by Alice Mura
“I thought you were in all the smart classes,” said Jet.
“I am, but I have to take Art or Shop as an elective. Otherwise I’d have a half day and could go home early to study.”
“Yeah, but, if you had a half-day, you never would have saved me from Jackson.”
Amy looked at him a moment. “I suppose you’re right. I never thought about it like that. Maybe there’s a higher purpose, like me watching over you.”
“Maybe? I was supposed to be in fourth-year art, but I ended up here. Maybe we were destined to meet.”
“I really do get that feeling. But aren’t you going to transfer to fourth-year art then?” said Amy, hiding the concern in her voice.
“I don’t think so. I’d rather have a class with my friend.”
“Oh, who’s your friend?”
“You! Duh.”
Amy recoiled in shock. Her hand moved under the table to grab Jet’s hand. Instead of that intense sexual tension, Jet only felt worried about what she was about to say.
“I’m not good at making friends. All the other girls say I’m too obnoxious and politically correct and I come on too strong…they’re probably right.”
“I think it’s really sweet how considerate you are of everyone else’s feelings.”
“You’re sweet...”
“You should meet Liam. I think you two would totally get along.” As soon as the words left his mouth, Jet felt an odd bubbling in his belly. They probably would get along really well. How did he feel about that?
“Yeah? You’ll have to introduce us. Can you show me what you can draw?”
CHAPTER ELEVEN
Jet knocked on Ms. DeVille’s door as the bell rang for lunch.
“Jet, come in. Have a seat in the chair.”
Jet pulled the chair up to the desk where his teacher had her lunch spread out with some worksheets she was grading.
“Glad you could make it,” said Ms. DeVille with a kind smile.
“Yeah…was kind of nervous about coming here.”
“I don’t bite,” said his teacher as she forked in a bite of her quiche. She waggled her eyebrows and smirked.
“Is that a veggie quiche?”
“Yeah, I’ve been vegetarian for about twenty years now. It works for me.”
“I’ve been vegetarian for five years, I think.”
“Really? Good luck with the food the school serves.”
“Yeah…” Jet found himself looking out the windows.
“You wanted to ask me about boys?” She pushed her food aside and rested her chin on her interlocked hands.
Jet looked down, avoiding her intense concentration. “Yeah…I just…I’m really confused.”
“About your sexuality?”
“No. I know I’m gay. At least, I’m pretty sure; there’s a weird thing with a girl, but no. I just…I keep getting into these romantic relationships that fail as soon as they start. There’s this boy…”
“Uh huh.”
“Let’s call him…Ray. And I really, really like this guy.”
“You have a crush on him?”
“Oh yeah. A huge one. Like, I can’t stop thinking about him and being held by him and kissing him.” Just thinking about him now brought tingles to Jet’s skin.
“Been there,” said Ms. DeVille before she took a swig of water from her bottle.
“Yeah…but he doesn’t like boys. I mean, we did things together – stuff. But then he got really weird afterward.”
“How so?”
“He thought I was a girl, but I never told him I was a girl, and I’m not a girl.”
“Gender’s confusing, but that makes complete sense.”
“And he wants me to be a girl, and I think if I was a girl, I could have Li…Ray.”
“Do you think you’re a girl?”
“No…I know I’m a boy.”
“A very fashionable boy, but a boy nonetheless.”
“Right. Ah, thanks…But I would be a girl to make him happy. I would do anything to make him happy.”
“Oh, sweetie…you’re in it deep. I’ve been right where you are. You think you can be this ideal that a guy wants, and you change so many things about yourself to fit his mold, and you think if you can just have him, then you’ll finally be happy. But it doesn’t work like that. It works at first, but then the stress of being something you’re not catches up to you, and the intense love you felt at first deteriorates. You start to resent them for not loving you as much as you love them. One day you end up hating the person you once loved because they turned you into something hateful and bitter that you don’t even recognize.” Ms. DeVille dug into her quiche again, and waved the fork at Jet.
“How do you know all this? How do you know it will be like that with me and Ray? How do you know I can’t make him happy?”
“Because I’ve been there, Jetsam. I fell madly in love with a boy and tried to be his perfect housewife. I tried so hard, but I couldn’t give him what he wanted.”
“I’m sorry…”
“Don’t be sorry. The most important thing is to be yourself. You’re so young, and there will be other boys. You might think you’ll never find another Ray, but if you take care of yourself and you keep looking, you’ll find someone who loves you as much as you love them.”
“Someone who loves every part of you…” Jet mumbled. Ms. DeVille gave him a knowing nod smile and nodded. “I feel kinda caught in the middle. There’s this girl who really wanted to get heavy with me, and at first, I did too. But then I realized I didn’t. I didn’t want to hurt her…so some stuff happened. But I’m gay, so why would I feel that way?”
His teacher chewed on her lip, studying her. “There’s a lot of possibilities for that one. You’re going through a huge emotional upheaval; moving, new school, new friends…” she cocked her head. “…unfortunately a new bully. As if teenage puberty wasn’t enough of a bitch. Maybe she reminds you of someone important from your past. I don’t know you well enough yet, but my guess would be that it has something to do with the lack of affection you’ve had. Someone ready to shower you with affection, especially if you’ve just been let down by the guy you like…gender doesn’t really have much to do with that. We all want love and affection. To feel like we are the sun and moon to somebody is a powerful feeling in itself; an aphrodisiac.”
Jet nodded thoughtfully. “Yeah, that’s some stuff to think about. This was really helpful. You’re really good to talk to.”
“Well, I do have a degree in child psychology. Not sure quite why I ended up teaching, but I came here to help kids. This is a nice school. Try to get the most out of it.”
“I feel like I just talked to my mom. Is that weird?”
Ms. DeVille gave a single chuckle. “Mr. Nordstrom told me what happened to your mom. He also asked me to keep an eye on you. I’m always here if you need to talk. We share the same name. You’re practically my surrogate son at this point. Coming home late. Telling me about your boy problems.”
Jet ducked his head, his neck warming. “I can’t believe I told you all that.”
“‘Some things are so deeply personal, they can only be told to a stranger.’ You know who said that?”
“No.”
“Was Richard Rodriguez.”
“Should I know who that is?”
She laughed, a pleasant light whooshing of air, like a spring breeze. “Never mind.”
“Well, thanks for the talk.”
Jet left the empty classroom deep in thought. The rest of the day was uneventful, but Jet was glad to have some perspective on a problem he had kept to himself all this time. After school, he walked outside to find a small traffic jam in the lane and roundabout outside the school. There he also found Amy waiting for her ride.
“Why are there so many cars?” asked Jet as he approached Amy.
“They were voting on ballot initiatives today in the gym. I guess some cars went the wrong way in the entrance, and now everyone is stuck.”
&
nbsp; “Adults are dumb,” said Jet, making Amy giggle.
As Jet turned his head, a violent force collided with the side of his face, sending him toppling to the ground. Amy’s screech threatened to split whatever was left of his ringing eardruMs
“I’m going to fucking kill you!” a familiar voice screamed as a fist grabbed his shirt while another rained down punches on his face. “Gonna get me a juvie record, bitch?!” The sky threatened to flip upside down as Jet’s head bounced backward from each punch. He couldn’t focus, couldn’t breathe. He tried to throw his hands around his head to protect himself. Pain exploded in a fiery machine-gun sequence.
“Get off him, you fucking creep!” Amy screamed as she grabbed Jackson’s arm. Jackson let go of Jet to punch Amy in the face. Jet regained his balance and tackled Jackson to the ground, but he was quickly overpowered by the bigger boy. Instead of punching him, Jackson wrapped his hands around his throat and began to strangle him. Jet clawed at the hands, but his grip was painfully tight. His face felt like it would burst from the pressure; sparks danced at his field of vision. His lips felt icy, and everything started to go dark.
A heavy thunk sounded. Someone’s leg collided with Jackson’s head, toppling him over. Jet gasped for air and rolled over, dry heaving as he watched Liam pummeling Jackson on the ground. Fist after fist collided with Jackson’s face until some parents finally reached them.
“Holey fucking moley! Jet, are you okay?” his dad was suddenly there, pulling him up under the arMs Jet saw Amy on the ground.
“Amy!” Jet shrieked, reaching toward her. Trickles of blood ran from her mouth, and she wasn’t moving. Liam jerked free from the two parents who held him and turned to Jet, then back to Amy, scooping her up like she weighed nothing. He jogged toward the school. Jet broke away from his dad and ran after Liam.
“Where are you going?” Jet shouted as he stumbled after Liam, still dizzy.
“Nurse’s office,” Liam called, short of breath. Liam and Jet made it to the nurse’s office, where Liam set her down on the medical bed.
“What happened to her?” asked the nurse, opening Amy’s eyes and shining a light in them.
“Jackson Spears punched her in the face,” Jet puffed, bracing his hands on his knees.
“Fucking damn him to hell!” shouted Liam with clenched fists. “I thought that motherfucker was expelled!”
“Language!” shouted the nurse as she continued to examine Amy.
“He must have showed up after school. He came after me. Amy just tried to stop him.”
“He must have eighty pounds on her. What was she thinking?” Liam ran a hand through his disheveled hair. Jet longed to take that hand in his, but Amy was more important right now.
“She was so brave…is she going to be okay?” Concern laced Jet’s voice, pitching it high.
“She’s fine. I think she’s going to need to go the hospital to have her nose reset, but she doesn’t appear to have a concussion.” Jet sat down hard on the next bed. He didn’t feel so good himself.
“Just so you know, it’s not a good idea to move someone who could have a neck injury. Next time, fetch me instead of picking her up.”
Liam’s eyes widened. “Shit, I didn’t even think of that.”
Amy stirred on the bed with a moan. “Oww! My nose hurts...” her voice came thickly.
“Thank God you’re okay,” Jet leaped to her side.
“What happened to Jackson?” Amy moaned as she tried to sit up. The nurse supported her on one side with Jet on the other.
“Liam beat him up and saved me,” Jet said, chucking his head in Liam’s direction. Amy tilted her head to look at Liam, who waved with a meek smile.
“You saved Jet?” said Amy.
“Yeah…” Liam looked down and drew a circle on the floor with his shoe. “Guess that’s my job now.”
“That’s supposed to be my job…” said Amy, who sounded out of it.
“I guess I should introduce you two. Amy this is Liam. Liam, Amy,” said Jet.
“Is he the one you have a crush on?” asked Amy. Jet grimaced and stared wide-eyed at Liam who smiled in discomfort.
“I had a feeling you might,” said Liam. He reached for Jet’s hand. “We already talked about that, but we’re gonna be good friends.” Jet blinked. He’d take a thousand beatings from Jackson just to have this moment. Everything would be okay.
“My heroes…” moaned Amy, beginning to cough.
“I’ve called an ambulance. They’ll be here soon,” the nurse announced. She pointed at Jet. “Your face is beginning to swell. Let’s get some ice on it.” She turned to eye Liam. “And you, your hands are scraped. Sit down.”
Liam looked at his knuckles in surprise. He flexed his hands as if they suddenly hurt. “Oh…yeah.”
“How did you know I was in trouble?” asked Jet as Liam came to sit beside him.
“I heard her scream, and something inside me just jumped into action.”
“Well, I’m glad you did. Took an awful long time for any parents to reach us.” Jet rubbed his head, a headache blooming. The nurse handed him and icepack. The coolness felt like a spiritual blessing to his face. “You really went to town on him.”
Liam bumped him with his shoulder. “Yeah.”
Tony came barreling into the room. “Jet? Oh, thank God! You scared the shit outta me. Are you hurt?”
“Hi Dad,” Jet lay down on the bed, his knees resting against Liam. Everything suddenly felt too noisy. “Yeah, I’m fine. Oh, by the way, Dad, this is Liam, and that’s Amy. I think I just need to rest a minute.”
“Hang on, have you been checked out? I saw that guy pounding you. I was running but…” he turned toward Liam. “Thank you so much for looking out for my boy!”
Jet felt a faint stirring of irritation with his dad. He couldn’t put his finger on it. He just needed to rest.
CHAPTER TWELVE
Tony peppered him with questions on the way home. Jet’s answers were sparse. His irritation grew as the miles ticked by. He just wanted quiet to nurse his headache and the turbulent thoughts that tumbled nonsensically through his brain. At home, Tony took Jet’s face in his hands and clicked his tongue. “Gee, you’re really messed up.”
Jet brushed his hands away. “I’m fine. The nurse checked me out anyways. It’s just a bruise.”
“No, it’s a lot of bruises. I just can’t understand how the school could allow this! Three times now…”
“They suspended him Dad. They can’t control which randoms walk into the carpark. It could have happened anywhere. If he saw me down the street, it would have happened there, but probably with no one to help me.”
“Well, that’s exactly why I went to the cops…” Tony grimaced as the words slipped from his lips.
“You what? You pressed charges? Geez Dad! Might as well have bought me a coffin!” Jet hurled his bag onto the kitchen table. No wonder Jackson had come at him.
“I had to do something Jet.”
“Really? Well, you picked a pretty lousy ‘something’ to do without consulting me. How can you just make that kind of decision anyway?” His voice was rising. A sudden suspicion struck him. “It’s the kind of decision you make when you’re drunk. Is that what happened?”
Tony’s head reared back. “What?!”
Jet’s fists balled. “Is that really why you’re out late at night? You even smell of alcohol.” Now that he had finally voiced his fears, Jet’s anger surged like a thunderstorm. This was the reason he’d been shunted between homes, and now it was probably going to happen again. Abandoned by everyone he ever cared about. So much for all the promises his dad had made.
Tony shook his head. “Jet, where’s all this coming from? I was helping the school nurse with cleaning your friend’s hands. You saw me.”
“Very convenient,” Jet shouted. Some small part of him told him to calm down, but the words kept tumbling out.
“I think you’re blowing this out of proportion Jet. I…”
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br /> “Out of proportion?! What exactly is out of proportion? Being beat up three times this week? Being abandoned at ten years old? Moved through fourteen different homes? Pissed on, raped, starved, kicked, never having a moment of quiet, or peace, or my own things?!” Reason had fled as Jet screamed, tears running down his face.
Tony paled. “Wait, what? Jet, you…”
Jet hadn’t finished. “And here you come, waltzing back, promising to care for me. But where have you been? Not here. Not caring for me. You’re not even here for me to tell you I’m being bullied. Or that the guy I love rejected me, or that I had sex with a girl, even though I’m gay! You know, I was happy with Paula. For the first time in my life. Until you and your shitty promises came along. Well, guess what? Fuck you!” Jet spun on his heel and marched from the room. He slammed his bedroom door so hard the walls rattled, but it did nothing to stem the flow of seething, black anger ripping through him.
He hurled himself onto his bed, curling tightly around his belly. Jet had experienced many things in his short life, but he’d always thought anger wasn’t a problem for him. Now, he discovered he’d just buried it deep. Free of its prison, the anger now swelled bigger than his body, seeking an exit. His throat clenched, his lungs felt like tendrils of iron were constricting around them. He rolled onto his knees, gasping for air, his head hanging low. He wanted to vomit, but nothing would come up. His hyperventilation sounded to the pounding of drums behind his eyes. Could a person die from being so angry?
A gentle hand rubbed his back. Jet tried to shrink away, but all his energy was used just trying to breathe. Dimly he registered someone sitting down on the bed beside him. Dry heaving his wretchedness, Jet’s world narrowed to those slow, gentle circles of the warm palm against his spine. Finally, his lungs loosened. Jet collapsed, his sobs quivering through his thin body. As time slipped by, his cries softened to a whimper. Only emptiness was left.
“Jet?” his dad’s hand stilled. “There’s a whole lot of things we need to talk about. But I want you to know one thing for sure. I’ve been sober for 182 days straight, and I’m never going back.”