but his heart pounded like it was fit to launch into orbit. Jet kissed him back, and without thinking, their tongues fought with each other. Jet could feel Liam’s excitement press into his flat butt.
“You’re like the prettiest girl ever,” said Liam, breaking the kiss only a moment to flatter Jet. He didn’t know how to take such a compliment, so he buried his face in Liam’s neck and kissed it. For the rest of his life he wouldn’t forget the salt taste of Liam’s skin. Liam’s breath came faster, his hands and lips more urgent. Liam lurched to his feet clutching at Jet and backed him the three steps to the bed. He pushed Jet down. Liam stood there and unbuckled his pants. Jet sat up on his elbows and stared, his pulse hammering and heat boiling through his body.
Liam exposed himself to Jet, sliding his pants down and stepping out of them. It was the single most beautiful sight Jet had ever seen. Unlike most people, Jet never had regular access to porn. The few times he had ever seen it were on his friends’ phones and only briefly at that. Most of his foster parents had been too uptight or poor for sexy magazines and movies. Any abandoned magazines stuffed in basements had long since been claimed by his foster brothers. For years Jet had relied on his imagination and drawings to experience any form of positive love-making.
Liam’s erection stood upright, twitching with excitement. Jet sat up to touch it, running his hands along the sensitive skin of Liam’s groin. Liam’s breath caught. With equal parts confidence and excitement, Jet took him gently in his mouth. Liam’s hands slid through his hair. It tasted nothing like he expected. In fact, it didn’t taste like much at all, but the little moans and gasps from Liam’s mouth were immensely satisfying and made Jet feel beautiful. And powerful. He was drawing this response from Liam. Without warning, Liam became more aggressive, pushing deeper and deeper into Jet’s throat until he gagged.
“Stop!” Jet coughed, pulling away.
“I’m sorry! I thought that’s how you’re supposed to do that. That’s always how they do it in pornos.”
“Is this your first time?” said Jet looking up.
“Yeah...I suck at this, huh?”
It was Jet’s first consensual time too, but he felt like he needed to show Liam some confidence in their flailing first encounter.
“Just stand there and enjoy it. I know what to do.”
Jet kissed his erection and played with his balls, indulging himself in the ultimate expression of his femininity. Feeling sexual and desirable were the most pleasant and powerful feelings in Jet’s life. This act was the ultimate expression of those feelings. He kissed the inside of Liam’s thigh and the crease where his hip met his pelvis. He kissed him everywhere before taking him in his mouth again. A minute later, Liam’s body went rigid and he came with a moan and a gasp. The taste and texture were terrible, and Jet spat into a tissue. But, it was worth it. He’d never felt more beautiful and worthwhile.
“Oh fuck, that was
hot,” gasped Liam, sitting on the bed to compose himself. “Do I do you now? Is that how this works?”
“You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do,” said Jet, rubbing Liam’s thigh.
“Yeah, but now I feel like I owe you for making you do that.”
“You don’t owe me anything. I fucking loved doing that. I’ll do that every day if you ask me to.”
“So, do you feel like a girl now?”
“Liam, I love you, but I’m not a girl...”
“What? I thought you said you felt like a girl.”
Did he say that? The weed made it really hard to remember what had been said only moments ago. His pulse pounded in his ears. He never purported to be a girl even while dressing up. For years now, Jet was confident he was a boy. He had questioned his gender growing up, but eventually realized enjoying classically feminine things didn’t make him a girl. He liked being a boy and being thought of as a boy even while wearing a skirt and makeup.
“I’m sorry if I misled you, but I’m a boy. I’ve always been a boy.”
“But you’re such a cute girl. Are you sure you’re not trans or genderqueer or non-binary or one of those other genders I can’t remember?” A hint of panic rose in Liam’s voice.
“I mean, maybe a little.”
“So you’re confused? Because I’m really fucking confused right now, and I don’t know how this works. Does this mean I’m gay because I let you suck my dick?”
“I can’t tell you what your sexuality is.”
“I just thought you made a really cute girl. That’s it. I didn’t mean to let you go that far. Fuck...”
Liams panic rattled him, but he tried to calm his lover. “Hey, it’s okay. You’re allowed to like whoever you like. You don’t have to put a label on it. I know I’m really girly. I get mistaken for a girl all the time.”
“I thought you were a girl the first time I saw you.”
“Liam, you’re like the sweetest, nicest guy I ever met. I don’t want you to feel like this was some huge mistake. This was amazing. This was the most amazing night of my life. Didn’t you enjoy it?”