Taking a Gamble

by P. J. Trebelhorn

  Cass pulled her car over on the side of the road three houses away from Erica’s. Her heart was racing, and she couldn’t get it to slow down. What if she was having a heart attack? She chuckled at the thought and pressed her forehead against the steering wheel. She knew it wasn’t funny, but it was easier to laugh at herself than admit she might be having a panic attack.

  When she’d pulled out of her driveway, she’d been resolute. No matter what her mother had said earlier, she was going to tell Erica there was nowhere for their relationship to go. It’s not you; it’s me. How cliché, and Cass figured Erica was smart enough to see right through it. With every mile she got closer to Erica’s, the more she felt her resolve slipping. She knew if she were to find herself alone with Erica, she wouldn’t be able to stand firm in her decision.

  And she had to. It would never work out between them because they wanted different things out of life. It wasn’t as if she could change the way she’d lived her entire thirty-four years in a matter of hours. Cass would be thrilled if Erica decided to go the friends with benefits route, but she wasn’t holding out much hope on that particular front. Maybe Cass could make it work. As long as Erica knew from the beginning how she felt…

  She lifted her head slightly and banged it against the steering wheel. Was she really willing to do that just to get a woman into bed? No. She could drive to Buffalo or Rochester right now and hook up with almost any woman she wanted. The thought exhilarated her, but when she thought about it, really thought about it, the desire wasn’t there. What the hell was happening to her?

  She jumped and whipped her head away from the steering wheel when she heard someone knock on the window. She looked over to see Kyle peering in at her. He waved a gloved hand and looked way too cheerful with the goofy grin he was sporting. Cass shook her head and tried to look pissed off as she pushed the button to lower the window.

  “Are you trying to scare the living hell out of me?” she asked.

  “Sorry,” he said, looking concerned. “I thought maybe there was something wrong. I just wanted to make sure you were okay. Are you? Okay, I mean.”

  “I’m fine. What are you doing out here anyway?”

  “Erica sent me out to shovel the driveway because you were coming over.” Kyle straightened and leaned against the snow shovel Cass hadn’t noticed he was holding. “So you better pull in because I don’t want to have spent the past hour doing this for nothing.”

  His tone was playful, but his look stern. Cass imagined he didn’t know quite how to feel at her gruff greeting, and she felt bad. There was no reason to take her foul mood out on him. He’d been nothing but nice to her since the day she’d delivered him to Erica’s doorstep.

  “I’m sorry,” she said. “Get in and I’ll give you a ride.”

  “It’s three houses from here,” he said with a slight grin that made Cass think he was wondering if she’d lost her mind.

  Maybe she had. She had a feeling it would be easier than stressing over whether she could actually make a real relationship work.

  “Smartass.” She put the car in gear and started to go, but he put a hand on the door so she’d stop. She couldn’t handle the look of concern on his face. He was too young to be as insightful as he came across.

  “Are you sure you’re okay?”

  “I’m sure, Kyle,” she said with a nod. She pasted a smile on her face, hoping to convince him she didn’t have a care in the world, even though she felt like her life was spinning out of control. “But thank you for your concern. You’re a good kid. Now get home because I brought something for you.”

  “Cool. I’ll be right there,” he said, holding the shovel up. “I just have to return this to the old lady down the street. I had to promise to shovel her driveway before she’d let me use it.”

  Cass laughed as she watched him take off in the opposite direction of Erica’s house. She sobered quickly when she realized it meant she’d be alone with Erica.

  She could do this.

  Right?

  *

  Erica pulled the door open, expecting to see Kyle since he’d left her keys there when he went to borrow a shovel. She inhaled sharply at the sight of Cass standing on her porch. She stood there motionless for a moment, their eyes locking, and all reason fleeing her mind. She wanted to open the screen door, grab Cass by the hand, and drag her through the house to her bedroom in the back. Instead, she opened the screen door and motioned for her to come in.

  “Is that a PlayStation?” Erica asked, indicating the machine Cass held in her arms.

  “It is,” Cass replied. She went to the entertainment center in the corner and set it on the floor. “Kyle seemed excited when he saw it in the stuff we pulled out of the unit yesterday. I thought he might like it.”

  “He would like it, very much, but it’s not necessary, Cass,” Erica said. She left the door open an inch or two so Kyle knew he could get in without knocking before going to sit on the couch. “He doesn’t need it.”

  “Nobody needs a gaming system, Erica.” Cass smiled and sat at the other end of the couch. “I’d keep it myself, but I already have one, and so does Danny.”

  “You could sell it.”

  Cass nodded and looked at the console she’d placed on the floor. “I could, but people want the PS4 now. The PS3 will be pretty much obsolete in a few years, which means I probably wouldn’t be able to get much for it. I brought some games too. I know Kyle will get a lot of use out of it, and he can take it with him when he goes back home.”

  Erica didn’t know what to say. It was unusual for anyone to offer a gift to someone they didn’t really know, wasn’t it? Kyle was enthralled with Cass, that much was obvious, and so was she if she was being honest. Which, of course, only made it harder for her to say no to Cass.

  “I’m looking into getting guardianship of Kyle,” she said after a moment. Cass looked at her, the surprise evident in her eyes. Erica was truly amazed herself. She hadn’t intended to tell Cass about it. Or anyone, really. But it was done now, so she forced herself to continue. “It’s not like our parents want him back. They’ve made that perfectly clear. I just haven’t talked to him about it yet.”

  “You think he’ll object?”

  “No, but it doesn’t mean he won’t be hurt because of the reasons why it’s happening.” Erica stared at a picture of Kyle hanging on the wall. It was taken on his fifth birthday, and life had been perfect for both of them at the time. If she’d only known how quickly things would fall apart just a few years later. “Damn it, how can they do this to him? Parents are supposed to protect their children, aren’t they?”

  Erica swiped angrily at the tears running down her cheeks, and the next thing she knew, Cass was by her side, holding her while she cried. She knew she should pull away, but the strength Cass offered felt so safe and warm. She buried her face against Cass’s neck and let the tears fall.

  “You’re going to be an awesome guardian for him, Erica,” Cass said. “It’s obvious how much he loves you, and you him. He’ll thrive with you to guide him, I just know it.”

  Erica pulled back so she could look into Cass’s eyes. She expected to see compassion there, but she really wasn’t prepared for the magnitude of it. When Cass glanced quickly at her lips, Erica ran a hand through Cass’s hair, stopping to cradle her cheek. Cass leaned into her touch and closed her eyes, and Erica thought she’d never seen anything more beautiful in her life. Without thinking, she leaned in and pressed her forehead to hers. She wanted nothing more than to kiss her, but she wasn’t entirely sure it would be welcome.

  “We should talk about last night,” she said. Her breath hitched when Cass looked at her. “I’m not sure where we left things.”

  “I was naked, and you weren’t,” Cass answered, a glint in her eye. Erica tried not to react when Cass ran a hand up her side and cupped her breast, squeezing gently. “I feel like I’m at a disadvantage now.”

  “On the contrary,” Erica said, enjoying the delicious hum starti
ng deep in her core. She fought to maintain control of herself. “My seeing you naked gives you a huge advantage.”

  “Yeah?” Cass pinched a nipple through her clothes that Erica felt all the way to her toes.

  “An enormous advantage.” Erica nodded. “I can’t even explain how much of an advantage you have now.”

  “Good to know.”

  “Oh, holy hell,” Kyle said, sounding embarrassed.

  Erica jumped when she heard the words at the same time she heard the screen door open. She moved away from Cass, who looked as dazed as Erica felt. Kyle stood there staring at them for a moment before shaking his head and smiling.

  “Really? You want to pretend I didn’t just walk in here and see you practically crawling into Cass’s lap?” He laughed and walked into the kitchen. “I’m not six, you know. I’m well aware of what two people who are attracted to each other do when they’re alone.”

  Erica glared at Cass, who had started laughing and tried to cover it with a cough. Erica didn’t fail to see the humor in the situation, but she felt she needed to display some kind of parental authority. Kyle placed a hand on her shoulder when he came back into the living room.

  “But you do realize you have a bedroom, right? I mean, you could shut the door and I’d be smart enough not to just open it without knocking first.” He cocked his head to one side and raised his eyebrows at her. “And it’s way down at the other end of the trailer, so I’d probably never even hear anything.”

  “Okay, enough,” Erica said, trying to sound stern but failing when Cass finally laughed out loud. She slapped Cass on the thigh. “And you aren’t helping here, you know.”

  “I’m sorry,” Cass said. She ran a hand over her face and was all serious then. “Has anyone ever told you you’re cute when you blush?”

  Erica felt the heat rise and she buried her head in her hands, admitting she was fighting a losing battle. Cass and Kyle seemed to feed off each other, and while in this instance it was a little annoying, she was exponentially happy because Kyle was able to laugh.

  “What the…” Kyle said. Erica glanced up in time to see him give Cass a questioning look before pointing at the gaming console on the floor. “What’s this?”

  “What do you think it is?” Cass asked.

  “I think it’s a PS3, but why is it here?”

  “It’s for you. For helping me so much yesterday.”

  “Are you sure?” Kyle looked skeptical, and when he turned his attention to Erica, she nodded to him. “I don’t know what to say. My parents…”

  Erica’s heart broke when she saw him look away and wipe the tears from his eyes. He wasn’t stupid, and she knew he had to be wondering what was going to happen to him. She needed to sit him down and discuss her plan with him. He deserved to have a say in his future.

  “My parents wouldn’t let me get one,” he finally said when he faced them again. “Thank you so much, Cass. I really mean it.”

  “I can tell you do,” Cass said. “And you’re very welcome. And I was hoping you might want to help me again sometime. If it’s okay with your sister.”

  “It’s more than okay,” Erica said. She didn’t pull away when Cass took her hand and held it tightly. Even if things would never work out between them, she couldn’t deny Kyle being friends with her. Cassidy Holmes was a good person, and Kyle needed more of those in his life. Now more than ever.

  CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

  Cass played games with Kyle for the rest of the afternoon. She hadn’t intended to spend all day there, but when he asked, and Erica told her she was more than welcome, she realized she didn’t want to be anywhere else. The thought scared her for a few moments, especially after remembering Erica telling her she was looking into being Kyle’s legal guardian. The thought she couldn’t change her entire life based on a single conversation with her mother was still fresh in her mind.

  Cass wasn’t entirely sure she wanted a relationship, much less a ready-made family. He’d never said anything, but she was sure Danny was feeling the pressure to get a real job now since there was another mouth to feed, and Cass had absolutely no desire to find a real job. The one and only job she’d had working for someone else had been in high school. Burger King. She hated it. With a passion.

  Why anyone would want to work for someone else was beyond her. Being at the mercy of a boss to tell you when you had to be there, when you could leave, what days you got off, sucked. Big time. She only lasted a couple of weeks there before she told the manager where he could shove his schedule.

  Cass had gone with her best friend, Nora, and Nora’s father, to a storage auction a couple of times, and she told her mother that was what she wanted to do. Her mother, unbeknownst to her father, had scrimped and saved all she could for months before handing Cass an envelope containing a thousand dollars on the day she graduated from high school. It was the best day of her teenage life.

  She’d bought her first unit for three hundred dollars, made an eight hundred dollar profit, and never looked back. Danny helped her after school and on weekends, and when he graduated, their mother had done the same for him. Cass didn’t know what their father’s reaction to it had been, but she knew her mother steered clear of him for a long time after.

  “Football or baseball?” Kyle asked as he grabbed the games and looked through them for what had to be the twelfth time. They’d just spent the past three hours playing Resistance: Fall of Man, and Cass didn’t want to admit to him her thumbs hurt from pressing buttons and moving the joystick.

  “Why don’t you guys take a break?” Erica called from the kitchen.

  Cass looked at her and smiled her thanks just as the aroma of something wonderful made its presence known to her. How had she not noticed it before? It smelled a lot like the meatloaf her mother used to make because it was Cass’s favorite meal. She stood from where she’d been sitting on the floor and stretched, not realizing how uncomfortable she’d really been. She winced when she felt something pop in her back.

  “Getting old?” Kyle asked, and she pushed him with her foot. He laughed and just continued playing a game on his own.

  Cass walked into the kitchen and leaned against the counter in order to watch Erica cook. Her mother had always set her on the counter so she could watch, and she’d never outgrown the need to observe while someone else was preparing a meal. She should have learned by osmosis how to cook herself, but alas, she could heat a can of soup, but anything more complicated was pretty much impossible.

  “What?” Erica asked, obviously feeling uncomfortable under her scrutiny. “Am I doing something wrong?”

  “I wouldn’t know.” Cass shrugged and smiled. “I just like to watch.”

  “A cooking voyeur?” Erica laughed and shook her head as she went back to cutting up vegetables.

  “Too kinky for you?”

  Erica stopped what she was doing and looked at her. Cass wanted to look away, but she couldn’t. She took the knife out of Erica’s grasp and held her hand, bringing it to her lips. She watched as Erica’s eyes darkened.

  “I’m sorry about last night,” Cass said. She placed a finger over Erica’s lips when it looked as if she were going to respond. She had to say what was on her mind without interruption. “You are the most interesting woman I’ve ever met. I want to be with you, but I’m afraid I can’t give you what you need. I’ve been alone for so long, never even wanting more than a night with any one woman, I wouldn’t even know how to act in a relationship.”

  “Then don’t,” Erica said.

  “What?” Cass asked, confused.

  “Don’t act. Just be yourself.”

  “But that’s the point,” Cass said. “I’m not sure being myself would be enough for you. You deserve so much more.”

  “How can you know you wouldn’t be enough unless you try?”

  Cass stared down at her feet, wondering why someone like Erica would want her so much that she would try this hard to convince her it could work. It wasn’t even like they k
new each other very well. A part of her wanted to try, but the other part, the bigger part, knew she’d end up disappointing Erica, which was the last thing she wanted. But how could she make Erica understand?

  “Stay for dinner?” Erica asked, causing Cass to meet her eyes again. Erica shrugged like it was no big deal, and picked up the knife again. “We can still be friends, right? I understand it’ll never be any more, Cass, but you sell and ship the things you buy in those storage units, so we’re going to be seeing each other. A lot, probably. Besides, your brother gave me this recipe last night because he said it was your favorite meal.”

  “So you’re making this for me?”

  “Yes, I guess I am.”

  “Then how can I say no?” Cass grinned, but her heart hurt. It actually hurt. Whether it was because she didn’t like the fact Erica gave up so easily or if it was because she seemed to just accept there’d never be anything but friendship in their future, she wasn’t sure.

  But Cass had a feeling it was simply because she herself wanted more, wanted to try, but she’d succeeded in pushing Erica away, and therefore sealed her fate. She’d be alone forever. Which was what she wanted, right?

  *

  “That was so good,” Cass said, having reached her limit after her third helping of meatloaf. She pushed her plate away and sat back, her hands over her belly. “I shouldn’t have had that last piece.”

  “I tried to tell you,” Erica said.

  “We both did,” Kyle added. “But you’re stubborn.”

  “I am not.” Cass tried to sound offended, but the grin on Kyle’s face made it impossible.

  “You are,” Erica said. She stood and stacked everyone’s plates to take them to the sink. She looked at Kyle. “You get to do the dishes tonight.”

  “Aw, sis, come on,” he said as he followed her to the kitchen. “I wanted to play some more games.”

  “You can play after I go to bed, as long as you’re quiet.”

  Cass smiled at the bickering because it reminded her of her and Danny when they were young. Hell, it reminded her of how they were now. She was just getting up from the table when Erica brought her a cup of coffee. She motioned with her head for Cass to follow her to the couch.