by Erin Watt
“You and Sandy?”
It’s the tone of his voice that makes me look up from my plate. The tone that says, I know you’re hiding something. I flick my eyes toward Mom first and then to Dad. They know. Or, he knows, at least. The alarm is loud this time. Buckle up, buttercup, I advise myself. This isn’t going to be pretty.
“No, me and Chase,” I answer. It’s the truth, but I’m hoping my parents don’t ask who Chase is.
“Who’s Chase?” Mom asks.
Too much to hope for.
“He works at the shelter. Nice guy. He’s—”
The sound of my father’s fist slamming against the table is almost deafening. All the silverware jangles loudly. A freshly baked bun falls off the serving platter and rolls toward my plate. I catch it before it topples off the table.
“It’s Charles Donnelly,” Dad growls to Mom.
Her eyes widen. “What?”
He scrapes his chair back in an angry rush. “What our well-behaved daughter has neglected to tell us is that she’s been working with that...that...criminal for the past two weeks.”
Mom gasps. “Beth, is this true?”
I clench my fork in my fist. “Yes, and there’s not much I can do about it, so that’s why I didn’t tell you guys,” I lie. “He’s been very respectful to me, though.”
My mother’s face pales. “He works with you,” she says, sounding dazed.
“I have no control over who the owners hire. But you don’t have to worry about us working together—”
“We’re not worried.” It’s my dad who answers. “Because he won’t be working with you after today.”
I drop my fork. It clatters onto my plate. “What do you mean?”
“I called the shelter and told them that if they continued to employ a murderer, I’d make it my business to see that their business was shut down.”
My jaw drops. What? “No,” I say, shooting to my feet. “He needs that job! It’s a condition of his probation to have a part-time job.”
“That’s too bad.” Dad’s not sorry at all. He hopes that Chase gets sent back to prison.
I take a deep breath, trying to control my rising anger. I can’t believe this. How did my dad even find out about—
“Jeff told you, didn’t he?” I demand after it dawns on me. And here I was trying to protect the asshole.
“Yes, he did,” Dad bites out.
“He’s dating Scar, you know,” I say snidely. “That’s how he found out. Because he and Scar came to the shelter today.”
“I know he’s dating your friend. Why shouldn’t he be? Unlike some people in this house, Jeff has always been up-front with us.”
“This is wrong. You’re wrong,” I tell Dad, but his face is set in stone. So I turn to Mom. “Please, Mom. You know this isn’t right. Chase served his time.”
Inexplicably, her response is “Why do you call him Chase?”
I furrow my brow. “That’s his nickname. He doesn’t go by Charlie anymore—”
A booming sound makes me jump. Dad’s just slammed his fist on the table a second time. “You do not say his name at our table. You never say it at our table.” He flings his arm toward the stairs. “Go to your room, right now, before I do something I regret.”
I don’t have to be told twice. I don’t want to be here with them.
I race upstairs and grab my phone. I dial Jeff’s number and the minute he says hello, I unload on him. “Why’d you tell my dad Chas—Charlie works at the shelter? Why do you care so much?”
“Because it’s gross how he’s just walking around free!” Jeff snaps back. “He needs to be behind bars.”
“He was behind them for three years.” I seethe.
“He killed your sister, Beth. He killed our Rachel.”
I hate that Jeff is throwing this in my face. Like I don’t know my sister is dead. Like I don’t know that Chase drove the car that struck her. Like I never mourned for her at all.
“Endlessly punishing him doesn’t bring her back,” I finally say, trying to keep my tone calm when all I want to do is scream at him for being a meddling ass.
“It sounds like you’re happy she’s dead,” he retorts.
“Fuck you, Jeff. Fuck you.”
I’m so glad that we’re not face-to-face so he can’t see the rage tears fall. I hang up and bring up Chase’s number, but it rings and rings. I shoot off a text.
I’m so sorry.
I stare at the screen, willing for him to text me or call me. A call comes through a moment later, but it’s not Chase. It’s Scarlett.
“What?” I snap.
“What’s wrong with you?” she yells.
“What’s wrong with me?”
“You’re working with Charlie? He killed your sister!”
“Why does everyone keep saying that? I know this, okay? I know this!” My cheeks are soaked with tears, the anger boiling inside me causing my hand to shake over the phone.
“You don’t act like it. Jeff said he thinks you two are seeing each other. That’s awful, Beth.”
“Why? Why is it awful?” I don’t give her a chance to argue. “You know what’s awful? Jeff is! He left me at the party in Lincoln. Just took off in his car without so much as looking behind. He stranded me there.”
“That’s not what I heard,” she says, and her smug tone makes me want to reach through the phone and smack her. “I heard he went looking for you for hours but couldn’t find you because you were slutting it up at some drug dealer’s house.”
“First of all, he wasn’t a drug dealer. And second of all, I wouldn’t have been in any person’s house if Jeff hadn’t left me on the street.” I swipe at my stupid tears. “Plus, he’s always telling you what to do. How to do your hair. What clothes you should wear. He makes you sit in a different seat in Calc.”
“So you’re jealous, is what you’re saying. Having the murderer as your boyfriend isn’t enough. You want Jeff, too.” Her harsh breathing is loud in my ear. “He told me you’d probably start talking shit about him because he turned you down. You’re creepy, Beth! First you want to bag your dead sister’s boyfriend, and then when he doesn’t want you, you turn to the guy who killed her? If anyone is sick and wrong and awful, it’s not Jeff. It’s you!”
She hangs up.
I’m left there staring at my phone. Stunned. I cannot believe she said all that horrible stuff to me. Scar and I both have a temper, but we’ve never, ever crossed the line with each other.
Calling me creepy and sick and awful? That’s unforgivable.
I drag my sleeve over my wet eyes and stumble off the bed. Screw this. Screw Scarlett. Screw Jeff. Screw my parents. I don’t deserve to constantly be attacked from all directions.
Since I can’t go to the mudroom without getting caught, I dig in the back of my closet for a spare pair of sneakers, my mind running a mile a minute.
What have I really done wrong these last three years? I’ve followed the rules. I’ve gotten good grades. I’ve been a good friend to Scar. I’ve had a part-time job and a volunteer position. Yes, I sneaked out to a few parties this summer, but how is that a crime? I’m seventeen years old. I’m allowed to do dumb things every now and then.
And I’m going to do one now.
Chase hasn’t texted back. This time, I call him instead of texting. I half expect it to bump over to voice mail, so I’m startled when his deep voice fills my ear.
“Hey,” he says roughly. “Now’s not a good time.”
“Why? Where are you?”
“Lexington Heights. I’m picking up my paycheck for the work I did last month with Jack.”
“Did...” I swallow. “Did Sandy or someone from the shelter call you?”
“Yeah.” His tone is clipped.
“Can we talk about it?”
“No. L
ike I said, not a good time. I haven’t seen Jack in a few weeks and he wants me to stay and chill for a bit.”
“Good. Stay there. I’m on my way.”
He’s quick to object. “Beth—”
“I mean it, Chase. We need to talk. I’m on my way.” I hang up before he can voice another protest. And when my phone instantly rings again, I press Decline.
Jack... That’s the guy who threw the party where I first met Chase.
This is perfect. My parents might go to the mayor’s house to look for me and Chase, but neither of us will be there. We’ll be at Jack’s.
I don’t remember his house number, but I remember the name of the street, and that’s all I need to give the cab dispatcher as I whisper my request over the phone. Then I delete the call history, because I know that’s the first thing my parents will look at.
I leave my phone on the bed. I can’t risk taking it with me, thanks to that stupid GPS program my parents put on it. I also decide to throw them off course by scribbling a quick note telling them I’m going to Scarlett’s. I leave that on the bedspread, too.
The window will beep when I climb through it, but I don’t care. That just means I’ll have to be very, very fast.
And I am. In a heartbeat, I have my bedroom window open and I’m shimmying down the lattice lining the side of the house. I know it’s strong enough to support my weight because Rachel once used the lattice by her window to sneak out to meet Jeff. I wonder if he bullied her into doing that. That seems to be his thing. Bullying innocent girls.
Asshole.
I’m breathing hard by the time my sneakers land on the grass at the base of the lattice, but I don’t let it slow me down. I keep running, daring only once to look over my shoulder at my house. The front door doesn’t burst open like I expect. Still, that doesn’t mean my parents won’t come after me. Just means they probably haven’t checked their phone notifications yet.
I don’t give a damn if they freak out or send search parties after me. I have to talk to Chase. I know him. My dad getting him fired from the shelter will just be another sign for Chase that he should stay far, far away from me.
Well, too bad, because I’m not staying away from him.
29
As I requested, the cabdriver picks me up five blocks away from my house. It doesn’t take long to get to Lex, and my heart rate quickens as we pull into the driveway of the familiar ramshackle house. Chase is waiting on the front porch for me.
“You shouldn’t be here” is the first thing he says when I hurry up to him. His tone is flat, his expression dead serious.
“I needed to see you,” I answer, brushing past him toward the front door. I don’t want to stand out in the open, just in case.
Chase follows me inside and takes hold of my arm. “Do your parents know where you are?”
I roll my eyes. “What do you think?”
He curses softly. “Go home, babe. You being here is a bad fucking idea.”
Despite his harsh words, my body heats up at the fact that he called me babe. “I’m not leaving until we talk, Chase. So you might as well stop arguing with me. You won’t win.”
He lets out another curse.
“Hey now,” an amused voice says, “that’s no way to talk in front of a lady.” A tall guy steps out of the kitchen and into the hall. Even though we didn’t speak or get properly introduced the last time I was here, I recognize him as Jack.
“Yeah, Chase,” I mock chide. “Where did you learn your manners?”
“Juvie,” he growls. “I learned them in juvie.”
Jack and I snicker.
“That wasn’t a joke,” Chase says in aggravation. He turns to Jack. “This is Beth, the girl I was telling you about.”
My heart flips. He was telling his friend about me?
“Right, the one who wouldn’t take no for an answer about crashing our bro night,” Jack replies with a grin.
I sigh. Doesn’t sound like Chase was telling his friend good things about me. “I’m sorry for just showing up,” I say sheepishly. “It’s important, though.”
Jack shrugs. “You want a drink?”
“No, thanks.”
“All right. If you change your mind, the fridge is stocked.”
I smile in thanks. He seems like a really decent guy. I have no idea why these Lex kids get such a bad rep. All the ones I’ve met are super cool.
“Mind if we go upstairs?” Chase asks. “Apparently we need to talk.”
“We do,” I say firmly.
Chase glowers at me, but Jack just grins. “Of course. You guys can crash here, too, if you want.” He leans closer to slap Chase on the shoulder. “It’s been a while since we hung out. I missed you, man.”
“Don’t think we’ll stay over, but thanks for the offer,” Chase says, nodding at his buddy.
My heart soars at the exchange between them. It’s so awesome to see someone actually want to spend time with Chase. He deserves this. So much.
Chase takes my arm again. “C’mon.”
Upstairs, we wind up in the same bedroom where we...
My cheeks scorch.
Chase notices and runs his tongue over his bottom lip. Not in a lewd way, though. It seems more like a nervous gesture.
“I didn’t bring you up here to... You know...” He waves a hand toward the bed.
“I know,” I say, blushing even harder.
“Good.” He crosses his arms. “Now, say what you need to say, and then it’s time to go.”
I glare at him. “Please don’t act like a jerk. I’m risking permanent grounding to be here right now.”
“I didn’t ask you to risk anything,” he grumbles. “That’s on you.”
“Gee, I’m so sorry I wanted to make sure you were all right.” Sarcasm drips from my tone. “Forgive me for caring about you. How dare I!”
His lips twitch. “You done?”
“Nope.” I inject more snark into my voice and say, “The nerve of me!” Then I smile sweetly. “There. Now I’m done.”
With a sigh, he leads me over to the bed and we sit on the edge of it. “You don’t have to worry about me,” he assures me. “I’m fine.”
I moan in misery. “No, you’re not. You got fired.”
“Yes. And I’m fine. I’ll find something else.”
I moan again.
“Seriously, Beth. It’s all good.” He nods at the door. “Jack already said I can join him on the crew again for the next few months. Lots of yard cleanups to do and then snow removal season’s coming up.”
That makes me feel better. Jack had previously hooked Chase up with a job at his landscaping company, but that was only for the summer. “So you’ll have a job?”
“I’ll have a job.”
Relief flutters through me, but it fades into anger pretty fast. “I can’t believe my dad called the shelter and had you fired. He’s such an asshole.”
“No, he’s just protective of you.” Chase’s face is grim. “I already took one kid from him.”
“Not on purpose. It was an accident.”
“Accident or not, I was still at fault. I was driving too fast.” His voice cracks slightly. “When she ran into the road, there was no way I could’ve stopped.”
“I wonder why,” I say suddenly.
That brings a frown to his lips. “Why what?”
“Why she was running.” An ache forms in my chest as I picture Rachel racing into the middle of the dark street, unaware that she was about to die. She and Jeff had been at a party at her friend Aimee’s house that night. As far as I know, Rachel wasn’t drinking or on drugs.
“Do you think she was upset? Not paying attention?” I ask. An unformed thought floats in the back of my mind, but I can’t grasp it.
“It doesn’t matter if she was,” Chase says gent
ly. “If I wasn’t speeding, I could’ve stopped in time. But I was sixteen and stupid and I hit a girl with a car I stole.” He shakes his head, at himself, I think. “Of course your father hates me, Beth. He’ll always hate me. He should.”
Every word hurts my chest, like someone’s scraping my heart with a dull razor. I hate how resigned he sounds. Even worse, how he thinks he deserves to be hated.
“I don’t hate you,” I whisper.
“I know you don’t.” He eases closer and rests his cheek on my shoulder. His soft hair tickles the bottom of my chin. “But you should, too.”
“Never,” I say fiercely.
Sighing, he lifts his head to look at me. “You’re the most stubborn person I’ve ever met.”
“So?”
A grin springs to his lips. “So? That’s your answer?”
“What else do you want me to say? No, I’m not? We both know I’m stubborn as fuck.”
He chuckles and pulls me toward him, surprising me with a quick kiss on the lips.
My heart jumps to my throat, and I instantly loop my arms around his neck so he can’t get away. “That’s twice in one day,” I tease.
“Twice what?”
“Twice that we’ve kissed,” I clarify. Grinning, I kiss him again and pull back. “Make that three.”
He leans in and presses his mouth to mine. When our tongues meet, I whimper.
“Make that four,” he rasps against my lips.
After that, we stop keeping count. Neither of us came upstairs for this reason, but we can’t fight it. Maybe it’s this house, this bedroom, this off-limits neighborhood. Whatever it is, I can’t keep my hands off him. And he can’t keep his hands off me. At some point, we need to stop.
But not now. Not for a long time.
Unfortunately, I’m the only one thinking that way. Chase draws away, setting me a firm arm’s length from his big, warm body. “I think...” He trails off.
I lean in. “You think what?”
He gets up. “I think this has to be the last time.”
“The last time for what?” I ask, hoping he can’t hear the panic in my voice.
“The last time we see each other.”