‘You didn’t push them, Matt!’ she exclaimed. ‘It was their decision and it had nothing to do with you or anyone else for that matter.’
‘I wish I could believe that but I have a horrible feeling that I’m more than partly responsible for this mess.’
‘Rubbish!’ She glared at him when he looked at her in surprise. ‘I’m sorry but that’s exactly what it is—complete and utter rubbish. They’re both old enough to know their own minds. It wouldn’t have mattered a jot what you thought.’
‘Let’s hope you’re right.’ He gave her a quick smile although Rachel could tell that he wasn’t convinced. Matt obviously blamed himself for what had happened and that must make the situation even more difficult for him.
There was little she could say to persuade him otherwise, however, so she let the matter drop, talking about what had happened down by the canal instead. They had treated at least a dozen people who had been injured in the accident and it was always useful to compare notes after the event. It was only when Rachel heard the hall clock strike the hour that she realised it was time she left.
‘I’d better be off,’ she announced, standing up.
‘I’ll run you home,’ Matt offered straight away, following her into the hall. He had collected her in his car along with the rest of the team from the surgery and ferried them to the site of the accident, which was why Rachel didn’t have her own car with her. However, as she lived only a ten-minute walk away she immediately protested.
‘There’s no need, Matt. I can easily walk home from here. There’s no point dragging you out of the house.’
‘No, it’s dark outside and I don’t want you walking down that lane on your own.’ He took his coat off the hallstand before she could protest any further and she gave in. There was no point making an issue out of it, was there?
It took them a bare five minutes to drive to her home. She had bought the cottage when she had moved to Dalverston and had spent a lot of time and effort restoring it over the last few years. She had always loved the cottage’s quirkiness and its sense of history, not to mention its location, backing onto the river. However, she had to admit that the sight of the darkened windows made her heart sink a little as they drew up outside.
Normally it didn’t bother her that she lived on her own. She’d had Ross while she was still in her teens, getting pregnant the first time she had slept with her boyfriend. Ross’s father had been just a year older than her, far too young to want to accept responsibility for the child he had fathered.
With her parents’ help, Rachel had brought Ross up, working hard to give them both a good life. Getting through medical school had taken a huge amount of determination with a young child to care for but she had succeeded and it had got easier as Ross had grown older. However, one thing she had never factored into her busy life was time for a proper relationship.
She’d had a couple of affairs over the years, and still dated occasionally, but that was all. Although the few men she had been involved with had appeared perfect on paper, she had never been tempted to commit to a long-term relationship with any of them. Quite frankly, she hadn’t had any inclination to fall in love with all its attendant pitfalls, especially not after her first disastrous experience. She had been perfectly happy with her life the way it was…
Or so she had thought.
Rachel’s breath caught as the doubts slid into her mind. She had everything she had ever dreamed of having, a job she loved, a son she adored, a comfortable home, so what on earth could be missing? Surely she didn’t wish that she had someone to come home to, someone who would be waiting for her with a smile and a hug?
‘Here we are, then. Want me to come in with you and check everything’s all right?’
Matt’s voice mingled with her thoughts and Rachel had the craziest urge to shout, Yes, please! Please come in with me. Please stay and talk to me, share this evening and maybe share other evenings with me too, but she managed to stop herself in time. If she took the first step down that route, who knew where she would end up? The thought scared her.
‘No, it’s fine,’ she said, hoping he couldn’t hear the panic in her voice.
‘Sure?’ He stared at the darkened windows and frowned. ‘I don’t like to think of you going into an empty house on your own.’
‘I’ll be fine,’ Rachel said firmly, as much for her own benefit as his. She grasped the doorhandle, ready to get out of the car, then stopped when he suddenly leant across the seat and kissed her gently on the cheek. His lips were cool from the night air and she shivered when she felt them brush her skin, hastily blanking out the thought of how good it would feel if he kissed her properly on the mouth.
‘Take care, Rachel. It’s been a tough day for all of us. If you need someone to talk to, you know where I am.’
‘I…um…thank you.’
Rachel scrambled out of the car and almost ran up the path to the front door. Her hands were shaking so hard that it took her a moment to fit the key into the lock. Stepping into the tiny vestibule, she switched on the porch light then turned and waved. Matt gave a toot on his horn and drove away, his taillights rapidly disappearing into the darkness, but it was several minutes before she closed the door and went inside.
She stood there in the hall, deliberately drinking in the peace and quiet of her home in the hope that it would calm her, but for some reason the magic didn’t work that night. Instead of peace all she felt was loneliness, instead of soothing quiet, emptiness, and she bit her lip. She had thought she was happy with her lot but all of a sudden she was aware of all that she lacked. She may have a fulfilling job, good friends, a son she adored, but she needed more.
She needed someone to love her and hold her in the night. Someone she could love and hold onto too, but was it too late for that? She was forty-six years old and it seemed crazy to be wishing for more than she had, more than might be good for her. Did she really want to risk falling in love at this point in her life, always supposing she met someone to fall in love with. Suitable men weren’t exactly thick on the ground.
A picture of Matt suddenly appeared in her mind’s eye and she frowned. If she did fall in love, it would have to be with someone like Matt, someone she trusted and respected, someone she found attractive too. But where could she hope to find anyone like Matt? He was a one-off. Special. There wasn’t another man like Matt in the whole wide world.
A tiny sigh escaped her as she went into the sitting room and turned on the lamps, filling the house with light. There was no point even thinking about falling in love with Matt when there was little likelihood of him reciprocating her feelings. The only woman Matt had ever loved was his late wife and she certainly couldn’t compete with her.
‘I’m sorry, Matt, but I’ve had to add a couple of extra patients onto your list. Rachel asked me if I’d try to make some cuts to Ross’s list and it was the only way I could fit everyone in.’
‘That’s fine, Carol, don’t worry about it. We’ll just have to pull together until everything settles down.’
Matt smiled at the practice manager, hoping he hadn’t visibly reacted at the mention of Rachel’s name. It was Monday morning and he had just arrived at the surgery. He had planned on getting there early that day but as luck would have it, he’d had a phone call from the Ambulance Control centre as he’d been about to leave home. By the time he had dealt with that, the traffic had built up in the town centre and he’d had the devil of a job getting through it. Now he had barely five minutes to spare before his first appointment.
‘Oh, good, there you are, Matt. What happened? Did you oversleep?’
Matt turned when he heard Rachel’s voice, trying to quell the tremor that ran through him when he saw her standing behind him. She was wearing what she normally wore for work—a tailored suit with a white blouse and low-heeled shoes. Today her suit was cherry-red, a colour that shouldn’t have worked with her glorious chestnut hair, yet it did. The richness of the hue highlighted her porcelain-fine comp
lexion and made her large brown eyes look darker than ever. She had chosen a slightly deeper shade of lipstick to complement it and the colour emphasised the fullness of her mouth.
Matt felt his stomach lurch as his gaze lingered on her luscious lips. He still didn’t understand what was going on. For almost six years, six extremely comfortable years too, he had viewed Rachel as a colleague and a friend, but he could no longer think of her solely that way. Far too many times over the weekend he had found his thoughts returning to her and they had been thoughts he had never entertained before. The memory of them made him inwardly squirm and he hurried to reply. Rachel would run a mile if she discovered that he had been fantasising about her sharing his bed!
‘Sorry I’m so late. Someone from Ambulance Control phoned as I was about to leave home.’ He picked up the bundle of notes Carol had prepared for him and headed to his consulting room, talking to Rachel over his shoulder because it seemed wiser than doing so face to face. At least this way he wouldn’t start fantasising about her gorgeous mouth again. ‘That’s what delayed me.’
‘Did they want to know about what happened on Saturday?’
Rachel followed him along the corridor, quickening her pace to keep up with him. At a smidgen over five feet three, she was a lot shorter than he was even in heels. Matt’s first instinct was to slow down but the need to curtail all this craziness was just too strong. He had to stop thinking of Rachel as a woman and remember that she was a colleague.
‘Uh-huh. That’s right.’ He stopped when he reached his room, inwardly groaning when he realised that he couldn’t keep avoiding looking at her. Rachel would think it very strange if she had to carry on talking to the back of his head.
He forced himself to smile as he turned to face her. This close he could smell her perfume and his nostrils twitched appreciatively as he inhaled the scent of jasmine mingled with something even more exotic, a fragrance that stirred his blood in a way it hadn’t been stirred for years. As the father of a grown-up daughter, Matt was accustomed to the smells of the lotions and potions that women applied to themselves; however, he had to admit that he hadn’t smelled anything as delicious as the perfume Rachel was wearing that morning. It was an effort to concentrate when his mind was intent on racing off down a completely different path.
‘Ambulance Control want us to send them a detailed report of what we did once we arrived on scene,’ he explained, taking a step back in the hope it would make life easier. It did, a bit, but he could still smell jasmine as well as that other fragrance, something exotic and spicy and wickedly sexy…
‘It will need to be a joint effort, then, won’t it?’ Rachel stated, and Matt dragged his wayward thoughts back into line again. At least one of them was functioning with a clear head and he should be grateful for that.
‘It will. Everyone did something different, plus we arrived separately too. Ross and Gemma were first on scene and they had already prioritised the casualties by the time we turned up.’
‘How long was it before the rapid response unit got there—do you remember?’
Rachel frowned as she tried to recall the exact order of events and Matt sucked in his breath as he watched her brow pucker. When had a frown become so beguiling? he wondered in astonishment, then hastily blanked out the thought because he really and truly didn’t want to know the answer.
‘About fifteen minutes after us, although I think there was a paramedic car there before then. I’ll have to check with Ross about that. He’ll have a better idea than me.’
‘I hope this isn’t going to turn into a major investigation,’ Rachel said anxiously. ‘There’s bound to be a bit of a hullabaloo because most of the rapid-response vehicles were off the road thanks to that problem they had with their fuel supply. That’s probably why Ambulance Control want us to write a report. They will need to have a full picture of what went on. I don’t want Ross dragged in if there’s an inquiry, though. He’s got quite enough on his plate at the present time.’
‘I can’t see why any of us should be involved to that extent,’ Matt assured her, hating to hear her sounding so worried. He patted her arm then wished he hadn’t done so when he felt his blood pressure soar. ‘We’ll keep our report as general as possible. There’s no reason why individual members of our staff should have to account for their actions at this stage.’
‘Good. I don’t want to add to the pressure Ross is under at the moment. To be honest, I don’t think he should be at work today. It’s madness to try and carry on as though nothing has happened.’
‘We’ll do our best to lighten his load as much as we can,’ Matt said soothingly. ‘Carol said that you’d asked her to re-jig his lists so that should help. And if it gets too much for him then he must go home.’
‘You wouldn’t mind?’ Rachel smiled in relief when he shook his head. ‘Thanks, Matt. I know Ross thinks I’m fussing but I can’t help worrying about him.’
‘Of course you can’t,’ Matt replied, his innards doing cartwheels as he basked in the glow of her smile. He cleared his throat and forced himself to focus. ‘Right, I’d better get ready before my first patient arrives and catches me on the hop.’
‘Me too. There’s nothing more offputting for a patient than watching their doctor scrabbling about, trying to find the right case notes. It doesn’t exactly inspire confidence, does it?’
Rachel laughed as she hurried away, causing his insides to perform yet another tricky manoeuvre. Matt thankfully went into his room and closed the door, hoping it would provide some protection from what ailed him.
He sighed as he sat down behind his desk. What did ail him, though? Was it the shock of Heather cancelling her wedding and leaving Dalverston that was making him feel as though he was on some sort of emotional roller-coaster ride?
For eight long years, ever since Claire had died so tragically of a stroke, he had felt very little. Every thought, every fibre of his being, had been poured into looking after Heather. Caring for Heather had filled the void left by his wife’s death, but now that Heather no longer needed him he had nothing to fill it with. Did that explain why he was suddenly experiencing all these desires and urges he had believed long dead?
Matt tried to tell himself it was that simple but in his heart he knew it wasn’t true. He was merely papering over the cracks because he was afraid of what he would find if he delved too deeply. He had loved once and it had been the most wonderful experience of his life. He was too scared to try and repeat it, terrified that it could only end in disappointment. How could he ever hope to find another woman to replace Claire?
He couldn’t because Claire had been unique, special. However, it didn’t mean that there wasn’t someone else equally special in her own unique way. Once again his thoughts returned to Rachel and a little tingle ran through him, like a frisson of static electricity passing over his skin. He could deny it till the moon turned blue but the truth was that Rachel definitely had an effect on him.
CHAPTER THREE
RACHEL heaved a sigh of relief as she sat down at her desk and switched on the computer. She had been dreading seeing Matt after what had happened over the weekend. Time and again she had found herself returning to the thought that he would never love anyone the way he had loved his late wife and it was so stupid to have let the idea upset her. She really couldn’t understand why it had become such a big deal when she had always known how he felt.
In the whole time she had worked at Dalverston Surgery, Matt had never shown any interest in another woman. He never dated, never flirted, never even hinted that he was interested in the opposite sex. He had poured all his energy into his job and caring for Heather, and she had admired him for it too, so why had that admiration suddenly changed to concern? Was she reflecting her own emotional turmoil onto him?
Rachel wasn’t sure if that was the real answer and it was unsettling to find herself dealing with uncertainties when she preferred absolutes. It was a relief when her first patient arrived and she could concentrate o
n her instead. Miss Bessie Parish was eighty years old, a spinster who had lived in Dalverston all her life. She was one of Ross’s patients normally but she had agreed to see Rachel instead that day. Rachel invited her to sit down and asked her what she could do for her.
‘I’ve not felt at all well lately, Dr Mackenzie,’ Miss Parish replied in her forthright way. ‘I had a nasty cold a couple of weeks ago and it’s left me feeling very wheezy and breathless.’
‘I see. Have you had a cough as well?’ Rachel asked, picking up her stethoscope.
‘Yes, and I’ve been bringing up phlegm too.’
Miss Parish’s mouth pursed with distaste and Rachel nodded sympathetically.
‘Horrible for you, I’m sure. Now, I’d just like to listen to your chest, if you wouldn’t mind.’ She waited while Miss Parish unbuttoned her coat then listened to her chest. ‘And I’ll take your temperature too,’ she told her once she had finished doing that.
Miss Parish sat perfectly still while Rachel checked her temperature. The reading was higher than it should have been and Rachel nodded because it confirmed her suspicions. Sitting down at her desk again, she smiled at the old lady.
‘It looks as though you have bronchitis, Miss Parish. The symptoms you described certainly point towards it—wheezing, shortness of breath, a persistent cough that produces considerable quantities of phlegm. Your temperature is higher than it should be, too, which is another indication.’
‘Bronchitis? Well, I never!’ Miss Parish looked shocked.
‘It’s an acute form and we can treat it quite easily with a course of antibiotics,’ Rachel said soothingly. She wrote out a script and handed it over along with detailed instructions aimed at making the old lady more comfortable in the interim.
Miss Parish listened attentively to what she said then nodded. ‘I shall follow your advice, Dr Mackenzie. Thank you. I must say that I was very sorry to hear what had happened to your son. It can’t be easy for him, having his wedding cancelled like that.’
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