by Kat Cotton
“You know we can’t die, right?’ Lilly asked.
“But you can get hurt. You can feel pain. Maybe not dying could be worse than death in some cases.”
“Wow, you say I’m over dramatic. But, trust me, I’ll avoid any situation where I could be in pain.”
I didn’t doubt that but I worried about the others.
“Just get in the van,” Duke said. “We’re going with you whether you like it or not. We fight as a team.”
I glanced at Earnest. He definitely wasn’t a team player.
Still, I climbed in the van. Then jumped as something brushed against my leg. Sooty!
“You’re bringing the dogs?”
“Of course,” Earnest said. “They can handle themselves in a fight.”
I’d seen that. It’d just surprised me that he’d included them.
Lilly handed me a candy. “Ginger,” she said. “Helps with the vomiting.”
I unwrapped it and put it in my mouth then she grabbed my hand, pressing tight on my wrist. I appreciated the concern but she was going way too far.
“Pressure point,” she explained.
For vomiting?”
She nodded.
“Well, this is it,” Duke said. “Let’s go to the circus.”
Chapter 30
I MADE IT TO THE CIRCUS without throwing up. I’d sweated buckets and had a sour, metallic taste in my mouth all the way but the contents of my stomach stayed exactly where they should.
We parked the van. The next step was for to actually get out.
I could see the Big Top and the Mystique Circus sign. Things I’d grown up around. Ten years. And that hadn’t nearly been long enough. I shut my eyes and inhaled.
At least my parents wouldn’t be here. My father had died six years ago and I had no choice but to keep tabs on my mother, but the whole circus crew had once been my family. I’d run through the circus grounds as a child, never a worry in my head. Hopping from trailer to trailer, hanging out with whoever had spare time or helping them feed the animals and or copying their acts as they rehearsed.
When I got a little older, I began to see that my family wasn’t like the other circus folk. People might’ve spoilt me when I was young but they didn’t trust me. They didn’t leave valuables laying around when I was in their trailers. They talked in hushed conversations and they never invited my parents to things.
I’d asked my mother why and she’d slapped my face for asking.
When I opened the van door, other memories flooded back. The smells hit me even from this distance. Corn and sickly-sweet treats and the sweat.
The performance would be long over but some of the rides kept running. The Ferris Wheel turned. The tinny music of a carousel played. The shooting galleries would be waiting for the last desperate losers to win a stuffed toy for their girlfrends. In the back of one of those tents, local men would’ve been roped into a poker game that would continue until sunrise.
The rest of the troupe waited for me to lead the way. I got up Akira’s map on my phone even though I knew the way. The layout of the circus didn’t change much over the years. When you moved around, having a consistent plan made life easier.
I showed it to the others so they knew where to go.
“We should split up,” I said. “The five of us walking together through the grounds will arouse suspicion. They want me to come. They’re trying to lure me here. They should think I’m alone.”
“That makes you vulnerable,” Duke said.
I shrugged. Now that I was here, I accepted that I had to go through with this.
“We can stick close together but don’t look like we know each other. Nuno and Earnest, if you’re asked, you’re looking for the poker game.”
Earnest nodded. I still didn’t trust him but he seemed to fall in with the plan. “I can act like a rube if need be.”
I didn’t want to tell him no one had used that term in decades.
“Duke and Lilly, you’ll need to pretend to be a couple,” I told them.
Lilly grimaced. “If I have to.”
“If we get through the gates without being seen, we probably won’t be questioned inside. There are always stragglers late at night. Just try to look a bit gullible. If you seem like you’d be easily separated from your money, no one will question you further.”
I put my hands in my pockets. That tiny pocket knife seemed totally inadequate now.
“Will the dogs be okay?” I asked Earnest. “If they start barking, they could betray all of us.”
“My dogs are like ninjas,” Earnest said. “No one will see them.”
I let Earnest and Nuno go ahead after telling them the best look out points.
“There’s some kind of protection around the trailer but I think I’ll be able to break it,” I said.
I started walking, trying not to let my thoughts overwhelm me. The main thing to do was get Akira out of here safely. If I could find whoever took Duke and destroy them, all the better, but Akira’s life came first.
The easiest way to the back yard was going behind the Big Top. That was closed off to the public but it was never that hard to get into.
As I got closer, I picked up the swagger in my walk that proved I belonged there. I might’ve forgotten but my body quickly returned to being a circus brat.
A couple of the crew stood around smoking cigarettes but they ignored me. I blended in, way too easily. As I snuck between the sideshows, I interrupted one of the carnies with a local girl. I tried not to look. I didn’t want to know where he had his hands.
I almost got to the trailer, my confidence rising that I could do this when a pair of thugs stepped out of the darkness and blocked my way. I gulped.
“Here she is,” one said.
They’d been expecting me. I’d hoped they were regular security and I’d be able to talk my way out of this.
“The boss’ll be happy,” the other one said and he rushed to grab me. He was way too big and too heavy though, and I easily ducked out of his reach.
The other one rushed me too. “Come on, love, we just want to take you to meet someone.”
As if I’d fall for that. I dodged around him. I pelted down the midway and they followed me. I didn’t want to go straight to the trailer. They’d be expecting that. If I just kept running, they’d soon exhaust themselves. But the circus grounds were full of traps. Guy ropes and litter and a million other things that could trip you up.
Their footsteps pounded behind me. If I didn’t lose them soon, the risks increased. I slid under one of the trailers. They couldn’t follow me. There wasn’t enough clearance. They’d get stuck.
I rolled under then waited. When I saw their feet head to the other side of the trailer, I came out the same side I went in. That fooled them.
When I came out, Earnest’s dogs were racing to the thugs. Those thugs were in for a nasty surprise.
Chapter 31
I RAN THROUGH THE BACK lot trying to get to that trailer before anyone else spotted me. I had no idea where Duke and Lilly were but I had to trust that they were around.
My feet thudded on the packed earth. The music of the carousel floated on the air. Surely there’d be no children here this late at night. Probably one of the carnies must be running it to impress a townie he’d picked up during the day. My heart pounded louder than the carousel music.
I made it to the trailer, much newer than the ones around it. The metal detailing gleamed in the moonlight where it had dulled on most of the others. It lacked any of the personal touches most of the trailers had.
Back a bit further were the performers’ living quarters, still bustling with activity. A woman hung up laundry. A couple of men talked in loud, drunken voices. Some kid listened to rap music. This trailer had been parked in a space somewhere in between the midway and the living quarters.
Luckily, the trailer I sought wasn’t too close to them.
I approached slowly. Forcefield, Akira had said. At first, I felt nothing. I wo
ndered if he’d been confused or if I was mistaken about the trailer. There was also the possibility that my powers cut the effectiveness of the spell.
It only took a few short steps for the spell to hit me, though, drawing me in and repelling me at the same time. It wasn’t so much a forcefield as an invisible mist, something I could feel and sense but couldn’t see.
That mist seeped into my bones.
This world isn’t such a bad place, it seemed to say. Let go of your stupid ideas.
As the mist curled around me, I moved closer to the trailer. I was almost within reaching distance of the door when that mist called my name. Not Jayne, not the name I used every day, but my real name. The name buried deep inside me.
Few people knew that name. Those that did could use it in magic that held intense power.
I shivered. What the hell awaited me.
That name continued to ring in my head. It picked at my insides, as though unlocking hidden doors. I wanted those doors to remain hidden and locked. No one had a right to the things locked inside me but me.
I tried to retreat but my body froze. The mist barreled around me in waves. Even when I managed to make the smallest movement to escape, it buffered me back. Crashing against me so it took all the strength I had to even stay in the same place. I could fight, I could even gain a little ground temporarily but it only took time. Eventually my strength would wear out. Already my muscles strained.
I wrapped my arms around my head. I wanted to block out that sound.
Akira had to be in that trailer, along all the answers I sought.
I didn’t need to fight the mist. I just needed to work with it. Let it draw me in.
But it called my name louder so it rang in my ears. It poked my body like a million tiny needles. My eyes stung. My head ached. My body felt like shattering.
Go in the trailer, I told myself.
Even as I tried to move, my stance changed. The stiffish, straight-backed way I stood transformed into a slouch. My hips tilted and my shoulders slumped.
I felt it, the veneer of everything I’d created over the past ten years being shaved away. These were my masks, my illusions, just as surely as Lilly created her shams. I’d made myself a respectable member of society. Ordinary, boring, responsible. No one would ever guess where I’d come from. But all that could be stripped away and I’d be nothing more than a stupid kid with powers I never understood.
The mist curled around my waist like strong arms. It promised me so much.
I could go back. Things would be good this time. I wasn’t a child any longer. I’d be more than just a pawn in their games. I had power of my own. I could join forces and all the power would be mine.
I could be the person I was meant to be.
As much as that tempted me, my entire body went cold. So cold. The clamminess of this mist soaked into me.
I’d become too scared to move forward, unable to move back. I stood, so close to the trailer door but useless.
I sunk into a squat, still covering my head as the voice called my name. That voice wracked my body. It dragged out my deepest fears. Cries welled in my chest but I couldn’t let them out.
No one could help me now. Not Duke, not Lilly. Not even Nuno’s screams could penetrate this mist. I was completely alone and I couldn’t keep fighting.
But, as I thought that, someone reached out and took hold of my hand. Their big hand wrapped around mine, promising safety. Even without looking up, I knew who it was. That hand had held mine so many times when I thought I was lost to this world, dragging me back. It was the one thing, the only thing I could believe in.
I had no idea what he was doing here. He’d lied to me but none of that mattered.
I looked up at Buzz and smiled. With him here, I could do this.
Chapter 32
I STOOD UP AND NODDED to Buzz. With him beside me, my strength returned. The voice quietened although it didn’t disappear. The mist let go of me.
I had to go into that trailer. Akira’s life was on the line. I’d clean up the mess I’d made and get him out. I let go of Buzz’s hand and raked my hand through my hair to get those hairpins.
The flimsy step leading to the door wobbled as I put my foot on it.
There was no bolt like Lilly had told me. I reached out for the door handle and it turned easily. Maybe this place had been locked when she’d been here but someone had made it all too easy to get in. They wanted me here.
I sucked in my breath as I opened the door. Rather than fumble around in the darkness for a light switch, I got my phone out of my pocket and turned on the torch.
What the hell did this trailer contain? Demons or worse. Something of pure evil or something that rip my guts out. I could unleash something on the world that needed to be restrained. I’d need to fight not just for my own life but to keep things safe.
Then I stepped into the room, shining the torch around, hoping I’d see what wait for me before it rushed me. The left side of the trailer had a bare bones kitchen and nothing else. The left side had the standard bunk beds.
Where was Akira? What the hell was going on here?
“Akira?” I whispered, hoping I’d missed something in the weak torchlight. Then I called louder. “Akira?”
I stepped fully inside. There was nothing under that built in table, nothing on the bunks. I opened the cupboards and felt around. Then I turned on the light. This trailer was completely empty.
I’d been tricked. I had no idea of the meaning of that trickery but I knew I had to find Akira somewhere in this damn circus. Surely, if the culprit lured me here, they didn’t want to make it too difficult but I had no idea where in these massive circus grounds he’d be.
I moved to the doorway.
“He’s not here,” I said to Buzz. Duke and Lilly stepped out of the darkness.
“What do you mean?” Lilly asked.
“It’s a trick or a diversion,” I said. “This is an empty trailer.”
Duke moved closer. The spell on the trailer didn’t seem to affect him. He planted his hand on the trailer wall.
“Something about this place is familiar,” he said.
“Well that’s not surprising. It’s a generic trailer, you’ve probably seen a million of them in your time performing.”
He shook his head then pointed to a sigil on the side of the trailer. I hadn’t noticed that before.
“This. I’ve seen it before. I think I saw it when I disappeared.”
Duke had been here? That shouldn’t surprise me but it meant he could help. And we needed that help now. Searching the grounds would take forever and there was no way we could do that without being seen.
“What else do you remember?” I asked. “Anything at all?”
Duke frowned and gave a short nod.
“Nothing. Nothing at all. It’s all black.”
I sat down on the trailer steps, trying to work this out. If I’d been lured here, maybe I had something from my past that would be a clue but nothing stood out.
“We can’t give up now,” Lilly said.
“It’s up to you, Jayne,” Buzz said. “You can’t damage yourself doing this.”
Buzz always looked out for me but Akira was more important. He was an innocent caught up in this mess.
“Who the hell are you anyway?” Duke asked, turning to Buzz.
“He’s my father,” I answered. I didn’t feel the need to qualify that by calling him my foster dad. He’d been the only parent I’d ever known.
Lilly said something to Buzz, filling him in.
“We have split up and search,” I said.
We could try. The six of us could split up and start searching. Anything would be better than giving up now. I needed to work this out though. Why lure me to an empty trailer?
These bastards were messing with me.
Lilly looked around her as though assessing the sheer size of the task.
“There’s something else we can do,” Buzz said. “But it’s risky.”
>
Why was it always risky? Why couldn’t there be an easy way?
The four of us went back inside the trailer. Lilly and Duke sat on the bunk while I leaned against the table.
“The memories are buried so deep inside of Duke he can’t access them,” Buzz said. “Those memories will never come out. But someone else might be able to access them.”
“That would be me, right?” I asked.
Buzz nodded. “Duke would have to agree to you poking around in his head. It isn’t nice and it isn’t always successful—”
“Is this one of those things where, if it doesn’t work, he’ll die or suffer?”
“It’s not quite that dire,” Buzz said. “The biggest risk is that you’ll scramble his memories. Once they’re scrambled, they won’t go back to normal. Like eggs.”
Duke stroked his mustache.
“What do you think?” I asked him. “It’s your brain we’re talking about.”
I tried to keep calm but if we were going to do this, we had to do it pretty damn soon. The clock ticked. We didn’t have time to dillydally but I couldn’t expect Duke to make a snap decision either.
“I’ll do it,” he said.
“Are you sure?” I asked him. “Take some time to think it over.”
“I’ve thought it over. We need to get this information now. Just don’t go snooping around in there. I’m a very private person.”
Lilly and I exchanged glances. Way too late for the no snooping rule.
“There’s really kinky porn in your head, isn’t there?” Lilly asked.
Duke just snorted.
“Okay,” Buzz said. “Let’s get this done.”
I stood in front of Duke, with my hands on his head. The silkiness of his hair surprised me. I shook my head. I shouldn’t be thinking about that. Not now, and not ever.
Buzz talked me through the process. We started off the same way as we did when training, the same focus and the same brain tricks. My body surged with the welling of power.
Buzz told me to move that power into my hands, to break through the boundaries of my body. This would take forever. We didn’t have time. This was a fool mission.